What's the protocol?

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  ?

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  wannabyummymummy

  13 years ago

  I'd say no, not a good idea.Put it this way how would you feel if he was talking about YOU to someone else???

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Discretion always....no one likes to the subject of a "Kiss and Tell"

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Why should you tell them?? All they need to know is it's always safe sex. The who and what has nothing to do with anyone else Hugs roxxy

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Maybe your wording is a bit confusing here but, i didnt get the impression you meant kiss and tell, but to actually tell each couple about contact and possibly playing?Correct me if Im wrong though by all means..If it's how I think you meant it, I would say that either couple isnt likely to get 'jealous' of you playing with some of their friends in their list , especially if your get together with the first couple went swimmingly. It would actually open a door for a bit of a rotation ever the optimist here Lol.The couple on their friends list may have contacted you because they know you actually follow through and meet due to you already playing with their friends, its a kind of recommendation really.....shows you are real, and they may even think, "well if they liked them and had a good time, chances are we will too"Im not sure there is a protocol as such with these things, just common curtesy, and if in doubt.....ask

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Is the question being misinterpreted? I'm reading it that TokenUtopian is concerned at upsetting their existing playmates by "treading on their toes" with this other couple?If that is the case, then if I was the couple concerned I would at least like to know if my playmates were hooking up with each other. It's not "kiss and tell" at that level. Of course everyone is different, but we've always worked on the premis that honesty is the number one "rule" in the swinging game, both between partners and between playmates. :)

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Thanks feels a little clearer - it's just that couple A mentioned a number of times that they have a circle of friends they play with regularly. So while no-one owns anyone-else we can't help but wonder if everyone would be happier if it were all out in the open. When we meet them it could feel like the elephant in the room, or like we're all pretending to be the dark.Is that what's expected of us?

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I'm a little surprised by how clear cut others think it is. I would have thought it was a courtesy to lay the cards on the table. Discretion is important, obviously, but who's to say they don't talk amongst themselves? This isn't about bragging, just avoiding potential awkwardness.Could you just ask your playmates "we've been contacted by __________. I saw they were on your friends list. What can you tell me about them? Good people?"Phrase it as an inquiry, ie. "would you recommend them?", rather than a question of permission "would you mind?".Takes the onus off you, and chances are they'll give you a glowing reference as endorsement. It also shows you're selective, which can only be a good thing.Then, down the track... sixsome!

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Thanks everyone, in true RedHotPie fashion it will probably be months before all the messaging actually goes anywhere so I can't feedback how we went yet.

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  Mr_MrsJones

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'neptune_drift'I'm a little surprised by how clear cut others think it is. I would have thought it was a courtesy to lay the cards on the table. Discretion is important, obviously, but who's to say they don't talk amongst themselves? This isn't about bragging, just avoiding potential awkwardness. Could you just ask your playmates "we've been contacted by __________. I saw they were on your friends list. What can you tell me about them? Good people?" Phrase it as an inquiry, ie. "would you recommend them?", rather than a question of permission "would you mind?". Takes the onus off you, and chances are they'll give you a glowing reference as endorsement. It also shows you're selective, which can only be a good thing. Then, down the track... sixsome! I will start off by saying I get your dilemma. I think that honesty is always the best policy but it is often on a case by case basis. We have had situations like this were both couples really weren't phased by the situation and then other situations where couple A pretended to be cool about it but really weren't and turned the whole thing into a massive competition and in the end couple B decided they didn't want to be friends with either of us. The lesson we learnt from that is that this game is full of people who often don't think like you do and you never can tell what some people will say or do.   I do have an issue with Neptune's comments though. I do consider it VERY bad form to ask Couple A for a suitability report of Couple B. I have been asked to give this feedback before and believe me my estimation of the person asking the questions went down a long way as a result.   So to answer the original question you really have to go with your gut and be prepared for things to possibly go in a direction you never really expected.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'Mr_MrsJones'The lesson we learnt from that is that this game is full of people who often don't think like you do and you never can tell what some people will say or do.   I do have an issue with Neptune's comments though. I do consider it VERY bad form to ask Couple A for a suitability report of Couple B. I have been asked to give this feedback before and believe me my estimation of the person asking the questions went down a long way as a result.I definitely agree with the first statement, but could you expand on the second? Why do you find it bad form so strongly? I would agree it was bad form to make cold approaches, but if you've played with a couple, and one of their friends approaches you, do you not think it could be done in a casual, friendly manner? I think the relevant context here is that Couple B approached them?

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  Mr_MrsJones

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'neptune_drift' I definitely agree with the first statement, but could you expand on the second? Why do you find it bad form so strongly? I would agree it was bad form to make cold approaches, but if you've played with a couple, and one of their friends approaches you, do you not think it could be done in a casual, friendly manner? I think the relevant context here is that Couple B approached them? You are probably right. It really depends on a lot of things. How well you know couple A, what kind of people they are, how much you want to have that second date etc. I guess I have an aversion to being talked about without my knowledge and really try to avoid doing it to others. I have a natural aversion to people who gossip and I would take a question like this in any context as a tendency in that direction so would then instinctively avoid the questioner.   The situation I was referring to was when someone we knew from out of town was planning a holiday here and was lining up play dates to fill their evenings. We ran into them by accident and so then he contacted me to ask about a couple of people on my friends list. I was pretty sure that he was just pumping me for information and other things he said kind of indicated that we were on their to do if they couldn't find someone better list.   As I said in my original comment horses for courses. Every situation is unique and there can be no hard and fast rules.   I hope that makes sense.

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  Mr_MrsJones

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'neptune_drift' I definitely agree with the first statement, but could you expand on the second? Why do you find it bad form so strongly? I would agree it was bad form to make cold approaches, but if you've played with a couple, and one of their friends approaches you, do you not think it could be done in a casual, friendly manner? I think the relevant context here is that Couple B approached them? You are probably right. It really depends on a lot of things. How well you know couple A, what kind of people they are, how much you want to have that second date etc. I guess I have an aversion to being talked about without my knowledge and really try to avoid doing it to others. I have a natural aversion to people who gossip and I would take a question like this in any context as a tendency in that direction so would then instinctively avoid the questioner.   The situation I was referring to was when someone we knew from out of town was planning a holiday here and was lining up play dates to fill their evenings. We ran into them by accident and so then he contacted me to ask about a couple of people on my friends list. I was pretty sure that he was just pumping me for information and other things he said kind of indicated that we were on their to do if they couldn't find someone better list.   As I said in my original comment horses for courses. Every situation is unique and there can be no hard and fast rules.   I hope that makes sense.

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