M43
The end of the relationship
July 05 2015
Comments
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Missb4u
9 years ago
my marriage was toxic and I should have left sooner. It was a terrible separation full of violence and threats and regular break ins. but i survived and was a much happier person which made my kids much happier. and I am very proud of the fact that my kids have an awesome relationship with their father my last relationship he was 11 years my junior it really was never going to work, it should have stayed as a casual FB situation. We should have called it quits about 18 months earlier than we did In the end it was a relief. He wanted kids of his own and I will never have anymore kids. hindsight is a marvelous thing
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
Simplelife123 You just described my last relationship. (I am sure I don't know you LoL). Except your friend got off lightly. I was a sucker and drew it out for 10-years, should have ended it after 3-4, but they change and you (me anyway) forgave her in the name of love, so it goes on until next time (Finally wears you down)
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RHP User
9 years ago
He hurt her emotionally and admitted his faults but she had plenty of her own, when they first met he said they connected so well but when the moved in together 2 years in it started to fall a part, I guess thats the real test.
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RHP User
9 years ago
But i stayed because I loved him . I still do but we could not make each other happy. He has since married, we were friends until then but unfortunately she is too insecure to have me in their life. We settled amicably, and we just had a lengthy phone conversation and we do believe there's a chance we can be friends again once the settlement has gone through and they can start their own life! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I had a 6 month relationship with someone 9 years my junior last year. While we got along like a house on fire for quite a while, us being at different stages of life, and a little distance, was the issue. So nothing toxic or argumentative. The first signs was her not saying or expressing her love anymore, not even in reply to mine (she was first to say it originally). But she said I never did anything wrong. We had an amicable breakup and communicated afterwards, but that didn't make it hurt any less. The hurt felt more like deep grief and loss (like a death or something out of your control), rather than any negative feelings. It took me months to come up with what professional therapists suggested very quickly: right girl, wrong time. But as it appears from others' experiences, leaving a relationship that is hurtful can often be a great relief. I often wonder if it takes a breakup to develop/grow/mature/learn somewhat, take stock of things, reassess priorities and attitudes, before you will sucessful with someone else. But then again, I do know people who have been successful with their first love for decades, so maybe not always.
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RHP User
9 years ago
she wouldn't let me see my friends and I should have seen the signs earlier....i wasn't happy and once we broke up I got a new girl not long after. We're still friends to this day...Worst two weeks of my life...grade 5 can suck sometimes
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RHP User
9 years ago
I was married for nine years,when it ended it was just a petering out..The pain came years later when I understood that he never loved me..no wonder it didnt work..he has been happily married to someone else for many years now...the most painful break up,was with someone I was with for only a few months and even all these years later,..over thirty,I still haven't recovered from all that hurt and pain but I am no longer a hostage to it xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
I was married for nine years,when it ended it was just a petering out..The pain came years later when I understood that he never loved me..no wonder it didnt work..he has been happily married to someone else for many years now...the most painful break up,was with someone I was with for only a few months and even all these years later,..over thirty,I still haven't recovered from all that hurt and pain but I am no longer a hostage to it xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
I was married for nine years,when it ended it was just a petering out..The pain came years later when I understood that he never loved me..no wonder it didnt work..he has been happily married to someone else for many years now...the most painful break up,was with someone I was with for only a few months and even all these years later,..over thirty,I still haven't recovered from all that hurt and pain but I am no longer a hostage to it xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' I was married for nine years,when it ended it was just a petering out..The pain came years later when I understood that he never loved me..no wonder it didnt work..he has been happily married to someone else for many years now...the most painful break up,was with someone I was with for only a few months and even all these years later,..over thirty,I still haven't recovered from all that hurt and pain but I am no longer a hostage to it xxFreya I was with one for 5 months and after 5 years its hurts, I think it was due to the fact I had never been happier and the shock of it ending hurt.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm currently in a toxic marriage, but too stubborn to totally give up yet. Or maybe I just don't feel strong enough yet. Not sure, still working on that. But it's been over for a very long time, and the signs have been there, clear as a bell, for just as long. Unfortunately we grew apart instead of together, lost the lust and now we're both resenting each other for it, playing the blame game and so on. Similar stories to those above. But the fights are wearing me down, as are the constant put downs and degradation of character and I'm starting to realise that I don't deserve that. But I'm not a bitter and hateful person, so I struggle with making the inevitable decision that's going to hurt someone. Who said life was meant to be easy?!
