When your friend says "I Do" and you wish he/she wouldn't

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  Tall74nHard9

  9 years ago

  Always a tricky venture to help your kids out with problems with their friends, because as parents we don't quite have the full understanding of their relationships with their friends. In the case you have mentioned, I'm pretty sure you will have advised your daughter the same advice I have for you. I would have asked your daughter to have a full and frank conversation with her friend, as friends can do, and see what the full connection is with the proposed bridegroom. If your daughter (and others ?) appear to have valid concerns about the man, then a good talk with her friend is in order. If your daughter then finds out it has been somewhat in vain, then as her friend, all she can really do is support her friend in her endeavour. She can make it plain she is only there as her friends support, not necessarily in support of the union per se. If/ when things start to fall apart later on, a few well chosen words of wisdom could then be exchanged. But as I mentioned in my other posting, we all have free will to choose what path we follow. Your daughters friend will have to simply bear the consequences of her own decision in spite of the best intentioned advice given in the preceeding. Hopefully the friend will in future remember what was done to try and see what was advised her before the event. Tall

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I think she made the right decision. We can't always accept or be happy with other people in our friends lives, and even if her friend's marriage won't last, which is sad to be thinking about before she even gets married, she needs to find her own path and work it out as she goes along. We all make mistakes through our life and learn from them. Mistakes aren't necessarily bad in my opinion. They help mould us along the way so to speak. So your daughter IMHO has made the right choice and the other thing I'll add is that people mature and he may very well end up being the right guy for her, even if he isn't now, sometimes time has a way of sorting things out

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  As much as we don't like the boy, due to having lived through a rough upbringing, she feels this is as good as it's going to get. Due to a strong mother/daughter bond, I have a fairly good understanding of the relationship my daughter has with her friends and, unfortunately, admitting a dislike for the boy will only put a strain on their friendship as she will then feel the need to be loyal to her fiancé. She's only 19 and this boy is her world. Expressing concerns is one thing but saying "I don't like your fiancé and wish you wouldn't marry him" is something else. xx - Posted from rhpmobile

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  madotara69

  9 years ago

  Live as property caretakers for a couple that when the daughter announced her wishes come true and marry the man, her father told her she shouldn't marry him, he will never amount to anything and she would be trapped in a miserable life and regrets. They still got married, he has become a self made success, some estimate well above 40 million dollars by what figures show in plain sight as business is done, if he has done that by mid forties, what does it matter. He fights animal cruelty and affords anyone who choose caring for animals, chooks , bugs, african swallows, a lady bug farm, etc etc. Polar bear, lost tribes of penguins, elephant tusks, orangutan, dung beetles, some thing over in the tropics never seen before. Then he, her his miserable wife a life of regret, support the people of the arts and their interests, their likes as friends, the lifestyle and has hundreds of thousands of dollars invested in art and sculptures about the property our friends live on as caretakers, gardening and all the farm animals, cows, sheep, horses, all have a name. So you never can tell. Mado Mado Tara xx

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  Tall74nHard9

  9 years ago

  Quoting 'WiccaWitch' As much as we don't like the boy, due to having lived through a rough upbringing, she feels this is as good as it's going to get. Due to a strong mother/daughter bond, I have a fairly good understanding of the relationship my daughter has with her friends and, unfortunately, admitting a dislike for the boy will only put a strain on their friendship as she will then feel the need to be loyal to her fiancé. She's only 19 and this boy is her world. Expressing concerns is one thing but saying "I don't like your fiancé and wish you wouldn't marry him" is something else. xx - Posted from rhpmobile I hear what you say, but the girl at 19, really has not "seen the world", so to speak. Also around that age range, love is truly blind, and having that 'awkward' conversation with her is probably not going to resolve anything. However, if there are clear misgivings about the union, I still believe that a frank talk, in a diplomatic manner, to help point out what is not quite right, could still be of benefit. Better to be warned early on, than live with the regrets (?) for a long time. Tall

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I had been married for six months...was it the right thing to do? Probably not as it didn't last.But it was my decision and I didn't listen to anyone who tried to persuade me otherwise. Your daughter did the right thing.In this situation the best advice is for her to give no advice if she wants to keep her friend. Q

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  It's a harsh reality, but husbands and wives can come and go...despite all the vows and promises of everlasting love.I think your daughter is following the right tack...stick by her friend, support her but don't tell her lies.And if( when? ) the marriage goes pear shaped...this is not the dark ages. Life goes on.

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