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RHP

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M41

"There were two in the bed, and the insomniac one said..."

August 26 2012

Confession time. I've never co-habited with a lover. Don't get me wrong, I love sleepovers, and falling asleep with someone wrapped up in my arms (but I'll also happily go li'l spoon!) But historically I've been a serial single-r. In the times when I have been dating, we've both had our own places, so though we'd have a few nights on, we'd then have a few nights off. I'm a terrible sleeper: tossing and turning with the weight of the world on my shoulders; weird hours; sprawled out like an installation artwork; thunderous snoring like the cave trolls of Moria. I need my space every now and then, so I've often wondered how I'd go with some poor tortured partner(s) having to tolerate me 365 days a year (and 366 in a leap year). I suppose when it happens I'll need to invest in a comfortable couch to be kicked out to? To be honest, sometimes I find the sharing a room thing a bit baffling. Great for sex and economics, but for a bed's main purpose? Something to get used to. There's that classic parable about the wife who hates her husband's snoring at first, and then over the years gets used to it, and grows to love it, so that when he dies she finds it difficult to get to sleep without it. I have no doubt this is the case for many, but it's something that seems to strange to me personally, but so normal to the vast majority of couples in the world.So couples in particular, but anyone, really: how do you do it? Did it take adjustment? Are there times you just wish you could stretch out alone, or do you spend a night away and feel lonely in the vast expanse of your bed? For those that were in long-term relationships but came out of them, how did you find your newfound physical sleeping arrangements? etc. etc.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    It's big enough that, if she were to be not in the mood, I wouldn't be able to catch her. Unfortunately, I'm much slower so she always catches me but once I've been molested, there's plenty of room for both of us to stretch out. I think she sleeps well. If she were to have trouble I wouldn't know about it. I couldn't hear her over my snoring.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Self confessed terrible sleeper here, just like you Neptune. Kj likes to coil up in a little ball and chase me round the bed, andsometimes gets the shits when I chuck the covers off and have to have one arm and leg hanging out, especially when it's really cold, and I then stick said hand betweenher legs for warmth.....lolKj and I have been together for a long long time, so I don'treally remembe the adjustment period, but it is nice to have someone to cuddle up to, especially when Delroy is on the radio and we try to beat each other on the quiz,but I like topic of the day best, cause she usually beats me, bitch!Though to this day I do quite enjoy having the bed all to myself sometimes.Cheers Felonius

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I am reliably informed have separate bedrooms.In fact historically speaking it was a sign of wealth .The poor of course including progeny, usually crowded into one room and one bed. So Mr Drift, declare that you are a closet royalist and follow the example set by our monarch...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I think I may be in a worse predicament than you, Neptune, in that I've never been able to stay the night (unless I'm planning not to engage in any sleeping activities ;) ). I'm an incredibly light sleeper and the slightest movement or noise jolts me awake, and I even have trouble sleeping in the same ROOM as someone if they're an incredibly restless sleeper or foghorn snorer. To be able to sleep in the same room as someone, I need to be absolutely and utterly exhausted. When I've been travelling with friends and family and we share a room for the economics' sake, I have to be the one to hit the sack first, to get a head start. Even sleeping alone, I have a tendency to wake up some mornings lying across the narrow side of my bed, head dangling off the side, arms and legs entangled around the doona, and the pillow either at my feet or off the bed completely. Sure, on some occasions I've offered people to stay the night more out of politeness than anything else, but I know I'm setting myself up for a sleepless next six or so hours...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    After sharing a bed with a snorer for over 10 years, it took having a fan on (summer and winter) to sleep by my lonesome. The burr of the fan replaced the snoring - and I didn't have to wake up to roll the fan over to stop the snoring nor did I have to go to the couch just to get some sleep!Now 3 years of sleeping by myself, spent a night with someone recently - and I did not get any sleep at all. I knew there was a reason why I don't do sleepovers.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I have been on my own for around seven years and prior to that my ex and I did not share a room. It has ben 12 years since I slept with someone else in my bed.... My new partner and I have great difficulty in sharing our space. It takes me around three sleepless nights before I can nod off in his bed. It is just because everything is so different. I do find that counting backwards from 299 helps still the mind enough to drop off to sleep. Counting forwards is no good as I can do that and think of other things as well but counting backwards, the mind needs to think about the next number. He snores...loudly....and I know I have been known to snore as well. I take up much space and he can sleep right on the edge of the bed. Neither one of us will sleep all night long without waking at least once. But I still want to snuggle up next to him all night long. I like going to sleep at night listening to him snore and I like knowing he is there when I wake in the night. I especially like waking up next to him in the morning. We dont spend many nights together and I like the smell of him on my pillows after he has been here for a night. . Sharing your space is something that you just get used to...slowly...one night at a time...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    But nowdays I have a king sized bed. Best investment I ever made! As for co-habitation - you must have your own space to hide away from each other. A spare bedroom, a spare living area, whatever it might be, individuals deserve to feel solo, independent, free, from time to time. I was heading for divorce until we got a second television in a room down the back where he could watch sport to his heart's content, without me wanting to strangle him. We divorced later, of course, but I'm sure that extra tv and solo space saved us for 5 years :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Hi! Neptune_drift:) Thanks for the Topic.. I was Married for 28yrs ..My Husband snored like a Volcano erupting within cms of My ear .. You know slow deep rumbling in his throat rising of his chest ..Then an eruption that spits into the air sometimes getting me ....Well he did that several times a night for all those years.. I tried making recordings so he could hear his snoring...to no avail..Once when we were away I took the opportunity as I couldn't sleep due to his snoring and recorded it on video .. When we were showing Family our Holiday video ..right in the middle was the bit of him snoring ..what I didn't realize was he was Naked no covers on at all ..Luckily he was on his side covering his bits .. But everyone just cracked up laughing it was so funny and red suited his complexion ha!ha! I never got used to it I just went slightly deaf in the highest and lowest range .. Industrial Deafness they called it He He!! After we broke up it was hard sleeping alone for a little while ..funnily not because I missed his snoring but My bed seemed so big and his side of the bed felt cold and unfeeling.. his scent still lingered... After a short time I revelled in the space I had to spead out in... The years since I make use of it all unless I've a Lover sleep over ..I rarely do unless I've known him awhile because I snore nothing too loud .. I know it and feel self conscious..Even tho; I explain it and the guys are so cool about this issue.. If they do stay they sleep.. I just have a nap not allowing myself to go into a REM sleep if Possible so I don't snore ..I make up for lack of sleep when they leave he!he! An Update to My Husbands snoring and a bit of a Giggle.. After he Married again he Laser surgery ..Not long after the operation he went camping with some Mates on a Goat shooting trip .. After he had been asleep for awhile His Mates asked him to move about 50mtrs away because his snoring was keeping them awake ..He!he! They slept better but he still kept them tossing because he could still be heard,.. He was very put out by the whole thing I know because he told me about it the next day I did feel sorry for him..We're still like Family even better I don't have to listen to his snoring he!he! Enjoy Cheers Lu :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I would be if my great 7 kg lump of feline furriness didn't insist on sleeping with me. Have to say though I much prefer him in my bed all night than a man. My husband was a snorer, so much so he drove me to a single bed in the spare room! Now after being alone for over a decade I find I cant sleep with someone else sharing my bed.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    It's very common neptune.   I don't think humans were designed to sleep on each other (so to speak lol). So common for people in relationships to live seperately. You always hear of people complaining....'he farts all night'....or.....'she snores like a hog' etc. It's something most people don't tend to think about but if you actually ask yourself the question most would say yeah i like having my own sleep space.   That is the step back and look at it approach....personally i don't mind sleeping with someone else plus the cuddles are gold :)

