F55
Where is the line btwn role play & BDSM?
January 24 2014
Comments
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Some of what I May or may not have done is not even Legal..
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I'm like you Meeka , enjoy a bit of all that play but would never say I am into BDSM I couldn't do it.....I'm not good at keeping a straight face...I would giggle too much!
-
Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
You say Meeka your not into BDSM, yet you had that pick on your profile with that Butt Plug. I still shiver with that thought.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Butt plug...... but that isn't anything? Is it?
-
RHP User
11 years ago
One of the reasons I am so hesitant to step into the fet arena is that there is a lrge gap between what I call BDSM and what I am sure the lifestylers call BDSM. Play and fun compared to 24/7 is a huge difference. A little Kink versus it shaping who you are. I hope that's clean. haha.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
On the whole its all role play. But for some it is a life style and it is full time. Slaves sign contracts of devotion, masters are also under obligation to stay within the rules of the contract. I have heard some sad tales of people entering into such unions not fully understanding the consequences, of masters overstepping their authority and slaves not knowing their limits. BDSM covers such a wide spectrum of activities that there is much confusion as to what it actually is. In general and for 99.99% of people it is just role play.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I'd say it was 'fun' ;) I'd be interested to hear from some people who are "into BDSM" in a serious way.
-
Beachlover1999
11 years ago
I am with you Meeka in liking a bit of this or that but for others on a different day might like it a little harder or 'stricter'. Sometimes experimenting in the world of being a Domme or sub. But isn't that just soft BDSM or even just fantasy? Do the strict S&M crowd snub at some BDSM folk for their dungeons being to 'vanilla'? Yes at times is my experience. For some who don't live it 24/7 with sub collar and discipline whilst even at work are seen as vanilla and that was my experience back circa 2000 in Sydney a long time before 50 shades. But does it matter where on the spectrum you are? Finding a safe Dom/Domme who is compatible is soooo difficult even for play let alone living the lifestyle 24/7 and perhaps in part why so many live on the fringes? :)))
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I say that is a level of BDSM... You should be saying your into "light" BDSM.... Restraints, light pain, whips, choking, hair pulling..... As opposed to heavey BDSM... Suspended by hooks in your skin, needle play, knife play, extreme restraints for extended periods, hard pain etc etc - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Or maybe you're just like me... A kinky fucker!!! Loves passionate love making as well as filthy kinky dirty hardcore sex!!! Strapons, piss, scat, knives, gagging, pain, cuckold, bi, groups, abit of everything!! Lol - Posted from rhpmobile
-
gazpacho
11 years ago
Even in bdsm circles, I note, there are those that seem to live it, and those that simply play it out, long before that boring vanilla book was published. The good news is that there is no right or wrong BDSM.... There is simply lawful and unlawful. I really like how this clique of people have always been very accepting of others even if often judgmental and highly self opiniated on their interpretation of the skill. And I would ask you, Meeka why you think role play isn't an intimate and integral component of BDSM? It sure seems like it is to me. We all have ways and means to escape the mundane day to day drudge. Elements of society, like ritual, dogma, social stratification, illusion, role playing and so on are part of human condition. BDSM uses all of these elements. Grandmaster is a term often heard.... Grand Master Eric by night, petrol pump operator by day.... All kinds of people are involved. Role play is clearly an integral part of a BDSM culture. Hugs Gazpacho
-
RHP User
11 years ago
well personally, if you are into the things you mentioned Meeks, Id say you were into casual BDSM. There are many levels and many types of committments to it, whether it be for short play periods only, or 24/7 complete slavery. some live it as a total lifestyle, some switch, some only do it for play periods with a Master/Mistress they know and trust. I think if you have an interest in any of the components, you can say you're "into" it....up to you whether you then go on to explain to what degree.....
