M46
The "love" theory.......
July 31 2014
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Fuck em !! Hp xo💋 Because their worth it... 😄
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RHP User
10 years ago
He is out there busting his arse but she is at home busting her arse. Sounds like he has no appreciation of that fact at all. Women want your time... Quality time. They want intimacy, they want to hear that you have been thinking about them. They don't want to live with a cranky flat mate who makes you feel like he resents having to "bust his arse". We all do things for each other, that's a given. :p
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RHP User
10 years ago
But all those women who are cooking dinner every night and looking after the house and kids, etc are also doing it for their husbands but that isn't enough for husbands right? You need more than the day to day mundane chores don't you? How many blokes end up cheating or feel shut out of the marriage because they feel like all they are is a pay cheque? Will be interested to read what the men say in response to your post Sir_Lurk. Good topic btw.
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Circe
10 years ago
You've hit the nail in the head. The problem is really that people get their heads stuck up their own arses and resentment builds. He doesn't appreciate her pov either, it's bloody hard looking after kids full time with No relief. She just wants to collapse after a week of doing it all and wants some adult company and to feel appreciated. If you've had nothing from your partner all week then what you do get is grumpy bum... Who, btw, has had no one but himself to look after all week... And she doesn't see that he's just exhausted after working hard all week and needs some adjustment time to get back into the swing of the household.... Now stir stop reading that pick up artist crap, it's sexist and demeans both men and women.
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madotara69
10 years ago
We are just two loving souls Making love in our own fish bowl Year after year Hanging around in our playground It's pretty cool right here. Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
I admit this is a very idealogical view that only touches on just one dimension; as I feel that the post - upon consultation with Miss Qefenta - would've ended up probably too long for people to read... But I think that's where the variables of the individual may impact.... I think it needs some more work.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Words full of letters Words full of promises Words full of lies Words full of prejudices Words full of riddles Words full of hopes Words full of pain Words full of plenty Words full of nothing Words what do they teach to you in your life Words made of letters to confuse mixed up minds What are the words That swirl for you to find What are the letters that make up your life What are the letters that make up mine Four letters that can simply make a lifetime Four simple letters that can crush and destroy Four letters we all desire to fill us with joy Four letters we search not found in a pill Four simple letters that we are looking still Those four letters are born with us all Four letters to hold four letters you know four letters created our soul four letters will reveal our road one of those four most important of all Is the same letter at the front of our life The letter eLL can start your journey to heaven or hell Choices we make will reveal our fate You can travel mother earth round and round she goes where she stops who could never know So never stop seeking around you may go the second one letter is the letter Big O ! Three now of four you may have seen before V is for victory or is it much more thats for our choices revealed not scored The end of our journey shall reveal to thee the end of the road for all to see One more letter to make up the four Its the most precious bold and tall its the E for the end end of your life ,end for us all so make sure you know the three letters before life we live was it worth living and tell me why for ? be honest not to me it yourself you be sure So many letters so like a life so much to discover so much to explore So that completes my letters for my life my list of letters not many just the four So put them together thats what i feel Thats what i seek Thats what i crave Thats what i teach life is for living feeling and more simple really like the precious four letters we are born and adore Put them together you will feel lonely no more . - Posted from rhpmobile
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Missb4u
10 years ago
There's this book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman I don't actually think it is as defined and clear cut as male/female. Its a great read and explains how different people have a different language for love and if you aren't speaking their language how everything can be so hard and confused. The 5 languages areWords of affirmationActs of ServiceReceiving GiftsQuality TimePhysical Touch I like a little of all but my big ones are Acts of Service and Physical touch
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
You've learned much..... :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Lol sure abouts love missB or world war 2?? Lol I don't mean to take the piss out of that...but what does it define an act of service ?? Lawn mowing?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
10 years ago
I still like to think I can outwit him when he visits and we have these discussions. Actually Stir I have a question for you.....I'll ask next time you're here.
