M64

The fear factor

October 18 2011

Much has been written and discussed about how people get stood up after arranging to meet someone. I don't think it is personal, I think people get cold feet when they actually are going to meet someone. It takes a bit of courage to join adult dating sites, compile a profile complete with photo's then start sending messages to people asking them to meet. This form of dating is probably the most difficult as it is very similar to blind dating in the fact that you are not really sure who it is you are going to meet. All you have is a profile and photographs which may or may not be real. To actually meet someone under these circumstances takes a great deal of courage, more courage than some people possess, however they may not be aware of this until the time comes to meet. They get cold feet and don't bother showing up. This can happen to anyone at anytime. I attended a party recently and there were about 30 people at the party, the largest party I have been to. The host told us during the night that two couples left the party without getting involved. For one couple, it was their first party and they were a bit overwhelmed. For the second couple, the wife wasn't feeling the best and she was also a bit overwhelmed. Sometimes we don't know our limits until they are put to the test. For me, I have played with attached women at parties while their partners have been in the "crowd" watching the proceedings. I don't think I could play with an attached woman in a private situation while her partner looks on.

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RHP User

13 years ago

"A mans got to know his limitations..." ( Go the Clintster!!) And same goes for women.When you thrust yourself into such a position without knowing how you will feel about it, till your in it , can pose an "exit stage left!!!!" as soon as you get a chance type mentality. Problem is sometimes it's hard to extricate yourself once your there.Such is the case when couples step into the unknown territory of swinging. What seems all hot and enticing when you have watched it on porn, all looks a bit contrived,or sterile,or "busy" in real life....It's a matter of finding your niche and how far your willing to explore your boundaries without freaking out and being able to communicate your angsts if you are intending to play alongside your partner.As for me, I dislike the "unkown" factor of large private party play.My dilemma is I'd do a 180 out the door too if I walked into a room full of peeps that didn't interest me and thats not exactly fair to a group of people "expecting" to play with an X ammount of people quoted to be at a gathering. Much prefer one, two, three play..and that's it. Or nights like Prima/Red heaven etc where there vetted more and its not solely a gangers party! Thats a limit Ive set that Im not prepared on crossing anytime soon.Mrs S

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RHP User

13 years ago

"A mans got to know his limitations..." ( Go the Clintster!!) And same goes for women.When you thrust yourself into such a position without knowing how you will feel about it, till your in it , can pose an "exit stage left!!!!" as soon as you get a chance type mentality. Problem is sometimes it's hard to extricate yourself once your there.Such is the case when couples step into the unknown territory of swinging. What seems all hot and enticing when you have watched it on porn, all looks a bit contrived,or sterile,or "busy" in real life....It's a matter of finding your niche and how far your willing to explore your boundaries without freaking out and being able to communicate your angsts if you are intending to play alongside your partner.As for me, I dislike the "unkown" factor of large private party play.My dilemma is I'd do a 180 out the door too if I walked into a room full of peeps that didn't interest me and thats not exactly fair to a group of people "expecting" to play with an X ammount of people quoted to be at a gathering. Much prefer one, two, three play..and that's it. Or nights like Prima/Red heaven etc where there vetted more and its not solely a gangers party! Thats a limit Ive set that Im not prepared on crossing anytime soon.Mrs S

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RHP User

13 years ago

Silly thing said it hadn't posted..grrrrrrrrrr.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Chris i think as already said, easy does it and know your limits. Personally for me there was (when we were playing) nothing hotter than shagging on the public beds/viewing area upstairs at CI but i'm an attention whore and a show off (i prefer to say i like to share the luurve )when it comes to these things. The first time was a little intimidating but after that I was all over it like white on rice. I'm actually glad we went there first before i party. Eeeeease us into all this a little bit in a very gentle way. You're right, it does take a lot of courage to come here, set up a profile, having no clue what will happen. I think particularly as a man. As a woman and couple there is a lot of choice. I admire all the single guys for having a go when a lot of the time they face rejection or being ignored and for me a play party or night at the club wasn't any fun without single guys there. Enjoy the adventure. xx goodgrl

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RHP User

13 years ago

I have to say , i think i maybe like a guy jumping into a cold swimming pool walking into a party ..the fear factor etc..will it ever get hard !!

