F70
We can't always control what happens
March 02 2016
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
You might not be able to share your story with us but I'd love to know what happened to you. It's hard with this being a public forum, not sure what I can say here. Forgive me if I'm a bit 'generic' with what I say but things were said to me that made me angry, hurtful things, but instead of letting those comments take me down, I used them as fuel to better myself, and took that to a whole other level. I was determined, nothing was going to stop me. Along the way, more derogatory comments, fueled my resolve even more. Best thing that could have happened to me. I changed my life and I'm thankful for it now. I became a 'glass half full' person, quite different to how I used to be, and I wish I could say more. But I get what you mean, take it and either turn it into a positive or find the positive in it, it worked for me. I haven't looked back. All the things that used to scare me once, excite me now, life isn't a rehearsal anymore, which is the way I used to live it. Like I said, there's more, but hope what I have said makes sense
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MrMechanic
9 years ago
Turning adversity into opportunity. Instability forces change, and change often provides new opportunities.Without change new opportunities are fewer.And sometimes it better to take a risk on instability and force a change to open new doors of opportunity.
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
Before moving to Australia, we experienced some really terrible things, in a small town over a 9 year period. Life threatening / life changing events. We could not sell the house as we were renovating it ourselves and so had to "weather the storm" . One day, we had a light bulb moment, and decided to migrate to Australia. When we sold the house, we made almost 800% clear profit, which made our move , and new lives here in Australia, possible. Without the large sum of money we would not have been able afford to move. We see those bad, terrible, traumatic experiences as the stepping stones to a new life in Australia , and the final nails in the coffin , for our country of birth. We are glad we went through them and see them as the wake up call that we really needed. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
The difference is whether the person is an optimist or a pessimist. To let the raw emotion subside and try and find the positives rather than dwell on negatives. I truly am an optimist. And plenty of shocking events have affected my life. But when happiness arrives again, you must accept that everything has made you the person you are today. A few disasters over the last 12 months have changed my life drastically. Endured the storms and find myself in a great place. Regret the pain along the way i caused but here i am, at peace and happy
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RHP User
9 years ago
Nearly six years ago to cancer. She was my best friend and I'm an only child. We are that close I bought the house next door to her. Watching this beautiful woman battle a horrific disease and slowly losing was something that will stay with me forever. There are no words that can explain how I felt and still feel. I have a permanent piece of me missing - like there is an actual hole in my heart. But I found the good despite it all. Losing her made me more independent. My life and hers were so linked and I relied on her so much. Not having her for support and then going through some major hurdles on my own showed me how strong I was. It gave me the confidence to take a leap. And on reflection - I appreciate her so much more now she's gone, and feel like I am one of the lucky few to have had such an amazing mother - even though it was for a short time. I look at the world differently now. I was very materialistic. But now - I appreciate all the little things in life. Sounds corny but listening to the birds, and watching tress blow in the wind mean something now. Even on a dark day I find something to smile and laugh about.
