Stop being serious, take a break and laugh

Ok so might have been inspired elsewhere and copied a bit but have not seen this on here lately so share the laughs and lay down what you have. Sex isnt that serious so no need to whinge about what we are or are not getting, lets have a laugh and see what everyone cums up with. Shed some tears ladies and gentsBit long but get the ball rollingA little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of `a house of ill repute` and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, `I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I`m not leaving until I get it. The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, `Do any of the girls have any diseases?` Of course the Madam said `No`. The boy said, `I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT`S the girl I want.` Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, `Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?` He said, `Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby sitter home. On the way, he`ll give her one in the car and he`ll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter`s, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE`S the prick who ran over my FROG!`A man walks into a pub with his monkey.He orders a pint and sits down to drink it.while he`s sitting at the bar,his monkey is out of control.It jumps up on the pool table and eats the cue ball.The landlord runs up to the man and says,"Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?" "No, what did the stupid fucker do this time?" says the man. "He just ate the cue ball!" shouts the landlord........ "I hope it kills the stupid bastard," says the man........ About two weeks later,the man comes backto the pub with his monkey.while he`s drinking at the bar,his monkey is agaian out of control.The monkey finds a grape at the bar,picks it up sticks it up his arse,and then eats it. The landlord,having seen this,asks the man:"Did you see what your sick monkey just did?"..................... "No",says the man...........He just stuck that grape up his arse and then ate it," the landlord tells him. "Well,what do you expect?" asks the man."Since that pool ball incident he measures everything first!" (xxx_doinit inspired) thanks mate, laughing for hours