M46
What's with the "ghosts"???
February 23 2019
Comments
-
The_Antichrist
6 years ago
We’ll answer this by asking ... Why is it you see a visit to your profile as anything but a visit to your profile??
-
RHP User
6 years ago
Sometimes I do revisit profiles as I’m perusing the site because their profile pic attracts my eye and I’m keen to check them out. Once reading the profile then I’ll remember that there was something that we may not have been compatible on which results in us not sending a wink or message. Ghosting is the norm. No way is it ever going to change it’s just a matter of you’ve got to get used to it. Deal with it. Move on. Who cares if they check you out a couple of times - there’s no harm done. If you send a message and they don’t reply then would you want to meet them in real life - I mean if they can’t reply to a message can they front for a meet? It would be nice if ghosting was a rare or limited occurance however it’s not.. it’s life... we’ve all been ghosted some way some how... Let the ghosts be ghosts and find that rare real person to connect to..
-
RHP User
6 years ago
like yours come up just about every week. The responses always follow a particular pattern, I'm sure this thread will be no different. There are a few things that being a paid member on here entitles you to - sending messages, seeing the pink bits, and a couple of other perks. It does not entitle you to replies, and trying to guilt / berate people in your topic and profile won't make any difference to your experience on here (it may actually make it worse). Whether or not people should reply can be debated ad nauseam, and indeed has been many times in this forum and no doubt will continue to be until we go the way of the dinosaurs. However, the unalterable fact is that you cannot control other people's behaviour. Trying to do so, and holding certain expectations about how people should behave, is a fast road to frustration and bitterness when people inevitable don't do what you want / expect them to. I explicitly state in my profile that I do not reply if there is no interest, and nothing that anyone says to me or about me will change that. I have my reasons and that's all there is to it (I will note that although I'm currently a guest member I have been a paying member for long periods in the past and may well pay again in future as I do like to be able to send the odd message every now and again). Also, just because people view your profile doesn't really mean anything. You may already do so, but if not then make sure you are still reading their profile to check if you match what they are looking for. In the end there are really only a few reasons why people don't reply, and in the overwhelming majority of those cases there would be no realistic prospect of chatting or meeting. So simply moving on and accepting that it's a no-go will save you a lot of unnecessary mental and emotional angst.
-
RHP User
6 years ago
I look at profiles all the time,all it means is that I am curious about what the person has to say about themselves.My profile says nothing and yet the same people continually view it..go figure. Being a member entitles you to sending messages,it doesn't entitle you to any replies. If people are looking at your profile ask yourself why they aren't interested in pursuing things further. Hugs Q
-
MsSuperFoxy
6 years ago
No! It is rude for paying members to demand any sort of reply to flirts or emails. Please, don't ever tell others what they can or can not do. It is disrespectful. Ms Foxy
-
RHP User
6 years ago
So, you're in the store just browsing, minding your own business you know. Next minute the store clerk is in your face wanting to help you along. 'No thanks' you say - 'just looking'. You return to your browsing and find yourself back looking at something over again. Still browsing I hasten to add. Store clerk returns and really puts the hard sell on now. I don't know but it's annoying and makes me adamant that I really am just browsing thank you and won't be buying at all. If I really want it, it doesn't need to be sold to me. You know what I'm saying?
-
megz85g
6 years ago
So just because you’ve paid something for this site, you’ve also paid for my time it takes to reply if I’m Not interested?
-
OPNmarriagecpl
6 years ago
What, people can't look at profiles now without being contacted by the owner???
