F41
The pack mentality
April 01 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
In answer to your questions: 1. Yes, I believe it is a sign of friendship / loyalty etc. However, I have noticed one or two regular forumites who will always speak their mind, whether it is in agreeance with their "friends" or not. Yay for them! 2. Yes, it annoys the crap outta me as well!! Esp when it is obviously just a chance for someone to throw their name in and they have nothing significant to contribute. But people are people and they are who they are. We are not going to change them so there is no point in letting them get to you. As long as you are true to yourself, that is all that matters. Interesting topic by the way! I look forward to reading more.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The last statement was meant to say my friends are predominantly male I can't understand why people(mostly females) do this. Sometimes it even adds fuel to an already dying argument. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Another bash the regular forum posters bash. I could be wrong but people often become friends because they have a lot in common. Including opinions. They might also agree with the posters point of view. How can you tell that a person who posts is only doing it to suck up yo someone as oposed to agreeing with them? I guess the regulars could stop posting and let all the important people contribute pearls of amazing wisdom. And the rest can sit on their hands and nod their gears in sent admiration. Till that happens then I guess don't read the verbal shit that us sycophants write. Now you grovel my friends jump on this post and kiss my big fat saggy white arse,oh and a rim of top it off Lady t with a brown nose
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RHP User
11 years ago
Nod heads in silent admiration.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I should have proof-read Qn2. Does it annoy you? My autocorrect seems to have a mind of its own today - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'LadyTuscan' How can you tell that a person who posts is only doing it to suck up yo someone as oposed to agreeing with them? And who is to say the opinion of the first poster is wrong? I will say I sometimes notice some posters change their point of view and to me it appears like they just agree with whomever they like at the time. But I could very well be wrong, I've certainly changed my mind about more serious issues since I've been here (and often because of it.) To answer your question, Shazza: I don't agree with posters just because I like them. I am however less critical of "friends" when I disagree with them than of posters whose responses I usually don't like. And I'm wrong there. I'm liking this topic, but think "Pack mentality" is something different because it implies calculation and viciousness. It happens here, but in my opinion rarely.I think what you're describing is more like high school, where some just wanted to be noticed and liked by the "in-crowd" for lack of a better term.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Shazza, I agree that I have seen some posters do this, which isn't great. In the real world, I think people do it due to loyalty and wanting to support people that they like or are friends with. Mostly women do this, do you think?
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RHP User
11 years ago
!!! Darn, just can't do it......... Ok, I have changed my mind on a few occasions, but then I'm learning so many new things about a new world, that that's bound to happen....... Staying static in the face of knowledge, personally does not make sense..... Enjoy
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RHP User
11 years ago
You may have missed my point, or perhaps I wasn't clear enough I'll give an example, and mind you I did not say anything about regular posters (I consider myself to be one as well) Example Jane posts asking about cockshots asking if they are good or not Susan responds and says they're not bad Mary comments after and says they are disgusting and she hates them Susan then comes back and says oh yeah they are bad and disgusting etc etc (btw, Susan and Mary are friends here) It's a bad example but that's where I'm heading - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
kicked off a forum twice then banned forever for standing up for someone who was being belittled for her looks by a lady who was quite popular amongst the regulars there. I was a regular also and we had butted heads before but nothing on this scale. There was a massive blow up in the forum, threads and posts were deleted left, right and centre, people were put in forum jail so they couldn't post and funnily enough, I was the one who was banned. It was a nasty attack and I wouldn't stand for it. I can understand people having differing opinions and even getting hot under the collar about it but I will not tolerate someone picking on others for their looks, it was an absolute act.There is certainly a clique in any social circles and a forum is no different. Some people will kiss arses, others will stand alone. I don't find it annoying, I find it intriguing and you can watch the dynamic change as people come and go. I find it really nice to see friendships blossom on sites like this, it is a good support system if you know how to use it properly.
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lovman8
11 years ago
An interesting question. At the risk of upsetting people with an outrageous generalisation I think women are more likely to see an opposing opinion as an attack on ones person, and therefore feel a greater need to defend this opinion if it comes from a friend. I will be interested to any response to this statement. Because I only respond to forums to prompt reactions and impress women???? ( How pathetic am I????)
