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M53

Well that was an interesting experiment...

October 26 2015

couples club

monogamy

polgamy

relationships

trust

Been off Pie for the last 6 months as I met a vanilla girl who was just too irresistible not to try going back to monogamy for. Turned out to be an interesting experience. When I met her I told her I was polyamorous (hate that word but can't think up a substitute) and she said she was monogamous for a serious relationship but would try out the scene with me as a FWB. So we did the Couples Club a couple of times and she had her first girl-girl with a great couple we met up with from here. But it really wasn't her thing and so I thought it was only reasonable seeing she'd gone a long way out of her comfort zone to try my end of the spectrum that I do the same for her. So I went monogamous with her. I thought it was going to be really difficult - it's pretty hard to put the lid on the Pandora's Box of playing at the Club and with other couples once you've opened it. But it turned out to be easier than I thought it would be. The irony was that she just couldn't believe that having been polyamorous I could go back to monogamy so we eventually broke up over that trust issue amongst other things - she believed I was cheating on her continuously when I wasn't at all so that distrust became a deal breaker for me - it's terminally demotivating when you you're really extending yourself in a relationship and your partner thinks you're doing the opposite. So would you go back to vanilla if you met someone who ticked a whole bunch of important boxes but could only do monogamy?

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    So would make no difference to me. If I have a great lover...why do I need more? Guess that makes me vanilla. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Has nothing to do with monogamous sex...so I have to correct last statement, I am definitely not vanilla....😈 - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • LightCatcher

    LightCatcher

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'nortyfortyxx' So would make no difference to me. If I have a great lover...why do I need more? Guess that makes me vanilla. - Posted from rhpmobile Personally I tend to think monogamy is not playing separate from your partner ie you're always together whether with another single, couple or group. But she just wanted it to be us and no one else at all which was a big change for me but turned out to be less of a challenge than I thought it would be - mind you it was only 6 months - probably wouldn't have worked for me indefinitely but well Never say never :)

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  • sahzpete

    sahzpete

    9 years ago

    We have been married for 38 years and have been swingers for about 5 and no I would not want to go back to a monogamy as you said ones you have opened Pandora’s box it is very hard to close that lid, but in saying that, the only way I would if it was causing any problems or issues in our marriage as that comes first them yes we would close that lid.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Monogamous? Probably.

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  • missmyyear2016

    missmyyear2016

    9 years ago

    Giving monogamy a chance as of this weekend so will see how that goes many years since I have been but we can change IMO xo

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    When Ive been in commited relationships, Ive never wanted to swing or see others. I only get experimental when Im single. And I met my last partner of 8 yrs on a swingers site( go figure!!) but none of my 3 long terms have wanted to either. Doesnt mean I wouldnt in the future though but wouldnt bother me.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    but I've thought about it quite a lot and I suspect from my past history that I'm not cut out for monogamy. Would probably be fine for awhile but I have a feeling my urge to explore would always get the better of me. So, I think if I was to have another relationship it would need to be with someone who is open to an alternative arrangement.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    you make it sound like being involved in this site requires us to fuck - or try to at least - anything that moves....lol Relationships are what you make of it....some people can handle it, others pretend to, and then there are those that can't period... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    9 years ago

    For the right person....... they'll get my everything. DG

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    But Id still want an awesome sexual relationship with that person.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    never

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_silk' But Id still want an awesome sexual relationship with that person. Of course! If you didn't have an awesome relationship with them, in all ways, it's not the right person right? I think some people are wary of relationships in general, as they may not have got want they needed or wanted out of previous ones, and perhaps worried that history will repeat. So they associate being single with freedom, which is a rather sad thought as I would like to believe the right person will benefit and widen your life experience rather than restricting it, regardless of whether that relationship is monogamous or not.

