F51
The penis wants a raisej
October 07 2014
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well , what do you expect from an unskilled labourer ? Don't even have the necessary tickets, for working in confined spaces , et al . Time to retire with a limp Golden Handshake ;) GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
10 years ago
I love your creativity. Cracked me up this morning, just what I needed. Mwah Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
older workers need to make way for the young 'uns. I have perused many CVs and the young fellas guarantee that indeed Ralf, they can do an eight hour shift.Too many oldies require too many smokoes and too often fall asleep on the job.The older blokes aren't keen on up skilling either ,whereas the young guns are eager to acquire new skills especially from older female trainers.I am a fully qualified trainer and you can find me at www. wombforimprovement.There are also excellent retirement options for the oldies at their local Men's Shed where they can grind and erect to their hearts content with well oiled tools. xxQ
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Smilingwithfun
10 years ago
The working place lately has made work even tougher. When it visits a new workplace I have to wear rubber from head to toe. I'm in a mouth & at the moment of great joy I am unceremoniously pushed out into the cold. I'm then blamed for a mess. Or worse, I am spoken about like a 2nd class citizen, I hear, "You want to put that WHERE?" The person I'm attached to thinks that after great amounts of alcohol I am able to perform feats that I can't do when he is sober. There is great debate to how I'm measured. I'm often lied about. And to top it all off, my owner thinks with me sometimes rather with his brain.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Va Gina is paid less attention, has to work harder for job satisfaction and is also expected to handle the kids.
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RHP User
10 years ago
This could be classified as workplace discrimination :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
This is GOLD! If the penis wants a raise why not get a 100dollar bill tattooed on it.. That way it can watch it's money grow, play with it, blow it or watch others blow it..😃😃😃😃😃 Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
I love all the comments, but my client is a victim of bad management decisions, especially the short term corporate policy and clients services department, which at times contraDICt each other leaving him unmotivated and confused. He also wishes to dispel the erroneous notion of unskilled laborer. He is in fact a highly specialised technician with unique Tooling at his disposal, very much Attached to his work, always on call 24/7/365 , will go the extra mile, never turns down a client. He is a vital and influential member of his company, who's Inputs and Outputs are vital and essential to the smooth running of the larger community. He will not be held responsible for clients who frankly are Hard to please at the best of times. In light of all this Ball Busting and Nut Cracking critique, my client has instructed me to file for immediate separation and files for custody of the SAC. He will be packing up his Balls and leaving, once detached ;-p
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RHP User
10 years ago
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. 'I should be in charge,' said the brain, 'Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.' 'I should be in charge,' said the blood , 'because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.' 'I should be in charge,' said the stomach , 'because I process food and give all of you energy.' 'I should be in charge,' said the legs, 'because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.' 'I should be in charge,' said the eyes, 'Because I allow the body to see where it goes.' 'I should be in charge,' said the rectum, 'Because I'm responsible for waste removal.' All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? The ass hole is usually the one in charge!
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RHP User
10 years ago
THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL.SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.. SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED. BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WITH SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN!
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RHP User
10 years ago
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of breasts in there. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. I married my 'Miss Right'. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% ... ...it's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men... ...until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
The Rebuttal. Hands, mouth vagina and butt draft a response declining the request on the basis of "performance issues in the workplace"
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RHP User
10 years ago
After god had finished making Adam and Eve he had two parts left over. He casually discussed this with both of them and happened to mention that the first part, a penis, gave the ability to pee while standing up. Adam was beside himself with joy and begged and pleaded with God to provide him with the penis.Eve couldn't match Adam's enthusiasm for the penis so God installed it on Adam. With his new addition, Adam went about practicing and peed on everything he could find, he just couldn't stop playing with his new tool. Eve, now feeling a little left out, asked God what her part was going to be. God said, It's called a brain Eve!!
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PL1963
10 years ago
PMSL! A guy comes home from work with a mate, he says to the GLW, "Grab us a coupla' beers will ya' Darl, before it starts", she dutifully does so, his mate is impressed, this happens 3 or 4 times, the mate senses the wife's shortening temper, Hubby say's once more, "Grab us a coupla' beers will ya' Darl, before it starts", the wife walks in, slams 2 stubbies on the coffee table, turns to Hubby and says, "All I've done today is get you 2 fucking beers", Hubby turns to his mate and says "See mate, it's fucken' started already". FFffffffnnnnnaaaarrrr. Cheers P.L.
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PL1963
10 years ago
"Full set of unused Encyclopedia's", "No longer required, as Wife knows fucken' every thing". P.L.
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
ralf74. You are very funny tonight (careful you are getting close to being a near perfect woman). However, as you are aware men can only concentrate on one thing at a time, so too many topics here and can only answer one at a time. Please note to management. Mr Penis is on call 24/7/365, but quite often rejected for work he is willing to do, also has to carry two overloaded sacks most of the time which could be a WH&S issue, & possibly the cause / reason for early retirement, and as you mentioned, he works in hot, sweaty, dark, wet physical environment, and the main point: generally ONLY EVER WORKS WITH A C**T, except for the odd beating by hand or chewing out. Definitely danger, abuse and overtime money required.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'ag4mg92' I love your creativity. Cracked me up this morning, just what I needed. Mwah Mary xx It was a joke I received via email :)
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6exxy
10 years ago
Planning penis retirement after 60 so I also need a better retirement plan! Any suggestions?
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
OP. It appears to me Mr Penis has already gotten a raise just looking at the boss. Did not have to do any work at all. That was easy. I suspect he could get a raise several times a day (and more at night), before he has even done any work
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
Unfortunately he gets a reduction immediately after he has done all the hard work. Go figure
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Quoting 'PL1963' "Full set of unused Encyclopedia's", "No longer required, as Wife knows fucken' every thing". P.L. Who needs encyclopedias when there's google...but ails the wife still knows fucken everything! Foxy
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passion8_l
10 years ago
He said: I don’t know why you wear a bra, you don’t have much to put in it. She said: You wear briefs don’t you She said: What are you doing coming home half drunk? He said: It’s not my fault I ran out of money He said:Since I first laid eyes on you I’ve wanted to make love to you in the worst way She said: You succeeded He said:Shall we try a different position tonight? She said: That’s a good idea, you stand at the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart He said:What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give you She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror He said: Lets go out and have some fun tonight She said: Okay, but if you get home first leave the hallway light on He said:Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm She said: I would but you’re never there Priest said: I don’t think you will ever find another man like your late husband She said:I pray you’re right One morning while making breakfast a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said "if you firmed this up we could get rid of your control top pantyhose". While this was on the edge of intolerable she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said "You know, if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra". This was beyond a silent response so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis and said "You know, if you firmed this up we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man and your brother".
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
An old man and his wife were at the doctors. Doctor - OK Mr Smith, Im going to need a blood, urine and stool sample. Mr Smith, rather hard of hearing, turns to his wife - "What did he say?" Mrs Smith - "He wants your underwear"
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RHP User
10 years ago
While on holidays in NZ an elderly gent was trying to be talked into bungee jumping. No fucking way, he stated, I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I'm not going out from the same thing!!
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