-
boobsandbusted
6 years ago
i look at profiles to see who is talking ,and sometimes the pic is nice , so many people and changing of pics i forget if i’ve peeked or not ,what ever ,someone looks s few times ,maybe they are just thinking thoughts to themselves good or bad it’s there choice to do it ,best you deal with it ,otherwise it’s going to be a long gravel road to drag your sorry balls up by the time you get to the end of a paid up membership ,
-
RHP User
6 years ago
I detest it when people hide contact details in their profiles. I agree that if a polite, matching message is sent, the polite thing to do is reply but manners are long gone in this day and age of entitlement. Some ride on the fact they are in demand and don't need to make any effort whatsoever. Mind you some don't reply out of fear of abuse though I haven't experienced that myself and did reply religiously when we were looking. I'd like to see more confidence from receivers and less frustration from senders who do their best without so much as a response. But for those with no confidence (who might be reading this) there is the option to reply and block if you fear abuse. You'll find there are many reasons people will pass by your profile including having a look if you post in the forum. Some scroll through search lists which may include your profile, so not a particular interest in you just matching search terms. Another possibility is the Hot or What feature on the Amateur Pics page, people might look before rating your profile pic. You could add a tip on your profile, if RHP allows you, that guest members can message you because you are a paid up member. They get a 'free' message every seven days after their last sent message. That does not include replies to messages, different thing. Your messages might not look like they are read but it is possible to read messages through profiles rather then opening the message so you can see it has been read. Tricky I know but I use it sometimes too. Just because we are signed up here does not mean we are looking for sex, lots of us are here for the forums for eg, but there is also a social side to the place as much as the advertising is based on sex, sex, sex! I think that's confusing too. The term ghosting is I think more based on the idea of people disappearing in the middle of contact or after a date has been planned for example. I wouldn't apply it to people who have looked at my profile, and/or not replied to an approach. There you go, welcome to the weird world of online contact where just because you 'see' someone looking at you across the room doesn't mean they have an interest in you. Peachy, there it is like anyone is really going to read it
-
RHP User
6 years ago
...is it, Mr. Ashio? Although I'm only guessing but you're not that famous Dr. Phil ...now are ya? If you need to call him, he will accept a reverse charge phone call in an emergency or at least that's what is says in all the fine print scrolling past at the end of his show. Maybe you two do have at least that in common...you know, the end of the show? Never mind, Mr. Ashio ... I am just fuckinwitcha. It's nice to see that occasionally the spare head sometimes lives once a Taswegian has removed. Oh and it does look like you are getting exactly what you paid for and that's a good thing, right? Good bye, Mr. Ashio.
-
HotNightsGC
6 years ago
I’m sorry but nobody owes you a “thanks but no thanks” message. That’s the same as a woman walking down the street and glancing in your direction so you expect her to say “thanks but I’m only glancing. Sorry, not interested”. A woman viewing your profile is just that. Nothing more. If you were to see the amount of flirts and messages women get, you would know that it’s near impossible to respond to everything they receive. Let alone feel obliged to stroke your ego by acknowledging your message. Women who are genuinely interested in meeting you WILL respond to your flirt or message. It’s that simple. Ms HNP.
-
RHP User
6 years ago
It's not about demanding replies, expecting responses or telling others what to do as some suggest It's about politeness and respect and looking back through the posts it appears few people have anymore...if someone said a polite hello to you in any given scenario would you just ignore them? Judging from the replies it seems a lot of people would...what a sad world! PS if I wanted psychoanalysis I'd see a shrink not seek it from a 'dating' site but thank you all for your opinions...but you know the saying.
-
RHP User
6 years ago
I guess the thing that makes contact different on this site is the fact that if people seek contact via the details in their profile, they are asking for it. Contact that is. But looking at your profile is not inviting contact, it is as HotNightsPerth and I pointed out, a glance! I do have thoughts on what we invite as well as the ability to limit our contact in so many ways including blocking people, blocking flirts, blocking new messages, and blocking after replying because they come across to me as common sense ways of choosing not to interact because we can't control people but only ourselves. Peachy
-
RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'phil_ashio9' It's not about demanding replies, expecting responses or telling others what to do as some suggest It's about politeness and respect and looking back through the posts it appears few people have anymore...if someone said a polite hello to you in any given scenario would you just ignore them? Judging from the replies it seems a lot of people would...what a sad world! PS if I wanted psychoanalysis I'd see a shrink not seek it from a 'dating' site but thank you all for your opinions...but you know the saying. With a complicated Original Post like yours, it's not surprising you have received many different perspectives. I feel like you could take posts in a more positive manner because there are a lot of thoughts from the posters on the forum from their personal experiences that could help you understand things as we know them here. But that is your choice. I'd advise not taking it personally. Peachy, I'm feeling more thoughtful today and really do hope my thoughts help.
-
MsSuperFoxy
6 years ago
It is not about politeness and respect, not is it a sad world. You are pushing your beliefs and morals, what YOU think is right and wrong (in your eyes) onto to others, to do things your way on here. It is removing peoples choices. Ms Foxy
-
The_Antichrist
6 years ago
Houston, the ego has landed 😂😂
-
RHP User
6 years ago
These threads always follow a predictable pattern...
-
MissRedFox
6 years ago
Yeah yeah this one again OK so apparently women do this because we get so many messages the odds are stacked in our favour we feel entitled blah blah blah Thing is men are just as bad and even worse than not getting a reply to a message is guys that say they want to meet and ghost hours before plans making it hard to find alternatives Now behaviour is pretty bad considering all the whining that "women are hard to find" So Just imagine the tables are turned and men are getting lots of messages Would I expect them to ignore messages from girls that they aren't interested in Yep absolutely In this game you need a thick skin - I wish my biggest negative was my messages not replied to but unfortunately I've had to deal with bigger problems than that XX
-
RHP User
6 years ago
My understanding is that ghosting is more than just being ignored. Ghosting , to me, is when after a few messages are exchanged the correspondence just stops with no explanation or good bye. I usually put it down to something I said, or revealed about myself and by this I don't mean my marital status as that is disclosed ASAP. Sometimes I send a last message commenting about a smouldering bridge.
