M55

Unrequited Love.......

May 05 2014

I am in a situation where I am so deeply in love with my ex partner that it is consuming me. We were together for about a year and have been apart for about a year and for various reasons it has been a really difficult road for us. The love we shared was profound, soul deep and truly beautiful. It is not likely that there will be a happy ending for me and that is incredibly painful to say the least. I still have such strong feelings for her that are so deep and heart felt and it is really sad that they are not reciprocated. She knows how I feel and I her as we have talked about this often. We get on reasonably well which is lovely but tough at the same time, and if you knew all of the circumstances you would understand the challenges that we have faced in both our lives together. The sad realisation that I have come too and struggle to cope with is the simple truth that I cant make her love me but I also cant make me not love her. So my question to RHP land is have you, or are you, a victim or recipient of unrequited love and how did that make you feel? Did you find a way through it. Was there a happy ending or just drawn out misery? Its a tough world we live in and finding true love is one of the hardest challenges we face. To those that have succeeded I say you are very fortunate and hold on to that dearly. Shane

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RHP User

11 years ago

Some people are like that, they find it hard not to move away from the love they feel. Love is however mutual and if you linger to long you make it harder for her and for yourself Sometimes its good to move away , start fresh someplace else but that's no always possible. I don't have an answer non of us do, its your heart and it has to take its own path I wish you wellLadyT

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RHP User

11 years ago

That is really such a horrible situation. It took me 3 yrs to get over my ex but i spent a lot of that time fighting for something he never wanted. It was truly a waste of my time and just kept me from dealing with it and moving on. I also had 2 fuck buddies that I had incredible chemistry with but could not be and I had found it hard in both of those circumstances to let go also. Other people come and go easily but when I am bitten, I am bitten bad. All I can suggest, like Lady T said...you need to remove yourself from the situation, take up some hobbies/sport/social groups whatever just to get your mind off her. Slowly you will wean yourself off her but if you keep pining, you are only going to drag out the inevitable. Good luck and I hope you can find that again with someone who can return the feeling

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RHP User

11 years ago

Hi Shane I was at that point 9 months ago. I confessed to the woman I was with for a little over 12 months the way I felt about her a week later she was breaking it off and just wanted to be friends. so I know how you feel. I could say just move on but its not that simple its hard to move on when there is no apparent reason for the break up all you can do is hope time helps you to move on probably not much help to you but your not alone cheers

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tamworthguy46

11 years ago

Hi MateI know how you feel, that your world has ended, the only thing I can say is that time heals, and Logic takes over from the broken Heart, and gives you reasons that you may not see yet ?Stay strong and, and it's ok to hold on to the Memory of a Beautiful thing that you once had, but now it's a memory, Like a moment captured in time, no one can take that away from you. Love and peace Tam

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Mischeviouslad

11 years ago

If you found her...... Logic says.....you can find another.... but only when you close that door and open a new one to make room for opportunity. Onwards and upwards. Enjoy what was, give yourself permission to allow space for what is and what may yet to be. DG - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Is the same as you, but I believe he was in love with the marriage,family life picture, not with me.he showed no love, interest and was incredibly abusive till I ended it a year ago. Now he can't let go and wants to start over and says there will never be another. To me love is kind,considerate and compassionate, it does not abuse, neglect and criticize, so I am of the belief he is In love of the picture perfect family, not the kids and I.hope this makes sense because it does in my mind.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Walking away is the hardest thing, but hopefully you will find the strength to do it. When my marriage ended I decided I was done with love. Then I met someone and it totally overwhelmed me. I acted like a fool and put it all on the line and he didn't want it. I made an ever bigger fool of myself and carried on texting him even though I barely heard from him in weeks. I finally decided no more, I sent him one final text and deleted his number so that I won't be tempted to send any more messages. I have resisted meeting other people in the hope that he might change his mind even though I know he won't. Now it's time to heal and start living my life again, even though my heart has more barriers around it than it did before. I'm worth more and so are all of you. L4Q

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chevtrek

11 years ago

Been there done that and it was no good.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Requited but impossible...now that's character building.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Tis a crap cliché however "Time heals all wounds"... that goes for heartbreak. I fell for a woman earlier this year... not pretty. I got over it by resigning myself to the fact that there are other beautiful souls out there who are worth my love. Be strong... you will find another love again one day... just where you least expect it and when you least expect it. SG