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RHP User

13 years ago

goodgrl, I love your comments in the forums. They are to the point and most of all positive which is a good thing. I suppose I shot myself in the foot by mentioning parties. What I really meant by this post is that I don't think a lot of people actually know their limits and only find out when they have physically arranged to meet someone privately, then the apprehension sets in and they are a no show. I imagine that this is why a lot of people on adult dating sites have difficulty in meeting others. In regard to parties, you are absolutely correct. Two of the parties that I have been to have had a lot more single guys attend that single ladies and couples. It can be daunting for both single women and couples to see many more men there than women. I think the party organisers deliberately do this as the single guys are charged a fee to attend these parties and that is where their profit margin is. Taipan, you are absolutely correct as well. It can be a problem for some guys, especially those guys who have no had a lot of sex in front of other people. The first two parties that I attended, I got hard, had a play and that was it, which is unusal for me. The next two, I hot hard and played four times, so I suppose things improve with experience. Regards Chris

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RHP User

13 years ago

Quoting 'Taipan12'I have to say , i think i maybe like a guy jumping into a cold swimming pool walking into a party ..the fear factor etc..will it ever get hard !! Just do what a lot of other guys at parties do T man, take viagra or cialis

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RHP User

13 years ago

"I suppose I shot myself in the foot by mentioning parties. What I really meant by this post is that I don't think a lot of people actually know their limits and only find out when they have physically arranged to meet someone privately, then the apprehension sets in and they are a no show. I imagine that this is why a lot of people on adult dating sites have difficulty in meeting others."Cant see why you think you shot yourself in the foot because I didn't agree that group parties are the way to go. I have seen you mentioned it has worked for you, thats fabulous. I on the other hand disagree that it's right for me but do agree with the fact you have to know you boundaries and limitations...wasn't that the whole point of your post or have I missed something?

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uneventful

13 years ago

Single meets .. and stand-ups .. FFS .. most people are only meeting a first time to have a coffee together .. there should be NO pressure .. walk in .. drink coffee .. talk .. walk out and go separate ways .. work on a principle that never play on a first date .. and then it is easier to attend and interact .. NO one has to put out for a $5.00 cup of coffee ..Party's .. I have at times found to be rather intimidating .. one in partcular I attended ... was an excess of single guys .. who virtually assumed that US women had to play because they had paid to attend .. SORRY .. I figure that if you are attending a party with that mind set .. then your better off going to a brothel .. lest then your guaranteed something for your money .Just because a female attends a party .. DOES NOT automatically mean that they have to play .. for there still has to be a chemistry there .. for it isn't the female attendees who are receiving the moneys .. it is the host/hostess ..IF guys attend with that view .. then they are in the wrong place .. either attend a specific prearranged gang bang or go to a brothel. As for standing up people .. I have actually had a guy ring me from outside a coffee shop and tell me that he wasn't attending as his car had "broken down" and he was waiting for the NRMA .. his reason for not attending was .. even tho we had swapped pics .. chatted by email and phone and webcam .. turned out .. he didnt like redhaired women .. WTF .. could have said that after reading the profile .I have canceled meetings due to legitimate reasons .. but never got cold feet .. JMO

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RHP User

13 years ago

Saturn65 my post was supposed to be about people getting cold feet about single meets. Single meets are not for everyone and parties are not for everyone, it's about what works for each person. Maybe you can enlighten me, do you problems meeting other couples? I would rather meet someone privately for sure as I like the intimacy which you don't get at parties. Sadly, I am one of those guys that no one wants to meet privately so I have to accept the fact that I must go to parties if I want to meet people. Celebree, I am sorry that such a thing has happened to you. Some of the parties that I have attended also have had an excess of single guys, however to my amazement not a lot of them played even though they paid. I have seen a few guys while watching others, put on a condom, have a wank then leave. All long as people are treated with respect, there should not be a problem. I have never had a knock back at a party. Speaking of which, you and I are on the guestlist, on different sites, to attend a party on Saturday week. I will say hello to you but you will get no pressure from me to play. See you there.

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The fear factor

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