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RHP User
11 years ago
I like the forums no matter what and don't give a flying toss regarding any clicks which is really what your meaning I think. I really do agree with the opinions and thought patterns of a lot of woman on here and the men. However when I do read something I strongly have a different opinion on I'm not afraid to voice it. Lets get back to the important forums at hand.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'lovman8' I think women are more likely to see an opposing opinion as an attack on ones person, and therefore feel a greater need to defend this opinion if it comes from a friend. A generalisation like you said, but I agree that the women here seem to take opposite opinions more personally. (Though there are a few men here who, when someone disagrees or has a dig, just can't let it go and it becomes endless ego tennis.) I would love to hear from some more men!
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RHP User
11 years ago
...and I have to say that I don't think it's necessary. Speaking for myself, I often enjoy playing the devil's advocate and explore an unpopular concept just to stimulate discussion. At times I have found myself completely opposing some of the forumites that I'm most fond of but it makes no difference. Our friendship remains. We still communicate through private messages and maintain a rewarding relationship. We ally with each other on threads when we agree on a topic and we respectfully oppose each other on topics where we disagree. I can always respect the person and their opinion wiyhout having to agree with them.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Shazza, I agree that I have seen some posters do this, which isn't great. In the real world, I think people do it due to loyalty and wanting to support people that they like or are friends with. Mostly women do this, do you think? I'm a defender...I cant stand if someone is being picked on, my children follow this trait. God help those who pick on any one less fortunate.............my son bless the little bugger. lol... Often I see people with foot in mouth and try to defend them by changing the subject or trying to salvage the situation. I dont find I need to do it here so much.....support/ opinion is given where I see fit.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_silk' I like the forums no matter what and don't give a flying toss regarding any clicks which is really what your meaning I think. I really do agree with the opinions and thought patterns of a lot of woman on here and the men. However when I do read something I strongly have a different opinion on I'm not afraid to voice it. Lets get back to the important forums at hand. Oh yeah? Where would the important forums be then?
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
As you said OP, it happens in real life as well. Why should here be any different. It is magnified here as the subject matter tends to galvinise opinions. My lament on here is that some attack the poster rather than the subject matter. It is interesting watching who wades into the fray for who.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Shazza, I agree with you, there is a pack mentality here, in varying degrees and disguises, just like there is on every forum I have been associated with. It isn't the main posters who are the sheeple though, it is the 'hangers on' that do enough backflips to qualify for the Olympics in gymnastics. Seen 180 degree change of opinion just because someone posted a differing view to them. But the fun starts when someone who not only has an opinion but also the fortitude to back it up jumps in the sand pit. Seen them hounded not only out of the forums but off the site. Lady T - I think you misread the OP, no where did she attack the regulars AND no where did she say certain people post too much! The worst offenders unfortunately are some guys who will say anything, and I mean anything, if they think it is going to get them in the good books with certain ladies here. They are as obvious as bull's balls! Mooka (who expects to backlash)
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madotara69
11 years ago
Saying it and doing it are completely different. Doing it means doing it. Not particularly fond of manipulators. It's a balance by being respectful amongst people who become friends to the lifestyle. It's not just a forum for keyboard warriors, these are people that write to the forums as a part to the social aspects of the site. Some have no intentions for the social aspect, just want to disrupt the playful nature of people enjoying themselves. Can't get away with it in the real world, seem to think this is not part of the real world and behave like the sorry arses they are. Do I care for anyone's challenge to this statement, maybe, depends who they may be. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Shazza85' You may have missed my point, or perhaps I wasn't clear enough I'll give an example, and mind you I did not say anything about regular posters (I consider myself to be one as well) Example Jane posts asking about cockshots asking if they are good or not Susan responds and says they're not bad Mary comments after and says they are disgusting and she hates them Susan then comes back and says oh yeah they are bad and disgusting etc etc (btw, Susan and Mary are friends here) It's a bad example but that's where I'm heading - Posted from rhpmobile I totally agree with youand ohh wait and umm meander and meeka and shit my head is like the exorcist now, who to please?