F110
White Ribbon Day 2015
November 24 2015
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
I reaffirm my commitment to the White Ribbon pledge.
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RHP User
9 years ago
These low life's deserve a taste of what they dish out to others...
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MsJonesy
9 years ago
For those who would like to learn more about the impact of domestic violence. ABC, Tuesday 24/11 (tonight!). Launch of a two part documentary "Hitting Home" I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath.
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sweetgem
9 years ago
There is nobody in my immediate and extended families that has experienced family violence! I also do not have any friends who have had family violence brought upon them, touch wood! But I do know of people within my own network, whom were DV victims and have come a long way to set themselves free from the demons! I praise those people's courage and strength and always think of them whenever I feel down over little things. "I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath!" PS. I always well up in tears each time I hear of family violence or read about people got killed in the news because of DV. I can never understand how can one person hurt another so heartlessly! I truly hope that Karma would let those coward monsters taste their own fruit 100x worse than what they did/do to their victims! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against woman.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I swear never to commit,excuse or remain silent about violence towards women...I was a victim of family violence as a child..from the age of four,my father hit punched and kicked me..from the age of thirteen I refused to let him continue and ran away from home when I was seventeen..I share my story because many children suffer family violence ,being a witness,and being a target ..sometimes children are overlooked in family violence scenarios xxFreya
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Lovinit28andKC72
9 years ago
Thumbs up again meander, love that you do this every year and bring awareness into the forums.... I give my oath, never to, commit, excuse or remain silent about family violence...💋
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Twisted_Mister
9 years ago
The NT is vastly over-represented in DV victims, both male and female. Unfortunately it's endemic up here. You're right - the overwhelming majority of DV is committed by men. Having said that, of the occasions where it is committed by women, it can be just as merciless if not more so - and for those men who choose to speak up about it the reaction was almost universally 'toughen up princess'. Nowhere near the right response, but it's getting better. At the risk of revealing too much about my line of work, I can say this - EVERY SINGLE male I've dragged in for beating his wife or girlfriend, whether they be 18 or 68 has dissolved in tears when confronted with a much bigger and dangerous dog who dares them to pick on someone their own size. It's basic playground stuff but with much more serious consequences. One job about 12 years ago still sticks with me. A couple, both drug users were pregnant and living in a high rise flat on the eastern seaboard. We'd been there before and locked him up a couple of times for flogging her. She gave birth to a daughter, who died at two months old from SIDS. This animal punched out 28 of his girlfriend's teeth. Then used pliers to pull out the remaining four before he broke her eye socket and jaw, as apparently it was her fault. The baby was still lying dead on a mattress in the lounge while this happened. For a number of reasons I will not detail what occurred when we got there. Cowards and bullies, the lot. It's one of the reasons I can look at myself in the mirror in the morning, knowing I am not cut of their cloth. I don't usually do the 'serious' posting, but I'm reminded of this incident every White Ribbon Day. And to think these dickheads call themselves men. Barbarians at the gates. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I lived with it for 22 years whilst I lived at home! I stood up to my abuser, my father, in my early 40's when he decided that he might try violence towards me, with my kids in the room! My greatest ever parent moment, my then 8 year old son said 'mum I love you, you protected us'! I only wish my mother had the gumption to stand up to him, but yet again, she was emotionally abusive, so no chance of that. To any of us who have experienced any DV, I'm sorry, but we are the change we want to see :) Thankyou Meander! Mary xx
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Lost my soul mate to a violent homophobic man 40 years ago. Remember her on this day. Rip. You have my oath
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RHP User
9 years ago
Many perpetrators are monsters that make a conscious decision to hurt another human being, others were brought up in violent homes and this behaviour was instilled in them from an early age. I've met at least two dozen of both kind in my line of work. When raised in a violent home it's hard for someone to change their behaviour, as they may think violence is normal, and many abusers were abused themselves and severely damaged as a result. I'm not making any excuses for family violence, yet there are some men I have met who were not pure evil and actively sought help. These men are sadly few and far between, and though there is some help for perpetrators of family violence out there, it's desperately lacking. Years ago I worked with a young man who would sometimes beat his girlfriend. She was violent towards him too, however he was the one hating himself and wanting help. He had watched his mum being mudered by his dad as a small child and had severe PTSD as a result. He would snap, then be full of sincere regret. That goes for many abusers, though this guy ended up killing himself as he found no help and could no longer live with the hurt he caused the person he loved most in the world (he told us so just before, then disappeared until he was found dead). His partner moved on to a next relationship where, as far as we could see, she became the sole abuser. A very sad story for many reasons and one that I'll remember forever.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath. uly
