F51
Validations: How many is too much?
June 30 2016
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
I don't mind one or two non sexual validations for either sex . Too many is off putting for me, or too much graphic detail but one or two is good because at least you know they are legitimate people.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Only ever had one validation..that was from a forum friend who I have met in real life. So many validations are of the template kind unfortunately..but hey "don't pass up the opportunity to meet her you won't be disappointed " ..what does that even mean?..is it a euphemism for "bangs like a dunny door"perhaps 😈 Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Well as far as I am concerned... the last thing I look at is validation... I want to validate a person myself... I spoke to Lily ages and ages ago... validated she was real... nothing came of it... but she was as she is on here... a logical, intelligent and I assume sexy woman. But does she seek validation... If I saw a person with mant sexual validations... I would run a mile.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I don't object at all to what I would consider ''social validations'' although I've usually texted/talked to most anyone that would likely assume from either that I'm real...nor would I ask anyone to do that let alone care. The other side of the coin... sexually- based validations? Maybe one but beyond that no thanks...I don't have nor would I wear a T-shirt that said ''I got lucky todat and her name is ......'' Just a but crase for me. I did come across a woman who had sent me a flirt and there was the scoreboard... she'd just under 40 sexually-based validations which prompted me to ask how long she had been here. The answer ''not quite 2 years'' then told me she'd been doiing ''just as well'' on another site! In a word.... no. There is a bit of metaphor about a screen door bangin' in a windstorm but being a gentleman... ...I won't go there.
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Seachange
8 years ago
I just received an offending PM that having many sexually based validations is none of my business and that I am jealous. Lol. Not at all jealous. Just curious what people who have this on their profile are trying to get out of it and whether it does work for them. I am trying to understand the psyche or motivation behind the numbers, so my apologies if it did not come across that way. So people, before I get anymore nasty PMs, please understand this is not a personal attack nor being on my high horse. Please don't take it negatively as I said, it is a personal preference. If it works for you, that is fine. Thanks for your contribution. I think other people would like to hear your perspective. Back to regular programming.
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PatchworkGirl
8 years ago
I've only left one validation for someone, and I've got a few sitting there waiting to be approved, or not, as the case may be. I guess I'm just a bit ambivalent about them - I'm not sure about advertising myself like that? And I also think purely sexual ones, particularly of the template kind, are a bit impersonal. Plus, sexual experiences are such a subjective thing - what rocks your world may leave me feeling flat, and visa versa. I guess it could also have something to do with what you're looking for. If you are part of a couple who shows up when they say they will, validations which attest to that can't be bad. If you're a man who isn't selfish as a lover, validations that shout out your sexual praises can't hurt. So, for me? I'm looking for meaningful connections with people. I don't think that's something you can tout about in 20 words or less. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange
8 years ago
Quoting 'Mstr_Full' Well as far as I am concerned... the last thing I look at is validation... I want to validate a person myself... I spoke to Lily ages and ages ago... validated she was real... nothing came of it... but she was as she is on here... a logical, intelligent and I assume sexy woman. But does she seek validation... If I saw a person with mant sexual validations... I would run a mile. Ok. Fair enough but how many is 'many' to you? Can you put a number or range to it? Over 5? Over 10? Etc.
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Seachange
8 years ago
Quoting 'PatchworkGirl' I've only left one validation for someone, and I've got a few sitting there waiting to be approved, or not, as the case may be. I guess I'm just a bit ambivalent about them - I'm not sure about advertising myself like that? And I also think purely sexual ones, particularly of the template kind, are a bit impersonal. Plus, sexual experiences are such a subjective thing - what rocks your world may leave me feeling flat, and visa versa. I guess it could also have something to do with what you're looking for. If you are part of a couple who shows up when they say they will, validations which attest to that can't be bad. If you're a man who isn't selfish as a lover, validations that shout out your sexual praises can't hurt. So, for me? I'm looking for meaningful connections with people. I don't think that's something you can tout about in 20 words or less. - Posted from rhpmobile I have had a couple of my fwbs send me validation, of the template kind. Bless their cotton socks. Nice of them and unsolicited by me. They were just happy to validate me I suppose. I did not accept the validation and just deleted them. I am not sure how I feel about the 'lots of stamina' bit as well. Makes me look like an energizer wabbit. In another thread somewhere in the ether, I have mentioned how I met one guy for a drink only, and I was not really attracted to him. Nothing came of it. However, he asked if I can validate him in a sexual way. Lol. No way. So I wonder sometimes whether some of the validations are real at all? Or is there such a thing as 'pity validation'?
