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Teenagers, stupid acts and multi media... and why the f***k are kids so mean!!!

February 06 2013

I am horrified at what I have come to learn last night. Would like to get some insight into some of your feelings, okay here's what happened. My teenager tells me that one of his mates is copping a ribbing at school, a couple of weeks ago my son and two of his mates had a sleep over at one of their friends houses (four boys in total all aged 14). Being teenage boys (you know what I mean!!) things got a little silly and one of the boys put his junk on the table and said "I'll give $50 to whoever licks my ball" just a quick token touch of the tongue from what I understand, so one of the boys did it (just the quick token... yeah you get it, we're not talking headjobs or ball munching here). Anyway, another of the boys had his iphone handy and so recorded it. As far as I know, no one other than the four boys saw the recording and it was erased not long after. But one of the boys told someone else, it got around school and everyone is asking "who's the kid who licked the other guys ball!!!" and I imagine all sorts of gay connotations are coming from that. I am very touched that my son feels comfortable enough to share this information with me, however the part that devastated me was that on telling me I told my son to stand by his mate and don't divulge anything to anyone as if the situations were reversed I'm sure he would prefer the same applied. I then asked how said boy was coping, he told me 'not very well' and that he had cried later in the day when the umpteenth person had approached them and said "Hey have you guys seen the vid of the kid licking the other dudes balls?" He had also told my son that he felt like killing himself... I asked my son if he thinks I should call the boys mum (I have met her on about four occasions and we have chatted freely at these times), my son said "No, he'll never be allowed to stay again!" (okay, I understand this) and the boy was also worried that if his sister found out that would be the end of it (I guess they have the usual teen brother/sister hate thing going on and this would be ammunition for her). I have told my son that if 'the boy' should show up at school today (My guess is that he'll fake a sickie for the remainder of week, don't blame him!) to support him as best he can and let him know that "Todays headlines is tomorrows fish and chip wrapper". It is still though playing on my mind, in the past few years a few teenagers have commit suicide over this sort of thing. I don't want to betray my sons confidence, I am rapt that he can share this sort of thing with me and want it to continue. I do know a lovely lady who works at the school very well, should I contact her? I know she would handle it with tact and diplomacy, I guess I just want his mum to be aware that he is feeling fragile, and to support him. I know that if anything like this happened to my son and he ended up killing myself I would be pissed off if someone knew he was having these feelings. Or do I just leave it alone and hope it does blow over very quickly?

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RHP User

12 years ago

You are the adult in this situation and now that you know you have a duty of care towards that boy. You need to tell a councillor or someone at the school as soon as possible. If that boy does something to himself you will never forgive yourself.

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RHP User

12 years ago

Lesson learned though. You should teach your kids - never allow photos Of yourself or videos to be taken. Those things will always come back and bite you on the bum, if not now later in life.

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RHP User

12 years ago

About half an hour after I posted this (9.30am) I called the lady, still waiting on her to call me back though. Have spoken to son, he said the 'boy' showed up today, Kudos to him, what a trooper! Still a little teasing going on though so will hopefully speak to friend later today.

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RHP User

12 years ago

calling is the right thing...nip it in the bud...these things get out of hand quickly and unfortunately modern technology just means the problem is exaggerated...to many people, too quickly...become part of a growing problem.

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RHP User

12 years ago

You would have done yourself a disservice had you ignored this. Ignore your son's concern. This is not something the mother would blurt out to the sister. Teenage suicide is still rampant. Trivial things that you and I wouldn't bat an eyelid at seem of enormous importance to them because they have not yet had to bear the burden of responsibility that tempers an adult's resolve. That being said, this matter is not trivial (the initial act was but the fallout in a school population is). The boy will need some help. My best wishes are with you.

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RHP User

12 years ago

...tell the kid I would have done it for fifty bucks too.

