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When would you give feedback on sex?

August 17 2012

With men and women getting turned on by different things and sometimes only being able to come a certain way how often is it that you give feedback to whoever it is you are naked with? We were thinking how often would you need to be with someone before you go 'stop that, that's crap, that'll never get me off, bow about try this?' Unless it is hurting we doubt many would stop someone from attempting to pleasure you. They do what their partner likes and assume it will work on you, which could be waaaayyy off. Sometimes it's a case of 'that was ok, maybe it will get better' and give someone another chance and then it doesn't get better...... How could anyone just assume it would get better without feedback! Would you accept feedback if it was given in the right way?? Would you take it as an insult? Do you have too much pride to think you don't need to improve?

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RHP User

12 years ago

Mr Tongue or Cheek (depending on my mood) here. When it comes to doing the dance with no pants I find positive feedback and body language is effective. A emphasising the "oooo's", "ahhhh's" and "oh yeah that's hot" reinforces what I find desirable and if she's a paying enough attention, will work out what works for us. Another thought as to why it could be not so great (especially blow jobs with teeth) is that your new partner is themselves trying out new things and is somewhat uncalibrated in these practices. I agree if its painful then let them know. And yes, a solution should be offered rather than simple criticism. They may not feel comfortable doing things with a new sex buddy that they normally do with there regular partner because that is their thing. I also try a multiple of things that I hope to get her excited and I don't expect the first thing I do is going to create fireworks - but it's great when it does. So I definitely look for her positive responses and stay close to what is working for her - which in turn works for me. And I suppose there usually is an element of room for improvement. New partners can be difficult to work out especially when you're used pushing certain buttons. But that is part of the fun - exploring yourself and another. Assuming that 93% (give or take) of communication is non-verbal, the words we speak are of little importance in a sexual situation and we should be looking for other indicators of what works and what doesn't.

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RHP User

12 years ago

I try to guide a person to what I need. I also have nothing to loose by saying to someone, sorry this is not working for me. I am old, and my days of the charity fuck are behind me, I know way before my panties hit the floor if it will work or not. But yes I feel sorry for so many men who stumble along all their life not knowing what the fuck they are doing wrong. And even worse those that keep fucking women and not giving a shit that they are doing something wrong Women are taught to please and not to be whinny girls and just you made your bed you lay in it. Its not that easy to tell a person that its not working as sometimes women have no idea themselves why its not working. You cant teach what you do not know. Though you could also fill in a feedback sheet Like...please do not bray like a mule when you cum Participation poor.... you fell asleep on top of me Not prepared............no condom and no idea Oral skills.....fucking awsome

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RHP User

12 years ago

The first time is not awesome but if you like each other and feel comfortable with each other then,practice can make perfect. This requires time energy and effort from both. Then there is the lover who from the very first time is absolutely in tune with you...knows instinctively just what pleases you and vice versa.x Hugs H

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RHP User

12 years ago

ASK AND THALL SHALL RECIEVE! I have learnt to ask or show what pleases me. Also if I cannot hear or see enjoyment in my pleasing I will ask. Lifes to short to have lame sex. Not work taking my clothes off.

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RHP User

12 years ago

worth not work. oops

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RHP User

12 years ago

If she's a starfish, go on the offensive and explore, ask, encourage, pay attention as you voyage around her body !If she's vocal, thrashing and having a great time, carry on !And you reap what you sow

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RHP User

12 years ago

Your post has just tapped into something that has been nibbling about in the back of my mind for a very, very long time. There's a fair amount of spoken and unspoken criticism for women who are sexual star fishes. I often wonder what made them that way - bad experience, lack of confidence, selfish lovers, deep shyness, disconnect with their own body etc. And I often wonder what could happen with a bit of compassion rather than criticism. There are so many sexually repressed women just waiting for something to show them it's ok - and how - to unlock their sexy selves. 50 Shades of Grey is the perfect example of this - pulp fiction it might be, but there are women all over Australia starting to open their minds, hearts and frankly their legs, to new sexual adventures. I loved what you wrote 50z. It reminded me that sex is a two-way gift. A man can give a women the gift of his lust, of gobbling her up sexually like she's the tastiest dish he's ever had. Yes, I'm sure there are some women who are irredeemable starfishes. But there must also be many who are completely redeemable, in the hands of a skilled, considerate, patient, lustful man. I bet it's a good feeling as a man to flick that switch on for a woman and experience her as she starts to drop her inhibitions. You never know what you might unleash :) A tangent ... I apologise x