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RHP User
8 years ago
past the jb can not wait to find out now this go
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MsJonesy
8 years ago
May mean many things, but I have always interpreted having a lot as a means of validating their sense of self. So if there are a lot of sexual validations I would interpret that as them being happy to have their sexual activities.....and dare I say it....prowess (already looking over my shoulder for the knives)....validated and they like it. That's their choice, they can utilise the validation system whatever way they like. There are pros and cons to using it that way, as I am sure everyone is aware. I have two validations...one is a template one sent in jest by some lovely friends who I have known for nearly two years. The other is about me as a person, and I love that one. I don't give validations; people I am close to, the people I love being with, know that already because I tell them in person :)
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DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
We won't allow any in our profile . What happens in the bedroom or at meet & greets stays there . No need to advertise it or add notches to the bed posts. - Posted from rhpmobile
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DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
We won't allow any in our profile . What happens in the bedroom or at meet & greets stays there . No need to advertise it or add notches to the bed posts. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I need Is me, to myself I'm good with that
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RHP User
8 years ago
I personally feel like a notch on someone's bedpost if I see more than 1-2 sexual validations. I want to feel 'special' and that that person is attracted to me personally and not just (seemingly) screwing anything that comes their way. All well and good if they are, I just want the pretence that I'm not another number. Liken it to a hotel room: of course shits gone on there before you, but you don't want it advertised all over the room and feel like you have to somehow live up to the previous occupants! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange
8 years ago
obviously the solicitationb of 'pity validation' occurs more often than I have thought. Which brings to question the validity of the said validations themselves. I asked my friend why even bother validating me with a template validation and his answer was he was not very good at writing and experessing himself. Lol. Fair enough and that validation was still rejected by myself. I agree, that if you had a good time, I surely deserve a little bit more originality in the validation. But not losing sleep over it.
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Tall74nHard9
8 years ago
worry about validations or friends lists. I take the person as I find them - and that's all that I need to find out.
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Seachange
8 years ago
Quoting 'mss1982' I personally feel like a notch on someone's bedpost if I see more than 1-2 sexual validations. I want to feel 'special' and that that person is attracted to me personally and not just (seemingly) screwing anything that comes their way. All well and good if they are, I just want the pretence that I'm not another number. Liken it to a hotel room: of course shits gone on there before you, but you don't want it advertised all over the room and feel like you have to somehow live up to the previous occupants! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange
8 years ago
Quoting 'redhot666' past the jb can not wait to find out now this go Not sure I understand what you mean above. Can you please explain what jb means?
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On_Safari
8 years ago
The other is from a couple who've been to a meet and greet I organised and wanted to say Thanks. I love that one. I like seeing the ones that are between friends just saying what tops people they are. The sexual ones I can take or leave.....they don't do anything for me. LilyO and Summer I've had guys ask the same thing, and my response is always why would I blindly validate someone I don't know who other's may have an entirely different experience with? That's just wrong. Anyway bring on the friend validations and those celebrating a success, 😎 if you feel you have to sprook your prowess in order to value yourself than that's your issue. I'm a cunt of a woman so it doesn't really matter what others think of me! I'm also an immensely intense and gratifying lover but that's another story......ho hum ~ Indy Keeping it Real ✌🏽️
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RHP User
8 years ago
I have 4 on my profile right now, all by really nice and fun people, and I'm actually really humbled to have such nice things said about me. I always try to conduct myself in a reasonably professional way, and respect everyone I take the time to interact with. I haven't slept with all of them, and I don't need to, some of them hint at a sexual nature, but I don't think any are crass andthey only are there to show others what these people have experienced with me.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'mss1982' I personally feel like a notch on someone's bedpost if I see more than 1-2 sexual validations. I want to feel 'special' and that that person is attracted to me personally and not just (seemingly) screwing anything that comes their way. All well and good if they are, I just want the pretence that I'm not another number. Liken it to a hotel room: of course shits gone on there before you, but you don't want it advertised all over the room and feel like you have to somehow live up to the previous occupants! - Posted from rhpmobile Well said :)
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RHP User
8 years ago
I have just the one, purely social validation, intended on validating my character/personality. I believe it also helps show someone as a real profile/person, someone who is the type of person they say they are, and is sociable enough to actually meet. I still don't know if having even just that one ultimately helps or hinders though. As for a profile from a highly sexed/promiscuous person, couple, or group with multiple play validations, I don't see it as a problem, as it obviously serves well for reaching their target audience. If you or anyone has issue with it/them, you're simply not their target audience. It's like tv, if you don't like a program, go to a different one - complaining about it serves no real purpose. As with any query, the OP asking on the forums will only get a viewpoint from a small section of the rhp community. I do see many profiles that mention they look for such validations. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Validations much the same as people advertising their sexual goings on in the forms? I dont see a difference. We are mostly all on here having sex after all whether its with FWBs or one offs. To answer the question, it doesnt mean anything to me. Used to til I met some great guys who had a few of them. So now I just judge a person on what he is like when we actually meet.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Great topic Lily, and to the person who sent you that message that would come from their own insecurities. I'm still not a fan of validations but I'm on the fence a bit. I don't begrudge people for having them so much as I guess I don't believe them. So many are fake, they either haven't even been with the person or had been with them, maybe once, or had a coffee with them, one asks the other for a validation, the person obliges, they might reciprocate, I don't believe a single one I read. So they don't worry me so much as I just call bs on most of them. The ones a do dislike and turn me off are clubs or people who give and receive lots of validations when they host parties or routinely go to lots of parties. It always seems like it's the correct thing to do, to exchange validations after the event, the right protocol, well that's the way I see it. I don't usually reply to those individuals. I do wonder why they need to be validated publicly like that. Do they have a low self esteem? I think so and I don't expect that to be popular either, but I don't care. I however, am probably different to most, I like the validations to be sexual, and can't see the point in validating someone because you had a nice time having a coffee with them or you're a good mate with them. I want to know if they're a good root
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social_suicide
8 years ago
The number is 42....