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madotara69
10 years ago
I think the range of topics you have researched to find the theory for love, are missing the most important topic of all. Love that does work, cos sitting right here, none of that seems to come into play for us, we both feel for each other and both see for each other. There is no competition, however we do not allow the pressure of the ("MAN")* come between us. *A Rock n Roll thing Fuck the MAN
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've seen and heard so much about how men and women differentiate what they perceive to be love. The most complex emotion of them all has puzzled people (including scholars and philosophers) since men and women had feelings for each other. Separating how men and women interpret this emotional enigma isnt scientific, men and women all behave differently to how they feel and how they interpret these feelings are unique. Many a book follow the distinction of "men do this women do that", having an interest in how people react to emotional situations I've come to the conclusion we are all different in how we view love. There are songs about love being a action word (written by women mind you), men feeling love as they feel it (written by men and male poets). To categorise the male/female experienceof love as a dichotomy is to miss the whole point of indivdiual response and therefore will inevitably fail in understanding what you are setting out to achieve. There are acts of love, sounds of love, moments of love and just feelings of love to be shared with your love recipient (hard to put an objective word in for lover but I tried). I would say as a participant in the world that revolves around evolves with love, the truth is in the person, no more no less and if we gather data like a scientist we will find a diverse opinion of what love means to everyone. To which there is only one universal, that they feel love.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is it a crime ? Is it a crime ? To want to love you , Is it a crime to want to know you, Then send me to the gallows As that is my fate before me Guilty as charged A life time of love wanted Or a life time of nothing What will be shall be But not from sitting or waiting But standing tall and taking Not steeling nor faking Wanting Desiring Hunting Searching For we wait for so long Forever we are waiting Then all of a sudden Lifes gone past were late Lifes ending !! Live it Love it Grab it Its yours for the taking And when your tummy is full Share with the aching The aching of sorrow And souls who are shaking From fears within or fears outside Drug addiction Sex affliction Loving another Deceit or cheating Gamble your money Your life your children Never gamble your soul The answers ly within you . Faith its clear Instinct Intuition truth it is you. It is deep down with in you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
If your aim is to keep an idiot in suspense.... You're doing great ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Missb4u
10 years ago
Acts of service can be as simple as making a cup tea, mowing the lawn, packing the dishwasher without being asked to do it. It's that old saying "actions speak louder than words" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
because I am a woman I can only see it as a woman. I know we are different and thats the beauty and the beast in it But I ask .....the men. Why is it at the beginning......you find the time.....to ring to text and to talk.....and not for 5 minutes, for hours.... we get flowers kisses and many loving words. Then we are together it stops....and we hear I am busy at work is hard to get away or text or say loving words and and and. I think thats why women dont get it....why is it you had time before and now.....you cant find the time?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Perhaps the three words "I love you" aren't said enough and sometimes they are said too easily without actual emotion. IMO you do need a combination of actions and words. Hearing these words only during passion is not enough. We all have our theory on what love is. It's knowing your partner well enough to know how to show them that counts.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't think u can theorize love....U r either in love, or not...and that fact alone determines yr actions, words and emotional confidence...To base a persons lack of attachment, sexual attraction and personal interest in their partner, on excuses, is just that....Excuses..!! It is easy to say.."I've worked hard, I'm tired,.." Or "I've had a bad week..". But so what....Life is not always easy, and a r/ship needs to be built on shared confidences, mutual understanding and LOVE...Not stupid excuses that aim to justify their own lack of regard for ones partner or spouse.... I refuse to read relationship books...I prefer to follow my heart , soul and intuition... Self help books only lead to corruption of ones own logic... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I often wonder the same thing. Why is that? A guy's POV on this matter would be appreciated. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I love the 5 love languages book. It really helped me understand how each of use shows and naturally feels love. Me I need 'words of affection' and 'physical touch'. Him 'acts of service' and 'physical touch'. We naturally show love how we want to receive it so therefore if it's different to how our partners feel love and show love then we may be left feeling a bit unloved as we are not really seeing their love coming through in their own love language. E.g I would love mr to tell me more mooshy stuff, and more words of affection & affirmation. Yet he naturally shoes his love for me through his actions and physical touch. Luckily enough physical touch is one of my love languages too! I recognise his acts if service love language so I try and do little things for him to show him I care or help him out ( cooking breakfast, getting lunches ready etc). That's how I know he will feel love. Now to get him to do the 'words of affirmation' thing and we will be set lol!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Because once a guy catches you he no longer has to make an effort to keep you? Maybe?? Complacency?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think you're spot on with that.... From my marriage upon reflection time for this thread; I became very complacent....so much so that the words I love you became just what we said....not what we felt... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sadly Meeka, as everyone hear would attest to, complacency is the grim reaper to romantic notions... no longer showing affection can kill any relationship, the bond is weakened and shrivels up like last springs beautiful flower.
