RHP

RHP User

M52

What to do if your FB/FWB falls for you?

December 12 2014

Hi all been on here for ages and look at different posts and stuff and never said anything but in a bit of dilemma……I understand this site there are single and couples,people who are attached, who play with their partner knowing and not knowing….I have always been a straight shooter call it black or white never grey but what happens when you play with a person who is attached and they tell you they are falling for you….Issue is the sex is great but I can’t give her relationship she seeking as been thru a nasty separation and not chasing partner at this stage(well not with her)and don’t want to break up the relationship she is in….yes I will get some back lash as playing with a person who has a partner but also their partner can’t have sex due to his own health issues….happy to keep having fun with this person but if this how she feels and I told her this can’t be I rather stop seeing her and happy to be friends only then she says all good I was only joking about my feeling we start sleeping together then after a while she says the same thing….guess what I am asking should I cut off or let her deal with her feeling just don’t want to hurt that person as not in the game to do that.

Comments

  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad

    10 years ago

    Euro... if you are as straight a shooter as you claim.... you already know the answer because you will have TOLD her the answer. She thinks there is a "grey" option.... only because you simply haven't made the black and white answer clear. And because of this, and what you've said about separation issues..... .... I have to ask.... ....is this person you separated from part of your black and white world of open relationships... or were they living in the grey area, unaware?! You asked for opinions. Mine would be.... sort your shit before inviting more shit upon yourself. DG

  • Plain

    Plain

    10 years ago

    It is time to say that you are in a GREY area and you have been since you decided to hook up with this person. Always always make your intentions perfectly clear what this is all about and what you want out of life, now heres the hard bit. Blokes talk about black and white, but dont think about the consequences of being in these particular affairs, sure you want the sex but nothing else. If you are black and white now is the time to quit the relationship and drop the friendship thing entirely as not to make the situation deteriorate any further and for you exit relatively unscathed for the lady I am afraid a lot more damage and thats what a lot of us guys ( myself included) forget or just dont think about as possibly happening as a result of these affairs.`The old story about cake comes to mind here!!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    "I was only joking about my feeling we start sleeping together then after a while she says the same thing…." Did you just say the above to get into her pants? Now that she reciprocates the feelings, its too much for you? Your B&W mixed with the above tends to create........Well, lets just say a lot of grey Think if the shoe was on the other foot. I'd try to fix this real quick so that she can make an informed decision, keep some form of dignity, and not feel used.

  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    10 years ago

    Yep! Sort your own shit out FIRST before anyone else..sounds all too messy for me. You are what I call an emotionally unavailable man, in a sticky situation. How I see it, A straight shooter wouldn't place themselves in this situation. Foxy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    but for some reason I'm thinking about all those posters who have said on here that it's safe to play with people who are attached, because those people will never develop any feelings for their play partners... Anyway, in my view you need to end it and walk away. No 'just being friends' either. You should have walked away after the first time she told you she had feelings...she only said she was joking to try and stop you from ending it, and it worked. Now it sounds as though she is even more invested. I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone but fact is it's probably too late in this case, no matter what you do or say now. When you play adult games there is always a risk of hurting or being hurt, that's the trade off we have to accept if we want to experience the pleasure life has to offer.

  • Twisted_Mister

    Twisted_Mister

    10 years ago

    Do you want to do the wrong thing and knowingly play your part in wrecking a relationship that already has its problems, or.... Do you want to miss out on the spectacular sex that's now coming with baggage? I know which option I'd be taking. The second one, in case you were confused. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • On_Safari

    On_Safari

    10 years ago

    I'm mot condemning your actions, I'm there myself however I've NEVER entertained the idea he would ever leave for me and he has always made that clear to me anyway. She has invested in you emotionally, you need to man up and tell her the full on blunt reality for you and her, discuss each others expectations open and honest. Evaluate where you're both at then see how it goes. Her life (for whatever reason) is complicated and the health of her husband is also relevant here, not just what you two are doing without his knowledge. Her issues are hers, don't make them yours or 3 people are going to be hurt. If she's looking for an out and thinks you're going to be it then you need to walk. She'll get over you.....

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    You already know the answer to your question and you will do precisely what suits you regardless of what anyone here says.

  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    10 years ago

    The old saying comes to mind.... You lose them, how you got them.... She is looking for an out, for someone to save her, running away from one into the safety of another's arms, can't be without a man, not really a healthy start to any relationship...... Yep walk away, fuck maybe even run.....💋 just my opinion.....

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Quoting 'Freya79' You already know the answer to your question and you will do precisely what suits you regardless of what anyone here says. Thanks all for input….. Mischeviouslad,….yes I am straight shooter and told her the first time she said this it can’t be, she stops calling then after a while she call and says she was only kidding. My separation is been for years just need to put my divorce in nothing with the ex at all…only talk cause of my child. No shit to sort lol just it was all fun in the adult game but know need to make the call to call it off before the shit gets deeper. Itstime37….never ever said that to get into her pants ever so it’s her call but think I will make the call to end it as not to create any more issues for her and yes fully understand if it was me and yes it’s happen to me in relationships and it’s I believe both parties fault when someone looks out side of what they have but that’s a different subject on a forum on what I have ask about.Superfoxy….what can I say straight shooter sometimes loses site and of course sometimes us males think with the wrong head typical of us sometimes. Luckdragon23…..yes they say play safe to play with attached people but this happens a lot guess even with the most seasoned swingers and so forth things happen and now I have to deal with what I have created and yes don’t want to hurt her feeling but looks like I have no other choice in my situation… Twisted_mister……second option is looks better but I have my own baggage so going back to my hand lol and keeping my own baggage lol.On_safari…..I walking as if I continue the issue will get harder to deal with and I can’t give her an out and she a nice lady but as you said she looking for an out and I am not her answer. Freya79….your right but never post anything and just wanted to hear others what they think but yes your right will do what suits myself and pretty sure we all do in life.. Lovnit28…..she a bit like my ex-wife as he was married before not that I broke up her marriage but this new person also has been married twice and like you said needs a man…to be honest everyone must be happy with themselves and either male or female don’t need a partner to complete themselves guess so I better put on my Nikes and start running. Thanks all again on your input on my first post….guess it all a learning experience.

  • Lovinit28andKC72

    Lovinit28andKC72

    10 years ago

    My mother was one if those women, she couldn't be alone.....I like to say "don't be a woman that needs a man, be a woman that a man needs." Good luck with everything.....💋

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    you were as black and white as you claim... Then when she mentioned said feelings to you; you'd have thanked her for being open and honest but not sought anything of a sexual nature thereafter. You may have told her that it's not what you want....but your actions are sending a different message. - Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    10 years ago

    Well had to make the call if I going to be black or white....she tells me all good and if I want to see her to get in contact next year....but don't think so.Will say this the sex was amazing but don't need the head games and can't give her what she wants so have and will stand by my call.....to walkThanks to all for their input....