-
mango69er
6 years ago
Some of these answers are just so two faced. We have woman complain all the time about this. And dont get the same responce. .
-
curious_72
6 years ago
That is why when I was looking (absolutely not now) I had my settings so people couldn't see that I had looked at their profile. Some dude with an unclear picture.. interested? no thanks.
-
RHP User
6 years ago
That we have profiles to state our preferences in the write up... That's where we can set our boundaries and if someone like Dragon (as she has stated) writes there that she won't reply if there is no interest, I take that as boundaries given. The sender then writes at their own risk. I just think there are ways of handling contact that doesn't include being rude by ignoring contact when we have various choices to handle our experience. Peachy
-
blinks28
6 years ago
Hi phil, Im with you on this one.. so in an effort to show you support we have first initiated contact with you and sent you a message saying, "Hi, but No thanks" without you even having to send us a message first! hahaha Hope that makes you feel better lol The entitled world of myths and beliefs we supposedly live in. P.S I believe etiquette and "politeness" would deem that you reply with a "thanks for the no thanks" hahahaha
-
RHP User
6 years ago
I see you don't have men in your seeking preferences... So that was probably an unnecessary effort on your behalf. Besides I don't believe there was a mention anywhere of having to reply to a no thanks... I'm under the impression most would prefer no reply after they've stated their preference. But I see you are from a different generation from me where manners no longer oil the wheels of society, no wonder there are so many bitter people in his day and age with the world going to shit on so many levels as greed and selfishness take their toll. I dunno, I like to consider people have feelings and not rub their faces in my superiority, but some are obviously entitled making no effort in their profiles whatsoever and then they'll complain that no one understands them. All it takes is a couple of pretty pictures to attract attention that can be ignored hey? Peachy, clear as a bell
-
blinks28
6 years ago
Guess sarcasm doesnt travel that far with some do they... just saying and guess some "generations" dont particularly pay attention to details when reading profiles and still message when their attention isnt warranted.. yet still we are meant to politely reply when inundated by single males... ahhhhh i see how it goes now...
-
RHP User
6 years ago
Ghosting, fakes, non-verified profiles, pic-hunters, there all here. If you can't stand the frying pan get out of the kitchen. It's just a fact of life. Be grateful the timewasters haven't engaged you in the first place. Get off the site and meet people in real life is my advice.
-
RHP User
6 years ago
We "ghost" profile too, But usually it's because we cant remember who the person was, just by looking at a tiny profile pic on the phone, But at the same time, I'd we receive a flirt or message qe DO reply one way or another.
-
MisFebim
6 years ago
I know this may very well be an unpopular opinion, but if someone/anyone sends you a message,and it comes from a profile that meets your "seeking" criteria based on the details in your own profile,yet you are not interested, if you cannot be arsed, bothered,or even polite enough to LITERALLY click your mouse button TWICE,then you have a serious problem with engaging in sociable norms, and polite conversation. Sending a 'not interested' template reply only takes two actual literal clicks of the mouse button.This is not hyperbole. First click on "quick reply", second on "no thanks". Done. I understand its different if the person's message to you is disrespectful, or unwarranted,or does not meet your criteria of what you are seeking, but they're 'trying anyway'. In which case I suggest you use ONE click of the mouse button.... "block"... and move on. Leaving a message in limbo that you have already opened and read, when the additional time taken for ONE or TWO clicks is negligible in the grand scheme of things, is either conceited, lazy, or potentially disrespectful in its own right. I feel it is just common courtesy to reply to someones message if they have reached out in good faith. Do we not have a social contract with each other that say for instance someone passes you in the street,and gives you the inclined head nod as a greeting. Do you honestly just completely ignore them?Is dipping your head or acknowledging the receipt of it really that much of an inconvenience?A dip of the head is a perfect simile for a click of a mouse button. It practically uses the same amount of time and muscle effort. If someone has NOT approached in good faith, then fine, I suggest you just block and move on with your life.It's one click,and the literal second that you take to block now, may save you further frivolous messages in the future. But seriously people who sit atop the altar of "it's my choice to ignore people"... yes you are 100% correct,it is your right, and no one is saying that it isn't your right to break social norms and behave this way. To quote "The Dude" "You're not wrong..... you're just an asshole". *puts on flame retardant overalls*
-
RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'blinks28' Guess sarcasm doesnt travel that far with some do they... just saying and guess some "generations" dont particularly pay attention to details when reading profiles and still message when their attention isnt warranted.. yet still we are meant to politely reply when inundated by single males... ahhhhh i see how it goes now... Seriously, I push the idea of responding to matching, polite approaches. Nothing more than that... Peachy xo
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share