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'mooka' Shazza, I agree with you, there is a pack mentality here, in varying degrees and disguises, just like there is on every forum I have been associated with. It isn't the main posters who are the sheeple though, it is the 'hangers on' that do enough backflips to qualify for the Olympics in gymnastics. Seen 180 degree change of opinion just because someone posted a differing view to them. But the fun starts when someone who not only has an opinion but also the fortitude to back it up jumps in the sand pit. Seen them hounded not only out of the forums but off the site. Lady T - I think you misread the OP, no where did she attack the regulars AND no where did she say certain people post too much! The worst offenders unfortunately are some guys who will say anything, and I mean anything, if they think it is going to get them in the good books with certain ladies here. They are as obvious as bull's balls! Mooka (who expects to backlash) Its not my day today, poor hubby said do you think we should turn of that extra fridge to save power? for some reason , could be the moon, could be the clouds could be the virus I have , well anyway his nuts did fit rather nicely on a platter when I served them up to him on breakfast toast. he keeps wandering around in a daze, saying what did I say? what did I say? LadyT grumpy old bitch today, with no rhyme nor reason
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RHP User
11 years ago
hard to believe I know:-) I prefer to say nothing if someone is annoying...yes I have friends here but I never agree just for the sake of a friend...in fact I have a close friend here whose politics are totally the opposite of mine..but on many things we are in agreement....phttt....people will bond and band,argue,seperate,love ,hate ,lust all at the same time:-) xxHugs Q
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RHP User
11 years ago
If they are being attacked in a nasty way. Every one is entitled to an opinion but when it gets personal and something is said directly to them in the forums which I know hurts them on a personal level, then I will stand by them. That's what friends do!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'looking4quality' If they are being attacked in a nasty way. Every one is entitled to an opinion but when it gets personal and something is said directly to them in the forums which I know hurts them on a personal level, then I will stand by them. That's what friends do! but what if they are the ones launching the attack and attacking the poster rather than the post?
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RHP User
11 years ago
As for me, I wll comment on a point of view I do not agree with. I agree there is a mob mentality on some subjects in the forum.. ie single males...and am attacked for voicing my opinion,,, but thats just the point it is my opinion and I do not expect anyone to stick up for me or agree with me unless that is their opinion also... I also struggle with bullying in real life or here so I will also have a say in those situations, bring on the mob if they want to go me me thionx Durty
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madotara69
11 years ago
outa here
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' outa here Mado or Tara? This has got nothing to do with SWB. If it did I would have posted it there. If its not up your ally you're not obliged to read this. This is something I have been curious about and decided to ask and its something I have wondered about as to could it be the reason why I do not have a lot of lady friends but rather male friends etc and I was also possibly having a rant, because I can These forums are for everyone and I am free to post my topics/comments in the section I see fit. It is then up to the mods to let it go through or not, not you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You know I shall tell Auntie Edna where you are hiding :-) xx Q
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ruby_blossum
11 years ago
ahhhhh, just couldnt resist that one. I have been accused of calling a spade a spade...(or even a shovel at times) I have also been accused of being part of the pack (what ever that is) I wish everyone could make up their mind....lol What ever I have to say is my opinion. It has been said many times before - Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one. Whether its on the forums or real life, sometimes opinions will be similar....friends or not.
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RHP User
11 years ago
As much as we as humans like to think that we are above or separate from our natural environment and have bodies and brains that have evolved to some extent, we are still essentially like our ancestors long ago (Charles Darwin perspective) The need to survive in this world will always drive each individual towards a group of like minded individuals....for the sake of survival. And in any group there will always be social structure and classes. You will always have the alphas. The ones who assert their dominance with sheer strength and size. For the ones who do not posses such qualities, they have developed another way to survive. There are the cunning ones. These are the ones who may outwit their stronger rivals. There are ones who show complete loyalty. They assure their survival by swearing their allegiance. There are the servants or the ones who will accept little just to be in a group. These ones lack strength, size and mental proweress. Just watch a David Attenborough documentary (loved the one he did on the apes). I loved this one because I could relate them so much to how we are. Of course that was an easy example....another would be Dolphins. That dock spun me out to how alike they are to us. So in all of this, pack mentality is here to stay.
