The X Factor

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  Twisted_Mister

  10 years ago

  Are generally a cultural thing, and in those cultures all sorts of terrible shit happens if one party leaves, or tries to leave, the other. So if someone sticks a microphone or questionnaire under their nose in these circumstances, of course they'll say 'Yep, all good, no problems here....' For me, it's got to be the BOOM factor when I meet someone before I consider a relationship. Doesn't happen very often, but geez it's worth waiting for.... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I've read much the same before Freya. Very interesting and thought-provoking. How revolutionary, the idea that we have to consciously, daily CHOOSE to like and be with our partner ;) I also think relationships can work better once we're older and have some relationship failures under our belt. These can be humbling and certainly educational, and if a person is willing to reflect, grow and take personal responsibility (rather than playing the victim and blame game) then they have a lot more maturity to bring to the table. Making a conscious choice about the success of a relationship is often a matter of maturity and willingness, I think. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I think the pressures of money, kids and society all help with the demise of marriages. Women are expected to be the same homely and motherly figures they used to be before they worked and have the added pressure of trying to do so while they hold down jobs, men are also expected to work fulltime, do more with the kids, help with the housework and there are so many jobs that are no longer 9-5 as we have built a 24hr society. We need all the modern conveniences, the flash houses, the beautiful cars. People aren't home to do what they need to do, or home at the same time or they aren't spending time with each other with things like facebook consuming their down time instead of their partners. In other cultures of arranged marriages, I think they keep a more traditional way of married life where they know what is expected, they have a role and they fulfill it. I think there is something to be said for those roles but we are too busy in western society trying to turn men into women and women into men. I can't say from what I see in today's society that the sexual equality thing is working, there is good and bad but as far as marriages are concerned, I think it is detrimental.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I too have read the same thing before, and it fascinated me, too. I can't help but wonder though whether it's not so much the arranged marriages themselves, but the broader cultural mores relating to marriage, that contribute to the apparent higher success rate long term? As TM noted, arranged marriages tend to take place in cultures very different to ours (not all fundamentalist Islamic cultures which repress women, either), so there is MUCH more going on behind the scenes. I'm sure it all contributes. For my part, I could never do arranged. I'm a child of freedom, born and bred :) Interesting topic OP, thanks for sharing. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  didn't like both of my ex's. For the same reason that we ended up splitting. So maybe there is some merit in trusting the judgement of those who know you better than you know yourself.

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  blkcapricornday

  10 years ago

  Saw a documentary ages ago that suggested that 'serial-monogamy' may become the accepted norm in time, different partners for different stages of life. After all, species on the planet that stick to only one partner are in the minority. And it's easy to see how the institution evolved through our culture to meet societal requirements of the time, eg. with women once being considered possessions, and the difficulty of proving paternity (without genetics) etc. Not saying i'm against it, but it is something we 'made up'!

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  If you have say 30 years of wedded bliss together, then for whatever reason you go separate ways, is that a failed marriage, or a successful one for those 30 years? Can a successful marriage only be defined as such if it ends with someone being widowed? Like I've suggested to a good friend who has had three divorces, to look at it another way, he has had three different women fall in love with him. Is it better to be single for 30 years without having anyone instead? - Posted from rhpmobile

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  Violetincredible

  10 years ago

  Prior to my last husband... So I took him to meet my parents and told them it was totally up to their judgement if I married him- they liked him and thought he would make a good husband... They were wrong!! Upside is now I can tell them it's their fault I married him so they can't do the "told you so" routine.. 😊😇 Xxviolet

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I would think that if one party, probably the female , was dragged kickin n screaming to an arranged marriage it doesn't set the scene for a mutually fulfilling experience cause sometimes the "grow to love you" factor isn't enough.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I spend quite a bit of time in India, in one of the more traditional areas. I've been to several weddings and discussed the issue with friends and colleagues there - they think the Australian way is a bit odd. They see the marriage as a partnership, and it seems to me almost like a business relationship. It is designed to perpetuate the family, which is supremely important to them. There are highly structured ways that the families are involved before, during and after the marriage. These vary amongst the many cultural groups but are all aimed at integrating the new marriage into the families to provide a support network. The primary aim is that children and grandparents are supported. With a very different goal in mind, it's not surprising that these partnerships last longer. It would however also be very difficult for them to split, as the families are so intertwined. They rarely leave their local area, and are typically not allowed to marry anyone who is not also reasonably local. The parents have a huge influence on both the men and women, which does not change with age - they will not disappoint the parents. The Indian's I know that have left home are typically not as traditional, although I know a couple of men that have actually returned home for an arranged marriage (I doubt many women who move abroad would do this after discovering some western freedoms). I have no idea of the stats, but suspect that the arranged marriages where the couple have moved away from the family would not be as successful. I would never work in Australian culture, even if any of us were likely to try. The goals for life are not nearly so family oriented, and gasp, many of us don't even want children!

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  One thing I'm pretty sure of....and that is I don't believe one doctrine suits all.If monogamy works for you great, polyamory ? great. For me, I only see marriage as useful to provide a firm and stable foundation to raise children and then only because other social infrastructures don't exist.

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