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RHP

RHP User

M66

What to wear !!

August 22 2013

clothing

Scenario: You invite someone you know, but only as an acquaintance or friend, to a Black Tie forma function.   Men: Would you hint/suggest/ask what the lady is intending to wear?   Ladies: Would you be offended/mortified/so pissed off you could cut his nuts off if you were asked the above question?   The reason I asked this is I found myself in this situation a couple of years ago. Had to go to a formal military function, Black Tie (Mess Kit) required. For the ladies, After 5/cocktail dress/evening gown. The woman I was seeing at the time readily accepted the invitation but did hint she had never been to a function of that type. I did sit down with her and explain what happens, all the protocols etc., that goes with one of these events. She came down the weekend before and I showed her some photos of the previous Ball and she went quite quiet and asked why all the women were dressed up. Turned out she had no idea what an After 5/Cocktail dress was, she had apparently lived a sheltered life. So yes I bundled her in the car and headed for the nearest Westfield and helped her buy a lovely cocktail dress. But the incident did teach me to make a polite inquiry now, saves a lot of hassle and embarrassment.   Mooka

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    To brag. I'd say it all depends on the girl Mooka, does she have a stylish dress sense? If you are thinking she maybe on the same wave length as the previous lady, it might be a good idea to get the photos out again... I do not think its rude to ask if you are a little apprehensive that history may repeat itself.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    If I was visiting my parents the same weekend as your event, I would have been more than happy to have been your plus one - sure beats keno and dinner at the Soliders Point bowling club lol. :).

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I would actually ask you if there was something you would like me to wear, I like to dress to please and certainly if I was going to a bash with people I don't know I'd like to be dressed appropriately, but not all ladies are like myself. I don't think it would be insulting if you asked nicely, you can say you don't want to clash!

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  • subgal_gc

    subgal_gc

    11 years ago

    I don't think there is a problem with asking your partner what they are planning to wear on the night. As you found out, not everyone is aware of what After 5/cocktail wear is.

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  • madotara69

    madotara69

    11 years ago

    For a military after dinner cocktail night, I was 13 years old, Got drunk and landed in the sick bay, wakened half naked.Since then any formal invitation has required Blue denon jeans and an hawiian shirt. The lady can wear anything she likes.I would not attend a military fuction, even if they were offering the Star Ship Enterprise.Though I think you treated the lady as a Gentleman should.Mado

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I must say, when I moved to Oz ten years ago, I was quite shocked at the difference in fashion. In Holland dressing up for women I knew meant putting on a nice (but seriously understated) skirt and top, or perhaps something in linen when feeling reeeeaaally festive. I was certainly dumbstruck when I saw all that satin and those sequins at David Jones. And feathers, WTF? But really, I wouldn't mind being asked at what I was wearing at all., I'd be flattered you were interested. (Or perhaps concerned you'd want to borrow my dress). If you want to play it safe, you could mention you can't wait to see her dressed like a movie star. That should give her a hint, and did you know women are great at hints? Or maybe you could mention you'd like to see her dress to make sure your cravat doesn't clash with her colour scheme?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    My Mes kit is amazing. Just sayin'.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I would have no trouble with being asked what I thought I would wear. I would assume it was because you wanted to check so you could wear something that matched or at least didn't clash.

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  • Coops27M

    Coops27M

    11 years ago

    I have not had much need for this so far but it has piqued my interest for possible future need. As mado say's you seem like quite the gentleman Mooka (something that seems lacking with my generation IMO). I'm sure if you asked with a modicum of tact a proper lady would not be offended? @Mesmerised You mean to say we have only the pleasure of your company for 10 years? Well on behalf of australia i would like to say we are happy to have you here and please don't leave ;) Was going to write somethin in german here but my poor knowledge of it seems to have fled, also i'm not quite sure of the differences if any between german deutsch and Dutch Deutsch :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    when you ask her to accompany you,just say..''.and black tie means a cocktail dress or evening gown for the ladies...'' sounds like a stunning occasion Mooka,enjoy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Being a somewhat uneducated male when it comes to fashion I ask the lady what she is wearing and if she gets angry I just explain that I'll dress to whatever she wears so as to not make her feel uncomfortable.Conversely if she puts on something inappropriate for the occasion I will also try to lead her to something a little more right for the setting.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Quoting 'Coops27M'Was going to write somethin in german here but my poor knowledge of it seems to have fled, also i'm not quite sure of the differences if any between german deutsch and Dutch Deutsch :) The Netherlands is (are?) a European country roughly the size of Tasmania. It is also known as Holland, though technically North and South Holland are only two of its twelve provinces. The official language is Dutch, according to the Encyclopedia Brittannica also known as Netherlandic. (We will not mention Friesian is our second launguage.) Holland has NOTHING to do with Germany. As a rule the Dutch do not like the Germans (it's a WWII thing). And comparing the two is a cardinal sin. I may never talk to you again.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Ask if she is has a cocktail dress or whether she'd like you to go shopping with her. Major brownie points :)

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  • Coops27M

    Coops27M

    11 years ago

    Achtung! Mein Herz Brennt :(Dutch ( Nederlands (help·info)) is a West Germanic language and the native language of most of the population of the Netherlands, and about sixty percent of the populations of Belgium and Suriname, the three member states of the Dutch Language Union. Most speakers live in the European Union, where it is a first language for about 23 million and a second language for another 5 million people.[1][2]So its not german? its West Germanic? I used to speak to ppl from the netherlands and they spoke Deutsch like germans, my mistake and apologies :(.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    I think its in the way you word it, I like snuggle pot's suggestion. I actually would be offended if you asked in such a way that sounded condescending , as if id never dressed up before, or knew what a cocktail outfit was.Its needs to be subtle....frankly id be surprised if you came across a woman of your similar age that was oblivious to correct evening wear

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

    Thanks to all the great replies and to put minds at rest, yes in the incident I mentioned, I was tactful. When she saw the photos of the previous Balls, she asked if her pants suite would be okay and I suggested (very carefully I might add) that a pants suit would be inappropriate for the occasion and how about we go for a little shopping trip. If the situation came up again I would rather the woman be a little embarrassed with me that turn up and be embarrassed at the function.   In my experience it is normally quite evident if they have been to a formal function before or not, normally they are full of questions and ask me what they should wear and want me to go through all the protocols etc that happen during the evening.   Oh and Coops, mate cut your loses. While the Dutch language might have it's roots in the Germanic language, so does English and probably have a dozen other languages. Also there is no love lost between the Dutch and the Germans even today, the memories are still fresh so to speak.   Mooka

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    11 years ago

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