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RHP User
8 years ago
If I thought I was going to be judged on validations, my friends, friends of friends and/or the validations on friends' or friends of friends' profiles, and if I thought that having a certain such network including sexual validations would be ultimately beneficial, I would simply create a different profile for that purpose. That is, not mixing vastly different interests and intentions, on the one profile.
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RHP User
8 years ago
From a very sexy forumite I call my friend. I met her through here and loved her validation. To me it's another small tool you can use to work out if a person is real or not - but not a guarantee. Whether I sleep with 300 people a year or 3, I don't want to advertise it, nor do I want a scoring system. If it floats your boat - embrace it. I figure those with lots of validations probably attract others who have the same and it probably works for them. But for me - I am not a number, a conquest or an "awesome deep throater." I'm a person who happens to love sex and connections. I'd rather people judge for themselves than take random strangers comments as gospel.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Ive got friends with none, friends with one, friends with a shit load. They are all friends. I give them to ppl I have met in real life,as it does exactly what it says...validates that a person is a legitimate profile and actually gets off their arse and meets people. Ages ago I had about 6, but I deleted them,as I have changed in how I choose to market myself.
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RHP User
8 years ago
that made made me giggle, love a good reference. Very apt. 😆 It's interesting the responses here. I think if someone has the forethought to offer up a validation post after any kind of meet that is really lovely. It speaks volumes towards you creating a strong positive impression. A definite feather in your cap. 😊 I do know the answer (my answer), Lily. I discovered it today. I saw one with 6. I'd never seen a profile with as many as 6 validations before. My instant thoughts were: why? Enough to cull? Vanity? I think profiles should be current and updated regularly. Unless they were particularly sentimental to you, prioritize a good one or two. One about being a nice person is nice, NICE... Hmmm. Not perfect. To me that says they can't seal the deal, or have little appeal. I much prefer a mix of sex speak AND great person. Something that sounds earned. Never template. I want to know a guy isn't green, he exists, pleased and wasn't a dick (at least) long enough to gain the validation. That's gold to me. It turns poorly lit Joe into tempting dinner proposition! 😈 I also think the sexual ones speak volumes: We really didn't talk long, Lady killer, Is a taker, Packing heat...etc... One I saw, spoke about what he liked a girl to do. It was perfect. I knew to move right along... 😉 It's just advertising. If you're targeting your market, perfect. If your fanning yourself, I can't see the point. It's a dating profile. 1-2 is a pat on the back, 6 is a double wrapper 😷 -longest. - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
8 years ago
No longer work for me Lily :) I used to buy them, but after some weird experiences with men who have validations on their profiles, validations don't do the assurance for me anymore. The same goes for verified profiles because, if people want to behave weirdly, they will behave like that regardless :) I also don't want validations of all kinds either (that is of sexual nature or not), and don't care if people look at my profile and have the same doubt about me being a verified member :) So, to answer your main question, even one validation is still too much for me 😛 - Posted from rhpmobile
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langton11
8 years ago
Quoting 'mss1982' I personally feel like a notch on someone's bedpost if I see more than 1-2 sexual validations. I want to feel 'special' and that that person is attracted to me personally and not just (seemingly) screwing anything that comes their way. All well and good if they are, I just want the pretence that I'm not another number. Liken it to a hotel room: of course shits gone on there before you, but you don't want it advertised all over the room and feel like you have to somehow live up to the previous occupants! - Posted from rhpmobile I do believe you nailed it. 0 to 2 is fine, 50 in the background that I don't know about is also fine, more than 2 I just don't find classy imo.