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PurePeony
9 years ago
Freya, you've got a big heart and soul in you. I've had a few rotten years in succession and sometimes, it helps to take a step back, view things objectively and not take things too personally, shrug off the negative thoughts and emotions that won't do us any good, and make the most of the situation. I had a period when I received one bad diagnosis after another. Apparently, I've been fighting a brave battle just to get through the day for the last few years and didn't realise that I had illnesses aplenty! Sadly, they are all of a chronic nature so for the rest of my life, I'll just have to learn to cope and live with it. I went through the usual stages of grief : Shock, Denial, Anger, Sadness, Grief and finally, Resolution. There's nothing I did to trigger those illnesses except maybe work too hard for far too long and had been under the care of Drs who failed to diagnose and hence treat me promptly. It became like a cascade of issues, one after another. At one stage, I became so numb after yet another diagnosis that I left the Specialist Clinic, walked in a daze to the IMAX Theatre, and bought a luxury seat to watch Jurassic World in 3D. I thought then, "Yes, it's bloody expensive ... but what the heck!" The thing is this - my outward appearance does not give anything away. Outwardly, I look radiant and healthy. My friends had a tough time accepting how sick I am because I do not look sickly. Everyday is a struggle for me to function "normally" and be like everyone else. It was tough for me to accept it all. Very very tough. I used to be a Type A Go-Getter, High Achieving personality. I'm a shadow of my former self now. I've become more of a Type B or Type C. I have days when the old embers within me start to burn a little bit fiercer and I attempt a little bit harder, but illness can be like a harness that constrains what used to be a mighty stallion from running at his best top speed. There's nothing I can do about it except to learn to live optimally and function at the highest level possible with all these illnesses. I feel that I'm far too young to be shackled by these issues but it is what it is. I certainly had no choice in this especially since most of them aren't preventable and their etiology is either bad luck in the genetic lottery or simply, no one knows yet. What I can do is to learn to deal with the issues and live in the best way I can. Which makes being on RHP a bit heart-wrenching at times, I admit. I cannot exercise with gutso like the sexy chicks here, I am sometimes on meds that pack on the weight like nobody's business (but I have decided to flat-out stop taking those meds because I hate how fat and dumpy they make me), and it's harder for me to shake off the weight that crept in from those years of meds. The eyes are the windows to our souls. I've been blessed with friends who are awesome and men who are wonderful gentlemen. However, recently, I did see in a man's eyes that... to put it more diplomatically, he would rather have been with one of those trophy ladies with Sports Illustrated bikini-clad bodies. Not his fault cause we are all attracted to different things and different attributes are deal-breakers. But I can't say it didn't hurt a smidgeon. So... I'm taking it a day at a time. I'm faring much better than I used to for the last few years but I still have my bad days. Life has handed me an entire harvest of lemons but I've learnt to be so happy and so grateful for the little that I have. I suppose if you have tethered on the edge and have come right back, you can find yourself appreciating even the little things that are often dismissed by folks who have much more. I have also learnt that there is no stigma to failure / sickness. I used to isolate and insulate myself but when I finally let my close friends into the loop, I was thoroughly surprised at how empathetic and supportive they were. Even if someone looks down on me with disdain because of my situation, I just think of it as sieving the wheat from the chaff. It's very easy to be uppity and a high achiever when everything is going well. It's when you have to face trials, tribulations and testing situations that one's true mettle and one's true soul is revealed. Freya, I hope things will improve for you in the days to come.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Trophy women with model figures do not always a beautiful person make. Your inner beauty will shine through. xx
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sweetgem
9 years ago
It happens all the time (for me that is) when a bad scenario takes place, a solution to another situation will pop up during the process of the current one. Just recently, my mother had an accident and instead of receiving mental support from her siblings, my siblings and I copped a huge amount of blames and lectures from mum's siblings about the accident, which got us started an argument with them, which then led them on to blaming us, altogether, for the illness that my mother has, unfortunately, encountered! So, the conclusion of our argument with our relatives is, my siblings and I are the evil children because my mother's illness and accident are all caused by us! Heartless and dumb accusation I say, but what can we do when their minds are made up?! Hence, the good thing that my siblings and I gained from this argument was, we actually do not have to tolerate the craps that people throw at us (even if they are four own relatives) if they are not helpful or useful for us! So, we burned the bridge and cut ties with those who are not good for us in our difficult times! :) PS. For those RHPers who have met me and know me personally, and know what kind of illness my mother suffers from, you would be shaking your heads when reading this post of mine regarding the blame I got from my relatives 😛 Ridiculous is not even enough a word to describe it I must say! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am fine,it was just a situation with the council over a plumbing problem lol..very boring that's why I didn't elaborate but it has helped my daughter and I to think differently about our house and the extra small dwelling..I didnt want to give up my small garden studio,I love living in the garden and now I will be sleeping in the house but still have the studio as my living space ...xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have indeed met you,high tea at the Stamford if I recall..you are such a devoted daughter..sometimes when pele feel guilty they lash out,perhaps that is what is going on with your Aunties,hugs xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Many things as a young child that were not good had a big affect on me, no need to go into it but my teens were a big influence on my perception of people and the world. I saw the wonderful side of people that many wouldn't get to see. I squatted, mixed with street people and those who were considered some of the harder criminal elements in my then town (now more city). I had always tried to see the good in everyone but without having spent some bad years in youth I would not have seen the true depth, generosity and qualities that people possess. My mother often thanks me for helping her see people in a different light without societal blinkers. Have also found some good friends over the years through not so good situations.
