RHP

RHP User

F46

Some advice would be appreciated...

July 25 2013

I have an amazing, regular, long term fwb, a best friend and a lover...great sex and we get along like a house on fire.But...I know he has other 'interests', couples, ffm, mmf etc, from past conversations and I am not sure how much he has actually indulged. When we first met, I did say none of it had ever really interested me, and it has never really been raised again except in a tongue in cheek way, and a brief chat about going to a party one day....but after being on here and reading the forums, it's got me thinking, opened up my mind a bit and with him I am so comfortable....Now I am wondering if I should broach the subject with him, or surprise him one night by taking him to a party, as a single guy he wouldn't go otherwise...or is there the possibility that he just has me as the 'girlfriend' component of his life, the normal everyday girl, and he wants the rest separate, to keep the excitement there, he may not want me involved in that aspect...any opinions?!?! ; )

Comments

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    11 years ago

    Why wonder? You know he had an interest..... and a discussion doesn't mean you're committed to doing anything. Seems all too obvious to say..... just bring up your thoughts in conversation..... and see what happens. DG- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    "Hey babe, how would you feel about...?" Hp xo

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Personally I would talk to him about it first rather than surprise him. You are on safe ground given his past and the desires he has previously expressed. Perhaps raise it while the two of you are being intimate, snuggling and chatting, or during foreplay or sex. You could introduce a fantasy component to it and I am sure it would be easy for you to have a deeper conversation about the nuts and bolts of it later. Tell him how you feel, that a part of it is because you are so comfortable with him and see what happens. I suspect you will end up doing a little exploring :)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    My concern is that he doesn't want me in that part of his life, maybe I serve one purpose, and I am not there to impose on the rest of his time...I don't want to force him to lie to me, or him think he'll hurt my feelings if he says as much. tippy toes I think....- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Then change the silence on the topic......and enjoy :)- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Before we married, we were FWB's and best friends for years, but with very separate lives, so we can relate. One of the best things about it was that we were best friends, and could say or discuss just about anything, and if it went badly, well, we were mates, so we could laugh it off. It sounds so cliche, but through on some porn, or a movie with a good group or threesome scene, and throw it at him. Most males (sorry if you disagree guys ) would never raise it for any number of reasons, and if he had told you he was into it, and you shut him down initially, he read your signal and left it. You would probably be surprised how positively he would react, but simply hasn't raised it because he didn't want to push the point. On the other hand, when he raised it, you dismissed him initially, but didn't hold it against him, I think he would probably do the same if he wasn't into it. Conversations like that, even though tongue in cheek, brought us closer when we were willing to be honest, and hey, we ended up really happily married, and have gone from separate to inseparable. Not that you necessarily want that, but even best friends become closer thought the big conversations. A bit of advice though regarding a party....surprises don't always end well. Better to size him up first, or risk it going badly. If he hints that he's keen, then there's a better chance of it going well.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Not that I have been in this situation myself, but I can imagine there is a load of respect between you two. I've been told by a female before that they weren't interested and I respect that. But in your case, you feel ready to explore now, I think the best thing for you to do is to remind him of that previous conversation and just tell him that you are now interested and would like to share those experiences with him.- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    if he has a mate who might be interested,that'll sort it

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    the previous 2 posts, after all you said you were best friends.HP gave you a good intro, nothing worse than having stuff on your mind

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Or you can't receive. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • Cheekyarses

    Cheekyarses

    11 years ago

    I agree with grabitide.... If he is your best friend, fwb, lover, etc etc you should be able to discuss anything with him n take the good with the bad if you mean that much to each other🍬

  • sweetgem

    sweetgem

    11 years ago

    In any form of relationship! I would say talk to your FWB and see what he says to your idea of wanting to explore more things with him. Also, discuss with him about who you are meant to him instead of assuming that he might be thinking of you as the "girlfriend" component, because he might not and you don't wanna give yourself a fake hope in the end, if you can see where I'm coming from. Some men with depth and respect for woman, they won't say anything to hurt the woman whom they are or used to be FWB with, because they are mindful of her feelings and they rather let the woman to take the lead sometimes in awkward situation. Now I don't know your friend, so I don't know what he's thinking, but I have recently experienced a silent hint from a friend, whom I met on here, that he was no longer interested to be friends. I assumed that because: 1) I had sent him two text messages in the past four months, but he never replied to any of them (gotta love today's technology where you can tell if someone has read your message or not lol). 2) I wrote him a validation ages ago as a token to thank him for giving me a beautiful and memorable memory to keep in my treasure chest, he saw it but didn't accept it. Hence, I respected his decision, sincerely wished him happiness and moved on. So communication is the only way to go OP :-) and good luck.- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'sweetgem' Also, discuss with him about who you are meant to him instead of assuming that he might be thinking of you as the "girlfriend" component, because he might not and you don't wanna give yourself a fake hope in the end, if you can see where I'm coming from. Thanks all! i am under no illusion that I am his 'girlfriend', that is just how we interract when we are together...that kind of intimacy is nice with someone....I think the 'surprise' option is definately off the cards, and next time we have a 'brain stormimg' session (happens if we get lazy, lol), I will bring it up as an idea....fingers crossed I maintain the nerve to do it!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    For Christ sake girl, just ask the guy!!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Well.... Lets see if there is any girls or couples on here that would like to join us.... Be gentle, we're new to this!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    then do it.   Otherwise it may not be a positive experience.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Just ask him :)- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    ...we just have to find the couple we click with. We don't want it to be just about the women, but both of us, and the other couple involved.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Sun_Kissed' Just ask him :)- Posted from rhpmobile See above