Thoughts and stories on ghosting.

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  Ghosts are gutless wonders. Had my fair share. If someone isn’t for me, I politely tell them. Courtesy costs nothing, you don’t have to be savage... we’re not everyone’s cup of tea but at least have the cojones to end the chat like a grownup.

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  ExhibitionistEve

  4 years ago

  Maybe they didn't realise they weren't interested in taking it further until they'd gotten to know you more. Sometimes you have to get a feel for someone before you're sure, and obviously something you said made them realise you're not a good match. Rejection sucks for everybody but people are allowed to change their minds, and we're not entitled to anyone's time or explanation if they don't feel like giving it. Of course in an ideal world they'd let you know. I try to always give a polite "thanks but you're not quite what I'm looking for". But after some of the stroppy responses I've gotten back, I 100% understand why many people don't bother and find it simply less effort to ghost. I'll also admit I'm guilty of biting off more than I can chew in the number of people I reply to, when I only have limited spare time to maintain those chats, so I have to prioritise and have been guilty of letting a few slip here and there without meaning to 'ghost' anyone. It happens. I've been on the receiving end too. I consider it a necessary part of the online dating experience, and each person who decides they're not interested is leaving room in your inbox for someone else who is.

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  Kokoflamingo

  4 years ago

  Its because they are really attached and the chat and anticipation of a meet is all they can offer.

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  click_lick

  4 years ago

  Happens often. I just assume that whoever I was messaging with got fed up...maybe they were trying message 5 profiles simultaneously. Then they got fed up and put away the smut phone for a few weeks. And ghosting is easy...a lot easier than writing a message. All up...dont take it to heart. It is online dating. People don't owe you anything. Though I dislike it as well, giving people the benefit of the doubt.

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  sweetnyorkshire

  4 years ago

  even if its a rejection however sometimes we do forget.we must have been ghosted about 2 dozen times though when we have asked a profile to verify lol

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  Jayjay43432

  4 years ago

  I agree. You are chatting to someone and share a pic or two. We are all adults. Just say thanks but not my type and move on....

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  Mischeviouslad

  4 years ago

  I take a slightly different view to ghosting. Get over yourself ( lol ) Harsh? No, and i’ll explain. You really have no idea what is going on in someone else's life. Maybe they're ill, maybe they have family troubles, or financial troubles, maybe a previous friendship delivered for them and they dont require any alternatives...... .. or perhaps your own behaviour warranted the response where it was just easier to vanish than to deal with explaining to you why they were no longer interested.... and hear the inevitable fragile ego and bitter responses in this asylum. Or maybe you were indulging in hyper sexualised chat with someone you'd not even spoken to over the phone to confirm that they were the 30yo hot bodied woman in the (fake) profile .... but were actually a fat hairy 65yo man in a mouldy bedsit in England. Only you can objectively figure out if theres a reason due to you, although most people aren't capable of this kind of reflective thought. So....really, ghosting complaints tend to say more about the demands and expectations you have over others than it does about any potential 2-way friendship. They ghosted you. The ship chose to sail without you If you wanna go sailing, find a new ship! (and make sure the ship is real before you push to sail away on it) 😎

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  Absolutely agree! Yes, its very common. So pathetic and unnecessarily rude!

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  MsSuperFoxy

  4 years ago

  If you have not met, there really is no obligation, expectations or pressure to do anything. If someone I had not met, told me I had to "grow a pair" because they wanted me to do what they wanted, they certainly would not get a reply from me. Ms Foxy

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  EarthQueen

  4 years ago

  If nothing has really been established it's not a big deal. But if you have spent a decent amount of time talking, there's been some emotional investment and have met or have planned to meet and then you are ghosted I think it shows the level of emotional intelligence and maturity is low. We can all make excuses for the other person and say we don't know what they are going through blah blah, but really how hard it is it to just type a sentence to say "I'm not feeling it, all the best, I've changed my mind", or whatever. Yes, we are under no obligation to answer but a tiny bit of care for our fellow humans is not that difficult. Its so easy to do and then we can just move forward knowing the other person isn't left wondering.

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  I agree with you all and you have very good points. I thought I’d post this as it’s a good topic for all. I always give people a chance and have no expectations. No judgement at all, just get a bit over people wasting others time especially when they go to the extent of organising something and ghosting a couple of days before hand. If I say I’m going to meet someone I do so or I don’t arrange it. I guess your right as it could be someone that’s not single or maybe it’s me but either way it doesn’t take much to say they are no longer interested. Most woman say that guys just want pictures and videos but I assure you it is woman and couples that do the same. I have been swinging with my ex for a few years and now as a solo fella. People have different lives but just don’t waste others time.

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  I think ghosting goes beyond rudeness. A lot of research is out there on it. Some psychologists deem it a form of passive-aggression or psychological abuse. I suppose it depends on the scale. On the lower end, when it concerns people who have never met and have interacted for a short time, the impact may not be as strong - but even so, it's still not cool behaviour. If people have met and interacted for a period of time, the impact of ghosting is stronger. I think ghosting is more frequent when connected to any kind of online dating. It doesn't matter what type of dating site: casual (i.e adult) or otherwise. I think that is due to the perception of disposability as well as emotional distance/unavailability (for whatever reason). Either way, when it happens, then it's a clear sign to move on.

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