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RHP User
9 years ago
P - I too suffer with an invisible chronic illness and it's impossible for people to understand. I am now at the stage I don't care - unless they are required to understand because of their relationship with me - husband, kids etc. I've gone through it all - major health issues, major loss, trauma, abuse, Yada Yada. Some of my long term friends started to say - "can't you catch a break? How do you keep going? Why have you been dealt one more thing?" On a bad day full of pain and fatigue, horrible news and demands from every direction, sometimes I have a little "Oh poor me." And that's ok. Because I pick myself up and move on. I spent too long years ago letting everything eat me up. Being able to find a lesson in something negative, whether it be immediately or down the track is what makes us resilient. And when people have battle scars - to me they to me are strong not damaged! They came through the other side. And I think it makes for some very interesting characters in this world. Everyone is constantly changing - being affected by their experiences and people they encounter.
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RHP User
9 years ago
P - I too suffer with an invisible chronic illness and it's impossible for people to understand. I am now at the stage I don't care - unless they are required to understand because of their relationship with me - husband, kids etc. I've gone through it all - major health issues, major loss, trauma, abuse, Yada Yada. Some of my long term friends started to say - "can't you catch a break? How do you keep going? Why have you been dealt one more thing?" On a bad day full of pain and fatigue, horrible news and demands from every direction, sometimes I have a little "Oh poor me." And that's ok. Because I pick myself up and move on. I spent too long years ago letting everything eat me up. Being able to find a lesson in something negative, whether it be immediately or down the track is what makes us resilient. And when people have battle scars - to me they to me are strong not damaged! They came through the other side. And I think it makes for some very interesting characters in this world. Everyone is constantly changing - being affected by their experiences and people they encounter.
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RHP User
9 years ago
omg I'm so sorry. Tears welled up and ran down my face, that was really hard to read. At your tender age, to lose your Mum, and being so close to her, you poor thing. What a terrible thing to happen xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
That's funny as (your last comment only) 😉 You can carry on fora posts extremely well.....I bet a lot of Mensa VIP's couldn't
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RHP User
9 years ago
so I really hope my family aren't reading this but my sister has been battling luekaemia, rare form, so no possibility of a bone marrow donor. We were tested early on and weren't matches, then extended family and so on, until they knew she had a rare form where no donor would suit. She fought it off once, few years elapsed, came out of remission, back in for chemo, along with all kinds of problems associated with her immune system being zero, infections, had her knees operated on, has been through a terrible time. After the last long series of chemo treatments, they told her, her only chance of surviving would be to have a transplant with bone marrow generated from baby's umbilical cord so she had that done. Huge big deal as far as tons of medications, even after she got home, the whole time sick most days. Approximately 12 months later, after knees operations etc fighting to survive and looking like coming out the other end, against all odds, she finds out she has a melonoma wtf It's just not fair. She never complains. She didn't want her life to be defined by cancer so when you see her, she talks about other stuff, she's amazing, a bloody inspiration. But she said the melanoma will now kill her. How is that fair? It's so cruel. She's never been out in the sun like me. She's fought so hard and was just finally winning the battle
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RHP User
9 years ago
...I played Aussie Rules football on the weekends. I wasn't particularly great at it, but I enjoyed it and it was a healthy social pastime for a young man.The last time I played, I copped a blow to the back of the head when running to pick up the ball. I never saw who it was or how it happened...but it knocked me to the ground. When I got up a moment later to chase the ball, I tripped over my own feet. I had concussion. The coach and players on the sidelines obviously saw more than me, and sent someone out to help me off the field. I nursed a sore head but assumed that was the end of it.A week later, I had my first grand mal seizure. A trip to the specialist and an EEG confirmed that I had bruising to the brain, resulting in a blood clot that caused the seizure.In the Doctors words, "If you look after yourself and don't keep knocking your head, it may heal itself. Otherwise..."Fast forward 15 odd years, and I've lived my life like most young men do in an urban environment and I've lived without much thought of the future. I've had many seizures, many ambulance rides to the hospital after a big night out ending up at a mates place and a few life endangering moments as a result. The final one...sleepwalking the 3 odd kms to work after a seizure in the garage, across Chevron Island and through Surfers Paradise, as the sun was coming up. That one really gave me a wake up call to look after my health.But over those years, I met other people who were affected by Epilepsy...and their lot was often much worse than mine. My seizures weren't spontaneous and were controllable, if I took my medication and moderated my lifestyle...plenty of others didn't have that luxury of control. They had seizures, that despite the medication, still just happened out of the blue. My lot wasn't so bad after all. And so I took better care of myself...because not doing so was selfish of me. There was a reason my mum used to "nag" me on the phone on those rare occasions I called her in those days. She was worried for me. And I was causing her pain because.....what? I haven't had a seizure in nearly 8 years, I think....and I stopped taking medication for it a year ago. And I call my mum for a social chat every week.