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RHP User
9 years ago
...I was having a conversation with a 25yo female workmate. It had started over the Chris Brown/Rhihanna domestic violence incident from a few years ago, when my workmate had suggested that she probably deserved it. I was a little appalled/surprised/curious to hear that, so I asked her if her ex boyfriend had ever struck her. She said no, but he had put her in a one arm chokehold recently....and that she'd had it coming for being lippy with him in an argument they'd had. She just thought it was amusing in retrospect. I thought how disappointing that an intelligent young woman thinks that's acceptable. I have never committed, excused or remained silent about violence against women. And I shan't start.
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RHP User
9 years ago
As a child my elder sister and I watched my mother and father being violent to each other.. My father was a ex boxer and a very good one at that , the downfall was he became a punch drunk when he finished his career and became a bum . My mother was a gentle but tough woman who always stood her ground.. When I was 8 , my father left , leaving my mother to bring us both up, but the violence was gone. Those times are long gone but the memories linger when this subject comes up. It is now deeply ingrained in me that a man never ever raises his had or verbally abuses any woman. I know some women push men to the brink at times , but regardless you turn heel and walk away and don't return until things have settled down. That is the sign of a real man, he controls his anger , not the other way around.. I made a pledge to myself many years ago that I would never repeat what I was witness to and it still stands no matter what.. I have never raised my hand to any women ever.. that wont change..
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Jack_Denials' I reaffirm my commitment to the White Ribbon pledge. "I promise never to commit, condone, or remain silent about violence towards women."
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PatchworkGirl
9 years ago
for far too many reasons. And it's always heartening to see the amount of people who will engage in the conversation today. I hope it continues tomorrow. Someone's life may depend on it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
no stories here about DV.... But... I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against people. This is my oath. - Posted from rhpmobile
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lovman8
9 years ago
there are far too many terrible stories around about domestic violence. Sometimes I am ashamed to be male.
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RHP User
9 years ago
For the men... do not be ashamed to be a male, because of the many men do not live up to a decent standard. Instead, be proud to be a male who is not one of them, and who supports, values and loves women equally. One sad part I find is the long term effects domestic violence has on (in this case) the female victims. I'm saddened by the stories from the women who have suffered, and have at the very least, major trust issues regarding men over the long term. Specifically because I am a man, this makes me feel quite powerless to help them overcome any of these issues. My gut instinct is to go and comfort any distressed lady, but that will probably be seriously confronting (eg a stranger on the street), especially if it was a man that was the cause of the distress. For the women with serious long term problems, I wish I could just hold them in an innocent but loving (perhaps motherly/fatherly?) embrace for an indefinite time, until they felt they could at least try to learn to trust men again, but that is an unrealistic circumstance. Obviously these campaigns are designed to reduce domestic violence into the future, which I hope they do, but I also wish for more ways to help existing victims recover, and to help any perpetrators reform if possible.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Koolgrey' and that she'd had it coming for being lippy with him in an argument they'd had. She just thought it was amusing in retrospect. I thought how disappointing that an intelligent young woman thinks that's acceptable. that's not an uncommon view among young people in Australia. A very recent study examined attitudes of young people who were given scenarios of boys being verbally abusive towards or even throwing objects such as bottles at girls they didn't know well. In many cases both the boys and girls in the study came up with excuses for the boys' behaviour, e.g. that the girl might have not have been paying him any attention, or the usual 'boys will be boys' cop outs. Also very worryingly, they did a similar thing with a group of parents who also often excused the boys' behaviour and stated that girls having to put up with that sort of thing was just a part of growing up. It's these sorts of attitudes that are a huge part of the problem.