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RHP User
8 years ago
... the ones that I've bothered to read remind me of the ''customer reviews'' on commercial websites. With all due respect to the opinions of the ladies here, would you expect them to be anything but positive and unless I'm mistaken (could be, have never gone there) the recipient has right of first reject. What do you think those things are going to say... Restaurant - ''Top food, great service at an affordable price''...translation ''First time I've eaten anywhere other than McDonald's and it was cheap''. Rustic B&B - ''Everything worked out great and may visit again''...translation ''Once they got an air traffic controller in to flag off the huge mosquitos, we didn't get gastro from the food and they gave us a free night''. RHP - .... naaaa, you do it. I'm too much of a gentleman.
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inspirit
8 years ago
Validations ey......and coz someone has so many it TURNS you off? Yep prude in my view and judgemental. What if they had NO validations and had slept with, fucked, rogered, rooted, massaged, ate with and yadda yadda AND the number was up to about 99. You would never know. But I guarantee you could possibly be number 100. I just dont get the judges on here. .... and you all say you're open? Ooooo but hang on, Im a little judgemental tho. Who really gives a shit. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
They worked only as good as my willingness to put myself out there when it comes to success.... On the topic of how many are too many, well I look at those with lots of validations and I align them with the same type of people that spin their proclivities in a very public way...whilst they're free to do as they wish, I'm free to hold the view that they can't keep our personal experiences between us..... Apart from that point, I'm not one to form an orderly line to take my turn...... - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
8 years ago
Ill have a Jamisons on the rocks thanks and watch too. 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' ...and had slept with, fucked, rogered, rooted, massaged, ate with and yadda yadda AND the number was up to about 99. You would never know. But I guarantee you could possibly be number 100. ... or just here? Some did actually play ball in the minor leagues before getting called up to the A-team. The big league scouts usually won't even look at you unless your batting average is over 300....or you're one hell of a pitcher! Silence is golden or so they say. Rogered wilco over and out...yadda yadda ya!!
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RHP User
8 years ago
.....only to make sure the couple/person is genuine and real. It doesnt have to be of a sexual nature at all, but I do like to know that whomever I'm chatting to actually gets out and socialises and isnt just here to look at everyones personal pics and engage in naughty messages. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I am the same seeing a lot of validations puts me off guys profiles. Not judging just what I like. I don't need to see how great a guy is I like to find out for myself.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I thought the question was about the amount, not whom?
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PurePeony
8 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' They worked only as good as my willingness to put myself out there when it comes to success.... On the topic of how many are too many, well I look at those with lots of validations and I align them with the same type of people that spin their proclivities in a very public way...whilst they're free to do as they wish, I'm free to hold the view that they can't keep our personal experiences between us..... Apart from that point, I'm not one to form an orderly line to take my turn...... - Posted from rhpmobile Hahaha! That's a good one, Stirry!
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RHP User
8 years ago
I've met people with validations and experienced quite the opposite of what their validation boasted about. A different day, time, place, scenario can be a completely different experience. I prefer to make my own mind up about someone and the level of chemistry we share. Curious why someone would keep a validation from someone who is no longer on their friend list. It that just to boost their own ego? Surely if they are no longer friends, something went wrong so the Validation is no longer valid? LG
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PurePeony
8 years ago
Sweetgem, I'm with you on this! Social validations are alright. But sexual validations... one is one too many! I'm no prude, but some things should simply be kept discreet and behind closed doors. I actually do not want to have any validations on my profile and I've been very quick to delete any. People with more than two sexual validations evoke in my imaginative mind, the chaos that will ensue should contact tracing have to be done by officers / epidemiologists from the Dept of Health - "Sir / Ma'am, I regret to inform you that you have contracted a highly contagious disease / STD. We need to have a list of all your sexual partners in the last xx weeks." It will be tragically funny if the list reads longer than the attendance list in an average class. Not everyone is able to validate someone so if someone has 10 sexual validations, I suppose they probably have a lot more actual sexual partners. If I see a man being validated by a woman who in turn has lots of sexual validations herself, I'll not be able to view him as "safe", by my own stringent definition. My vivid imagination will cause me to visualise these folks as walking and living petri dishes for all sorts of existing or new STD's / diseases and I do not want to go anywhere near these "hot zones", nosiree! I want to have fun, but I want to have good, clean, safe and uncomplicated fun.
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lovebitten
8 years ago
We are all adults here. I know we all bonk. However, I care little about anyone's sexual logbook or score out of 10. Surely making connections is more important than another random person's opinion? Choosing a potential friend or sex partner isn't akin to picking a restaurant or hair straitener. I don't need a review! - Posted from rhpmobile
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beachgal20
8 years ago
I rarely contribute but all I will say is that someone I saw keeps chalking up the numbers, and I just shake my head
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RHP User
8 years ago
I thought it was the amounf of people you had validated or been validated by. Not the actual people involved. But who really cares. Its up to the individual on their judgements.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I don't give any credence to anyone who has lots and definitely wouldn't want to be another notch on their bedpost. It's the same with friends lists. If they have too many I assume they are just pic/friend hunters and are a waste of time. What I do think is unfair is that RHP allows the person being validated to control whether it is public or not. So we will only ever see positive validations. Unless they are a complete moron and allow less then favourable reviews to be published on their profile. But there is no way to put up a negative review. It's all a bit one sided imo.