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Baysidecouple214
9 years ago
It all comes down to perspective.... everything.. It is as good or bad as we make it. Every day we wake with a choice on how our attitude and perspective is going to influence the day.
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PurePeony
9 years ago
Not to burst your bubble?! ROTFLMAO!!! That is so original, and too funny! I'm sorry though, that you have such serious issues to face. I actually don't mind dying from a bout of mind-blowing sex! That's the best way to go! Although, my poor mum will probably be traumatised because she's pretty conservative, lives a distance from Australia, and has no idea what her darling daughter gets up to here! LOL!!! Recently, she cracked me up when she unleashed pent-up anger over my ex-boyfriend (we've broken up for more than a year already!) Out of the blue, she started ranting and raving about how I'm single and all alone in a foreign country yada-yada and why the hell did I allow an old man to hold me so close and grab my waist like in the photos, so obscene, blah blah! I had to cover the mouthpiece with a pillow so she couldn't hear me laughing! The poor ex bf was the same age as me, but he did look more than a decade older. If my mum thinks it's so offensive for a man to place his hand on my waist, she's in for some nasty surprise but I don't wish to be alive if she ever finds out! LOL!!! You should hear what my mum thinks about Caucasian men! Anyway Summer... you are a courageous lady and you've done well. Good on you!
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PurePeony
9 years ago
... you are awesome! Love what you said about battle scars! I hope you are coping well and will continue to cope well. Invisible illnesses that are chronic can be incapacitating and so hard to live with. I surround myself with supportive friends and loving peeps because when you are already depleting your energy fighting illnesses, the last thing you need around you are people who are harsh, judgemental and uncaring.
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RHP User
9 years ago
gas :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
That's awesome and well done, not awesome that you, well you know what I mean. Life must feel precious. Was that a result of the football injury/concussion?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks for your beautiful words. It was extra hard because every day for two years my daughter (3 at the time) would cry for her. Life can be cruel. She had melanoma, then six week later breast cancer - 7 surgeries, chemo, radiation over five years. Then had an 18 month break and was diagnosed with secondary melanoma. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. What a brave and inspiring woman! I always wondered if mum hadn't gone through the breast cancer battle - would her body have been better equipped to fight the melanoma cells? But all chronic illness, disabilities etc we don't choose! They are thrust upon us. It's heartbreaking to watch anyone so full of life spend most of their time in a hospital or sick. But it's inspiring when it doesn't break their spirit. Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful sister with us, and your journey. One thing it made me think of - you are full of life on the forums (and I dare say in real life 😉), but one of my favourite sayings is "Remember - everyone is facing battles with no nothing about" Summer - I know someone with a similar condition and it's inspiring that you continue to live your life despite there being a threat hanging over your head. Kool - epilepsy is such a life affecting condition. So glad to here you're looking after yourself now 😉 Right - so after our big D and M's I think we all need a good fuck! 😂 Soft x
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' gas :p - Posted from rhpmobile better an empty house than a bad tenant.