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madotara69

11 years ago

Though a long time ago I thought I was in love with a girl and lived with her for three years, I caught her with another guy and we split up, and I reckon the feelings would be similar to yours. I was given some advice and it may seem harsh as it is blaming yourself. Now that is not for any other reason than you don't have all the answers and part with missing the love is the head-miles, from unanswered questions that go around and around and the only way too really stop them is having a conclusion, letting them rest as they have that answer for better or for worse, blaming yourself can lift a lot of weight off the shoulders. I did find real love and have never looked back, well sometimes I do and it's a nice feeling that I managed to get over that girl, by blaming myself and moving on, it put me in a better place for when I met Tara. Good luck, it's a terrible bunch of feelings. Mado Mado Tara xx

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Dryphuz

11 years ago

you're still seeing too much of her... It's really hard to move on with constant reminders of the good times. Once you've got some decent distance, yeah, time heals all wounds. But the scars may always be there. I still have feelings for everyone I've ever fallen in love with, but distance is what helps me put that aside and look for a new love.

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Way2go70

11 years ago

Thanks everyone, There is nothing rational that has been said that I don't already know and understand I guess. Try to get my irrational mind to see that though is another thing entirely....... And that is the basic fundamental problem in situations like I find myself in, all rational thinking goes out the door.... It really is tough to lecture yourself, believe it and then do something about it. Its funny because I was always one to offer wonderful insightful advice to others (cynical....) but cannot bring myself to take my own advice, or others. Such is the power of our heart and the emotional strength it creates. They say love is a powerful drug and that is true both in a very wonderful way but also a very destructive way, as I am finding. Thanks for all the kind remarks, words of wisdom and shared experiences. Cheers,Shane x

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RHP User

11 years ago

I go straight to my music folder and play Cal Smith "An hour and a Sixpack" and I go... "Fuck YEAH!!!!!" I just got home and found a note That you left lying on my pillow case You say you're leaving me You found another man to take my place And then you wish me luck And say you hope that I'll get over you somehow Honey I won't even know your name An hour and a six-pack from now You're an hour and a six-pack Away from not existing anymore An hour and a six-pack And I won't care how much I cared before Watch the clock pop-the-tops Swallow all the pain and then the pride And with all that we had going baby don't it hurt you knowing My love is just an hour and a six-pack wide I never was the kind of man who liked to stand And rummage through the ashes When it's gone then it's gone Take it out and leave it where the trash is If you think I'll be missing you This time tomorrow baby drop around I'm an hour and a six-pack Away from being over you right now You're an hour and a six-pack Away from not existing anymore An hour and a six-pack And I won't care how much I cared before Watch the clock pop-the-tops smile And settle back and go to sleep And with all that we had going don't it hurt you baby knowing My love is just an hour and a six-pack deep Maybe I am a cold callous old fart.. but Mate.. GTFOH

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madotara69

11 years ago

Cavey, true love is when at the end of a piss up, you can carry the girl of your dreams home, drunk and passed out....like a six pack.

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RHP User

11 years ago

Absence of love when love ceases to be is simply pain..... All the advice in the world is really not going to help you..I wish it was that easy to find the one cure for a broken heart....the reality is,it's just not that easy to find love,so no platitudes from me OP....enjoy all the other aspects of your life,all the people that love you...romantic love is only one permutation of love,recognise the others and celebrate them.xx Q

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RHP User

11 years ago

Absence of love when love ceases to be is simply pain..... All the advice in the world is really not going to help you..I wish it was that easy to find the one cure for a broken heart....the reality is,it's just not that easy to find love,so no platitudes from me OP....enjoy all the other aspects of your life,all the people that love you...romantic love is only one permutation of love,recognise the others and celebrate them.xx Q