-
chevtrek
11 years ago
That's easyHow far you will go and how much pain youcan receive before its no longer fun.I have taken on the Dom role many timesand in fact I for some time never realized how many women love it.Anyway -shades of grey is what your limitis and every woman is different.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
It was Blindman's comment on another thread that got me to thinking... he said he rolls his eyes when people say they are into BDSM because most people wouldn't be able to handle it. So, what does that mean? I understand that role play is part of BDSM..... in fact it is an integral part of it. I take Beachlovers comment above about it being hard to find compatible dommes or subs... To me that is someone who is into BDSM, someone who is specifically looking for this type of relationship. For me, the things I have mentioned in my original question, are things that I would do with all my lovers.... it isn't anything unusual. Is it? But what do I know... I have friends that think having sex twice a years is acceptable and others that say oral sex is a sometimes treat.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'gazpacho51' Even in bdsm circles, I note, there are those that seem to live it, and those that simply play it out, long before that boring vanilla book was published. The good news is that there is no right or wrong BDSM.... There is simply lawful and unlawful. I really like how this clique of people have always been very accepting of others even if often judgmental and highly self opiniated on their interpretation of the skill. And I would ask you, Meeka why you think role play isn't an intimate and integral component of BDSM? It sure seems like it is to me. We all have ways and means to escape the mundane day to day drudge. Elements of society, like ritual, dogma, social stratification, illusion, role playing and so on are part of human condition. BDSM uses all of these elements. Grandmaster is a term often heard.... Grand Master Eric by night, petrol pump operator by day.... All kinds of people are involved. Role play is clearly an integral part of a BDSM culture. Hugs Gazpacho Yes I know it is an integral part of BDSM... but when does a person go from saying I just like to fool around with a few toys for example, to saying that they are into BDSM. I have noticed on these forums that anyone that suggests that they into BDSM are immediately poo pooed as light weights and don't understand what it means. That if you don't have the correct vocabulary or terminology you are labelled a fraud and a wannabe. And Gazpacho I would never call a man Master. Ever. However I am partially to calling lovers Daddy.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Hey Meeka, there are things I've done that I thought were just a bit of fun and pretty normal and even questioned once when told I was a rather sexually liberated woman "doesn't everyone do that?" but apparently not everyone likes the things you like and I like that others refer to as BDSM. I have found people who call themselves "lifestylers" to be the most generous, intelligent, caring people who don't judge others by their kinks or their level of experience or their willingness to play. Like any community you get some bitchiness but overall, I learned a lot when I was hanging out with people in the lifestyle in Tassie. And in Darwin, its the same, friendly people, many new to BDSM, all keen to learn, share and laugh. As for Grand Masters, I have never heard that term bandied around either here or in Tassie so either Sydney doms are up themselves or someone is having a lend of you Gaz. I'd say you know you've crossed the line between kinkster and life-styler when you crave it, when it takes on a definite shape in your life and is no longer occasional spontaneous play or when you've signed a contract with or as a master or sub/slave/pet. I say I'm into B&D because I love rope play and I'm happy to smack an arse. The fact I don't get to play often doesn't mean I'm not into it. But I'm not a life-styler because I don't live it. Is that any clearer? Just be yourself and don't fret about labels. Some people in the community in Tassie are happy that the term gets bandied about because it means some of the things that were considered extreme are being normalised and therefore becoming more socially acceptable. And more people are getting curious which makes the pool of potential playmates somewhat larger.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I just googled the term GrandMaster and BDSM and there are men out there referring to themselves as GrandMasters. Maybe it's all those gamers that are into BDSM. hehe