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madotara69
10 years ago
Resentment
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RHP User
10 years ago
We do not subscribe to all men think/want this and all females think/want that. The book mentioned above 'love languages' is so important as it brings your attention to get to know, not yourself better, but your partners. It also helps one to take ownership of their own happiness through understanding and awareness of ones own needs :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
10 years ago
Tara I wake to see her dreaming Eyes closed peaceful smile Is it me and our miles? Is it her and me the meanings Or of adventures in other time someone, another, not of me? A pleasant feeling wells with rhyme She is free, she is not mine I love her dreaming all the time Peaceful smile, her heart defined Humble to me it is us Our time the adventures Rough lumps and bumps Comfort, cares and lust She lay there dreaming in love With me the man Who sees her as one Her own, her self, her fun Yes special she I love Dreaming fine no not enough Life for her I must Dreams not just dreams Dreams are just She lay next to me Peaceful and smiles Eyes closed peaceful and free Oh it is, clear and precise Tara she is and means to me Everything so it just seems I lay there awake with a smile To see the dreams showing our miles No it should never stop
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have no idea,I have been in love,but I have never been loved...a conundrum for me :-) xQ
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RHP User
10 years ago
nobody has been able to explain to me what "being in love" actually means and how is is different to loving someone. I don't know. I don't think anyone has been in love with me either.... what ever that means.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have a friend,she is an intelligent strong woman BUT,she is so in love with her husband,she has moved countries three times,even though she didn't want to....she wanted a third child,he didn't so they didn't.She doesn't complain about this,she just loves him and is prepared good whatever he wants....it's seems to me very 1954....so for me I rejoice in the fact that I can follow my own dreams....love seemed to make some people stupid xQ
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RHP User
10 years ago
My husband loved me.....he always said he wants me to sit on his desk all the time please he said hide in my Rucksack and I take you to work. We have been two people so different in height and personality, but love was there big time. lol Ohh I know love, wonderful love.....thats most likely why I am still single after nearly 16 years him passing, because it is important for me to love and so many are afraid. Tara/ Mado.....what you have is wonderful not many people experience it and as you say you dont own each other, thats just what many have first to learn. I know what love is.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Missb72' There's this book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman I don't actually think it is as defined and clear cut as male/female. Its a great read and explains how different people have a different language for love and if you aren't speaking their language how everything can be so hard and confused. The 5 languages areWords of affirmationActs of ServiceReceiving GiftsQuality TimePhysical Touch I like a little of all but my big ones are Acts of Service and Physical touch Now have some new literature to read SG
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RHP User
10 years ago
I love love and being in love and would love to be in love again some day... I would have to argue that to "FEEL" something then something has to be "DOne"... it is the perception of what is done that is important to the person who need to feel the love. To me, a look can be enough to feel loved or just knowing somebody thinks of me every now and then (Random "Hi" text messages can give me the warm and fuzzy's). Listening to someone is actually doing something... it is paying attention and providing feedback at the right time. Saying "I love you" is often overdone like saying "I'm sorry". People do it as part of a reaction rather than actually meaning the words of feeling it completely. (Yes I have been guilty of saying "I'm sorry" too often but never saying "I love you") Additionally, there are different levels of "Love"... I love my family even though they rarely show cause for receiving it, I love my friends be they co-workers, FWBs or drinking buddies I see once a year. Now I am going to have to watch Moulin Rouge again!!... damn it! Satine: Besides, I can't fall in love with anyoneChristian: Can't... fall... in love? But, a life without love, that's... terrible...Satine: No, being on the street, that's terrible.Christian: No! Love is like oxygen!Satine: What?Christian: Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love! SG(Just had to drag myself out of the sick bet to reply to this one )
