M62
Truth always even if it hurts.
October 03 2013
Comments
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Is always better to tell the truth so you don't have to remember the lie.A certain amount of respect is garnered by being truthful so even if the person is hurt, most of the time they will probably respect and appreciate the truth... even over a "little white lie".Sometimes the truth hurts so delaying the delivery may soften the blow, sometimes delaying the inevitable will cause more pain.Whatever the situation is, only you can decide when and how much of the truth you deliver based on your judgement of the recipients expected response.I expect everyone to be honest and truthful with me and I would never hold it against them no matter how much the truth may hurt.
-
Beachlover1999
11 years ago
I am a true believer in honesty, hate game playing and rotten communication, I am very honest and wear my heart on my sleeve, say it how it is. If I like someone I (guy or girl, professionally or personally) love to tell them.....geez isn't it good to make people smile and happy....well done good job! However op you are suggesting a more 'serious' type of honesty I suspect??? ie I met a girl from RHP last week should I tell my wife.com? I think its all about trying to cause the least hurt for the minimal amount of people. It is also about how the person then manages it......it can fester over time and destroys life's in less obvious ways....... Good luck........it's a mine field out there!!!
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Hurt me with the truth rather than comfort me with a lie.... Not sure who it was but I absolutely subscribe to this thinking.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
anyone who says they never lie,is lieing.....in what situation do you need to tell the truthOP.Apparently a lot of men think women can't handle the truth when it comes to relationships but like Kalie, I prefer the truth to obfuscation,avoidance or a downright lie....short term pain maybe,but that is far,far,better than lingering hope.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
IMOE.....It's called good ethics to tell the truth.It's hard sometimes but as they say.."Ya gotta be cruel to be kind" sometimes.Stop being Mr.Nice guy for starters!Sorry to say but Mr Nice guy gets no where.Women would rather be told the truth, fact and to the point...tell em straight up!No bullshit or lies to smooth thing over.To me that is an excuse if one say "I don't want to hurt anyone".If you tell the truth a woman will respect you more.If one can not tell the truth, it only lying to ones-self.FOXY
-
madotara69
11 years ago
There is many ways to tell the truth. To concentrate with telling it can be much more worthwhile than not.Mado
-
RHP User
11 years ago
is that everyone has their own version of it.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Withholding the truth when you haven't been asked directly is not the same as lying and is practiced daily by most people, corporations and governments. Only a hypocrite can admonish such behaviour while simultaneously floating through life without expressing an iota of indignation and contempt for their so called political 'representatives', the businesses they patronise and indeed many of their friends and even parents ... all of whom would be guilty of it to some degree or another.When you lied to your children about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny it was to foster feelings of joy and excitement ... albeit derived from a lie.In the face of a happy 20 year marriage when you chose not to tell your fiance 20 yrs ago you were having second thoughts were you being thoughtful of your resolve to conquer fleeting commitment fears or thoughtless of her feelings and right to know the momentary truth ... which was no longer true 3 months later and ever since ?You know that anti-wrinkle cream is not going to work but not only do you overlook the blatant lie and refrain from taking them to task ... you buy the damn cream ?Despite our communal protestations to the contrary the last thing we (seemingly) want is to be told the bold truth in a direct and confronting manner regardless of circumstance.It is a textbook example of cognitive dissonance.....So you have to decide for yourself based on the circumstances - there is no one size fits all answer IMO. So long as genuine concern for your beloved's well being is the motivation sometimes less is more when it comes to the cold hard "truth"
-
wingman2014
11 years ago
BUT. Tactfully - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
No exceptions.....ever! - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Telling the Truth is a Liberating Experience . Just a short time ago , I decided to put all my cards on the table and tell those around me how I really felt , what I really wanted and exactly what I was doing . I didn't think I was lying but in some areas I wasn't telling everything . Friends made me aware of the fact that omissions are as good as lies. That's cool , I'm always learning & the good Women of RHP have taught me many valued lessons on a wide variety of Topics . I never wanted to be thought of as a Liar but I dug a hole for myself and didn't want to hurt anyone . Now that I've got it all upfront , I feel as free as a bird ;) GG♒️- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