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'WildSong' I have found people who call themselves "lifestylers" to be the most generous, intelligent, caring people who don't judge others by their kinks or their level of experience or their willingness to play. Like any community you get some bitchiness but overall, I learned a lot when I was hanging out with people in the lifestyle in Tassie. And in Darwin, its the same, friendly people, many new to BDSM, all keen to learn, share and laugh. I'd say you know you've crossed the line between kinkster and life-styler when you crave it, when it takes on a definite shape in your life and is no longer occasional spontaneous play or when you've signed a contract with or as a master or sub/slave/pet. I say I'm into B&D because I love rope play and I'm happy to smack an arse. The fact I don't get to play often doesn't mean I'm not into it. But I'm not a life-styler because I don't live it. The people I've met who are in the lifestyle are the loveliest, most non judgemental people who always go out of their way to help curious newbies. I also agree with your comment on a kinkster Vs. a life-styler. Yes you are playing at casual BDSM Meeks, but you don't crave it. I think that is Blindmans disappointment in the other thread. Role play Vs. living it and everything in between. It is all a matter of degrees. Not one person will have the same kinks, whether into BDSM or not, that's why I don't really like anything having labels, but we need nouns in life I guess. Like Coops said, some are into heavy shit, heavy pain, some go more on control or humiliation, the list is too long and varied. I have a friend locally I met through Fetlife and I have to contact her Master for permission to meet her for coffee. He controls her social life, money, everything through to when she can orgasm and who she can shag. She is one of the happiest people I have ever met and can't wait to be collared. And the etiquette does my head in, the only reason I can contact her Master directly is because I don't have a Dom. Same as my Munch group, the Doms can all contact me directly, but if I had a Dom they would have to go through him. Great question though. I've seen the us & them attitude in similar posts over the last 6 months and understand why so many would be confused at exactly 'what' it's all about. It's a tiny label that covers a planet in my opinion. And perhaps in my responses to those posts I assume they don't just want to role play with a feather duster and lecture on safety as I'd feel awful if they really were serious about it and harm could come to them. It's the mother in me So as to your question of where the line is and when do you know you've crossed it - I think it's blurred. I think you evolve. You go as far as you want and know when that limit of 'want' for you has been reached. It's hard enough finding compatible lovers in normal relationships, getting a compatible D/s thang on is way trickier.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I think that's why the book was so aptly called 50 shades of grey. There is a lot of grey in there, depending on the experience and desires of the people involved. All the way from someone enjoying a good smack on the arse during sex, to pain being the very epicentre of ones sexuality. Either way though, the moment you experience an "altered state" from bdsm play, the moment you find it taking you physically and mentally to a different space that normal vanilla sex does, then it is no longer just role play. And I think that even though you may be at right at the very start of the journey of exploration into that world, certainly does not preclude you being able to say you are into bdsm. It is more a matter of degrees from that point. A student musician is still a musician. In fact the very finest musicians are still learning daily from someone.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
It's all about degrees, and shades. "the moment you experience an "altered state" from bdsm play, the moment you find it taking you physically and mentally to a different space that normal vanilla sex does, then it is no longer just role play." AKA as 'sub space'. Heaven on a stick. It's poles apart from liking a spank, you are enveloped in pleasure, I'd liken it to a spiritual awakening, seeing goddess, an out of body experience. Great musical analogy btw. Hence me carrying on about safety... Neighbour just arrived for a drink.... skips off to be vanilla.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, sub space is the term that most subs know know. And desire. It is one of the most beautiful looks to be seen on a woman's face. Part of the gift of the sub... But both partners do find a certain space which is unique. It is interesting. Much less is written about the space the dominant partner finds during that treasured encounter. The motives and desires of the dominant are intriguing. They are steeped in dark pleasures of sadism and torture. The very ropes that we enjoy, have origins stemming from techniques of slow and painful torture, even the breaking of bones. In perhaps it's "purist" form, a strong part of many people who consider themselves "dominant", including the so called Grandmasters, there is quite likely a spot for sadism painting a lot of the colours which define the "space" that the dominant finds himself in. But again, there are so many shades to this. Some of the other colours which paint that space are the responsibility, the trust, the control which are all part of the dominant's "role". Accepted role. The one which was freely given as part of the gift of the other's submission. It is some of these other colours which personally take me to a unique "space". Which nothing else can. And yes, it can be quite euphoric just like the sub space that you know so well. .
