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  Cheekyarses

  12 years ago

  I try to treat others how I would like to be treated! I don't like to be taken for granted from other people... There will always be ppl who only get in touch with you when they need something, have a drama to tell you, or who love being in touch with you!! Feel happy though that they chose you to chat too, they obviously respect your point of view!

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Racist/ homophobic family membersI had to confront a family member about her racism when she kept asking why I didn't visit. I ended up saying that I found the racist jokes offensive. It was not the first time I had mentioned I did not want to hear racist jokes. The first time I pointed out that I was much different at 40 than I was at 16. I don't think she's got it so I avoid her now. I have had conversations with family about homophobia and the question I ask is "are you going to reject one of your children because they choose to love someone of the same sex? Why is that important?" I saw a total change of mind in one sibling. Scrooge on a date: pay my own way and say goodbye. Self absorbed friend: I am not sure how to tell someone I am over listening to them. I confess I am into avoidance. Though in saying that I have told friends when I have not felt heard by them. I do the old speak from the I and reflect back the behaviour thing for example I had to call a friend on her habit of promising to ring and then not following through. I put it to her that I felt disrespected by her making an arrangement and then not sticking to it. We talked it through and she did try for awhile to honour her arrangements. Selfish Lover: It depends on the relationship. If there's no emotional attachment and its the first time we've had sex, there's not a 2nd time. If we are in an ongoing relationship, I send him little poems and stories or drawings and tell him what I like. I have not found too many men opposed to be told how to excite and delight me. I am looking forward to other responses.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  people have other redeeming features,if not decide whether or not you can actually AFFORD to have them in your life....if not, minimise the contact....surround yourself with positive people,people who care about you,people who understand mutuality in a realationship.Meaness with money,is sometimes an indication of meaness of spirit.Negativity is contagious as is happiness and enthusiasm.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  My own answers to your questions: 1: I listen once - I'm not interested in inviting drama into my life. After that i'm unavailable. 2: Same as above - relationships are supposed to be two way - If someone isn't adding value to my life by being in it....they have no place in it. If it's just a short period of time that the person has become self absorbed because of events in their life then i'm there to support. 3:Once, Twice...Strike you're out! I give of myself....i expect the same 4: Everyone will admire the opposite sex - but if it's done in a disrespectful way, or i take offence - Goodbye! 5: Once, Twice....you're out - this shows we don't have similar values - why persist? 6: I'm happy to pay half everytime, or to pay the entire amount every second time. It's lovely to be treated - but i'm an independant woman and i like to be treated as such. 7: When it's family it's hard to just remove them from your life....i limit my time with these people, and will pass comment if they say something i don't agree with, especially if it's in the presence of my children, i don't want my silence to be mistaken for agreement.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  (1) Have one of those but it's cool as it's a two way street !(2)-(7) Well I just don't keep people like that around, I don't do it to others and I don't tolerate that crap around me, particularly no 7.I trust my judgement and back myself, generally I can pick up on most of it in the initial chat and will just drop out, most people get the hint.If it becomes evident after a few meets, like short arms and deep pockets I'll just stop contact or if needed "Sorry this isn't working for me"Fortunately, the greedy lobster ordering Moet swilling user, seems to be a thing of the past ! Either that or my initial judgements are screening them out.Good post girl !

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  playful4u

  12 years ago

  A quick reminder of what the boundaries are usually does the trick. If you don't keep people like this in check you will just get walked over everytime. So tell them, when you do this...it makes me feel like this....and it is not acceptable. Being firm and fair will earn you respect.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  The people i have in my life are pretty amazing, put simply, i don't hang around dickheads and neither do they! I'm willing to listen to someone's drama, but when it's a constant cycle of drama i'm quick to remind them of the lighter side of life ...thankfully i have only one old friend that is like that. I do have a mate that's a little loose, he can be a bit judgmental, obnoxious and rude at times .. his heart's in the right place, he's just a bit rough around the edges. I'm straight up with him and quite often pull him up on a lot of things he says, i know he respects that, so we have a good understanding. He's pretty one dimensional with his thinking and very set in his ways, so i'll give him another angle to think about ...it's very entertaining to watch ~smiles~ I tend to speak up when someone oversteps that line, what do i say to them?? ..."Your an idiot, pull ya head in" , something like that. I'm pretty fortunate with the people i surround myself with, but it's no fluke either it's turned out that way...

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  True enough and a nice response , you need to trust when someone says they want to meet to

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Thanks all x The problem with self-absorbed people, of course, is that they have no idea they're self-absorbed :) So, my answers: people who vent and have constant dramas get the flick pretty quickly; people who are self-absorbed and prone to monologues get a bit more rope but not much; selfish lovers don't get a second bite; dates who perve - I'd probably give them the benefit of the doubt once or twice but no more; dates who expect you to pay - I don't mind paying my way, but I'd get grumpy pretty quickly if a date always expected me to pay for them too (must make men pretty grumpy that so many women expext it!); bigotry really raises my hackles - I usually challenge family and have been known to ditch friends. As I get older I'm pretty clear how I stand on most things :)

