M43

The "Be Yourself" Lie

January 26 2018

So when dating, the advice most given is the Disneyesque, "Be Yourself". This is one of the worst pieces of advice I've ever heard. No man and very few women can afford to be themselves early in a relationship. For a man to succesfully date and be himself, 'himself' would have to be a very strange creature indeed. Said creature would have to be constantly buying new clothes, which they keep freshly laundered and ironed. They would have to have a personality that never swears and is always complimentary. They would have to choose their meals based on what it would do to their breath and would have to eat said meal as if they actually weren't very interested in it and with immaculate manners. They can not eat in restaurants named hungry jacks or mcdonalds at all. They can only drink two beers a night and can't smoke anything. They would have to fart and shit about once a year in a special vacuum sealed, soundproof facility in the middle of the outback. Their friends would all have to be the same as them. As would all their parents and relatives. Okay so a lot of that is hyperbole, but lets face it, you cant be yourself early in the dating game. You have to be the specially crafted self that you use to fool someone into sticking around long enough that you can begin dropping hints that maybe you have a properly functioning digestive system and maybe, just maybe, you think the great bake off is only very good rather than the best made piece of television ever constructed. You should, in fact, be the best lie you can be and maintain for extended periods.

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RHP User

7 years ago

that's hilarious, funniest post I've read in a long time. Yes well the build up of wind can't go on forever 😂 I'm the opposite. I scare them off with the truth, true story. Must aren't as worldly as they think they are. The same page turns into a different page within days usually. I'm not one to waste time with bullshit, and if they are lying, I flush them out early in the peace 😉

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RHP User

7 years ago

'Most' aren't as worldly

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RHP User

7 years ago

Great Post. I am just myself in all situations now. We all have little quirks that makes us well US. The little things that we try to hide to make ourselves look appealing to others always ends up slipping so why do we feel the need to hide it in the first place? Anyone who has been in a relationship before knows that we put our best foot forward in the beginning, but it all slips away with familiarity and being comfortable enough to show our true selves. A little bit of that person does rub off on us and vice versa. I am constantly evolving, so I am not sure sometimes who my true self is and I don't think anyone would ever get to know that person because it is always changing.

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AnnieWhichway

7 years ago

Well said. Lol.All the bullshit you allude to is probably the reason most of us are here. With a minimum of the pretense we can get down to fuck. Think I'm allergic to the courting dance manoeuvres we need to do in the beginning of a relationship setup. Sex first then you can start farting under the covers and getting comfortable with each other before breakfast."Be yourself" mean you can't let cum dribble down your chin? You need to suck cock like a lady.....

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Mischeviouslad

7 years ago

It’s a but like that But, for the most part, I’m genuine 99% of the time after the initial opening ‘introduction’.... and I think most people revert to their personality type sooner than later. I like today that I’m not trying to be everyone’s cup of tea..... because tea is s drink for old ladies.... and some of us like tequila 😎 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

farted last time I was with a guy 😊 There I said it 😄 Didn't have time to prepare and I'd eaten oops 😀

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boobsandbusted

7 years ago

and putting a best foot forward , and hide the crap in the background but not to the extent where i’m trying to be something i’m not ,that gets too hard too quick mr b - Posted from rhpmobile

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madotara69

7 years ago

As soon one wants to be like someone else, theres two reasons but not just self, the whole kit and kaboodle. One, is that you can't and never will be the person you want to be like, you will fail. Two, not only will you fail the part inself and whatever it may be, the part is something unique and in the grand scheme, you are some thing special and others who (in the grand scheme) become disadvantaged because you were determined to fail by being 'special and unique' of someone you are not, you were not you, then again (in the grand scheme) other people are at a disadvantage by 'special and unique' you weren't and failing yourself, the folk counting on you in that being some one you were not. The whole house can tumble down and chaos wins (in the grand scheme) the whole kit and kaboodle, hipsters and groovers with the intellectual capacity of a packet of marshmallows. 'You have to be odd to be number one'-Dr. Seuss Mado Mado Tara xx

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The_Antichrist

7 years ago

Be yourself they said....it’ll be fun they said.... And that’s how I scored the date with the magistrate lol - Posted from rhpmobile

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SeekingAdvent380

7 years ago

I dont necessarily agree. There is a certain degree of being 'on' when meeting new people but its still you. If someone doesn't like the person I am I would rather find out early on before emotions get involved. The part that I do agree with is meeting 'other' people who are not what they claim to be. Yes women do it too. I've had to make some very elaborate excuses to 'get out of dodge' after meeting a few people that I barely recognized upon meeting them in the flesh. Not only physically but personality wise. I know Im a good person and not only do I not have time for the likes of dishonest people but I am not inclined to take it personally if someone doesn't like me for whatever reason as it's just a matter of opinion. What's the point of trying to be something you are not. You can't hide the truth forever and the only one that will end up being hurt by your deception is yourself. - Posted from rhpmobile

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Sawadee

7 years ago

I like to think I'm myself all the time '. But ? When I meet someone for the first time , and as friendly as I'm usually am , I don't say too much or feel too comfortable until I work the person out. So I'm not really projecting the real me all the time. But I think that goes for a lot of ppl...

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RHP User

7 years ago

Always myself but try to tone me down. Having had the life I have had and the mind and personality I discovered at a young age that being myself attracts those I'd like to be with. I do recall though when falling for a girl I used to do a bit of clothes shopping as I am a tshirt (not the trendy kind either) and anything pants kind of guy. If I have to wear a shirt to go out I will. You know it's a bit like all the pointers for pics and profiles, great if you are out there to impress and get as much sex as one can but in the end all truths and quirks will be seen. The points Mado make is another reason why it just ain't worth it. And just a big farce

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RHP User

7 years ago

My theory on this is that when first getting to know someone people expect you to be putting forward your best possible self. So if one takes the "be yourself" advice too literally the other party is still thinking this is the best possible self and starts to become alarmed at what you are actually toning down. Generally it's good advice to be yourself, nothing that starts with an element of deception ever lasts but there is an assumed social norm of an initial polishing of that self and it's generally best to follow that norm imho.