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RHP User

12 years ago

You don't have to divulge what the bullying is about, perhaps say that it's a private issue. Bullying is bullying no matter what the issue is. Make sure the year advisor, pastoral care officer understands that it is a SENSITIVE issue and is no to be discussed by students OR STAFF (hate to say it but sometimes staff can be the inappropriate ones.) It will hopefully blow over. Your son sounds like a wonderful young man. I'd like to think that my teenage son would have a moral conscience like yours in the same situation. The fact that the boy has told your son he is having suicidal thoughts ... That's the real concern. His mother or father needs to know this. This boy needs help regardless of the consequences to anyone else. Being embarrassed and being suicidal is a giant leap. sending positive vibes your way Saskia. X

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RHP User

12 years ago

Just had my friend call back. She will get a male counsellor to speak to the boy tomorrow, so hopefully he can be assured it's not the end of the world. It occured to me last night that if my son were the victim of this stupid prank gone wrong, he probably would not have told me, he's a pretty tough little cookie, so it was a good opportunity to speak to him to let him know he could tell me anything. When I told him that he was doing the right thing by telling his mate that he "had his back" and could he imagine if the roles were reversed, he looked at me mortified and said "Mum, for starters I wouldn't be licking anyones nuts!!" I had to laugh. Yes Mike, these things are sooooo much worse than back in our day, whatever happened to 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'??? Jman, you are too funny! Something I could so see one of my other sons doing... Fifty bucks!!! Hell yeah!!!

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RHP User

12 years ago

i know boys like to be boys but what the fuck ....back when i was 14, of all the dumb things my mates and i did, ball licking was never brought up... as adults how you choose to live your life can be done i private,as teenages it whole different story.as for telling the school of what happened beware they not take it further and involve social services..as much as it may have been a bit of sillly fun ,if the video still exsist it could be seen as child pornography ..saw show few weeks ago young guy received pictures from his teenage girlfriend .the boy was questioned over an offence,when they checked his phone they saw the pictures.as she was underage he got charged and now on sex offenders list..it seems that into days society ,what with open sexuality ,drugs, bingle drinking or anything else that goes on ,nobody stops to think that there may be consquences that nobody see coming..and this need to be pointed out to the up coming gerations

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RHP User

12 years ago

Saskia, what a dilemma. I agree that as the adult, and given the knowledge you have, you will need to do something. And I see you have :) I don't agree that telling a counsellor and/or the school is a given or something to jump at quickly. I think it's important to be really cautious in situations like this, especially when it's not your child who is directly impacted. I think I would have wanted to seek some kind of professional, anonymous advice before acting. For example, call the school directly, speak to the guidance counsellor directly and anonymously, and find out what the options are and then decide. Once the word is out among well-meaning adults, some might do more to harm the situation than help it. Not all guidance counsellors are good at what they do, and I do hope this one approaches the boy by saying he'd heard some of the talk around school - rather than that he was alerted via a concerned parent - to save the boy's dignity as well as to protect the confidentiality of what your son told you. It's a situation where there are risks if you do act and risks if you don't - what a bugger! Most of all I hope it's a flash in the pan and is all over for quickly for the boy :(

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RHP User

12 years ago

Yes I know exactly what you mean, I too was worried that taking action and getting adults involved may be the straw on the camels back for the boy 'OMG, the teachers know about it, and parents...' That's why I chose this woman whom I've known a few years, who just happens to be the guidance counsellor at the school, I told her the sensitivities to watch out for (the sister not finding out etc) and I mentioned that I was worried it might make situation worse if not handled in just the right way, she is quite confident that this bloke is the man for the job. Yes Paintme, he is pretty awesome despite the backchat I sometimes get blah, blah, blah... Now I don't condone violence at all, but I had an "on the inside smile" when he told me he and one of the other guys pushed a kid up against the wall and gave him a bit of a 'watch it' when this kid approached 'the boy' in the toilets and said 'it's the ball licker!!' I then however went on to tell him to just take it easy, and that violence is never the answer, but good on you for being a good mate. My god teenagers!! Doing my head in. Knight, yep it's walking a tightrope... my friend did suggest this was online bullying and that police could become involved, so I explained that the video was erased and wasn't seen by anyone but the four involved, but then again I don't know about facebook banter...

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Teenagers, stupid acts and multi media... and why the f***k are kids so mean!!!

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