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Drama people are hard work, especially if they feed on it. I have a sympathetic ear up to a point but in the end if it gets to much I distance myself. I still see that person but not so much as really its ground hog day if someone is addicted to drama. If its your family well you do not have a choice, its family. Self absorbed people do not have insight to their behaviour so not much you can do but wait it out till they grow up a bit. We all get self absorbed at times, especially under stress or with depression or anxiety. Or when there is a lot going on in our lives that is often out of our control. Selfish lover, well if its rhp its no repeat performance. I can be a tad selfish myself in bed. Its often all about moi. But hey no complaints yet. Perv is not a problem unless they are making a dick of themselves and other people feel uncomfortable. I like to window shop myself but not when I am with a person as its a bit crass. I loath cheap bastards, doing things on the cheap is not my cup of tea. I pay for myself if its a RHP thing as in my own coffee, unless the guy offers then sure he can by me what he likes. I like five star hotels...yeahhhh But then again I do not do cheap spoilt brat that I am. I have learnt that I can chide someone for their racists or silly remarks re sexuality but in the end its a learnt pattern and if mum and dad did not raise em right its not my job. Ignorance cant be cured. The recent politician that made that stupid remark the other day is living proof that idiots surround us all. Never had a battle of wits with an unarmed fool. But I will not tolerate it if I see someone doing it to a person, then I will speak up. If its just stupid party chatter I just shake my head, my friends know not to make those kind of remarks around me.

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Halcyon days:   I reckon, in my life, it just gets a point where "Enough is enough" It is the culmination of many little things that all of a sudden, you realise you are not liking this relationship. "I guess I am just not that into you anymore."   Ok, personal and/or sexual relationships MIGHT be a little different.. I have endured a number of relationships with.. lets say.. DIFFICULT persons, for the fun of the sex. OR, because they had OTHER stuff to offer... But ultimately, it just gets TOO HARD, and you drift on.   Then again. life is not always so cut and dried is it?   cavey

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  Hi! Halcyon_Days :) I agree with the others but this is how I deal with .. 1.2..Listen to the members dramas a couple of times ..Then tell them that I'm there as a Friend but it's their journey not mine I'm not going to enable them by allowing them to keep doing it..But there's steps they can take to overcome their Issues..Beginning with understanding why this happens to them how to fix it..Most times it's a self esteem issue they make bad Emotional decisions /Choices.. 2.Self absorbed friend same as 1 realy they want to be Noticed and valued..So same actions.. 3.Selfish Lover.. He wouldn't get within a Mile of me because I'd Pick up his Nature very quickly in the 1st 1-1 chat if not before ..They give little hints to their selfishness because they are in other areas too..Don't have to be a Psychic to figure that 1.. 4.A Date who focuses on others way too much isn't focused on Me!..It's disrespectful, rude and a waste of My Time..I wouldn't make a scene but say he's more than welcome to go join those People if they'd put up with him ..Since that's unlikely then he had better focus on me The Woman he's with at this time..I would then tell him when we get to my Place.. How his actions weren't apprecited I don't need or want a Guy in My Life who isn't interested enough to share our time exclusively whilst we are on a Date.. That's if I let him get to within a Mile of me ..I would sus him out long before..He would leave little signs too.. 5.6 Date A Scroog..One who expects me to Pay ..These both come under the same heading ..Guys I'd never Date ..however if they did slip by then 1 Being a Scrooge is a Lifestyle he would show sign way before our Date ..If he was Paying then he can take me on a Date where he wants as long as he doesn't sit tell me what I can or can't order...Of expects us to be Lovers after because that's not going to happen.. A Guy who expects me to Pay is a scrooge ..Maccas Drive thro when the Lunchtime specials are On I could Manage anything else or other times Hell! No!he!he1 This is why when I'm talking on the Phone with a Guy about a Date we discuss the financial arrangement so we don't have any misunderstandings..Have a great time:) 7.A Family Member who's Racist Bigoted Homophobic etc..I have No time for Negative People in My Life ..If they said anything that was to the contrary to My Beliefs of Tolerance and treating Individuals as the Amazing People they are regardless of their Origins Sexual Preference so on I would allow them to finish their tirade them firmly tell them If they wish to have those Views that's their Priviledge..( but please don't taint My Home or Life with their Presence..That's what I'd be thinking) however I think it's such a Pity for someone to see threat all around them hate such a waste so I'd sit them down and ask them why do they feel this way about each 1 at a time ..then ask what can they change about the issue..if they can't change it ..How do they deal with it ..where did their hate /fear come from..Work thro that if they do understand and want to move past this ..Find out the root course of it all.There Again it comes down to their feeling of self worth .. They Hate who they are so attacking otherrs putting them down makes them feel superior and good about themselves .Same with Bullies.. If however they don't want to Change feel annoyed by my suggestion and offer of assistence Then I shall tell them very succinctly..You're entitled to your opinions.. however I have No Interest in hearing them ..So please don't share your Toxic thoughts with me.. I'll gradually remove them from My Life if they don't go in a huff after they heard my Reply he!he!..Cheers LU :)

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  RHP User

  12 years ago

  I love your response!I have aspergers and SO wish people would be more direct in discussing boundaries and feelings, because most of the time it's really the only way I'm able to identify them at all. Unfortunately it appears that most people seem to expect you can read their mind!

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