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RHP User
9 years ago
...been in atleast one relationship that wasn't good for us in the end. And who hasn't uttered the phrase "Shoulda got the hell outta there ages ago! What was I thinking?! *mental head slap* Ungh!!" And for the most part, it always hurts. But so does stepping on a plug barefoot in the middle of a cold night...
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RHP User
9 years ago
Lady bandit was in a controlled relationship for 34 years and stayed until the children were self sufficient and, she thought, able to handle and understand a separation. Wrong!! Leave as soon as you know it's not right. Don't waste any more time and effort trying to keep the peace and make everyone happy except yourself! You can't put a bandaid over a bullet hole..... probably the hardest and scariest part of my life but I am so much happier and at peace.
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RHP User
9 years ago
In fact I'd go as far to say it's the norm rather than the exception. After all hindsight is 20/20. I don't recall many of my long term relationships that have ended "at the right time". I've tended to stay way to long in unhappy circumstances. Thinking "It will get better when...."(insert some imaginary hurdle that once over we will live happily ever after ). Of course if you get over that one there'll be another one or you stay together for convenience. I've been guilty of that as well. Life's to short to be unhappy all the time. The pain will go and you chalk it up to experience. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I sound like Gene Simmons or something but friends with all my ex's and I was the one to break them off! Last one before I married was my worst, I was so unhappy and became a prick with nasty comments when she didn't want sex anymore. I regret that part but gave her everything, the house the lot and walked out with black bag full of clothes. Ironically I begged her to take me back but she wouldn't thank god. It would never work. Now very happily married for ten years! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'DoctorPercival' ...been in atleast one relationship that wasn't good for us in the end. And who hasn't uttered the phrase "Shoulda got the hell outta there ages ago! What was I thinking?! *mental head slap* Ungh!!" And for the most part, it always hurts. But so does stepping on a plug barefoot in the middle of a cold night... yeah similar boat here onetime, details slightly different,
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RHP User
9 years ago
Are break ups always bad. I don't think so but then I have always been the one that has been dumped so I have not seen the toxic element. Who knows though, some say you get what you wish for, is that why I am alone and on an adult dating site, or is it me that is toxic and thoroughly avoidable. It is somewhat strange that I have never meet anyone that has admitted they are the illogical side of the relationship equation. I have to conclude that as I have not seen the toxic nature of any relationship I my self must be the one that is the poison. Not a bad thing, I just have to keep looking for the one that has some immunity, or maybe has the same venom in their blood. I do wonder why I am on this site as everyone is so perfect and all I am after is a total fuck up that knows it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Simplelife123' I was with one for 5 months and after 5 years its hurts, I think it was due to the fact I had never been happier and the shock of it ending hurt. Hasn't been 5 years though...yet. Sometimes it's not possible to deal with things on your own, sometimes we do need outside help.
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nattyocean
9 years ago
I left my ex husband in September last year and we are still going through trying to work out how to separate without completely destroying our history together. We never had children so really there is no real reason to stay amicable some would say but I'm not interested in what others say, and am seeking to do this in a way that feels right, which is "two wrongs never made a right" and I am an adult and chose to behave as such - which in a last few days (after no contact for nearly 6 months) my ex husband seems capable of now. We were married within 11 months of meeting, which some would (and cruelly said since) was far to quick, but unless you know my heart and his then frankly it's not your place to have a voiced opinion. There are parts which were my fault, and parts which were his fault and between us we tried very hard to be happy. It is now glaring to me, he suffers from, and refused to seek treatment for, depression. Which meant there was a lot of insecurity on his part which lead to infidelity repeatedly - so to the point of my post - that there was the point I should of left as clearly there was a problem then and he could never "confess" to me and work to reconcile but rather deny and accuse me of wrong doing to so imply he would do such a thing - being the public persona that everyone else was prived to, was an insecurity in me (rather than him) should of been enough of a warning to get out. Anyhow you live, learn, grow, pack your things, and start a new life when you realise that life is too short and beautiful to live miserably 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
11 months isn't too quick, as you know. I'd been dating my girlfriend for four or so weeks when I brought up marriage. We didn't marry straight away but she said then if I asked she'd say yes. Been together 14 years married for 10. Sorry to hear about your situation but sounds like you are better off now 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' The hurt felt more like deep grief and loss (like a death or something out of your control), rather than any negative feelings. But as it appears from others' experiences, leaving a relationship that is hurtful can often be a great relief. CT I can relate to this. Sometimes relationships end because they just aren't working, not because they have become toxic. It does leave you feeling helpless and inconsolable becuase you can't change the circumstances
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