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    It's something you just get used to, the bed, the room & surrounds. Whenever we sleepover somewhere, the first night is always restless. Funny thing as well, if we swap sleeping sides it means a bad night too.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I've been told I snore sometimes. Though not with any great vulgarity. I think it's related to trying to eat the whole elephant at the dinner party. But none of my partners have ever done more than make passing comment. "Ok the place we are looking for is just around the next left. Look for the letterbox with the seagull on it. Oh and you snored a little last night."But I do love my own bed to my self. But as chance would have it, the lady of April returned from out of the blue a few weeks back and last night we had a lovely sleep over. The first in months. Go me!! But it's not really the sleeping that's lovely, we both tossed and turned a little. Then I dreamed a tsunami hit Perth. I think when you get use to your own bed, it's hard to go back and share.Besides, the totally joyous duna rippling morning fart has to then be taken outside. That's a drag..

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Sometimes I sleep in his arms and sometimes we spoon. It didn't take long to get used to after years of sleeping on my own. Seems weird to sleep without snuggling now.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Seperate rooms at home, though when we were married we had the same bed.   Now were divorced its the royal , we do not do sleep overs in each others bed , but we do have times to be in each others bed for talks and anything else that pops up.   Funny enough when we travel we share a bed but then we are both so exhausted its easy to sleep together then.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    i was so well trained my ex only had to think of launching that pointy elbow into my ribs and i would roll over... a very light sleeper, she would wake up if a cricket farted in the next paddock, so i had to learn the way's of the ninja and premeditate my roll over to avoid those vicious elbows. Having lived alone the last 18 months, subconsciously i think i have become a tad comfortable with this arrangement, and probably sneak a few cheeky snore's in while laying on my side too.... i have a very smart dog, but she hasn't learnt to elbow me yet...

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  • Mr_MrsJones

    Mr_MrsJones

    12 years ago

    I remember when I got married all those years ago (14) I was informed that no-one would be sleeping on the couch EVER!. To be honest no one ever has, except if they fall asleep in front of the TV!. I (Mrs) am a terrible insomniac as well. I have been known to get up and do the ironing at 2 am as well as various other things. Mr suffers from sleep aponea and so there have been times when I have retired to another bed to escape from the snoring but by and large we sleep together. I think it is very important for married people to sleep in the same bed most of the time. We do all sorts of things in bed apart from sex, talk, cuddle, bond, eat toast, have midnight snacks when we get home from being debaucherous etc. When Mr Jones is away I don't find I sleep any better and sometimes it is lonely all by yourself. I don't think I could handle sleeping alone on a long term basis.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    lol I am a very sound sleeper, I've had an ex say that I could sleep through anything. Snorers don't worry me, I still managed to sleep. I tend to stay on my side of the bed while sleeping though, once someone touches me I'm awake. Sometimes that's a good thing but not if they tend to move a lot when they are sleeping.   Hot water bottle is always good, I don't even mind them in Summer. :-)

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