M72
What men crave in a sexless relationship
July 15 2017
Comments
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PurePeony
7 years ago
Hmm... I love sex. I love men. But basically, because I love myself more and don't wish to play 2nd fiddle, I choose to only have sex with single men. I want absolutely no part in any dramas / fallouts / fury from angry, revengeful wives. I do not wish to chalk up bad karma points and be at the receiving end of divine justice when I get married / attached one day only to find out that my husband / partner had been having affairs behind my back. Worse, I'd be crushed if young children are in the picture - I don't want to be perceived as a "home wrecker" ever! So yes, a married man may have his needs and circumstances. But taking care of my own needs and wants is this bachelorette's perogative. :)
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Livingandloving2
7 years ago
But I hope you find happiness Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Peony on This one. Your other post explains your tough situation but it doesn't make it right or attractive to someone else. Karmas a bitch 👍🏻 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Mr Tj here, I can certainly empathise (different to sympathise) with your situation and am sorry that you are in such a position. I hope that you are able to find personal happiness and fulfilment. My experience is that this comes with being honest to yourself most importantly and in addition having a clear conscience. However you achieve that in your situation only you can really know. I can most certainly understand why some may judge those in Johns situation, these reasons have been discussed in these forums a fair bit, however I do think it is unfortunate that some people can have an initial reaction of judgement and negativity rather than compassion and empathy. Again when I see these negative responses I feel sorry for those making the judgements because of the difficult situations that they must have had to bring about these feelings. I would never condone dishonesty in a relationship and have found that within my wife and my relationship our honesty with each other combined with a mutual wish for each other to be truely happy and have exciting experiences has seen the development of in my eyes, a perfect relationship (well as close to perfect as you can get when dealing with human fallibility). We are all human and should have happiness, however that is achieved. We could all stand to have a little less judgement and a little more compassion. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
If you weren't married, no kids etc. Why did you stay in a relationship with no sex, intimacy or affection or why did he? I don't understand that. Sounds like you were both u happy, confused why it continued for so long and haven't you said he ended up cheating? You see I think that right there is what happens, two human beings not happy but feel stuck in a relationship. At that point, if one cheats I feel both are responsible. Both should have walked away earlier. TJ, I also feel sorry for people making those comments 👍
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RHP User
7 years ago
Pfft no-one believes that shit except the person wishing bad karma 😀
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RHP User
7 years ago
Being in a similar situation I absolutely empathise. Missing all of the above & probably feeling guilty for seeking it. Make peace with your decision & your reasons & hope gor understanding. X
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inspirit
7 years ago
I wrote a forum on this topic a few years ago. "Why do married men cheat". It was very insightful and personally I learnt a lot, as did quite a few other forum folk. Mostly I leanrt not to judge another's reasons for cheating and to have empathy. If you find the forum it is a good read. The conclusion drawn from the many men who did post from their honesty was, they need the intimacy and to feel they were desired. Men too have feelings and they're not unlike womans. Judgements should be kept at the door and before you come through it, look into your own paddock and ask yourself before you make a judgement on someone's personal life, if you have not experienced what they have, then should You? I have experienced both ends of the stick and even tho I won't judge, I know how it feels. Good luck John and I hope you find a happy medium. - Posted from rhpmobile
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OkeyDoke45
7 years ago
I had a sexless relationship many years ago, it was not a loveless relationship but definitely a sexless relationship. She loved cuddling, snuggling and spooning in bed but that was about it. We loved each other and enjoyed each other's company, but the sex just wasn't there. It turned into a rather sad feedback loop - the more I was rejected the more I wanted it, the more I wanted it the more disgusting she found me and the more she rejected me. I was young (in my early twenties), I was incredibly sexual with no outlet for it and my thoughts did start to stray. I went out with some work colleagues one night and I could have gone home with this one woman if I wished. And man, did I wish. I didn't go home with her though, but I can sure understand how others would.