if I thought it would save someone unnecessary pain. Some truths dont need to be told if it has no lasting effects. Other times' you dont have a choice.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kaleidoscope' Hurt me with the truth rather than comfort me with a lie.... Not sure who it was but I absolutely subscribe to this thinking.- Posted from rhpmobile My thoughts exactly. And the truth will set you free.That all said, it's better tactfully revealed rather than rub their noses in it.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I would rather hear the truth, especially if it is a painful subject. When I am lied to like that, then later find out what it was that was true, I feel the same pain from finding out that truth, magnified by the fact that I was lied to as well. And then I start to question how many lies were there? Just the one? A few? Or was it all a lie?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
One way or another, the truth usually does come out
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'wingman2013' BUT. Tactfully - Posted from rhpmobile Best to do face-to-face!!FOXY
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I'm a huge believer in the importance of truth. I want to say truth, always, no exceptions. But I can't. Because what does truth mean? Your truth? My truth? Absolute truth? And what's the purpose of telling the truth always, no exceptions? To do the right thing by someone else? Or to live up to your own self-imposed standard of ethics that says always be truthful no matter the cost. Sometimes it would cost me more than it's worth to be truthful. If I'm at a bar and being hassled by a man, and I feel a little unsafe, if he asks me for my number I'll give him a fake one. I'm OK with that lie. When a colleague says "you don't seem yourself today, are you OK?" I'd rather say " thanks for asking, I'm fine, just run off my feed and distracted" than be honest and say "my heart's broken into little pieces today because I had a horrible fight with someone I love." That kind of truth doesn't help anyone. It compromises my much valued privacy and tells someone something I frankly don't want them to know. I'd lie, happily. I have a friend in my life who did some things a while back, and I was really upset about them. We drifted apart a bit because she moved location and got busy with some other things. Now and then she tries to touch base and wants to catch up. Mostly I dodge and weave. I don't want to catch up with her, what she did was a deal-breaker for me. But I don't want to tell her either. I know her well enough to know that she'll accept we've just drifted, and she knows me well enough to assume I'm distant because I'm quite an introvert compared to her, the extrovert. We can go our separate ways quietly, gently, and let the years blur the reasons. What would it cost if I told her the truth? She would be devastated - I have an opinion about her behaviour and actions that would shock and hurt her. There would be an irreparable rift between us, for good. We'd both deal with conflict that neither of us would enjoy. Sure, she might learn something about herself, but really, who tf am I to presume to know anything about anything. My truth is simply my perception of things, I'm happy to let her go with love. I'm happy to lie about why I can't catch up with her. But sometimes there are critical moments of truth. If my friend above asked me directly if I was avoiding her, I'd say yes and explain why. If she suspects, then she's not in blissful ignorance, and she deserves the truth, If I chat with a man and like him, then we swap photos and I'm not interested anymore, I tell him that and the reason why. I tell him I'm not attracted to him. Critical moments of truth are, in my opinion, those moments when lying is just you being a weasel, or lying has the potential to hurt the other person on the spot or at some later time. It's often those moments when, if you asked yourself what would I prefer if I was on the receiving end, you know you'd choose truth even if it hurt. It's not black and white, it's 50 shades of grey and more. As adults, if we have a good, kind heart, take responsibility for our actions, and strive to not hurt others, then our judgment should serve us well. And sometimes we'll still make mistakes.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I've used that quote before after seeing it on Facebook in one of those personal growth/strength things I get on my newsfeed..... But I suspect I'm not the only one though.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
The Truth within The Truth within The Truth ... GG♒️- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I've lied to protect feelings and failed miserably. . I've lied to stay out of trouble and that's worked more often than not. . I wear the consequences of my fuck ups and have done so in the forum before. . I lied a lot more in the first half of my life than I have in the second. . I've told the truth even though it's going to get me in trouble. . I've gotten in trouble even though I've tried to tell the truth. . I've had a huge amount experience of people lying for their own purposes. . I still usually trust people to tell the truth, but once I don't, that trust is going to have to be earned. . 'The Truth' depends on the point of view of the individual. .
-
RHP User
11 years ago
But I hope it helps all the same :-) . It's hard to say, not knowing your specific circumstances AllHard. There are times I wish I had definitely been more open about what was going on for me, there are times that still hang over my head brcause I wasn't. Smaller things like answering messages on RHP to say no seemed like the decent thing to do. (when I was here for more than the forums). Circumstances will depend, we are none of us perfect. Surely conscience weighs in too. Another individual thing. Cool thread, ta!