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Bazingal
8 years ago
I prefer non sexual, they have met and found me delightful (who wouldn't?) then that's cool. I think having some to verify you are real is ok. If a profile has none, I am wary.But if they have too many I am also wary........ The "template" validations speak volumes to me of those who "created" them and those that accepted them.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I think that it is different for single guys. There are so many out there, all trying to get noticed, and I think that a few positive validations helps sort out the pretenders from the real deal. Personally, I have none, mainly because I have only really dated 2 ladies from RHP. The first (unfortunately) had her life fall into the pits of hell after our date (nothing to do with me) and the 2nd refused, when I asked her for one because "I don't want everybody on RHP to know how good you are". It's a nice compliment, but me stating it here really means nothing. I could be just some wanker blowing his horn. However I will say that date 3 had a lot to do with the Bali balcony scene and the Energiser Bunny reference. Hopefully, one day, after a M&G, I might get validated as genuine.
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RHP User
8 years ago
the Bali balcony incident Well I had a guy ask me to validate him, and I did, partly because he surprised me with how intimate the encounter was. I had reservations and it went much better than I expected. Anyway, I thought, why not, and gave him the validatin, but all the while, I was thinking, why hasn't he offered to do one for me? He was very happy and wanted to see me again. We had a great connection, but where was the respect for me? So my opinion of him dropped off in that moment. You can't recover from that kind of selfishness. He was selfish and although I never said anything to him about it, and I would never ask to be validated, It pissed me off to be honest. My thinking at the time was that he was a fool, because his action would mean I'd fall off the radar, which I did, and he'd never get to see me again. To add to that, I've had guys I've seen for up to a year and a half, incredible chemistry and sex, never been offered a validation. Did I care, not really, because I got to be with them, kind of like my dirty little secret. Who cares whether they say I'm good or I say they're good, if it's good, happy days. That also is part of my negative view on validations. Profiles that have a lot, I do wonder how insecure they are. People ask for validations, and they are given back, what does that really mean? Not much in my opinion
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BacioCouple
8 years ago
We would (and have) only ever validated people in a social sense (or at least that was the intent of what we wrote). Whether or not we played with a couple is no one else's business. If we didn't hit the social validation mark we guess the other couple can choose not to accept it. Unfortunately we've not been validated, which makes us ghosts! We do understand though that people like at least 1-2 to make sure couples are actually a couple and who they say they are. Another way we is to get their profile verified by RHP. But back to the question - How many is too many? If they're all sexual we agree with the earlier comments... We're no ones notches ....
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On_Safari
8 years ago
When we meet and only to say "Give this bloke a wide berth.....DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!!! 🤓🔫 Lol but I am looking forward to meeting you some day you seem quite personable 👍🏽
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'SNAG4XTC'I could be just some wanker blowing his horn.I'd think that's impressive enough to warrant a comment
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PurePeony
8 years ago
Surely, you don't need any validations! Your profile and photos are already oozing with sex appeal and those of us who read the forums will surely know that you are bona fide. You are one hot invalidated validation!
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PurePeony
8 years ago
Sexual validations are kinda crass and it's like kissing and telling... a bit bogan-ish. It's akin to what... tag-team f**king : "Hey, everyone! I've f**ked XYZ and he/she is a great f**k! You should f**k him/her too!" EEEeeeeeewwwwww!!! No one's a virginal new car here, but even when buying a used car, I'd still want the car to be in tip-top condition and not have gone through too many dents and repairs (dicks and/or pussies). Yucks! That very thought in itself is too revolting! I'd rather walk on foot (abstinence) than drive a used car that's been owned by way too many previous drivers. Whenever I meet guys who have kept it "clean", my respect for them is stratospheric and they are like precious gems in my eyes. It's very easy to go around f**king indiscriminately, but it's the ones who are able to exercise discipline, discretion and self-control that get my respect and my attention. I had an interesting discussion with a few friends recently, and one of the issues we mulled over was this : Can someone who has had numerous casual sex partners ever be happy with just one partner? Our consensus was, it's highly doubtful. Can we expect a Player to return to a monogamous lifestyle? Highly unlikely and if one gets into a relationship with someone like that, one would have to be prepared for a discussion about Swinging or an Open Relationship at some stage. I think having too many casual sex partners fan the flames of restlessness and discontentment and once those fires have burnt through the confining walls of monogamy, the exposed wild terrain yonder becomes so enticing that most people will no longer be able to rein in the controls and restraint. Once one bites into the forbidden fruit, one no longer thinks the Garden of Eden is good enough and one starts to tread deeper and deeper into the mysterious and dark unexplored territory. The appetite for the forbidden fruit only increases and never dissipates... the point of no return. A really wise ex bf said to me in a rare Eureka! moment : "Sexual satisfaction is not about sleeping with a large number of women - it's about finding one that you have great chemistry to start with, and then enjoying frequent sex together to perfect and improve the sex life!" That Eureka! moment of awakening sounds to me like the perfect antidote to indulging in numerous shallow sexual encounters. Just my personal reflection on a lazy Saturday morning. Now to indulge in Madame Flavour's Orange Choc Ceylon tea, which is equal parts aromatherapy and gastatory pleasure.
