F57

The Perks of being a Wallflower

January 29 2014

I read this today in the book. "We accept the Love we think we Deserve." How would you interpret this Line in the Book? It seems to me you can think about..women who are beaten or men who are abused. Do they think it is what they deserve? Do they accept that is their Love? Can it be tall people searching for another tall person...or people searching for their likeness. Or is it like saying I accept my lot in life or I made my bed and now I have to lie in it? What do you think about the Term Wallflower? I don't necessarily believe you have to be introverted to be a wallflower. Wallflower Someone who chooses to observe, instead of experience life. They know a lot about people, what they are truthfully like, how they actually act when they think no one is paying attention. Since people have little interest in wallflowers, they usually know a lot about people. The good and the bad. Wallflowers are not mean, or impolite. They are usually pleasant, and respectful- just shy and/or introverted. Often you can confide in them and they know a lot of secrets but they don't gossip and can be trusted confidantes. Nonetheless, people tend to use the word "wallflower" negatively. What a shame.

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RHP User

11 years ago

is having the box seat when an extrovert like me makes a complete dick of herself. Then we can have a laugh together.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Our western society in general promotes and praises qualities of extraversion, being outgoing, loud, always being on the go, and having a million and one interests and activities, as if this is the only type of worthwhile way to be. But like you say OP, the opposite qualities of introversion, being quiet, looking inwards rather than outwards, are generally looked upon negatively, which indeed is a shame. I tend to fluctuate - sometimes I can be an extrovert, but sometimes all I want to do is be a wallflower, sit back and watch what is going on around me. You can learn a lot by doing that. Go the wallflowers.

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Missb4u

11 years ago

My daughter read it and raved about it so much I had to read it and we recently watched the movie, incredibly powerful story. We both cried and had some amazing conversations thanks to this movie. As for that particular line. I interpret it to mean that you know no different and so accept it. When you are in it you can't always see how bad it is so yes you accept something that if you could see from the outside you would not. I'm such a wallflower but I do participate in life so not all wallflowers are non participating :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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Violetincredible

11 years ago

There are so many beautiful, sad and scary parts.. I'm definitely a wallflower :) Xx

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RHP User

11 years ago

Unfortunately, for the women in DVD relationships I've worked with over the years the answer is yes. It may no longer be the reason they choose to stay, but it was always the reason they found themselves with someone who treated them that way to begin with.

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RHP User

11 years ago

D/V relationships. :-(

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gazpacho

11 years ago

I don't like this sentence taken out of its context. It becomes meaningless. Words are wonderfully symbiotic little fellas. The belong in a forest of words free to interplay with their surroundings, to make a beautiful song in our hearts and minds. Isolated, caged and trapped under a microscope for scientific review, they become mean, jaded little critters and lose their reason d'être. It's a phrase I've heard before in the context of a person who is troubled and weary. In that context, the author is attempting to lift that soul's weary head and give promise. The promise that there is something better if you place more value on yourself, or some such psyche babble. Self help books. Lol. Hugs Gazpacho

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RHP User

11 years ago

Not everyone grows up with a wonderful sense of themselves, that sense of belonging, self-acceptance and adventurous spirit that comes from growing up knowing you are loved and you are safe. I have met people who grew up in homes where the love was obvious and they, as children were nurtured and gently encouraged to be the best they could be. And they knew they deserved someone fabulously loving. I think we accept the love we think we deserve because of how we have been raised. If we haven't grown up in a family where we were loved unconditionally, once we get older and learn more about ourselves, we can redevelop our ideas of the the love we think we deserve. Personal development is not a bad thing. Wallflowers are real people too!

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RHP User

11 years ago

I think there is some genuine wisdom in the statement "We accept the Love we think we Deserve." There are many proverbs, old and new along these lines. Your example is coming from the glass half empty perspective and it is sad to behold when you come across someone stuck in the viscous circle of serial poor choices. The glass half full approach opens up a world of opportunity if you can just convince yourself you're capable and worthy. “We each come to create the reality we believe we deserve.” Rarely do we encounter the boundaries presented by the immutable laws of physics in such matters ... our individual limits are generally self imposed.

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RHP User

11 years ago

...but some dont know what is real and what is not.. Im not going to go into the depressing stuff , but Ive known some in my time who have no faith in their ability to receive love. and thats really sad. Good people with low self esteem and usually the wallflowers we talk of, when all they need is a little direction and encouragement to find their own self worth. Sad thing is, most of us hardly know where we're going ourselves let alone directing others..

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RHP User

11 years ago

Are not always self imposed. Things are often out of our control. Sometimes we exchange one evil for a lesser one. DV is complex and it's not just a guy beating a woman. Think of any unhealthily controlled relationship that we have. Wallflowers can stay that way till I kind hand moves them into the light. There they just might bloom and become a rose. We all switch depending on the circumstance. Extroverts become introverts and vice versa. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Great comments...like

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Imprezario' “We each come to create the reality we believe we deserve.” We are our own self-fulfilling prophecies, negative AND positive.

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madotara69

11 years ago

There is no right or wrong with introverted to extroverted, just some variations to the spectrum, these forums are a new world for the introverted types a fantastic world it is believed. Do you like to hear the joke or tell it? Can you relate to the thoughts without being face to face? Can you find entertainment with your thoughts, or do you need the thoughts of others expressed with body language. Do you deserve to have in return what you have given, is what I see any value too. Good topic wallflower, you are sweet and gentle, beautiful eyes, think you have plenty to say. Mado Mado Tara xx

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RHP User

11 years ago

This is the same for men and women alike and if someone happens along that is punching above their weight many damaged people will sabotage that relationship. They keep waiting for it to end because deep inside "they know" it will and they ate not good enough . - Posted from rhpmobile

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The Perks of being a Wallflower

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