F64
Tell Tale Signs - Something is not quite right.
September 10 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Any time actions are incongruent with words.- Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
11 years ago
follow that.
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Wildgal4u
11 years ago
I was recently seeing a guy from RHP that was in here with his partner advertising as an "open experienced couple" who played separately. It turned out that were infact not an "experienced couple" at all and that their open relationship had not been tested. I asked lots of questions as I wanted to know exactly how I would fit into this equation. ..he would always go on the defensive with his answers. He also broke the only rule that his partner had for him on our very first meet!!! Be careful of those that dont practice what they preach and be wary when they go on the defensive. ....seems he had alot to hide. If it doesn't feel right..... it probably isnt.
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RHP User
11 years ago
before I meet anyone it is essential...just yesterday a gorgeous looking man ...well his photos were....contacted me, but speaking to him on the phone was just blehh.
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RHP User
11 years ago
If you don't hear from them during the evenings or weekends...screams married to me, busy with wife and Family! FOXY- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Though this married bit might not bother you, depends on what your looking for! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I got this from a BLOG I read.1. He tells you. I know – Talk about stating the obvious but, have you any idea how many women are actually told by a guy that they just want to have ‘fun’ and aren’t looking for a relationship? When a man says this, instead of rationalising and hoping that he will change his mind after the event, don’t and move on. 2. He is sexual towards you. When you’re out on a date, be wary of guy who turns the conversation down the sexual route too quickly. This is over familiarity yet this often gets ignored and mistaken for a strong attraction and connection – That ‘He just can’t help himself because he’s so into me’ syndrome. He’s not into you, he’s into the idea of shagging you. If he is making a lot of sexual innuendo’s, steering the conversation onto sex, staring meaningfully at your breasts and crotch, it is likely that he has got one thing on his mind and it’s not getting to know you, it’s getting into your knickers. 3. He tries to do more than a kiss on the first date. No matter how great the sparks are between you both, generally speaking, guys that really do like you can keep their penis in their pants and their hands above board for at least one evening…. 4. He suggests that you become f*ck buddies, FWF’s, casual-something-or-other. It’s not because he’s not ready for a relationship yet; it’s because he just wants to have sex and is likely to be emotionally unavailable too. That’s two not so great qualities for the price of…well…your sanity! 5. He expects something in return for taking you out to dinner and paying for the meal. There are guys that think: paid for date = getting laid that night. This is not much better than treating someone like a prostitute and certainly is not an indicator of a man that wants to forge a relationship with you. 6. He doesn’t want to try to get to know your personality. A guy doesn’t need to know what colour knickers you are wearing in order to get to know you. You’ll also find that a lot of the conversation is surface and that it tends to serve the greater purpose of making you feel comfortable enough to have sex. 7. He seems to call only when it’s 1) dark, 2) late and 3) to arrange when to have sex. It is amazing how this can creep up on you and it’s only when you step back and think about when they’re calling and how much the relationship has progressed (relationships based around sex don’t progress) that you realise that you’re being used for sex. 8. Your ‘relationship’ hasn’t progressed past him buying you drinks/dinner and ending up in bed. This is like being on a permanent date. No matter what promise you thought this relationship had, it has faltered or come to a halt because the focal point is the sex. He’s not interested in building on anything…other than his hard on. If you try to do couplely things, he’s likely to be very uncomfortable or will go along with things but create conflict so effectively sabotaging any chance of progress. Remember that with this type of guy, every time that think you may want, need, or expect too much, they’ll do something crappy. 9. He doesn’t want to do anything that involves talking to each other properly unless it leads to sex. Try having a conversation with him that reeks of two people in a ‘normal’ relationship and note his patent discomfort. 10. Once the sex is over, he makes a hasty exit. Whilst some will stick around and dignify you with a cuddle, many don’t like to stay the night in case you think things are getting serious. The ones that do stay over and hang around, are astute enough to play the game to avoid creating conflict, but that doesn’t change the fact that they just want sex.FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