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RHP User
8 years ago
well its like meeting someone them nowing who you meet and then you hav no privacy ..people then know there real and meet them i think your better off without a validation waist of space ....who cares who you meet or if you meet someone its between two people not the world to know who you have meet my own opinion of validations so one is to many
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RHP User
8 years ago
Your responses have made me curious. How many other sexual partners are you ok with a potential having had, before you put them into 'crappy used car' / 'diseased petri dish' category? And how do you find out how many sexual partners they've had, and how many sexual partners their previous partners have had?
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RHP User
8 years ago
But I will also say PurePeony I'm confused at how the amount of sexual partners one has had equals how clean or dirty they are/diseased etc? Person A can sleep with 700 people and never contract an STI, person B could have two partners in total and be a walking STI field. I'm not one for advertising conquests and I do find it a bit of a turn off when people have two many. But it's because they are the people I might not gel with - I would never assume they are skanky/diseased/below me in social standing?
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RHP User
8 years ago
So Peony, you avoid guys who have had multiple sexual partners , or have had liasons with ppl who have had multiples.. Lol how would anyone know if they dont have validations and just want to keep it descrete and look all squeaky clean and shiney on the outside? But, you have said yourself in your former posts that you have had multiple lovers in the short time you have been here. Hhmm
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RHP User
8 years ago
I understand what purepeony is saying here. Just to put a different take on it, how do you ladies feel if you look at a profile and the person might have quite a lot of friends and validations, looks like they've been busy, all good. But then I delve further and look at their friends and who validated them and then delve further and look at the friends of those people, get the picture? As you delve further, well I quite often find that the number of partners together with WHO they've been with, and how many partners they've had, some seemed to have fucked the entire city, affects my judgement. And yes, the dirty/disease or possibilitly is there in my mind. A bit of fun isn't worth the risk and I also make judgements based on the history, my 2 cents
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RHP User
8 years ago
You said in your first post that you dont want validations on your profile and you've been very quick to delete any that you have recieved( obviously without asking for them). Just wondering why you need to delete them quickly, or even delete them at all?
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RHP User
8 years ago
That is very judgemental..how many sexual partners anyone has is entirely irrelevant to a persons character in my opinion, Some people may have only had one or two partners it doesn't mean they are a good person,Why would you think that people are diseased or like used cars because of their sexual history,and just because a person has no validations it doesn't mean they haven't had a lot of sexual partners. I am sorry but I find your reasoning just plain wrong Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Wayyy too much effort for me. All that checking and cross referencing. Makes it all too much like hard work. Im the same if I meet in real life, at a pub,for example. I take that person at face value because thats really all I have. As I do on here. I wont judge negitively on their friends list, or friends of friends or their validation numbers. Just gets to the point you would question why you are here utilising the site, if you were putting so much effort into sherlock holmes investigations. Can understand being wary and using your common sense to vett potentials. But knocking back getting to know someone because they have a validation from someone who has a validation from someone who has 5 validations..... And who's to say that a person who has just joined here will play any safer to a person who goes to venues for the last 5 years? And who really knows which one is which if you met them at a pub?
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RHP User
8 years ago
Yes, but that's your choice, as it's my choice, and as it's purepeony's choice. What's right for one isn't for another. It's all good discussion, and again highlights how different we all are. I don't mean that in a negative way, we're all individual, and very happy the way we make our choices. No need for you to question how I use the site, that's up to me
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PurePeony
8 years ago
... my reasoning may be flawed, it may be judgemental, it may be controversial, it may not be foolproof, it may be unpopular, and anyone may vehemently disagree, but it is my opinion. We don't all share the same views, perspectives and values, but we are all free to share our unique thoughts and reflections in an open forum. Afterall, one man's meat is another man's poison or, to paraphrase, one person's definition of a "lady" is another person's definition of a "ladette".