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RHP User
9 years ago
😀
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PurePeony
9 years ago
Your sister is such a courageous and wonderful lady! She has been dealt really bad cards in life and her fighting spirit is admirable! Sometimes when we face our own mortality, it can be really frightening. I hope you are able to spend as much time as possible with her and that she has lots of friends who are loving and supportive. I also hope that she is comfortable and not having to deal with nasty pain issues or other symptoms that can seriously affect her quality of life. Most of all, I hope that she somehow pulls through...
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lokingforfun2016
9 years ago
For myself the day my life changed was the day I found a hard drive when I was looking for my Birth certificate curiosity being as it is plugged it in and what I found still brings tears to my eyes Pics and videos of my then wife with a multitude of different guys and woman I did not know how to feel or what to say or do the most recent pics were from a Unit we had rented for a fortnight but due to work I was unable to make it until the 4th day and she had pics from the 2nd day I was not there. Apart from questioning myself for not realising what was going on it destroyed my world, when confronted all she could say was well then guess we are over and that was that but it has made me stronger and now looking for a new life that by god I will say the word FUN in it
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hasnt been great but more in a financial way, Im trying to keep the roof over our heads. Reading all you ladies stories....wow! To people having a casual read of the forums, they probably think that we are a bolshy lot, outspoken and tough as nails. In reality, we are strong and resilient. I just said to a friend of mine ( who is dealing with sadness herself) I think we must have something inbuilt that helps us to deal with extreme situations. When my ex left my mum was battling cancer on the other side of the world. That was tough, but I had a child whose world had been turned upside down so I had to be strong for him. I wonder how many women out there are going through similar things and have no network of friends to share it with? I will for once agree with Probity. Turn adversity into opportunity. From bad things in our lives eventually new and happier days will arrive. xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Summer, you and me both lol waterworks were on here, thanks for your kind thoughts, all of you. She has lots of friends and an otherwise happy life. Soft, you said you wondered whether your Mum might have survived the melanoma? Who ever knows really? It's early detection that makes the difference. Another cruel irony, I asked her why she thought this would kill her and she said it had been there for too long. She did get them to look at it but at the time, with zero immune system, they couldn't do a biopsy anyway, so fighting to save her from one cancer, while another one is developing. Her positive view when she came out of remission after I think 5 yrs or thereabouts was that her youngest son who was 13 the first time, was then 18, that she had that extra time with him and her other children. It's always the children losing a parent that breaks my heart. She's tough though, can only really hope for the best really xx
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PurePeony
9 years ago
I hope that somehow, you'll have a financial breakthrough. It can be a really tough situation and bills are more relentless than mosquitoes - they never stop. I think the one big lesson I've learnt is to be happy with the barest minimum. If one can be happy with little, one can be happy with much. Looking back, I have been stunned and aghast to realise that in my richer days, I had so much more and yet, I wasn't happier. In fact, I'm so much happier now, with so little. I appreciate every little thing so much more nowadays. Such a stark contrast!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' That's awesome and well done, not awesome that you, well you know what I mean. Life must feel precious. Was that a result of the football injury/concussion? Life IS precious. And I was being a tad selfish. There are others...namely my few family...who have an interest in my wellbeing too. And my father...my mothers husband...had just died of a terminal disease when I was 21, and here I was giving her additional stress over my health and safety?I understand that phrase "Youth is wasted on the young..." Because that insignificant-at-the-time football injury had a roll on effect for maybe the rest of my life, I'm a strong supporter of kids wearing head gear and helmets appropriate to whatever sports they're playing.I was fortunate to blunder my way through my late teens to my early 30's, having seizures willy nilly, drinking as much as most young men do, riding motorbikes, etc and I didn't get my self killed luckily.That would've been a cruel blow to my mother at the time.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sorry I was rushing out the door when I did my last post but you have your own serious health issues there. How are you progressing? Are you okay?