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  • PatchworkGirl

    PatchworkGirl

    9 years ago

    The right person gets all of me. I can, have, and will do monogamous. I'm only interested in being involved in a relationship that works for me as much as it does for the other person. For that kind of relationship? Yep, I'd do anything.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    And the same as what Silk said 😊

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    OP, sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out. Trust is a huge thing and if it's not there, things become very difficult as you find out. At least you gave a good shot. For me, if you define vanilla as being mostly missionary position with a bit of doggy and some oral thrown in on special occasions then no, I couldn't go back to it :). Monogamy - absolutely. Although I have a Hotwife fantasy, it's more of a 'would be nice to have' than a 'gotta have'... I'd willingly forgo it for the right person.

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  • TheLuckyOne

    TheLuckyOne

    9 years ago

    I've always been more vanilla than anything else, so I don't feel the need to look for anything more when I am perfectly happy with the amazing man that I have. 😃

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  • LightCatcher

    LightCatcher

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'Astrild' OP, sorry to hear your relationship didn't work out. Trust is a huge thing and if it's not there, things become very difficult as you find out. At least you gave a good shot. For me, if you define vanilla as being mostly missionary position with a bit of doggy and some oral thrown in on special occasions then no, I couldn't go back to it :). Monogamy - absolutely. Although I have a Hotwife fantasy, it's more of a 'would be nice to have' than a 'gotta have'... I'd willingly forgo it for the right person. Thanks Astrild - appreciate your empathy. Couldn't agree more re trust and yes I certainly feel I gave it all I had and then some :) Yes I agree with everyone here that there is monogamy and then there is vanilla and that I was using vanilla in the wrong sense. What I meant by being monogamous and also being vanilla was actually being monogamous and having no other sexual partners at all even with your partner. So then RHP brains trust what is the term for when you only have sex with other people in the presence or at least near proximity of your partner? I mean technically that isn't monogamy but it's a kind of extension of monogamy, as opposed to an open relationship which I understand to mean that either or both parties can have independent sexual connections without their partner.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Would I go back to vanilla? No. I class myself as monogamous but I am FAR from vanilla. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • Enjoylifealways

    Enjoylifealways

    9 years ago

    I am poly ,at the moment I am only in a relationship with hubby but my mind set isn't monogamist I couldn't change that without not being true to myself. I could stop seeing others but my I couldn't change my options without not being true to myself.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Dan Savage coined the term monogamish..which applies to couples on a committed relationship who have sex with other peopłe xxFreya

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  • AnnieWhichway

    AnnieWhichway

    9 years ago

    But generally we are playing with labels a bit here. Vanilla term is too broad and can mean too many things. And manogamy........ I have 2 personalities. I can be manogamous to 2 people??? My male half was manogamous for 20 years whereas i was a slut.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    With the right person, but not vanilla. Although vanilla has different meanings for different people, but to me its the missionary or doggy with lights out scenario. I like the idea of an open relationship but realistically, being older, Id be more than happy with the one guy who ticked most of the boxes.

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  • LightCatcher

    LightCatcher

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'Freya70' Dan Savage coined the term monogamish..which applies to couples on a committed relationship who have sex with other peopłe xxFreya Thanks Freya - love it

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  • LightCatcher

    LightCatcher

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'outofthisworld95' Giving monogamy a chance as of this weekend so will see how that goes many years since I have been but we can change IMO xo Hope you have better luck than I

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    Whether it's monogamy, polygamy, enjoying a "Vanilla"( incidentally, I don't care for that term ) or simple sex life, or something a bit more exotic...I feel that what's key in any relationships should be an honesty of intentions between all parties. Knowing where you stand...and vice versa...with regard to the other/s, is useful to leading a less stressful existence. And who wants more stress...? Not me.

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  • LightCatcher

    LightCatcher

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' For the right person....... they'll get my everything. DG ...would there be any "not quite right but Yummm" who would also get something?

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  • LightCatcher

    LightCatcher

    9 years ago

    Quoting 'PatchworkGirl' The right person gets all of me. I can, have, and will do monogamous. I'm only interested in being involved in a relationship that works for me as much as it does for the other person. For that kind of relationship? Yep, I'd do anything. Couldn't agree more

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    9 years ago

    That I am probably vanilla with a twist..I forget who came up with that..I have a couple of little kinks but men either love doing it to me or are scared of hurting me which I find very off putting xxFreya

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