M48
What to do?
September 06 2016
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
I strongly urge you to seek professional help. Preferably as a couple but go alone if your wife won't attend. We also only have your side of the story here. I know what it's like to be trapped in a long marriage when the sex is not working and I truly sympathise with you. The problem won't go away on it's own and playing on here without your wife's knowledge (I'm making an assumption) is not the answer. You may be thinking you can't leave - kids, finances etc. (again more assumptions) but speaking from experience the problem will only get worse. I say all this without judgement and from a place of deep sympathy. I really hope you find a solution.
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DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
Does your wife know that you have a single male profile on here? And that you have ticked " safe sex if required" ? So are your intentions to have sex with others (via RHP) without using a condom, and to then go home to your wife and have occasional sex with her, again without a condom? And thus expose her to potential STI's ? Marriage, love and sex is a two way street, that requires both partners to each give 100% , not 50 %. If your wife no longer wants to be intimate with you, more than likely it is because she is not feeling loved or appreciated. Of course we are just making an assumption as we have not, as yet, heard her side of the story.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I don't agree with dynamic couple. 'More than likely she's not feeling loved and appreciated' pfft and the judgement, we are all here for the same reason, okay the single profile needs to be changed to attached or married, whatever, but seeking sexual fulfillment outside a marriage, where else would you suggest the op go to do that? Now my opinion on your situation op, is something I'd rather discuss in private, there's so much that can't be said on here. I will say this, it sounds like you are really trying to make it work, you really sound like you are looking at different options, you've been getting her off and you seem to understand the pain for her and want to find a solution. In a sense, without hearing her side of the story, there are always two sides to the story, but from what you've told us, I think she's being lazy, she's so concerned about getting off herself, and makes no effort to pleasure you? So she doesn't even like giving oral? God, she clearly hasn't yet discovered how giving pleasure, in turn pleasures us/her. I can't have sex without giving pleasure, the arousal from that makes me orgasm again, even after the guy has got me there numerous times. I love it, and couldn't imagine not wanting to do that, so there's a big problem right there. Will your marriage survive while you're waiting for her to figure that out, who knows. Sexual incompatibility will most times either end a marriage or have two people plod along through life unhappy, sometimes ending in the same result but wishing you'd left years earlier. I'm not advising you to do that, but don't waste your life trying to push shit uphill, we all deserve to be happy. Ask her if she wants to try to fix things, I don't know what else you can do, but she needs to start learning to give pleasure so she can discover how amazing that is, without that, I think you have problems. Absolutely no judgement from me btw
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hi Blaze, I've noticed you haven't mentioned anything about talking to your wife about this, about your needs and giving her the opportunity to talk about her needs and coming to a compromise. Have you done this? Have you tried talking about emotions as this can play a big part of sex for a lot of women, especially in a relationship? Do you help out around the house? Many men will say they do, but just like sex is a two way street, running a household is much the same too. Does she feel that you're sitting and watching tv while she's cooking tea in the kitchen? I'm not making any assumptions but I often find these are little things that mean a lot to women but men overlook. If none of that helps, I'd agree with PhoenixGirl and seek some help through counselling.
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RHP User
8 years ago
May be able to help you both as there are a few incompatibilities you mention .You say there are many different reasons for this but don't elaborate. After years of having sex in the same way with the same man,women can become incredibly bored.Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
what about if you play with yourself in the shower - get yourself close, go turn her on but don't get her off then have sex- as you were already close in the shower you might cum quickly once inside her?