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Being excited & turned on by just looking at the bruises & marks, proud of being owned & allowing someone to do that to you, having the greatest orgasms ever with only the touch of a whip .....deep sigh ....... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Missb4u
11 years ago
I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the responses here. It certainly an area that has confused, intrigued and scared me. I have completely backed away from the whole scene lately and stopped even making reference to liking dominate men or being submissive. I do make sure I am always very clear now in stating what I am not into so there is less chance for confusion. I would like to think that it is as much or as little as the couple engaging in it choose for it to be.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Some of you know that I am very outgoing by nature, I like to be in control 'or perceive to be in control'. I looked upon submissives as being persons who are weak of will if not weak of mind............ Nothing is further from the truth............ I was only shown an inkling of this when someone went 'soft' dom on me and I was totally surprised at the level of enjoyment I received from such a small task and so I thought to explore........... It has taken many months to find my Sir (please note not master) who is thankfully willing to introduce me to this experience............. When I am with Sir, I do not feel that I am 'playing'............... I have been introduced to experiences that have made me look at myself in a totally different way and accept myself as I have never done before!!? But more than that, I have experienced gratification through experiences that have gone beyond what I would have even contemplated........... Yes, it is not full time.... No, I realise it is not hardcore bdsm..... However, I do think of my sir as my dom, and myself as his pet, as such a submissive.
-
RHP User
11 years ago
I can't stop thinking Fred Flinstone and his lodge and I am sure if some-one ever introduced themselves to me as a grand-master I'd burst out laughing. I'd be seeing the grand poo-bah. I wonder if there are Grand Mistresses too? (Goes to google) Apparently yes (the first one I found had the title of grand bestowed upon her because of her activism). After that one the rest seemed to be titles given by the individual to highlight their professional status. It does seemed to be linked more to the leather community, from the 10 minutes research I did. And gamers are gamer than anyone
-
gazpacho
11 years ago
You may be right, however, I thought I saw it on the bottom of a newsletter for a very popular monthly Sydney event... To hell with that. Although, I may have heard it in Masonic Temple circles, come to think of it. Never mind, as they say. :) Hugs Gazpacho
-
RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'subsurface' Yes, sub space is the term that most subs know know. And desire. It is one of the most beautiful looks to be seen on a woman's face. Part of the gift of the sub... But both partners do find a certain space which is unique. It is interesting. Much less is written about the space the dominant partner finds during that treasured encounter. The motives and desires of the dominant are intriguing. They are steeped in dark pleasures of sadism and torture. The very ropes that we enjoy, have origins stemming from techniques of slow and painful torture, even the breaking of bones. In perhaps it's "purist" form, a strong part of many people who consider themselves "dominant", including the so called Grandmasters, there is quite likely a spot for sadism painting a lot of the colours which define the "space" that the dominant finds himself in. But again, there are so many shades to this. Some of the other colours which paint that space are the responsibility, the trust, the control which are all part of the dominant's "role". Accepted role. The one which was freely given as part of the gift of the other's submission. It is some of these other colours which personally take me to a unique "space". Which nothing else can. And yes, it can be quite euphoric just like the sub space that you know so well. . and feel guilty for never thinking about it. What is your drive? Wow! How selfish I've never considered it! Do tell? I'm fascinated....
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I would say that dominating and being dominated are different to what you are feeling Meeka. Like me you are looking for sexual pleasure in ways slightly out of the normal.More fantasy and a longing for the forbidden. I believe it is natural to want to be a little bit naughty when looking for pleasure.
-
Greidiawl
10 years ago
the term BDSM by its very nature indicates the loose nature of "BDSM" with the disparate Bondage and Discipline (BD), Domination and submission (Ds) and Sadism and masochism (Sm) bundled together... there are clubs in Melbourne where 3-400 people will attend and the number of "lifestylers" in there will make up a very small percentage and their own views on what BDSM is will be different... the others are there to have fun (and it is a great excuse for dress up fun)... in the end BDSM is an opening of the mind to explore whatever YOU want too... the BDSM books such as 50 Shades... BDSM sites... information passed along is like a menu in a restaurant... pick and choose what you want and leave the rest... let others worry about what is twue and have fun...
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I too love some bdsm......love bondage and fun pain done well.I am a member of the site......but rarely engage......simply too full on.( bdsm. com )Whilst I am a sub by nature, I cannot and will not, "serve" some guy, in the way they want.by the way, the mistresses i have encounted are the same....sadly.As a dresser, i am hardly vanilla.I have never liked rules.........there are far too many in bdsmWhy cant we simply play?????Love xxxxx
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I wish for similar.........you are lucky you have found what you desire.........love xxxxxxxx
-
RHP User
10 years ago
It takes alot of trust and love to devote oneself.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share