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RHP User
8 years ago
As many have pointed out people who have no validations may still have fucked the whole city, so are you going to question them about how many people they've slept with, and how many people those people have slept with? Give them a written questionnaire to fill in perhaps? That was part of my reason for asking Peony how she finds out about the sexual history of all her potential partners, because they're not all going to have it in validation form on their profile. Peony - like Summer I don't have a problem with you expressing your preferences but when you start being derogatory, comparing people to used cars and walking diseased petri dishes that's when I take issue. I'm assuming that considering the number of people I've had sex with that I wouldn't meet your high moral standards and you would consider me to be one of those walking hives of disease, but I can assure you that I am STI free and healthy. I will also exercise my right to express my opinion, and say that I consider your equating number of sexual partners to a person's moral standing and health status to be incredibly ignorant and offensive.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Totally an individual thing. But unless we actually know of ppl who have caught sti's from profiles with lots of validations, none of us can make that assumption.
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PurePeony
8 years ago
I love them and I often pick one that are visually vivid. Used cars - because atm, friends are giving me advice on how to pick a good used car, literally. Petri dishes - because I have been intrigued by Epidemiology since the '80's. Did I pick the analogies for the insult factor? Nah... They were simply at the forefront of my mind atm. I look out for certain traits in people, as do you guys. Of course the method isn't foolproof and of course most people will not be forthcoming about the real number of sex partners they have had, particularly if it's quite an immodest number. Basically, I trust my instincts about whether someone is trustworthy or not. Have I actually shunned people who have slept with almost the entire city? In real life, no. I can easily sit down and enjoy a drink with them and guffaw the night away. I actually love hearing people's stories and find them fascinating. Will I have a liaison with them? Probably not, and it's simply because I've been hard-wired to view things a certain way and whilst I am challenging a lot of old mindsets, some are just too deeply ingrained and tough to shake off. I am paranoid about STD's, and extreme fear and caution can be illogical and irrational, but I'd rather err on the side of caution. Just like an unwanted pregnancy, by the time one finds out, it is usually too late to turn back the clock. Some mistakes have lifelong consequences and prevention is always better than cure. I was sharing my views on validations and what I look out for in a person's profile. I delete sexual validations because it's like kissing and telling and then broadcasting to the world that one is a good f**k which, ok thanks for the kudos but I'd rather that be a well-kept secret. It is for that reason that I delete them. Potential FWB's may ask questions about my Sexual history and get frank answers. Sure, having no validations doesn't mean one has zero partners but having validations is, to me, a form of kissing and telling and TMI IMO, especially because it isn't anonymous (nickname is displayed). BTW, it's nobody's business but to clarify, when I refer to my past experience, it's usually with my ex bf's/FWB pre-RHP days. My personal limit is to never exceed the fingers on both hands for my entire life and so far, I'm very safely under that limit. My life, my rules. If your personal yardstick is 50 lovers, by all means! I think a lot of times, I think fast and type even faster and what comes out is often simply a very personal commentary. Am I measuring others by my yardstick? Hell no... Only if it's going to directly impact me in some way, for example, considering someone as a potential play mate. Summer, I get your point - often in expressing my views, I forget that people reading them often turn the mirror onto themselves and take offence, etc. In all honesty, I truly can't be bothered with how sexually liberated or not someone is because it has no impact on me and therefore I have no vested interest. It only has entertainment / enlightening value for me. I often think in a very detached, science experiment kinda manner and needless to say, that can become tricky when analysing behaviour because feelings get involved, egos get bruised, the flames of anger get fanned... Hmm... Nice to find out the diverse opinions on validations and whether the sexual choices we make is a reflection of one's character or not. Interesting perspectives, I'll ponder upon. Vitriol and hate, I'll leave behind. ;-)
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Paradisepair
8 years ago
Ok 50 is a bit much but we use them to evaluate a profile's follow through potential. But you know maybe Miss50 has been here for 10 years and averages 5 a year? I'm so fucking sick of people slutshaming here on a site where liberated female sexuality should be celebrated. It's the worst kind of hypocrisy.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thank you for your kind words...and you are right. Validations mean nothing on the forums. Similarly profiles are somewhat irrelevant too. It doesn't matter where people are or what they seek from RHP. The interactions on the forums reveal far more about individuals than a profile or validations can. Recently, I messaged a couple of ladies that I found interesting and rather than strut my stuff and give them a spiel, I recommended that they get involved in the forums and left it at that. No hurries, no worries. 😁