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cleopatrababe

11 years ago

I was married to a man who showed little love , compassion or respect to me , i was a caring loving giving wife and mother , he had it all with me , but he abused me and put me down and my son learnt to do the same to me and to his gf ,, he is now in jail for harming her ,, I loved this man so much i look back on that time and realize i needed to learn to love myself , i met someone 3 years after the seperation , he was young er than me and i fell hard , he was amazing he loved me so i thought for 6 mths he was in my blood , he walked out on me i died inside i never thought i could bear the pain i cried every day , 3 years on he is still in my heart but im ok with it all you will survive u will not die u will learn to love again so my dear man i bless u with all the compassion and wish there was something to help u but its strength that gets u through good luck

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RHP User

11 years ago

The emotional pain is so unbearable you wonder how you can ever bear it, if it is so bad there is nothing wrong in seeing a counsellor to get it off your chest. If you know in your heart of hearts that it is never going to be, best to try and detach yourself from the emotions for awhile til you are ready to deal with them as the pain maybe too unbearable at the moment. As mentioned try and immerse yourself in something like a hobby, activity, study, work so you are not just focusing on the relationship issue, you will go through a form of grieving and it is different for each and every individual,just find what works for you. Do things that you enjoy to keep up the endorphins and serotonin levels this will keep you from falling into a deep depression. It will take time to heal, how long depends on the individual, just keep busy, and who knows, the person you thought was the only one in the world there maybe someone else to enter your life(when you are ready), just take time for the wounds to heal and take this time to truly find yourself, maybe take time to sort out other unresolved issues so you can move forward, and for those issues you can change because they are not in your control find a way to deal with them then move on

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RHP User

11 years ago

For starters, I don't pretend for one moment claim to know what you're feeling, and I'm sorry for what you're going through. I do know that when my ex-girlfriend told me completely out of the blue it was over with no real answers - to quote Huey - "hit me like a hammer...". I just couldn't comprehend how a few days before we were just soo happy and then it was gone. The only thing she said was that she just didn't love me - boom. No more answers than that after nearly 2 years. At the time I just couldn't understand it. 2 weeks later I made a last ditch attempt thinking I wasn't going to just give up without having 'tried my best' so I went back for another round of rejection. It took me 6 months before I sought any real help about it, and it's amazing what 6 weeks of counselling can do for you. 12 months later and I was back to normal again. My advice is, make the decision to accept it's done. Know that it's going to take time, you'll be over it when you're over it. Don't keep pining over memories of past good times. Going through 1000's of past photos is a no no.Yes they might have been good times, but they are not going to help you now. You only have so much time for this life, spending it wishing for something that ain't going to happen is time lost. I don't know whether you have kids etc in the mix, but if you can avoid having to see/talk to her or remind yourself of her, it'll help in my opinion. Find a hobby to keep your mind occupied - I'm not saying bury it, just don't keep it at the forefront of your mind. For me it hurt like hell for months, I had the odd good day in between, but then after time, you have a few more good days, then one day you just wake up happy again, and bam, hello world. I don't mean to trivialise anything either, but from what I've read, it's done, time for the next phase to begin.

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Dryphuz

11 years ago

Quoting 'Way2go70' Thanks everyone, There is nothing rational that has been said that I don't already know and understand I guess. Try to get my irrational mind to see that though is another thing entirely....... And that is the basic fundamental problem in situations like I find myself in, all rational thinking goes out the door.... It really is tough to lecture yourself, believe it and then do something about it. Its funny because I was always one to offer wonderful insightful advice to others (cynical....) but cannot bring myself to take my own advice, or others. Such is the power of our heart and the emotional strength it creates. They say love is a powerful drug and that is true both in a very wonderful way but also a very destructive way, as I am finding. Thanks for all the kind remarks, words of wisdom and shared experiences. Cheers,Shane x That's love. The least rational thing in our lives. It does help to vent though. To tell others how you fee and the people here on the forums are very supportive and willing to listenl. Although all we can really do is pat you on the back and say "there, there ol chum". Or try to appeal your rational brain who's pretty much powerless in this situation. Distraction as well as distance is all you can do and don't try telling yourself its wrong to feel the way you do. It's not. If you truly love her then this is what it feels like. eventually the rational side will gain the upper hand again. I pity those who've never felt the painful bite of true love in the first place... Its a good hurt... When you've travelled down the road a bit you look back fondly on those times you were in love, regardless of whether it was requited or not. Having been in love is the only part you'll remember. Keep on. It gets easier.

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Unrequited Love.......

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