-
RHP User
11 years ago
and at 51 years of age you should know OP
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Those that say they do 100% of the time are the worst of all because not only are they lying to us, but also to themselves. There is such a thing as tact and diplomacy. There is such a thing as judging whether or not the truth will hurt the most or the deception will hurt the most. Each situation needs to be weighed on its own merits. I never set out to deliberately hurt anyone. I am not malicious and I tend to act in the best interests of those concerned. Will I lie? Not to save myself I won't but to save others I will yes!- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I really like what you said Hawks_gal it is interesting not knowing what the OPs truth is I didnt feel right asking but you have defined limitations to why or not so beautifully
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Love your answer :-) Mr Funky (.)(.) ) ( - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
-
him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kaleidoscope' Hurt me with the truth rather than comfort me with a lie.... Not sure who it was but I absolutely subscribe to this thinking.- Posted from rhpmobile I'm not sure either....but I like it :)
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'justforfunisall' I would rather hear the truth, especially if it is a painful subject. When I am lied to like that, then later find out what it was that was true, I feel the same pain from finding out that truth, magnified by the fact that I was lied to as well. And then I start to question how many lies were there? Just the one? A few? Or was it all a lie? I'm with justforfunisall. I speak in regards to the trust in a relationship between lovers/partners/spouses/etc. I keep very little from anyone and am pretty much an open book, but I do understand not everyone is like that. However, when someone says they care for me more than any other person they know, and they lie to me or are not telling me everything after I had repeatly asked and I later find out about it, I see that as a break in trust. And once that trust is broken, a lot of reinforcing is needed to regain that trust. I'd like to add that, if the relationship is to work - and both parties have agreed on all honesty and trust, this trust also means knowing both parties are able to communicate openly their feelings to the other without him/her getting upset and there is no uneasiness/discomfort/fear felt during any discussion. So yes - truth always, even if it hurts. And yes, best done face-to-face. I hope that helps and you are now less confused. Thank you for the great topic
-
RHP User
11 years ago
For a laugh -Be truthful now - Does my ass look big? *makes a quick exit before 1AllHard1 comes back and spanks me*
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Can be gotten around easily if the question is not clear enough
-
RHP User
11 years ago
A Big thank you to you all for posting your thoughts so far. I hope there will be more to come. It is good to get lots of people opinions on this subject and i am reading them all. Taking bits from each comment or whole chunks in some cases. It is being very helpful to me. Again Thanks everyone.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Good book to read if you'd like some perspective. I ALWAYS tell the truth, I can't control anyone else's emotions, or make their choices for them nor can I know how they MIGHT react to what I say or think. I'm a geuine person and it's NEVER my intent to hurt others SO! all that I can do is trust them to understand that about me and consider that when they try to interpet the meaning behind whatever I've said. If they (instead) choose to take it personally and choose to believe that I WANTED to hurt them (usually because of their own insecurities that they've ignored because others have lied to them about those same things) that is their choice, not one I can make for them, so my consiense is clear no matter what. Lies don't help anyone.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Not much more to add except that being lied to by someone you love or even just trust can be soul destroying. It ruins the trust you have in the world and makes you question absolutely everything in your world. It makes you feel like there is nothing solid under your feet upon which you can rely. It really fucks with your head and for me, required a lot of work to overcome. I'm talking big lies here.
-
Plain
11 years ago
If you lie you are damned and you are damned if you tell the truth. You or the person involved have to come to terms with either of these prospects, however the truth is better and more liberating than anything else. Life is complicated as it is these days why complicate matters more by adding another shade to it and the awful truth is there are consequences either way.
-
Beachlover1999
11 years ago
Foxy I agree many 'assumptions' can and do get lost in translation.com via email, text. If online communications can't be done face to face at least have guts to phone or FaceTime/Skype.......
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'tulips4u' Quoting 'justforfunisall' I would rather hear the truth, especially if it is a painful subject. When I am lied to like that, then later find out what it was that was true, I feel the same pain from finding out that truth, magnified by the fact that I was lied to as well. And then I start to question how many lies were there? Just the one? A few? Or was it all a lie? I'm with justforfunisall. I speak in regards to the trust in a relationship between lovers/partners/spouses/etc. I keep very little from anyone and am pretty much an open book, but I do understand not everyone is like that. However, when someone says they care for me more than any other person they know, and they lie to me or are not telling me everything after I had repeatly asked and I later find out about it, I see that as a break in trust. And once that trust is broken, a lot of reinforcing is needed to regain that trust. I'd like to add that, if the relationship is to work - and both parties have agreed on all honesty and trust, this trust also means knowing both parties are able to communicate openly their feelings to the other without him/her getting upset and there is no uneasiness/discomfort/fear felt during any discussion. So yes - truth always, even if it hurts. And yes, best done face-to-face. I hope that helps and you are now less confused. Thank you for the great topic Well said!!FOXY
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Great topic some great insights I especially like what Hawks-gal had to say I consider myse- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'funkyperthbicpl'Love your answer :-) Mr Funky (.)(.) ) ( - Posted from rhpmobile
-
ruby_blossum
11 years ago
You cant handle the truth.Cant remember which movie that was from, I think Jack Nicholson said the line.Applies to many of the women here...they make a statement about men not being truthful and when men reply with their truth they get all upset.What is that all about?Its been said many times (and by some of the men here)... men are quite simple creatures, mainly its the women who over complicate things.My experience here (forums) when I tell the truth I am set upon and called a liar. To the OP....stick to the truth, with tact, diplomacy and tenderness.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
and yes we are very simple.....
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Beautifully, simply said. Thanks Ruby
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry!
