F55
Too much emphasis on coming?
November 15 2013
Comments
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Sexy for many is merely validation..... an ego feed, as if to verify to themselves and to others that they must therefore be attractive, worthy and capable. to which I say....Fuck that!... To me, it's fun, rewarding, and a connecting exploration. Orgasm is not a destination. DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
True, but it gives many people genuine pleasure to make their lover come, even if some of that may be a validation of their own skill... Nothing wrong with that is there?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree with DG... however... nothing says thank you like an orgasm But seriously, having an orgasm isn't the goal, making each other feel loved, feel special and feel happy is.I have had mind blowing sex where I've not come at all... and I've had dull unexciting sex where there have been multiple orgasms all round... also the reverse.An orgasm doesn't mean good sex, it means release. Generally the release makes you feel good.To be asked/allowed back for a repeat adventure means the sex was good. That makes you feel great.SG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Obviously an orgasm is a wonderful thing, but it is not necessarily the only indication of great sex.I have had some amazing experiences without having an orgasm at all!I get more annoyed with those that have the attitude that squirting is the be-all and end-all. If it's okay with you, I'll pass thanks!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Was that also how you felt in your 20's or is it a view which has developed over time and with experience?
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
In all honesty.... a bit of both. I've always viewed sex and sexuality a little differently to my peers..... My beliefs were tested by my asexual and dysfunctional ex.... But I've enjoyed my growth years ever since that era closed :-)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I often enjoy sex without the need to cum. However I do try very hard to make her cum least twice (just my thing) if I don't make her cum I don't see it as failed I see it more as a challenge
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RHP User
11 years ago
I personally think that some people do put to much into cuming. Its all about the pleasure & feel to me I once upset a lover because I didn't cum , she felt that she didn't turn me on enough
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RHP User
11 years ago
Personally I could cum a multitude of times but orgasm once. Cumming alone extends play time.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I saw a movie yesterday and the main character said..You can do almost anything to a woman except bore her....having an orgasm means nothing if the journey is boring....it doesn't mean that short journeys can't be amazing or that long ones cant be a bore....it's all about whether or not the person you are with,is even on the same bus..
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Mr_MrsAraps
11 years ago
When I was much much younger I probably would have said that coming is what matters most meeks. But as you get older you get wiser and realise that if one of you didn't come then what does it matter if it was great still for both of you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't think porn has much to do with it actually. How many times have we read that a woman doesn't feel as though she's "done her job" if a man doesn't?? It makes some women feel less sexy, attractive, etc or so I have noticed through the forums, and from personal experience. One thing though that I've noticed with myself, was that since the breakdown of my marriage some 4 years ago - and having spent the proceeding 12 months on anti-depressant medication, though no longer on them - I have quite a hard time in orgasming/cumming/ whatever. Yes, this IS a very big source of frustration for me, as I've been asked "was I not good enough?" or similar. That just makes me even more insecure about it, as then I start to feel as though I haven't performed very well myself either. Why can't I give this gorgeous person the fruits of her labour?? On the same token however, it gives me such a boost if my partner does cum. It makes me feel validated, sexy, and that my partner is really turned on by me as a person as well as physically. I wish I knew the answers Meeks, but I do believe there IS too much focus on cumming. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
More information, please!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I probably read too many romantic novels as a kid... my stated thoughts have been there since as far back as I can remember having thoughts on sex. To me sex, be it rough tear the sheets screaming acrobatics or the slow sensual caressing type with lots of kissing and touching... ... sigh... where was I? oh yeah, sex is about the experience between two (or more) people and should be about everyone's pleasure. Maybe that is just the hopeless romantic in me or the fact that others pleasure is my kink and has always been my kink and always will be.SG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes absolutely, however most women (well I know I certainly did) believe that men can come easily and get a hard on at a drop of hat. So yes, if it doesn't happen a few times a woman will automatically start thinking she is the problem. That is just the way us chickees think. Since, I have "sexually matured" and I have been in group type situations where men don't come every time and make the effort not to as well and reading men's thoughts on the subject over the years on this forum and understanding all the different mental and physical things that can affect a man .......... I now don't automatically expect that a man has to come all the time and that there is nothing wrong with that. Although nothing like watching your lovers come, it is hot! So my preference is that we all come if possible, but I am not going to sweat it if it doesn't happen.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I try to put it off for me, because once I finish I become a giant, useless paperweight. It's like somebody pulls the plug out on a computer - we skip the shutdown process and go straight to a useless blank screen. Needs a good half hour or so before I can reboot.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well said ma'am and I must say yes it is hot when a partner cums....that release of tension, the wave of pure bliss from that high is just beautiful - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting Meeka "Can you have good / amazing sex without an orgasm?" Anyone here practice Tantra?
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RHP User
11 years ago
If I had a choice.. an hour of kissing and touching my partner ABOVE the waist or 10 minutes of foreplay that leads to an orgasm I would take the hour of kissing! For me orgasm isn't the determination of whether a 'session' has been a turn on or successful.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Often have partied hard and havent been able to cum despite a long sexual session. ( t'was an ego boost) . The job was finnished quite quickly the next morning and i was painted as a generous partner. Didn't look that gift horse in the mouth
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think there is a high expectation to orgasm. I certainly heard about it when young and naive, and if you asked anybody then they would say if you have to ask you haven't.so even now i wonder if there is more to it, but i can't relax that far. and I've had some fantastic sex, not always with orgasm, and tbh, still not 100% sure on how you know. in the past i had partners say sorry for not orgasming, even if i hadn't said a thing. and like a PPer, i also thought it was easy for a guy. now i know better
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