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
She can reach orgasm, she cant be experiencing too much pain. I mean who can climax when they are under duress? And yes there are too sides to the story and the OP's side paints her as a selfish lover/bitch
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RHP User
8 years ago
I'm amazed that most of the comments are actually about me having a profile here than actually replying to the question I've asked. My status is married and yes I have safe Sex If required I will change it to safe sex always to keep everyone happy. I might even put in there that I have tatts, I drink, smoke and have a penis stud. Anyone can put whatever they like in their profile doesn't mean it's real. I can take criticism so please don't think I'm cracking the shits cos I'm Not. I only made the profile to access the chat and forums on the site. Anyway PhoenixGirl I'm not playing around on here honestly I've thought about it but have never gone through with it as I'm sure I'll get caught. DynamicCouple36 The only time I've ever had unprotected sex on the first night was with 1 girl and she's been my wife for 18 yrs now. Even though sex without condoms is so much better if and I mean IF I decided to do something dodge and fuck around im not stupid id defiantly use protection so I'll change my status to clarify that. The feeling "loved and appreciated bit" It goes both ways I can only Talk to her so many times and get the same responses eventually I just agree and I get over it. I_touch_myself2 Thanks for your feedback. She's never liked oral even from the first date I guess I thought maybe it would change but after 18 years don't think that's a possibility. Would love her to change her mind that's for sure. Miss the feeling of oral WiccaWitch I do a shit load around the property. I cook, clean, look after the kids when she's out with her mates which is where she is tonight, I work 60-70 hrs a week and still do a lot around the place. Only thing I don't do is the washing. Kinda my pet hate. I've spoken to her more times than I can remember. She's very strong minded and there's nothing I can say or do to change her mind. That's the freedom we all have. Qefenta1 Really the reasons are just life, having kids, my work, her work, jealousy from both of us about people we work with working on our property, my business all these things have a impact on our lives. I agree with the boring part, I've tried to talk to her and mix things up a bit but no luck. I've asked her to suggest things but I get nothing from her. I try and I get shot down all the time. So I don't bother any more. If I get sex I get sex. If I don't I go have a wank which Mrs Palmer and her daughters gets old after a while. PoisonIV Sounds interesting I might try it but she's not the adventurous type so she'd more be thinking " what the fuck am I thinking doing that " So all up at the moment everyone's thinking we need to see a sex therapist ? That will be an interesting conversation with my wife. I've probably said something wrong that some people may not like so I apologize in advance. Thanks for the comments can't wait to get more. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
Dont hide your masturbation. Do it in the bed beside her even if she objects. Show her you have needs in the bedroom. If she doesnt like it. Stiff, so to speak. Its a place of comfort and you deserve better than the shower. If you want to escalate things. Stick a porn on and let her catch you wanking over it. Give her a clear message. Good luck Annie
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RHP User
8 years ago
sorry I did mean to say also that I agree with dynamic couple about the safe sex thing. She doesn't deserve the risk of you bringing something nasty home, that's not fair and however you choose to proceed, always be safe. If I had a partner who was putting my health, my life potentially at risk, I'd be furious. That's not acceptable in any language. Perhaps you filled out your profile in a hurry, so not attacking you, but please be careful not to put her at risk
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Missb4u
8 years ago
With Annie.
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
Obviously more to the story than what is in this OP.You had a "Cheating or Not Cheating" post in May. Dont give us half a story. Was/is she cheating?And why didn't you mention it here? Or are you after a particular answer to justify you being on RHP.Not judging, just asking
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inspirit
8 years ago
Good on you OP for sticking it up the critics. Nice to see someone stand their ground in the sandpit. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsJonesy
8 years ago
She says you hurt her more after she cums than you do before she cums? Can you explain this, because this may be a clue to what is happening or at the very least some insight into her mindset about sex.
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
Chiming in with your valuable insight.