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madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta2' You know I shall tell Auntie Edna where you are hiding :-) xx Q Tara always dobs me in. I think she enjoys it when I get into trouble, wouldn't have a clue why though. She enjoys it so much. he he
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RHP User
11 years ago
Maybe you could start one, or lets just talk about something more appealing possibly. Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'Ms_silk' I like the forums no matter what and don't give a flying toss regarding any clicks which is really what your meaning I think. I really do agree with the opinions and thought patterns of a lot of woman on here and the men. However when I do read something I strongly have a different opinion on I'm not afraid to voice it. Lets get back to the important forums at hand. Oh yeah? Where would the important forums be then?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'jensman1903' ...and I have to say that I don't think it's necessary. Speaking for myself, I often enjoy playing the devil's advocate and explore an unpopular concept just to stimulate discussion. At times I have found myself completely opposing some of the forumites that I'm most fond of but it makes no difference. Our friendship remains. We still communicate through private messages and maintain a rewarding relationship. We ally with each other on threads when we agree on a topic and we respectfully oppose each other on topics where we disagree. I can always respect the person and their opinion wiyhout having to agree with them. I do that too. I can be a bit argumentative just to give a different perspective. People seem to make their minds up about something and don't consider other viewpoints. Sometimes I don't even agree with what I debate, I just like to throw something out there and say it is black when everyone else says it is white just to spark another concept.
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RHP User
11 years ago
How ever I'll always call it as I see it. I'll judge things by my own rule . To be my friend is to have common ground so naturally I'll agree on some points. I am no one's lackey. I shall defend a point. I am my own person. To do as you point out op in my opinion is not a friend but indeed a lackey.. gang mentality yes and lacking in self esteem to be guided by others.
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sweetgem
11 years ago
Of the non-rational people (both in cyber world and in the real world)! Some people just cannot separate their emotions from the actual fact or truth, and would be quick to jump in to defend their friends without sensibly analysing the situation first! So yes, it annoys the crap out of me too when I got personal attack on something I didn't do, but the friends of my attacker would think that their friend's harsh attack on me is no big deal, and that their friend can just react however they like, but my defense is harsh and not acceptable! I mean, who are they to determine on my behalf what is harsh and what is not to me?! Sigh! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
It is all about perception.....it was indeed how you felt but you also had support from Lady T which may not have completely mitigated the hurt but she was there for you if I recall correctly......many people have been here for years,have met in RL,even though they may live a continent away from each other....I really like this quote,its about sex but it also applies to the forums ..............we do not go to bed in simple pairs,even if we choose not to refer to them,we still drag there with us the cultural impedimentia of our social class,our parents' lives,our bank balances,oursexual and emotional expectations,our whole biographies---all the bits and pieces of . our unique existences........Angela Carter.....Hugs xx Q
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
One Man wolf pack...... Howwwwwwwlllllllllll :-)
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sweetgem
11 years ago
For your kind words and sharing the quote. I get what you mean, and I honestly don't hold grudges towards the actual people, because that is life and I know where I want to be emotionally and mentally. But that doesn't mean that I should just pretend nothing has happened, and/or keep quiet about how I feel and encourage the bullying action to continue on hitting me. Besides, I was only rementioning that incident as an example to back up my comment made in response to Shazza's post, that's all :-) So, if anyone wants to read too much into my above comment again, it's entirely their call should they choose to show the open RHP public what type of people they are. :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'sweetgem' So, if anyone wants to read too much into my above comment again, it's entirely their call should they choose to show the open RHP public what type of people they are. :-) - Posted from rhpmobile Sweetgem, that comment annoys me. It says to me that you feel you are above it all, but let me tell you I have seen you be rude right back to people and make hurtful comments. So sorry, I am personally am not going to accept that comment. Friends often know each others histories so they may back each other up because they can understand why they are upset. So to the occasional observer it would seem that the support a friend shows is unfounded, but sometimes there is more to the story.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Friends often know each others histories so they may back each other up because they can understand why they are upset. So to the occasional observer it would seem that the support a friend shows is unfounded, but sometimes there is more to the story. With a lot of men and women here knowing each other in real life, some of the comments won't make sense to others. A snide comment from a guy to a gal may seem unfounded, unless you know the "single" girl was hiding the fact she had a husband from said guy, and he has a reason to be grumpy. Having said that, I believe things that happen between members outside of the forums need to stay there. Pay for a membership so you can have a go at each other privately!
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Dryphuz
11 years ago
but it took me a long time (early to mid twenties) to comfortably speak out against the pack. There is an instinct to belong and not to make waves, especially if the group has an alpha. When i first stopped going along with the consensus i found myself becoming a bit of a secondary alpha as the champion of the alternate view, but as time went on i noticed others speaking their minds as well. It just takes one to challenge the alpha on a regular basis and others will eventually realize they too can voice their opinion and it need not change the status quo. This is in real life though. On the internet anonymity can make it easier, which is why i would wonder if they really are just defending a friend's viewpoint or rather championing one they actually agree with.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69'secret womens business outa here I don't get it? What does Secret Whinging Business have to do with?