UNDERSTANDING CODE RED AND AMBER BEHAVIOR IN RELATIONSHIPS... There are behaviours and situations that get presented in relationships that signal that you need to opt out or at minimum, slow down and address the situation before proceeding. What I’m about to explain are what typically make you incompatible, or signal a particularly unhealthy relationship or that there are things that you need to address about you. The chief problem that I come across time and again with people faced with code red behaviour is that we don’t do what we’re supposed to – opt out. Instead, we analyse the crapola out of it, blame ourselves, minimize the extent of the problem, assume we know better (we don’t), or decide that us and our love make us the exception to the rule. Many of us also see the perfect opportunity to be an emotional airbag or to fix, heal, help – we end up on a pedestal. Even when confronted with code amber behaviour, we don’t process the information, pause, access what it means to us and the relationship that we have in mind or our vision of the other person. We don’t ask questions, clarify information, or assert boundaries – all things that should happen in an amber situation. It’s time for you to decide what your line is – when you know the line and your limit, they know the line and the limit, either because they’re not crossing it, or you bounced them out of your life. Following my original post ‘knowing when to bail – red flags’, I’ve now delved a little further because so many people try to be the exception to the rule and have little or no boundaries. Aside from there now been code red and amber situations, what helps to differentiate between the two or even change the status is context: If you have previously been involved with the same or similar, or their behaviour is very similar or the same as a parent or authority figure from your childhood, or you actually have the same issue, you must abort mission. No question. If you have not habitually been involved with someone similar or the same, no family history and whatever the issue is, they state and can show that it’s in the process of being dealt with for at least a few months, it’s a code amber. If for whatever reason, the situation feels familiar to what has been previously unhealthy relationships, it’s code amber, or if in being involved with them you’re acting without love, care, trust, or respect to yourself, or would need to in order to continue, it’s code red. Some things are a flat out code red and I have marked it with FOCR. Addicted to something (FOCR) – If you meet someone and they are addicted to something (gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc) and not aware of it and doing something about it, this will impact on your life greatly if you continue. This is an especially dangerous situation for Florence Nightingale’s. Married Or Attached (FOCR) -The moment that you opt into one of these situations, you communicate the wrong things about yourself. Anybody trying to pursue you while with someone else is shady. Decent people get their house in order – they don’t stock up on an emotional airbag. Anger and aggression (FOCR) – If they have trouble keeping their anger in check or are physically aggressive, or very intimidating when they want their own way, this is an abort mission. They play victim (FOCR) – Be careful of anybody that refuses to take any responsibility for their life and blames it on others – Be extra careful of people who when they experience a problem, don’t see their part in it. You will eventually become one of those ‘others’. Not over the ex – (FOCR) – If they say they’re not over their ex, are recently broken up and hurting, are excessively angry with them (i.e not neutral), are hooking up with them, secretly trying to get back together with them, playing you off against each other, whatever – bow out. Fast. Controlling – Steer clear of anyone that wants to control you. They start out with small stuff and then bit by bit increase their level of input. Jealousy and possessiveness is control, not love and especially when experienced early on or it increases bit by bit where you feel like you have to justify, explain yourself, and let them keep track of you. If you are unsure of what you’re experiencing, it’s code amber, evaluate the situation, throw some icy water over your feelings and plans, 100% eyes and ears open, and try to have a conversation with them about it. But if this is within days or weeks (certainly within the first 3 months), code red. Problems with past/childhood – Pasts can be overcome (I have) but if there are issues from their past that impact on their ability to healthily engage, it’s code amber if they’re prepared to go to and stick to therapy, and code red if they’re not prepared to, deny, or play it down, or it’s coupled with other code red and code amber behaviour. Dodgy attitude towards sex – This is about very different sexual values. If they’re into shady stuff in the bedroom, it’s at the very least a code amber, or depending on the nature of it, a code red. Don’t try and revolutionise the wheel and if you don’t want to have threeways, being watched by your neighbours, beaten etc – opt out. Irresponsible – irresponsible with life in general – bills, rent, job and borrows money off you? Wants to move in after you’ve known them a wet week? Acts like a recycled teenager? Code amber depending on the level of discomfort. Not being good with money and having a weakness for shoes isn’t a code red but not being good with money and gambling it, their house, or whatever away is. Sleeping With Others – If you’re OK with being part of a casual ‘relationship’, this is code amber as you still need to proceed with