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Summersolstice' Quoting 'PurePeony' Summer, I get your point - often in expressing my views, I forget that people reading them often turn the mirror onto themselves and take offence, etc. I think you missed my point spectacularly. Peony, all I see in your response is a whole lot of defensiveness and excuses, and quite a few contradictory statements. Plus some exaggeration....you certainly haven't been subject to any vitriol or hate. Personally I don't care what 'limit' you've set yourself when it comes to sexual partners, but considering the site you're on perhaps try to think twice about your judgemental and disrespectful language and metaphors when talking about people who choose to live their life differently to you. Thinking in a 'scientific' manner isn't a valid excuse. You expect respect for your sexual preferences and and I'm sure you'd be up in arms if people were calling you a prude etc, so you should afford others on here the same sort of basic respect.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'PurePeony'I often think in a very detached, science experiment kinda manner and needless to say, that can become tricky when analysing behaviour because feelings get involved, egos get bruised, the flames of anger get fanned... I tend to think like this as well, and can also happily play the devil's advocate - but expressing yourself like this only works out when what you're saying actually makes sense in an objective, scientific way - if it doesn't, is it really "scientific" thinking? I don't think anyone would've said anything if you'd restricted the argument to not liking the "kiss and tell" aspect, it's like the oft argued "no married men" argument. That's ok while all opinion and preference - it's when it strays into making assertions that it's open to rebuttal.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Such a fine line.... One hand ignorance is bliss...... The other is just slut advertising.... I personally like ignorance....there's really not much that turns me off some people by having their notches on the bed visible for all to see. I wonder how many women would be turned off instantly by walking into a guys bedroom and seeing his entire sex life in Polaroids stuck above his bed?? Or would they examine the list to see if their sister or mother was there?? :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Awwwww....it was a mighty fine validation too I might add.... "He's a dick.....but omg it's a great one!!" :p PS. For those that never read it....the above was not was written....... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
With mirrors it's the person holding the mirror that it reflects. Reflecting back is often the job of the fora ,points of view on different topics IMO are informative,rather than entertaining,scientific no..hurtful,only if a person is specifically targeted . Like Paradise Pair ,Summer and L.D I find slut shaming anathema ,and puzzling particulary here. Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
That's about it I think Summer.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
So when you are at a sex club and have sexual contact with 10-15 people ... Not intercourse though... Are they counted as sexual partners? What if you don't remember their names. Are they counted? What if you didn't bother to ask them their names? Such confusing times. Lol I know some who have and sexual contact with literal thousands of men and women. For instance, the guys that hang out at nude beaches in the dunes. They can easily have sexual contact with 10 men in one day if they want. So off topic. Apologies. As for validations, I think social validations are lovely. After all, aren't we all keen to meet good/nice people?
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'PurePeony' [1] Of course the method isn't foolproof and of course most people will not be forthcoming about the real number of sex partners they have had, particularly if it's quite an immodest number. ... [2] BTW, it's nobody's business but to clarify, when I refer to my past experience, it's usually with my ex bf's/FWB pre-RHP days. My personal limit is to never exceed the fingers on both hands for my entire life and so far, I'm very safely under that limit. [1]. Correct, however... most people are not counting. They might have an approximate, but they do not count and can't really anyway unless it is a quite low figure number. I don't see the next or current wonderful connection I have made as number 2, number 5, number 37 or whatever it may be for someone. But whether they want to be honest with their approximation is still a valid question. Yes, if they feel the actual number is too high, they might err on the side of modesty, or simply not answer the question, and hope you see them for the qualities they bring you in the present time and not what/who they may or may not have done in the past. Also, while some people hide the number of sexual partners if it is deemed too high, some people hide their history if the number is too low (that is, zero). The point is, be it the number of sexual partners, or the number which can be somehow judged based on the presence of or lack of validations/friends, can have little bearing on their actual character. People have to decide whether they want connections based on whether their profile matches their check boxes, or whether they match the type of personality they want to have in their life. [2]. It's lucky you are not seeking women then. I know of women who have exceeded that amount, and that's just in the one evening :P For everyone's benefit... As for numbers. One person, perhaps an older person, might have managed a date leading to sex once every year to every few years. In the long run, that will still run up quite a number of sexual partners, even if they have only had sex once or barely more with each partner. The number of partners could be construed as much higher than average, yet their sexual experience is still extremely lacking, and they are far from promiscous. Or they could have been highly sexually active at just one point in their life, and been next to celibate for the remainder, or perhaps in the opposite order. Numbers alone are just numbers, they do not tell much of a story.
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infariot
8 years ago
Id be happy if I had 1 lol...
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beachgal20
8 years ago
There was someone I saw that seems to love collecting....Not good....will do if I think it worthy and returned....and agreed to share
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Seachange
8 years ago
Quoting 'therumdiary' Id be happy if I had 1 lol... Have you met anybody here yet? Some people will write up a validation unsolicited if they are happy to have met you and not all validations are of sexual nature. So, are you wanting validations only of sexual nature? You may have to put in some legwork to get that....
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RHP User
8 years ago
Well Johnny Depp has left the country and Hunter S is in another realm 😇Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Are you people not comfortable in your own skin and self-assured enough to know that you are a nice, caring, gentle, intelligent, etc person to have as a social or sexual friend? Also, just because someone has one or many validations it does not make the person better or worse. At least not in my eyes. To me it is a much more telling point when someone has been validated but their profile is an of the shelf one, ie: they put no effort into telling me about themselves.
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