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RHP User
11 years ago
yes I agree,not because I am a sycophant..:-) :-) :-) but I think it happens and is a very passive aggressive thing to do as names aren't usually mentioned,just inferences made.....the other person has no right of reply unless they want to out themselves,but many people can either guess who it is,or actually know ..... poor form as the Brits would say xx Q
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madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'madotara69'secret womens business outa here I don't get it? What does Secret Whinging Business have to do with? Agenda
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RHP User
11 years ago
Define a correct view??? Just because two people have aligned views, means jack shit other than the fact that they agree. Just remember opinions are like arseholes....we all have them. I've been flamed countless times by your perceived pack mentality. But..... I am quite fond of throwing cats into the collective noun for a group of pigeons. Sometimes it's deliberate, sometimes not. After a while you just learn that if you give a complete stranger that much headspace, then you will always headfuck yourself. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir'...Just because two people have aligned views, means jack shit other than the fact that they agree. Just remember opinions are like arseholes....we all have them..... Dear god...... are we on the verge of a ...."So.... do you like a tight arsehole or a loose arsehole?!" topic?! hahaha
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's like a XXXX.....yep I can feel it coming on :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange
11 years ago
Shazza with regards to the cliques. I have been here only a short while and have noticed this on the forum. It is not a forum regular poster bashing but an observation and it should be treated as such and no need to be defensive. However, I have on a couple of occasions voiced an opinion that is not to the liking of a couple of the forum regulars and have been put down for it. Now before you get your knickers in a twist, I can take a criticism (but be constructive not bitchy) and have apologized in a couple of occasions when I was wrong due to a misunderstanding on my part. No issues there for me. What I dont get is the unnecessary 'bashing' of the newbies for having a different opinion to them. Almost laughable and not worth the retort. This sort of clique attitude sometimes may discourage new forum members, like myself in posting as you can see the nails are being sharpened as you type. Lol. Obviously, we have not won any stripes to be in the club. But shoudl we care. It is a forum and all comments should be welcomed for discussion. I am in the business getting work done and solving problems for companies as efficiently and quickly as possible and paid handsomely for it. I am not paid to make lifelong friends so I say as it is, fix their issues and move on. So in real life, I pick my battles and only respond as I see fit. In saying so, I take on constructive comments (we learn from them and thank you for your help) and ignore the ones that dont matter specially the bitchy ones. Afterall, it will not enhance our life and not worth looking into. I will still continually put my opinion on the forum when it takes my fancy and will be as constructive as possible... Thanks for bringing this up, Shazza.
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madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' Shazza with regards to the cliques. I have been here only a short while and have noticed this on the forum. It is not a forum regular poster bashing but an observation and it should be treated as such and no need to be defensive. However, I have on a couple of occasions voiced an opinion that is not to the liking of a couple of the forum regulars and have been put down for it. Now before you get your knickers in a twist, I can take a criticism (but be constructive not bitchy) and have apologized in a couple of occasions when I was wrong due to a misunderstanding on my part. No issues there for me. What I dont get is the unnecessary 'bashing' of the newbies for having a different opinion to them. Almost laughable and not worth the retort. This sort of clique attitude sometimes may discourage new forum members, like myself in posting as you can see the nails are being sharpened as you type. Lol. Obviously, we have not won any stripes to be in the club. But shoudl we care. It is a forum and all comments should be welcomed for discussion. I am in the business getting work done and solving problems for companies as efficiently and quickly as possible and paid handsomely for it. I am not paid to make lifelong friends so I say as it is, fix their issues and move on. So in real life, I pick my battles and only respond as I see fit. In saying so, I take on constructive comments (we learn from them and thank you for your help) and ignore the ones that dont matter specially the bitchy ones. Afterall, it will not enhance our life and not worth looking into. I will still continually put my opinion on the forum when it takes my fancy and will be as constructive as possible... Thanks for bringing this up, Shazza. Can you help us sort out this problem Quickly and efficiently Mado Tara xx
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Seachange
11 years ago
haha. you guys are hilarious. yes, at your service sir/madam. to whom should I send the invoice to? lol.
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