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi there :) Very interesting thread and seeing so many varied yet valid ideas all influenced and affected by ones personal experiences. Personally my past has been one of both knowing, giving and receiving great love. Although I too have lost said partnership. The literature mentioned already has some interesting challenges to my thinking and experiences. I would also recommend the writings of Alison Armstrong. I've been told that some if the theories are too gender dividing etc but as with all in the world if listened too with an open yet questioning and critical mind and for the purpose of challenging ones self and understanding of others and partnership, I believe many of her insights are useful. Xx Miss PA - Posted from rhpmobile
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Missb4u
10 years ago
It made me lol and think of this forum Love is like “pi” - natural, irrational, and very important. Lisa Hoffman (American founder and president of Lisa Hoffman Beauty) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Do you think next time around, in our next partnership we will do it better? Did we learn from the first one....and do you think a second partnership will be better then the first....because we know now what we have done wrong?
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Missb4u
10 years ago
I actually don't think we do get better at it as each time you lose a little part of your self you shut down a little bit more become a little bit more cautious less trusting or maybe that's just skeptical cynical me. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Litonya' Do you think next time around, in our next partnership we will do it better? Did we learn from the first one....and do you think a second partnership will be better then the first....because we know now what we have done wrong? Litonya, I would like to think yes. Each person deals with a failing in love differently, I choose to use it as a learning experience and no matter how tragic it was a breakup has a positive side to it if only we strive to see it. Even the failure of my marriage had some positive lessons that I will use in the future. Yes there are some things that I will be cautious of if/when I find another partner to give my heart to but if that person is right that caution will fade and love will rule supreme. SG(Maybe just a sad optimist but that's the way I like it)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have only really been in love three times. The first two were my first two girlfriends. The first was probably puppy love, the second was my best friend and lover. I have been married but realise now that I never truly loved my wife. I've had a relationship since then, the last serious one I was in and she was the love of my life. You just know when you're in love. I know how good it can feel and how amazing it is when you're compatible with someone on every level. It helps make sex, or truly making love, amazing! Wish I could find it again! Awww
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta3' I have a friend,she is an intelligent strong woman BUT,she is so in love with her husband,she has moved countries three times,even though she didn't want to....she wanted a third child,he didn't so they didn't.She doesn't complain about this,she just loves him and is prepared good whatever he wants....it's seems to me very 1954....so for me I rejoice in the fact that I can follow my own dreams....love seemed to make some people stupid xQ In this day and age of education and technology making it easier to disseminate newer values of fairness, equality and freedom, that your friend can still abide by male dominated values of women following the men in their life not for love, but for control. Love could be construde as being free, loving someone would mean you love freely and accept who they are and what they desire in life. Unfortunately, society has deemed love as a selfish constuct that eventuates in exclusion from others and almost a manipulation of the partner wants and actions. I hope your friend realises 1 day, she is her own soul and her partner is to respect her wishes not only his.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree,but it seems to me in coupledom,there is always one that is more dominant then the other....xQ
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RHP User
10 years ago
If love is constructed or consists by what that lover does with you, for you, makes you feel, is with you, how they treat you, how much time with you, how much they listen to you... e.t.c..And what if that lover should fall out of your favour for not meeting these criteria?.Where is Love then?