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RHP User
7 years ago
As someone in the same boat I empathise. I think youre right. Its the lack of intimacy and the rejection that hurts the most. Like any other human we want to be wanted. Being deprived of one's most basic human needs for long periods of time starts playing tricks on your mind. I recently mentioned this on another thread but check out r/deadbedrooms on reddit. Its a great support group. The most surprising part for me was that just as many women are on there complaining about the same thing, so it is not a gender issue. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Smilingwithfun
7 years ago
One should never judge unless you have walked in those shoes
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Smilingwithfun
7 years ago
One should never judge unless you have walked in those shoes
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RHP User
7 years ago
Everyone is allowed an opinion. Doesn't mean it's wrong, negative or judgemental and it surprises me how many people are quick to attack others with views that differ to theirs. When you post a question, you leave yourself open to the good, the bad and the ugly, no matter what you may agree with. It's up to you (OP) what you take advice from and what you ignore. I acknowledged it was a tough situation and no one appears to be denying OP needs or wants. We are all human. And that goes for both sexes. For me personally I take the vow " in sickness and in health " serious. It's not just about OP, there's 2 people in every relationship( or sometimes 3 or 4 😬) and it's not just about what he wants but the vow he made to his wife. She's important too. And she has feelings. Just because she is unfortunately very sick doesn't mean she does not get the right to respect. He asked for people's thoughts and that's what he has got. Please do not attack or do the passive aggressive bull crap to people for giving him what he has asked for even if it's different to what you think. We are all adults, let's start try acting like them eh? But this is all only IMHO 👍🏻😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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nibblemebi
7 years ago
Mr T and OP.. it's the result of a breakdown of communication within a relationship. Without honest and open communication and respect then everyone loses in this scenario ultimately. I'm not judging, I've been there too. You cannot go anywhere when faced with a stonewall. - Posted from rhpmobile
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nibblemebi
7 years ago
I couldn't agree more.. it is not a gender thing! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Ok well help me with this please . I'm currently seeing someone on and off . It's more off as she is a big girl . Has a heart of gold but the connection for me is just not there . I'm a x pro fighter and I love keeping fit but I always try to encourage her to get up and go for a walk or something but just to lazy . Our bedroom stuff has taken a huge slide . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Having come out of a relationship where the intimacy just died out after 10 years, I can understand where you are coming from. Too be honest the intimacy thing (or lack of it) was more of an issue to me than the lack of sex. We emotionally just drifted apart and started down two different paths. My ex and I are still friends (in fact still live in the same house as I am basically like a Dad to her son) but have moved in separate directions with regard to our personal lives. Neither of us have ever cheated on the other while we were a couple and had too much respect for each other to do so. We both have totally different interests now but have a common bond with our son (maybe not by blood but I still think of him as my son) and dog. We have openly discussed when we have feelings for others and (while it was difficult at first) basically now live as housemates but with joint responsibilities when it comes to things around the house. Whether this is a long term thing, who knows, but respect and communication are the big thing. Sometimes you just have to have the tough conversations and make difficult decisions. No point in complaining and being unhappy.
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Freaky_Fun
7 years ago
There's so much advice l would like to give you but I'm afraid l would be banned from the site if l said what l wanted to say. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
7 years ago
I sympathize with the OP and the very situation has led to many open relationships. There is also the situation that if an open situation has not been gifted, it's important that no further pain is passed on to the partner. Easier said than done though and good intentions often turn to shit. OP, it's your life too, so respect your decision, do the best you can to give yourself happiness whilst trying to give her happiness as well. Dividing yourself isn't easy. Good luck
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RHP User
7 years ago
I've been in a sexless relationship for over 8 years. I first thought she wasn't attracted to me anymore but I have now come to realise that she just doesn't want sex with me or anyone else for that matter. It's not just sex but the intimacy that I miss. I would be happy for a kiss, touch or cuddle but she runs from that as it will lead to sex. Hard for someone to understand that has not been through it and it is even more difficult with children involved. Hence why I am on RHP like a lot of other married men - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Everyone has different needs and opinions. We need to be less judgmental in all aspects of life. All of you that are in relationships with people and are lacking in intimacy or affection need to realize that a big majority of your partners are probably feeling exactly the same way. Not all, I know that. Sometimes the biggest thing that's lacking is communication. And don't think for a second that if you are seeing someone behind your partners back that they don't know. They know. They may choose to ignore it, deal with it asap or deal with it when they are ready. But trust me. It's not a matter of if... But when. I for one don't judge anyone on either side of this debate. It is what it is and it's done because we all think we need something new instead of fixing what we have. If it can't be fixed then go from there. Just keep one thing in your mind always, if I was in the other person's shoes how would I react if I found out? My opinion and my opinion alone. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Wise words. In my case its not a lack of communication as I'm very open and will discuss both our needs.......hasn't helped at all. I'm still not totally comfortable with my choice either but I have exhausted all avenues to make things work. Going through this has been a big learning curve for me, I've always seen black and white, always judged people for their decision and choices in relationships. I've come to learn that everything happens for a reason, there are shades of grey. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I understand what you're saying. Some of us just have needs. But I do think people need to be less judgmental. And apparently there are shades of grey.... Fifty of them. 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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