caution and ensure your own emotional and physical safety. If you’re emotionally invested, or think you’re in a relationship, it’s code red. Nasty and spiteful – Mean spirited people don’t stop being so in a relationship and may attack your self esteem by latching on to what they think are flaws in you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that they’ll be this way with everyone else but you. This is code red and it also covers narcissists – while they will charm you and disarm you, when they turn, they turn. Emotionally Unavailable – This means unavailable for a mutually fulfilling, healthy relationship. Unavailable people give limited relationships because they have limits on what they are able to give. If you don’t see the signs and recognise the disconnect, use this as a code red to check your own availability. Bulk of communication by text and email etc – These lazy forms of communication are code amber. They’re an assclown – People who act with love, care, trust, and respect don’t do stuff like pressing the Reset Button, the Outrageous Principle, sneakily changing the goalposts of the relationship, the Dripfeed Manouver and telling lies/misrepresenting themselves. This also covers off anyone who is a narcissist. If you’re experiencing more than one of these ‘issues’, that’s a code red, especially if you have only recently become involved with them. These are the key things that you need to be very aware of and set as your limits. Anything else is down to your own boundaries so it’s important to recognise what has made you uncomfortable in the past and why, what your values are, and ensure that actions match words and that what you’re doing is congruent with who you profess to be. If you want to know if you’re in code amber territory due to how you’re feeling. Knowing your limits leaves you free to be available for healthy relationships. Knowing what’s shady keeps you emotionally safe and healthy.
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RHP User
11 years ago
In terms of profiles: If its a prefabricated/template profile I tend to move on to the next. I've had far to many "people" try and get me to join other sites (and they send a different web site every message). Profiles with (for example) 256 friends tend to get passed as well, unless they initiate contact. Validations help, but not many people seem to do it... In terms of people: Go with your gut (although sometimes it could just be gas 😝) Any untoward behavior or acts that make you uncomfortable are a good sign to get out while you can. Eyes... A certain glint while talking (if you've seen it you'll know what I mean) or eyes that look dead... I work in health care, the ones with dead eyes are usually bat s%*t crazy. Have exit strategies, plan it out and have them arrive first so you can see if they are what they say. Breaking rules. If you set them, they should respect them. Eg. I'm a shift worker, I'll let you know when you can txt or call. I don't appreciate being woken up from a deep sleep. Some people are lucky enough not to have this rule enforced. On a side note, I find talking on the phone (if I don't know someone) a little awkward. I still do it, it just takes me a while to warm up. And not all men who say they just want a FWB are just after sex. Me personally, I've been walked over too many times to invest in a full blown relationship, but if it progresses to that and it's mutual, I'm not opposed to it.
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RHP User
11 years ago
What a girl puts out is what she gets in return.. If your profile picture or the public gallery is full of pictures of your breast or private parts, if your profile name is about wanting to 'suck hard' or something like that you are going to attract some desperados for sure. Although it is predominantly a sex dating site, you can still stay classy. I don't think it's too hard to take few pictures of you in your sexiest lingerie not necessarily bearing it all. Show some class and intellect in what you write in your profile. You will notice that a well written profile often intimidates the desperados both male and female. Showing class is not the same as sounding like 'God's gift to the Mankind' Keep people intrigued by not sharing your intimate pics or 'what you would like done in bed' in the first few conversations. Be realistic in your expectations.. Sorry to be harsh but if someone demands people with physical attributes completely opposite to themselves, people are going to laugh at you. Last but not least, this may not be the best platform for lifelong relationships. Go in with no expectations and anything will be a pleasant bonus. Hope this helps ... Good luck ...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Interesting reading. A lot of bits of truth in there as well I think.
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RHP User
11 years ago
very true....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Superfoxxy but......Very vanilla !
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On_Safari
11 years ago
That's nearly like Dr Hare's Psychopathy Checklist!!! Worst things is..........I've known people who actually tick all those boxes!!! Good reading thiugh just the same and quite alot of truth. Still going with the gut and if I can also add, don't do the "sympathy" or "maybe he/she's a potrntial" meets....it's a waste of your time and builds hope in the other person when your gut has already said "no", "nien", "nada", "nej", "nup".