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RHP User

12 years ago

Thankyou to The Team for starting this post and to the contributors: it has helped me to join some of the (mental) dots.I know that I need to be able to talk, laugh, communicate with anybody that I spend some 'romp' time with. Now I realise why - two way feedback is essential. So is laughing when it just "doesn't quite go" according to the (body entanglement) plan. Dear 50z,In this journey of my New Life, an early lover did just this ... and the feedback was gentle, encouraging, not stage-managed but certainly melted the frozen tentacles ... Quoting '50zcool' If she's a starfish, go on the offensive and explore, ask, encourage, pay attention as you voyage around her body !If she's vocal, thrashing and having a great time, carry on !And you reap what you sow And it continues and is encouraged as a natural, relaxed part of Shared Time. With each new 'romp', be it the same or different combination of partners, I enjoy exploring, discovering, instructing and being instructed - as Mischevious says it is in many forms (body language, expressive, verbal, appreciative). Without giving and receiving there isn't a spiralling upwards of that heady whirl of passion - fantasmagorical and all! So, Halcyon ... you are absolutely spot on:Quoting 'halcyon_days' Your post has just tapped into something that has been nibbling about in the back of my mind for a very, very long time. There's a fair amount of spoken and unspoken criticism for women who are sexual star fishes. I often wonder what made them that way - bad experience, lack of confidence, selfish lovers, deep shyness, disconnect with their own body etc. And I often wonder what could happen with a bit of compassion rather than criticism. There are so many sexually repressed women just waiting for something to show them it's ok - and how - to unlock their sexy selves. 50 Shades of Grey is the perfect example of this - pulp fiction it might be, but there are women all over Australia starting to open their minds, hearts and frankly their legs, to new sexual adventures. I loved what you wrote 50z. It reminded me that sex is a two-way gift. A man can give a women the gift of his lust, of gobbling her up sexually like she's the tastiest dish he's ever had. Yes, I'm sure there are some women who are irredeemable starfishes. But there must also be many who are completely redeemable, in the hands of a skilled, considerate, patient, lustful man. I bet it's a good feeling as a man to flick that switch on for a woman and experience her as she starts to drop her inhibitions. You never know what you might unleash :) A tangent ... I apologise x So here I am: redeemed, unleashed and unfurled - and continuing on the journey. Rox

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RHP User

12 years ago

He pushed her back, with a forced softness into the bed. I cant she said, I do not like sex it is not going to work. Who said we are having sex he said? It is not I that will take the pleasure for myself It is you who will learn to receive pleasure. I cant she said, embarrassed that she would fail him He slid the skirt up slowly , she could fell the fabric like a caress. How could a long plain cotton skirt feel this way? He hooked her panties , deftly tugged them down. She reached between her legs pushing the demure long skirt back to cover herself No he said, you must learn to receive She tried to push his head away , he grabbed her wrists, he pinned her to the bed her legs hanging over the side, as he knelt down. She had been this starfish before, she looked up at a familiar roof and thought she would count the cracks that had formed over the years. The cobweb she knew she had to get sometime. Then he dipped his mouth and she knew in that second that he loved her taste her feel her smell and it shocked her. And he took her, he let her hands go in the knowing of her response. She grabbed his head for fear he would stop, the other clutching the sheets. From deep inside her, the woman she should have been emerged, she knew in that second she would never go back to what she was. Some men put women in that sexual waiste land, others come and unlock the door and show them how to receive.

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RHP User

12 years ago

This is sooo true for many women.My first husband was young and ignorant of a woman's body and needs.He really didn't care whether or not I was enjoying the experience and I had no idea what it should be like. Sometimes at his suggestion I would read a book. The next man absolutely knew what to do,and so at the age of 23 I had my first orgasm.What a revelation.x Hugs H

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RHP User

12 years ago

Sometimes you don't need to talk, it is all in the body language, listen, observe feel

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RHP User

12 years ago

Hi! The_Team:) Thanks for the Topic.. I always give feedback as we're sharing the moment if it's not working for me.. I show them how to pleasure me to the Max.. after all they'll reap the benefits of My Aroussal ..it arouses them more too.. None of My Lovers have been upset ..felt inadequate when I mention something that can be done more effectively.. Infact they appreciate me showing them how to pleasure properly.. It brings us closer too when we know it's not just sex get down do it !!..but also an Interest in eachother and improving our performance which tmakes for a most Enjoyable Sexual Encounter..mmmYUM!!. they can take this new found skill and pleasure others too.. infact I've tutored Guys who were woeful as Lovers too inexperienced.. 1 Young Guy counted 123 kiss 123 ..He kissed my neck, lips like he had suction caps attatched..ha!ha! However he's gone on to pleasure 3 Lovers all very happy .We still giggle about that 1st time he!he! :) Enjoy Lu :)

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RHP User

12 years ago

One thing I have observed in these forum threads; - Many people have had a below average sex life.

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RHP User

12 years ago

Why is it only the more mature people who can relate to this? Or maybe they are the only ones to bother to reply..... Is it that younger people worry about being hated and would rather avoid the topic than tell someone they need improvement? On another note, if a person is really nice but a poor shag do you give the more of a chance? How much of a chance to improve do you give them? We have often found that one half of the couple is a great shag but the other doesn't seem to care how much pleasure they give. Makes us wonder if anyone would think that about us? Would they say it??

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RHP User

12 years ago

When it really comes down to it - don't we all have a responsibility to those whom we connect with to add to their journey in a positive way?To my mind - sexual feedback doesn't need to be critical or even verbal - its in the thought one puts into ones actions in how we interact with others...if we do it from a mindset of the other's needs rather than purely one's own then surely it has to have a better chance of having a positive footprint.I don't think sex is any different. How one does what one does can be life changing for the other and no words need be spoken. Its all about our energy transference - and WE all own our own.2B :)Looking for fit in all the wrong places - clearly! :)

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When would you give feedback on sex?

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