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Dryphuz

7 years ago

But some of it rings true. I tend to hold my farts for at least the first month. I haven't bothered with anything else since high school though. But you gotta admit we all try to do a few things we wouldn't otherwise do if it wasn't for trying to make a good impression. I was basically trying to craft some good fart humour and the image of a national facility with guards, high fences and no females allowed signs, where blokes go to let out the gas they've been holding since they started dating had me giggling. I couldn't come up with anything better for food than the fact that both maccas and HJs claim to be restaurants.

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RHP User

7 years ago

But I am always the down to earth straight talker. Looks wise I don't wear make up and fancy clothes ever day. So I may not externally look the same when I meet someone but my personality is the same. Although filters do disappear when slightly tipsy, which isn't very often lol. I am me, nothing to hide, no games to play - Posted from rhpmobile

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The_Antichrist

7 years ago

Don’t we all do it?? Or is it that women don’t fart, they merely whisper through their arses?? - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

7 years ago

I pride myself on my advanced arse whispering skills. Come closer ........

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The_Antichrist

7 years ago

Hahahaha I bet ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

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cat_n_the_hatter

7 years ago

I agree with Seeking Adventure. The saying is about being truthful to yourself and not being deceitful towards others. I hope there is something more to your identity than swearing, farting, eating in McDonalds, drinking beers and smoking. Nevertheless, by deceiving others you might lose the opportunity to meet a likeminded soul with whom you could do those things together and have fun. Would you be happy with your choice is an entirely different matter.(Ms)

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bonefide

7 years ago

And that’s how I scored the date with the magistrate. Tell them u didn't do it as u waz framed. 😆

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RHP User

7 years ago

I have a thing about it. I might show more of myself later in the piece but that doesn't mean I'm not being me. The night I first got together with hubby in 1987... We sat in my car for hours and I told him how bad I was. I didn't hold back in the least. We'd been friendly for a while before that but I hadn't realised his attraction till this night. He was someone I felt I could trust even though we hadn't known each other long. Obviously, I was right because we're together all these years later... with a couple of bumps in the road, but relationships take effort and a lot of effort is what we put into it. We still turn away from each other when we fart in bed and he's not allowed in the bathroom if I'm using the toilet for number 2s. I really don't know how to be anyone else but myself... Peachy

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gazpacho

7 years ago

It’s an old trick. Happy “I love you” drunks is what the world needs most. I’m not suggesting taking sexual advantage of any situation like that, no, what I’m saying is, you can learn a lot about your date by getting drunk together. Hugs Gaz

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Dryphuz

7 years ago

Quoting 'cat_n_the_hatter' I agree with Seeking Adventure. The saying is about being truthful to yourself and not being deceitful towards others. I hope there is something more to your identity than swearing, farting, eating in McDonalds, drinking beers and smoking. Nevertheless, by deceiving others you might lose the opportunity to meet a likeminded soul with whom you could do those things together and have fun. Would you be happy with your choice is an entirely different matter.(Ms) Of course there's more. But I can never be brutally honest and 100% myself on day 1. I mean I would wear clothes i would wear every other day, but i might bother to iron em, which i never do. I quit smoking 3 days ago, but when i was, i wouldn't lie about being a smoker, but would refrain where i would otherwise just have one if i felt like one. Its not about deceit, its the little things we know how to do, but generally dont do for our own benefit that we do this time to put our best foot forward. I've heard the argument that using deodorant, make up, conditioner are all lies. You don't smell like that, you dont look like that and your hair aint that shiny. But thats an extreme interpretation. The counter argument is that if thats what you always do early in the getting-to-know-you phase, isn't that in fact being true to yourself? For example i tend to only shave when i'm going out, so am i being deceitful by shaving, since i normally wouldn't, or am i being myself because i would normally shave under these circumstances?

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RHP User

7 years ago

I must say that RHP are doing a great service on this site ,why, in the last year I have visited a few , not being street wise,I take everything as real, and. Some jock behind a computer gathers up a group of fakes ie,I think they are known as fembots, nice photos .sucked in! They are very easy to strike up conversation with leading to erotic talk,most likely that computer jock typing with one hand ,and got my money' Just want say thanks RHP this is a breath of fresh air

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cat_n_the_hatter

7 years ago

Quoting 'Dryphuz' "Its not about deceit, its the little things we know how to do, but generally dont do for our own benefit that we do this time to put our best foot forward. I've heard the argument that using deodorant, make up, conditioner are all lies. You don't smell like that, you dont look like that and your hair aint that shiny. But thats an extreme interpretation. The counter argument is that if thats what you always do early in the getting-to-know-you phase, isn't that in fact being true to yourself? For example i tend to only shave when i'm going out, so am i being deceitful by shaving, since i normally wouldn't, or am i being myself because i would normally shave under these circumstances?" I apologise. I sometimes tend to do that. That is the trouble with this place. Anonymous is so often impersonal. It all depends on the things you care about. That is were your self is.Self-knowledge is sometimes referred to as self-concept. This feature allows for people to gather information and beliefs about themselves. A person's self-awareness, self-esteem, and self-deception all fall under the self-knowledge part of self. We learn about ourselves through our looking-glass selves, introspection, social comparisons, and self-perception. Good that you stopped smoking. (Ms)

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