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RHP

RHP User

M49

Trouble being all things to all people (reprise)

February 06 2013

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rhp

I posted this over the secrets men's business section... but it was too secret (zero replies), so I'm reposting here. I'm more than happy for the ladies to answer, but it really is a question directed at the fellas."Cutting through the criteria check-lists and preconceptions is tough.I'm wondering if any of the other (primarily) hetero* focused guys here have thoughts on how to navigate through sites like this one.When one woman says she like intelligent men, does she mean only Mensa members, or just someone who shares her perspectives and ideas of 'common sense'? One woman's view "maturity" could be exactly the same as another's idea of "youth" (even if the women are the same age). Similarly, physical attributes - for example, I've got body hair, but I don't look like Ron Jeremy (in any respect, sadly). I've even had lovers in the past say to me "you turned me on to the manliness of body hair, grrrr". So, I can't lie in my profile, but if I put hairy have I just cut out 65% of the population who *prefer* smooth?And so it goes on...Do you lie? Do you fudge? Do you give a shit? Do you accept that you'll be passed up by possible matches and get on with life? Do you have some other magic formula for breaking through the profile matching filters? * I'm asking the question from my own perspective, that of someone who is interested in women, couples and groups (mfm, mff, mmf, ffm, etc), not gay or gay leaning, which is the only reason for "discriminating"."

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Since your arrival, you have been active and forthright on the forums. This allows a bit more of the flavor of your personality to be observed by the female clientel. The ones who get where you are coming from and feel an affinity with you through your opinions will then look up your profile. If they like what they see, they will get in touch. Often, if you are contacting them, they will check out your recent activity via your profile and again, your forum comments will come under scrutiny. It takes time but it's my understanding that the men who make themselves known through the social activities available here have better luck then those who simply check their inbox daily.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    jman when you look at the numbers online at any one time ,the number of posters is small.However it is impossible to know how many are reading or lurking..... Intelligence for me is not about MENSA,it is about emotional intelligence.Some highly intelligent people are just snoring boring,even unattractively arrogant..sooooo not sexy. I recently met a man who was completely not how he represented himself...he looked nothing like his profile photo,I had spoken to him on the phone but in person,he was not how I expected him to be. It happens,it is only when you meet someone in person that you know....just my thoughts.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Except this   First - be true to yourself as DG said.........spot on advice   Two - put the pics up..yes you will be judged on how you look physically - we live in a visual world and yes you will be judged...we all are..we all need that chemistry, that attraction...you will not appeal to all but hopefully to some   Three - do not lie about ANYTHING on your profile - including the odd little fudge..yep you will be caught out   Four - do not lie about your status..EVER ..dealbeaker............   Five - Be patient   Six - Get on with life - apparently people actually meet off this site.....yep they do ...     Just be you...the best you that you can be...   build it and they will come             Disclaimer: I follow all of my above advice and the reality is that you will spend endless Sat nites at home dvding it...and sipping on a red, with the dog and laptop as your company...........................sorry...........     .................it is what it is !!!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    All that is heartwarming and encouraging, even, Shinas, your closing caveat. Thanks! Keep on trucking, I guess!- Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Wish I had a dog and a laptop! KK xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    was here as a single guy many years ago...my advice would be to keep on plodding....patience is what will have you meeting people...patience and intelligent respectful messaging...be honest (women really like that) and be reliable (again they like this too) and act your age in your messages....dont behave like a feral and send 'juvenile' messages, and put together some pics that portray you in the most positive of lights.....its your profile and how you contact people that will lead you to meets...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I think it's great. You've put effort into it and I feel I know you much better than lots of the people here who only write a line or two, or even worse, use the templates! (I feel slack and should go and update mine)   And agree with Freya, intelligent means emotionally. Plus I like it if they can string a few sentences together...   Shame you're too far away for me.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    and I sincerely hope you are not lying ...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Do you lie? Nope. Seems pretty pointless, given that if/when you meet someone, the lie is exposed.Do you fudge? Nope. I cheescake instead.Do you give a shit? Nope. I'm not going to lose a wink of sleep over being ignored, rejected, or overlooked. I have far more important things to concern myself with.Do you accept that you'll be passed up by possible matches and get on with life? Yep. Their loss.Do you have some other magic formula for breaking through the profile matching filters? Nope, although I think a presence on the forums can be an asset, as it allows much more of yourself to show through than just a profile alone.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Absolutely play the truth card...we can smell a liar a mile away!!! Intelligence to me, is witty banter-not always sexual-showing a mature sense of humour, being able to give a compliment( and i dont mean "great tits!" and string a reasonable sentence together.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I'll answer any questions truthfully if asked, but when looking I sometimes have to bend/ignore people's criteria if I think we'll be a great match. I do this very selectively, and I don't get annoyed if people say no (or nothing at all). I will be myself (it's all I can be) but sometimes you have to rock the boat.Age (5 years difference from preference max), body shape, and location are the few things I'll "selectively ignore". Hair (I have a hairy chest) other things have to be taken into consideration depending on what a woman talks about in her profile (It's also why I hate empty profiles) but things like relationship, financial status, and safe sex are things that I won't bend on. Why these and not the former? Because I think these are held to be more important than the former qualities by people in general. I might be wrong, but I'm willing to discuss it.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Just be yourself, leave your expectations at the door and go with the flow. I was frustrated at one point where no matter what my initial message was, it was ignored. How do I know from a tiny little profile what a woman finds funny, witty blah blah blah, but then I just got over it and decided not try to appeal to everyone's needs/wants. Rhp women seem to be able to detect any hint of fakery.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Just be yourself that way you will attract the right people into your life.   About hairy, there are varying degrees from hairy ape to manly chest(chest hair) nothing wrong with some body hair.   Good grooming is a must nowadays (ie at least neat tidy, good hygiene)   Listening and understanding(or at least trying to understand) women, emotional intelligence, commonsense and logic is what most look for in a man/woman, some common ground, being able to engage in a decent conversation with each other.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    This is where I would usually quote Polonius, but I won't. Be yourself, make your choices and take your chances. And this above all else FTW! Be yourself :)

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