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N4November
8 years ago
Communication is key. I think both of you need full medical checks - especially if your wife experiences pain during sex! See a couples therapist. Go by yourself if she is unwilling. My only comment as an outsider looking in, is that the emphasis for you is on cumming and nothing else! Physical touch leads to intimacy and trust. Trust allows you to give a receive pleasure. And the result is the connection and intimacy. To be in a relationship without this is heartbreaking. I hope it works out for you both xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'MsJonesy' She says you hurt her more after she cums than you do before she cums? Can you explain this, because this may be a clue to what is happening or at the very least some insight into her mindset about sex. the op needs to answer this, but my thought was that the clit can be incredibly sensitive/sore after orgasm, it is for me. One of the reasons I do vaginal/squirting orgasms with guys and the full clit orgasms solo, is because I can't go near it, can't touch it after orgasm. If anyone else did, I'd throw them across the room lol it throbs and is really sore, I can cup my hand and put my whole hand over my pussy, but directly on the clit, not a chance. So although i'm only assuming, my thought was that once she orgasms, it's too sensitive to touch. And with mine, it's quite a while before I can go near it again, and it's hard to orgasm again unless I have a decent break, the other orgasms however, I can orgasm over and over no problem, easy as, not sore at all. Just my thoughts. The op I'm sure will clarify that If my theory is correct, the order of events would need to change, so he gets his pleasure too if indeed we're getting the whole story. Op I'm also interested to have you talk about that other thread you started. Are there other problems that have been in play, some detail you've left out?
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RHP User
8 years ago
1. You ARE here to cheat.....is it justifiable?? Only needs to be to you....currently your conscience is not allowing you to....but if you could get away with it you would.... 2. I have no doubt you know the road you want to take, but it seems so fucken scary that you're paralysed by it. 3. Grow some kahunas and take a step. It doesn't matter a fuck if its the wrong one, who's to say its right or wrong?? Only you can decide what's best for your situation. 4. You're at a fork in the road and I think you realise it....if you continue on the path of indecision you have everything to lose.....choose a path toward a resolution and you've got everything to gain..... Up to you really......but this hasn't been some thing that has just popped up....you've been ignorant to it for a while now....the rest is up to you...good luck whatever you decide
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RHP User
8 years ago
It hurts her more after she cums.... My thoughts based on info you have given...... if she complains of it hurting but can cum she is probably faking it, and the fact you state its all very quick suggests she wants the deed done and dusted asap do you will leave her alone..... Has your wife been raped...or even a survivor of child sexual abuse, because the responses from her you describe are very normal for a victim who has not dealt with the abuse. I suggest some deep conversations with her..... and if she is a survivor of sexual abuse I suggest you get some professional advice on how to approach her about this as confronting her may push her further away from you you all together. As a survivor of rape myself, I found your side of the story sounding very selfish and uncaring of your wife, yet immediately identified with her behavior you described as that was how I was with my ex of 12 years after he raped me. The only time sex lasted longer than my faked orgasm was when he raped me again.....You have been together for a long time, and yet seem clueless as to why she is the way she is sexually.......I find that rather strange Btw...my ex is now in prison....14 year sentence.... And after year's of therapy I no longer have to fake an orgasm, and sex is amazing.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Some guys are so focused on sex that they forget the other things that are important in a relationship. I know sex is a big part of any relationship ( icluding mine and I have a FIFO partner so have to make the most of his time home ) But he treats me like his Queen, helps around the house and always tells me he loves me, we make time for dinner dates and are 100% honest with each other. Communication is vital. When was the last time you took your wife out? Its not just about your cock. But...if you are being loving towards her and theres still no sex then you need to question how she feels towards you. People stay in relationships because they feel they have to, when they could admit that it has run its course and move on with the chance to be happy again. Cheating might seem like an answer but only causes sadness and hurt.