-
madotara69
11 years ago
Telling the truth is heavily weighted, by how embarrassing it would be caught in a lie.Mado
-
RHP User
11 years ago
What is the truth? You guys can't handle the truth ;) The truth is always between the lines, there is a deeper truth than what you are saying. If someone lies to me, they are telling me the truth about themselves, also, if someone lies to me, it says nothing about me and everything about them, so why would it bother me? This is a website for adults guys, where's the party at this evening? And don't lie or my feelings will be hurt :p- Posted from rhpmobile
-
Violetincredible
11 years ago
Before saying anything think about why you are saying it and the intention behind it... If the intention is not love or harmony don't say it. That's what I work by anyway. Often saying the truth has more to do with making yourself feel good rather than having good intentions towards the other person. Truth seems to change with time and perspective... Xxviolet
-
RHP User
11 years ago
A necessary evil. Lying is acceptable under certain circumstances. The way I see it, lying is a tool that has been mostly misused. A tool originally created to achieve things that cannot be gained through honesty. A tool used to do good. It's kind of... A necessary evil. A kind of good evil.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
NTswitch
11 years ago
A lot of people really dont like to hear the truth.... but lies hurt more in the end. I would much rather be know as truthful sinner than a lying hypocrit.- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
to yourself
-
Cheekyarses
11 years ago
Personally I would prefer to be told the truth.... I respect ppl who tell the truth as long as they too can handle the truth! Please do not comfort me with a lie :-) If you don't like me - tell me. If I ask a question - give me your honest answer or opinion. If my arse looks big n I ask you - tell me 'your arse looks too fat'
-
RHP User
11 years ago
The truth can me more damaging Sometimes People use being truthful to make themselves feel better. Unburdening ourselves may be good for us but does the recipient of our truthful confessions feel better afterwards Sometimes avoidance of the truth is much much kinder. Those of you who say they ALWAYS tell the truth and if someone else can't handle it. That it is not your problem sound just a little sanctimonious to me. Sometimes Ignorance really is bliss- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Struth the truth reveals all !!! Truth is like a forgoten language, To speak the truth you will be an outcast people do not accept nor understand the truth even when it is all around you every second of your life you cant handle the truth.!!!- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I have been the biggest pathological liar for 3/4 of my life until I met Mrs funky. I lied during those years to hide many secrets, being bi being abused, cheating on former wife, lied to friends to hide many secrets, so OP lying is a necessary evil of life, though it will at times consume oI es soul. OP you have been vague about in what context you are asking about lying, is it to a partner, love one, or as in my case with mrs Funky you knew you had something special that you had to come clean to keep her. In this case myself being bi,oh and a sexual deviate hahaha, see im being truthful, iwas shit nervous but she just lit up wanted to know everything, there begun our journey on the funky path. Not lying and being totally honest with someone is a very liberating joyess feeling, No secrets, not many can say they have this. I told two good friends I was bi this week and it was a great feeling, and I feel only strengthened our friendship. so if it's a potential partner you are posting this thread about, dude open up. But I could be way off the mark, you may want to tell family your gay, fess to cops about a crime, so who knows but I do feel you have posted this thread in the hope the majority of replies may be swayed towards the decision which you have already made and seeking approval But hey this funky dude has prob gone way off on a wrong tangent lol Mr Funky (.)(.) )*(- Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Spot on I say. I'd like to meet the person who lives their life telling the absolute truth in every moment no matter what. I love what violetincredible said also, about the intention behind telling the truth. There are plenty of people in this world who tell the truth - their version of it anyway - so that they can hurt someone else they believe deserves it. And someone else posted that not everything needs to be said, not every burden needs to be unburdened onto others. Exactly! Some truths can also wait. Have you ever felt strongly about something or believed something fully - let's call it 'your truth' - only to have the strength of your conviction waiver over time as you get more information or calm down or see things from another perspective? Suddenly what was true for you isn't quite so certain anymore. Truth in the heat of the moment, especially an emotional moment, is often the most fleeting of truths. The amygdala has a great deal to answer for. The emotional truth, rational truth, subjective truth, objective truth. Which is really true? I'm a pretty strong woman with a healthy sense of self and a reasonably thick skin in most circumstances, but I still say world, please don't unburden all of your truths on me. Unburden them on yourself first, make sure they're really real, make sure they need to be said, make sure I need to hear them, then feel free to tell it to me straight, but make sure you do so still with love for me as your fellow (wo)man.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Id rather the truth straight up ..than a heap of bs at least if ppl tell the truth, you can at least respect them for that and you both know where you stand ,making things a whole lot simpler than head games and bs
-
RHP User
11 years ago
You can tell the complete truth without hurting people with a little diplomacy. Have tact and be mindful of people's feelings. The problem is that truth is never easy to accept, and lies are easier to believe. Probably why I am so unpopular, I only deal in truth, logic and reason.- Posted from rhpmobile
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share