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Koolgrey' Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' That's awesome and well done, not awesome that you, well you know what I mean. Life must feel precious. Was that a result of the football injury/concussion? Life IS precious. And I was being a tad selfish. There are others...namely my few family...who have an interest in my wellbeing too. And my father...my mothers husband...had just died of a terminal disease when I was 21, and here I was giving her additional stress over my health and safety?I understand that phrase "Youth is wasted on the young..." Because that insignificant-at-the-time football injury had a roll on effect for maybe the rest of my life, I'm a strong supporter of kids wearing head gear and helmets appropriate to whatever sports they're playing.I was fortunate to blunder my way through my late teens to my early 30's, having seizures willy nilly, drinking as much as most young men do, riding motorbikes, etc and I didn't get my self killed luckily.That would've been a cruel blow to my mother at the time. It must have been hard for your Mum, no doubt, yes it wouldn't have been a good outcome if you had killed yourself but you can't beat yourself up about wanting to be a young guy, doing what young guys do. Sounds like you had fun lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
lol sad face dropped in, in the wrong spot
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RHP User
9 years ago
...Yeah, I don't have regrets for the past anymore. Everything I had regrets about years ago...which is not much...I talked to the people I felt I had let down about my feelings there and found that it was me building guilt inside myself. These false barriers in my mind...which I'm sure lots of people have/had...had to be faced and seen for what they were : false barriers. Nothing too serious...but they hold you back if you don't recognise them, face them and deal with them.And a stronger, healthier mind is the result of a bit of mental spring cleaning.Win - win..
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its4u2
9 years ago
I have been on RHP for a while and have found some very genuine people (and some not so genuine) here. My current situation is relating to my partner- read wife, of over 35 years. About 2-3 years ago we had an ordinary sex life, pretty vanilla, although I have always been the instigator of new things. I noticed some strange behaviours from her and decided to get some tests done. After a lot of tests, MRI, CAT, PET, DOG and others (not really DOG, I just threw that one in, seeing we were having animal tests. It was then she was given a diagnosis of Yong Onset Dementia (at 60y/o). I still find it difficult to watch 'Still Alice', it's just too real to me. Whilst this was devastating for us, there was one silver lining to this, she became very sexually aroused, way more than before. I went along with this and we really had a great time with it together. We both had a great time for about a year or 2 and then the disease progressed and things changed, with other not so nice symptoms occurring. I was able to help her with this and cared for her for as long as I could handle it, but I had to admit that at some stage we couldn't continue with as a couple and now I am single. She is now receiving great care, more than I can provide, and is content with her situation now. It goes without saying that I feel guilty at times for 'letting her go' but I know she is with the best care now. As far as sex is concerned, it just doesn't happen now, all interest has gone. I on the other hand have found this transition to 'singleness' a difficult one, as I still have a strong sex drive, but have nowhere to drive to. The way single males (particularly ones over 50) are treated on RHP is somewhat challenging, as I still want to connect with couples, but they seem very shy to make contact. Do they perceive me as a 'dirty old man' cheating on my wife? I don't know. I would love to find a considerate couple with a very open mind who want a FWB, as I still love my wife very dearly, but find my current situation a challenge. Any thoughts anyone?
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RHP User
9 years ago
But that's actually one of the benefits of getting older - the bad stuff fazes you less because you look back and think, 'I've survived this far so I can deal with whatever else life throws at me'. I'm generally pretty negative about my life, which is ironic when I'm advising other people all the time, to focus on the positives of their own existences, however small. That negativity is a hard habit to break, but there's something important that I've finally learned; to surround myself with the positive people I want to emulate. Seeing my situation from their perspective is so inspiring that I can see their attitudes eventually rubbing off on me. :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
IM TOTALLY IN AWE OF YOUR INTERLECTUAL ABILITIES.ALSO I`M IN AWE OF YOUR BEAUTY,LOVELY GIRL.I THINK YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND I DONT THINK YOU LET YOUR HEALTH ISSUES AFFECT YOU,GOOD GIRL ,I LOVE YOUR SPIRIT ...GO GET ÈM...LOVE FROM SHORTYCAT
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team_Pringle
9 years ago
A huge reminder to not be lured to these dumb forums lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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