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BrightBubbly
11 years ago
There are those guys that come across as being honest and sincere, quite willing to share information etc.Then there are those who tell you they are in the "building" industry but are cagey about details - these are the ones that I am always hesitant with. I can understand them wanting to have a certain degree of privacy and being anonymous but there is a line between that and being deceitful.I was chatting with a really nice guy this last week, we wanted to meet for a coffee. He wanted my mobile number but wouldn't give me his. Said he would call me from work but you need to remember that work numbers can automatically be blocked. I said I would only give him my mobile number if he called me from his mobile without blocking his number. He wasn't prepared to do that so I told him that I wasn't prepared to meet.Unfortunately, as time goes on, you will see patterns of behaviour. Now they throw up red flags a lot quicker than they use to !!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
you are absolutley spot on with your observations"iam4u616", about womens profiles on sites like this they be unintentialy missleading and can attract the sort of attention that we land up complianing about . Thanks for the candour
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RHP User
11 years ago
I know from my own experiences, I have not picked up on some warning "RED FLAGS" till later on.This is something I am working on to have healthier relationships.I have to work much better and not being "so nice" (as my friends say all the time to me)But I can't help that as it is who I am and part of me.I have to watch my empathy, sympathy and compassion sometimes as that tends to make me vulnerable!!GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRI think we have all been down this road with 'RED FLAGS" and ignored them one way or another because we've liked that person.FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
I just wanted to say....I hope what ever you are going through works out for YOU! FOXY xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Take notice of contradictions in what they say. People who are honest do not have holes in their story.
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RHP User
11 years ago
That is so true!!!When there's holes it means...*In the best John Leonard Swigert Jr. also known as Jack Swigert, voice*'Houston we have a Problem"FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yeh :), On another note, I love being in a situation where I know the person is talking "shit" - and at the same time they are blissfully unaware of my knowledge of said fact.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' follow that. and stalk them for a few days
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'im4u616' What a girl puts out is what she gets in return.. If your profile picture or the public gallery is full of pictures of your breast or private parts, if your profile name is about wanting to 'suck hard' or something like that you are going to attract some desperados for sure. Although it is predominantly a sex dating site, you can still stay classy. I don't think it's too hard to take few pictures of you in your sexiest lingerie not necessarily bearing it all. Show some class and intellect in what you write in your profile. You will notice that a well written profile often intimidates the desperados both male and female. Showing class is not the same as sounding like 'God's gift to the Mankind' Keep people intrigued by not sharing your intimate pics or 'what you would like done in bed' in the first few conversations. Be realistic in your expectations.. Sorry to be harsh but if someone demands people with physical attributes completely opposite to themselves, people are going to laugh at you. Last but not least, this may not be the best platform for lifelong relationships. Go in with no expectations and anything will be a pleasant bonus. Hope this helps ... Good luck ... I do show my body , but then I am ever the lady where it counts just not between the sheets Lady T. showing it for the guys that like art
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RHP User
11 years ago
YEP!And I like to ask questions as well.It's kinda funny cause they dig themselves a deeper hole.LOL Poor buggers...FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree you should be upfront. But are profiles that aren't verified just as "fishy"?
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RHP User
11 years ago
My 2 cents ..it can seem very fishy from a guys side also..I think the vague profiles or replies are very suspicious.. I always need a phone conversation..
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inspirit
11 years ago
Quoting 'Lady_Tuscan' Quoting 'inspirit' follow that. and stalk them for a few days A few days ya thnk..... I have fun with about a month lol ...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi everyone That's for all your thoughts. I think the go with the gut is panning out for me personally. Wanted to believe otherwise. BUT. The gut does lie like some.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I meant the gut does not lie like some.
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RHP User
11 years ago
So you followed your gut?Hope it's all working out OK for you?FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
Gut feeling every time. Don't make the mistake of assuming, however.....just because you may have been told if he does this or does that then he's gotta be married/attached/have a significant other - that's a crock of shit.CheersJAB
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