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RHP User
9 years ago
my middle daughter was bullied a bit in school after she made a comment at a line up at the canteen.... She broke down and refused to go to school...she finally spilled the beans.... Dad was pissed off by this time...."righto kiddo you and me, we're off to school to sort this out!!" Long story short.....these boys responded to her comment at the time, but then proceeded to hunt her down in the school yard to continue it.....the principal cited it as "character building!!" I looked at him, smiled and responded with "dress it up however you like....but character building isn't going after her continuously for 2 weeks to continue their barrage of 'fuck you fatty' that's character assassination and you know it! Character building was their reply initially.....so....I expect written apologies by the end of the week..." Whilst the written apologies were never forthcoming, the apologies face to face with my daughter to her was acceptable along with cessation of the behaviour.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
was watching my drunken father beat up my mother, and my siblings, until I was 10 when she finally had a compassionate cop in the town we moved to disbelieve his lies and help her so she could throw him out and then proceed to divorce the bastard after nearly 25 years. I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath.
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RHP User
9 years ago
former Victorian Police Commissioner Ken Lay has written a very good piece about family violence and gender, it's on the Daily Life website and titled ''It's not enough to consider ourselves good men because we don't bash women''. I'd encourage everyone to read it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' former Victorian Police Commissioner Ken Lay has written a very good piece about family violence and gender, it's on the Daily Life website and titled ''It's not enough to consider ourselves good men because we don't bash women''. I'd encourage everyone to read it. I read it. I generally agree with his information and sentiments. As far as the title statement is concerned, I had to think about it: how to actually be a good man, if I'm not. It seems that he is indicating that it's not enough just to value women as much as you should, you must also do things to ensure others do too, and to do this he focused mainly on the raising the next generation. But as someone without kids and rarely around them to help influence them in a positive way, I'm still not sure on the best approach. Perhaps between other adults, by pointing out unneccesary attitudes and behaviours as you see them.
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neapolitan_guy
9 years ago
I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath. Such a deep social issue, just can't get my head around the experiances that have been shared with me or read in the paper. Support to all and hugs. "ONE" One love One life When it's one need In the night One love We get to share it Leaves you baby if you Don't care for it To drag the past out into the light We're one, but we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other One... We're one But we're not the same You say Love is a temple Love a higher law Love is a temple Love the higher law One love One blood One life You got to do what you should One life With each other Sisters Brothers One life But we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other One...life One
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thank you for sharing that,very thought provoking indeed,for women as well as men in terms of how we socialise both boys and girls ..xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Don't give tacit support to negative comments about women...Dont make or laugh at jokes about women...... If you know that a friend or colleague is abusing their partner and or children,do something,report them,it's silence which supports and allows abuse to continue.xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
"The black and white world of statistics allows the imagination of the observer to supply the colour that suits: "It only happens in dysfunctional households." "It takes two to tango." "She must have done something to deserve it". Only when you hear all the stories can you see the awful Technicolour trends that emerge; the women who, even while they're being patched up in hospital, blame themselves for the failure of their relationship, or hope against hope that they can find their way back to the way things were before the violence started. The realisation that – far from dysfunction – what drives women to stay in a violent relationship is so often a futile determination to cling to function, to maintain a nuclear family at all costs. The men who, afraid they will lose control over everything in their lives, grab a terrible choke-hold on the one person who is last to leave. If each of those women knew how many other women, in depressingly similar circumstances, were saying exactly the same thing, how much would it change things?How many men – if they saw that their behaviour was not that of a uniquely wronged, benighted, frustrated and misunderstood, complicated guy but a mile-wide, ugly and deadeningly unoriginal streak down the middle of a big country – would think twice about their trail of destruction? Case workers, police, hospital staff: they hear these stories all the time, but the rest of us don't. Thank God the silence is finally breaking."
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