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RHP User
10 years ago
We are a self centered society, we dont struggle for survival anymore or food or shelter, we have no war no killing. We run out of our responsibilities every easily....what I can see in the next 50 years we will be a very poor society. Family structures are not easy and staying together is not easy, We want the fairytale weeding, husband and children, ohh and the house and the dog.......and then its so boring and black and white and so hard and all the fairytale pictures are flowing away out of the window and reality hits us. Then we get divorced. I know I say this in a simple way...but look around you....where do you find two grownups still married and married for a long time.... and fight together the battles of every day life. Yes it is great to be single......but it is also shit......I would gladly marry again......and maybe I was a lucky happy married woman....but I can tell you from being 16 years single it stinks. And all this free hunting sex................it stinks............its hard work and the exciting bits it promises you, believe me its not always so. SINGLE LIFE IS SUXS in the long run. But we get bombarded by images of what we should strive for that no one is ever so perfect as he should be because there must be something better out there. Thats my conclusion after 16 years in the single life...............it stinks. I would like to love someone again....and the imperfections will fall away after a while and I want simple things, just simple thing. So I said it. LOVE IS ALL WE NEED
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RHP User
10 years ago
Litonya, I understand your position entirely. I described to a friend that losing my wife was like becoming blind - it heightened your other emotional senses. You look around at your friends and acquaintances, and can see how much the husbands and wives take each other for granted, how they waste the opportunities to properly love each other. It burns inside to see them not taking advantage of what has been denied to me. I also agree about complacency being the cancer of relationships. I was boxing above my weight with a wife who was beautiful and vivacious. It took over a decade for me to become complacent. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, the complacency disappeared and we cherished the remaining 3 years together because we knew it would be over soon. Which is part of the problem for most couples - they assume that it be the same forever, and don't appreciate that one day the chance to say I love you will be gone.
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RHP User
10 years ago
you got it.....and it is no once fault for not seeing, because we all have to experience things first. And I admire the couples who found the balance and stay together. You know what is sad that no one can teach us this living and loving....its so sad. I say it again I loved being married even it was not always smooth sailing oh no but it was sooooo nice coming home or waiting for someone.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Some heartfelt posts here
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is one of my favourite poems....I was probably about ten years old when I first read it.Elizabeth Barret Browning wrote this sometime after 1845.the year she met her great love ,fellow poet Robert Browning............it is in the form of a sonnet.................. How do I love thee,let me count the ways.......I love thee to the depth and breath and height,my soul can reach when feeling out of sight.For the ends of being and ideal grace........I love thee to the level of everydays most quiet need,by sun and candlelight I love thee freely as men strive for right......I love thee purely as they turn from praise.....I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs and with my childhood faiths,with my lost saints......I love thee with the breath smiles and tears of all my life and if god should choose,I shall but love thee better after death.....hugs xQ
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta3' I have a friend,she is an intelligent strong woman BUT,she is so in love with her husband,she has moved countries three times,even though she didn't want to....she wanted a third child,he didn't so they didn't.She doesn't complain about this,she just loves him and is prepared good whatever he wants....it's seems to me very 1954....so for me I rejoice in the fact that I can follow my own dreams....love seemed to make some people stupid xQ So many times I have found with men that they do not compromise, if they don't want to do something, it doesn't happen. If I am horny and he isn't,he won't put out but if the tables are turned, she never wants to put out?? (Not that the latter ever really happened to me) We are called nags for asking for something to be done and he will get it done when he feels like it and if he feels like it, but I have always done what has been asked of me, promptly and properly.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't think being single sucks at all. I would much rather be single, happy and free then settling for someone for the sake of being with someone. I am thinking of getting a cat.
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RHP User
10 years ago
a cat???? lol...you are not free with any thing you share...your life with. Can be a bloody pain in the bud to....as everything....but you would take the bad with the good because she/he grows on you.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Litonya' because I am a woman I can only see it as a woman. I know we are different and thats the beauty and the beast in it But I ask .....the men. Why is it at the beginning......you find the time.....to ring to text and to talk.....and not for 5 minutes, for hours.... we get flowers kisses and many loving words. Then we are together it stops....and we hear I am busy at work is hard to get away or text or say loving words and and and. I think thats why women dont get it....why is it you had time before and now.....you cant find the time? Hes too busy chasing other women on RHP (or where ever)
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