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RHP User
8 years ago
If te OP made a profile just so he could visit the forums for advice, putting in all the details, height, orientation and taking the time writing in what he is looking for, coupled with the info in this thread yells to me he is just trying to justify cheating on his wife, and that cheating is his main goal. Would be nice to see people give their partner the true respect they deserve, leave them, or be open with them and let them choose if they find it acceptable or not. If its a genuine medical reason or just not compatible sexually, and the love is true, then acceptance of an open marriage does happen. If roles are reversed I assume the OP is more than happy if his wife seeked sexual pleasure elsewhere as well....so why not discuss it and give her the option? - Posted from rhpmobile
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DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
The pain could be due to her pelvic floor muscles contracting and tightening after an orgasm, which may then make her tighter, hence painful to continue with penetrative sex after climax. We suggest she goes to a gynae to have an internal examination . Then if things are found to be too tight , then a physio is recommended. We are talking from experience here. She will be taught how to relax those muscles. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
She has actually had internal Physio before and couldn't stand it. I don't blame her either I wouldn't enjoy it much. Sounds extremely painful. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I appreciate you are asking for help but this seems to be a really complex situation and as many are saying this only gives one side of the story. So no judgement as that is all you have to give. Perhaps you wife needs a medical check to firstly make sure there is nothing wrong that might be causing the pain. Many women get hypersensitive straight after an orgasm and it may just simply be this. The average actual intercourse time is only generally 3-6 minutes which has been verified by a number of studies around the world. So check you own expectations, real life is very different to porn but good luck those doing better. Perhaps concentrate on sensuality over sex. Above all you guys needs some help and looking outside the relationship is not going to fix anything. If you are committed then seek professional help either together or if she won't go then on your own. You can only change yourself anyway so look at your actions and possible contributions to the issues, work on those and hopefully she will feel valued and be more open with you about your relationship and sex life but it will take time so be patient. I hope you find the right person to assist you and you can turn things around. Sexuality but more important sensual touch is a basic human need so keep working at it.
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DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
We were not suggesting internal physio at all . They might need to do an internal ultrasound though. If they find the muscles to be very tight, then she will simply be taught relaxation exercises that don't use any internal penetrations, although a vibrator used in gentle side to side motion will help - Posted from rhpmobile
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DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
We were not suggesting internal physio at all . They might need to do an internal ultrasound though. If they find the muscles to be very tight, then she will simply be taught relaxation exercises that don't use any internal penetrations, although a vibrator used in gentle side to side motion will help - Posted from rhpmobile
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Livingandloving2
8 years ago
Whatever is going on here it sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain, as is your wife, reading between the lines. A forum offers you points of view tainted oftentimes from people's personal past and perspective. Something as important as your marriage should be discussed with a professional who is trained to be objective. Sometimes.... You may need to go to a few before you feel comfortable. If you feel your wife wouldn't be open to the idea- you can still go by yourself and should be able to work on any issues you may bring to the table. When your wife sees how invested you are in increasing the happiness in your marriage she will hopefully agree to go as well. Good luck to you! I wonder if this was a woman discussing how her husband only concerned himself with his orgasm and always failed to assist her to "finish" , would we be reading much more compassionate and non judgemental comments? Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Livingandloving2' I wonder if this was a woman discussing how her husband only concerned himself with his orgasm and always failed to assist her to "finish" , would we be reading much more compassionate and non judgemental comments? noooo, I'm sure it would be just the same ;) (actually these replies were friendlier than I expected given past experiences of how these threads go)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose' Quoting 'Livingandloving2' I wonder if this was a woman discussing how her husband only concerned himself with his orgasm and always failed to assist her to "finish" , would we be reading much more compassionate and non judgemental comments? noooo, I'm sure it would be just the same ;) (actually these replies were friendlier than I expected given past experiences of how these threads go) I thought he was going to get a roasting too. On account for it being all about him and secondly the married and cheating on RHP angle.
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RHP User
8 years ago
good luck op, hope it works out for you
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Sawadee
8 years ago
Sex is no longer what it once was . One (usually the man ) likes to think he can kick start the days when she was hot to trot. But it's easier for her to concentrate on her orgasm then off to sleep. Not by choice , it's familiarity, predictablility and quite honestly boring, and it's how we handle it that finally shows what we're made of. Providing both are on the same wavelength , a swinging lifestyle can be a way to for both to rediscover each other. Only food for thought because what suits one doesn't always suit the other , but I'm sure there are other ways I don't know of.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I agree, stir up the nest, they'll either sink or swim but staying like that, it'll never get any better IMHO
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Sawadee
8 years ago
Exactly.. Waiting for a miracle is like watching paint dry.. Boring and soul destroying..
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RHP User
8 years ago
I hope Blaze comes back now that you have beaten him into submission and solved his marriage problems. Lol. ;-)
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