M35
Who's baby is it?
June 16 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
either don't fuck or ensure contraception is in place.... That doesn't mean asking "are ya on the pill love cos I wanna bust a nut inside that sweet pussy?" It means cover the damn thing!!!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Dryphuz
10 years ago
I'm not going to hazard an opinion (haven't even formed one yet), but i do know from second hand experience the courts favour the female heavily in this situation. Although an argument could be made that its actually the welfare of the child that is being favoured. For the guy i know, she didn't even tell him about the child until he was around 5 years old and she found herself in financial troubles. And while she wants the money she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the kid. As to trying to dodge with a lookalike, that's just criminal and 6 months seems quite light considering. Paying the compensation...? Well as i said the courts favour the mother or possibly the child and, while unfortunate for the bloke, as humans it should always be in our best interest to help other humans have a better life.
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
It's this simple. If you take part in an activity that ends in pregnancy on the part of a woman, then you are responsible for the upkeep of that child. Along with the other party, of course. Whether you 'wanted her to get an abortion' has nothing to do with it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
to make a baby so both are responsible. Condoms are a mans best friend. OP doesn't mention if the girl was intoxicated and was taken advantage of ... so many variables here but that doesn't change the fact that he got his rocks off and left her holding the baby. LG
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RHP User
10 years ago
There was a case a few yrs ago in america where the female wanted to terminate a pregnancy and the father of the unborn child took her to court because he wanted to stop her keep the child. The females get the choice in both situations,( wrong but true) so as the other posters have said, and back to the original question, if you dont want a pregnancy from a one nighter, glove up. Or pay for that childs upkeep for the next 18 yrs.
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
The bloke you describe.... is not a Man. The bloke you described.... is a douchebag for a number of reasons. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Killing a foetus is not contraception and he has no right to expect that.He waived his opportunity to say no, he waived his opportunity to use contraception, He waived his opportunity to be a man, The slimy coward got off light.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Does anybody know if he could have stopped her having an abortion ? If he had wanted to assume his responsibilities.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Abortion is quite a tricky subject. People try paint it as black and white, when really it isn't. Foremost - when it comes down to it, I believe it is the woman's choice. My biggest problem with the article was the comment section. When I read through the comment section of the article - I read a lot people throw the word 'abortion' around like it's a simple occurrence. Like getting a flu shot or getting your hair cut. On a side note, I have noticed this year in particular a rise in sexist behaviour online. Anyone else?
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RHP User
10 years ago
It may take two to tango, but in the end, only 1 person makes the final decision. The mother.- were they drunk? -did he use a condom?-did she use a condom?-was the on the pill and it failed?-was she on the pill and she lied?-did he lie about being cut?-did she lie about being cut? There are many unanswered questions, but at the end of it all, the mother decides if the guy becomes a father, he does not have a choice. I believe he should have a choice, although he should not have used fraud as a means of getting out of it. He will probably end up back in prison for not being able to pay childsupport.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Take the advice of one who knows and tie your nightie to your toes.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'johnhadd' There are many unanswered questions, but at the end of it all, the mother decides if the guy becomes a father, he does not have a choice. I believe he should have a choice, although he should not have used fraud as a means of getting out of it. He will probably end up back in prison for not being able to pay childsupport. Didn't know you could go to jail for not paying child support. Now I do. Hopefully that doesn't come in handy one day.
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Smilingwithfun
10 years ago
One of the posters raised the point that she sort child support but didn't want the male to have contact with the child. You can't have your cake & eat it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Smilingwithfun' One of the posters raised the point that she sort child support but didn't want the male to have contact with the child. You can't have your cake & eat it. If the guy is of bad character or is a danger to the child or mother then I can understand it. I haven't read the article but from what Dryphuz mentioned... that she didn't ask for help until she was under financial hardship when the child was aged 5LG
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'slickz' Quoting 'johnhadd' There are many unanswered questions, but at the end of it all, the mother decides if the guy becomes a father, he does not have a choice. I believe he should have a choice, although he should not have used fraud as a means of getting out of it. He will probably end up back in prison for not being able to pay childsupport. Didn't know you could go to jail for not paying child support. Now I do. Hopefully that doesn't come in handy one day. you can also be detained and or arrested at an airport for falling in arrears with child support payments.(happened to a friends ex who was living abroad whilst travelling between countries for work )
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RHP User
10 years ago
I haven't read the article but from what Dryphuz mentioned... that she didn't ask for help until she was under financial hardship when the child was aged 5 ... it seems she had no intention of looking for help from the father. If she was asking for financial help from the government then they are the ones who will chase down the father so that govt funds are limited. Again too many unknowns to make too many judgements. LG
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'slickz' Quoting 'johnhadd' There are many unanswered questions, but at the end of it all, the mother decides if the guy becomes a father, he does not have a choice. I believe he should have a choice, although he should not have used fraud as a means of getting out of it. He will probably end up back in prison for not being able to pay childsupport. Didn't know you could go to jail for not paying child support. Now I do. Hopefully that doesn't come in handy one day.Quoting 'slickz' Quoting 'johnhadd' There are many unanswered questions, but at the end of it all, the mother decides if the guy becomes a father, he does not have a choice. I believe he should have a choice, although he should not have used fraud as a means of getting out of it. He will probably end up back in prison for not being able to pay childsupport. Didn't know you could go to jail for not paying child support. Now I do. Hopefully that doesn't come in handy one day. Depends where you live, im not sure about Aus, but in England where I believe this story comes from and the USA, you can be placed in prison. You can see an interview with dave foley on youtube, about possibly going to jail forever for not being able to pay 30k childsupport/month.
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
Where does it say he did not where a condom. Maybe he did and it burst or had a hole in it or was faulty, maybe he was taking all precautions and it was bad luck, therefore not his fault (just asking) :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
As a woman makes you want to have a 'his ter ectomo me'.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Leo_girl' I haven't read the article but from what Dryphuz mentioned... that she didn't ask for help until she was under financial hardship when the child was aged 5LG Dryphuz was talking about another situation with someone that he knows, not about the people in the article.
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RHP User
10 years ago
So if I crash my into a wall with a seatbelt on it isn't my fault. I dunno - you take a risk when having sex. A risk well worth it (most of the time), *touch wood*.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Did the female contribute in any way ? Sounds harsh but not unrealistic ,,,i have compassion for a female choosing abortion ,,, but no the male has no say in it ,, if the female chooses to go the journey your fucked , I mean your mates liable - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes you are right ..... I was in too much of a hurry and didn't read it properly! CheersLG
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sex includes the risk/joy of new life. The man has to face the responsibility of the shared burden that sex may bring. This responsibility is his until the child reaches independence 18. Or if there is need for ongoing care I think it should be indefinite. There is no time limit when that responsibility is called for. The man has no right in regard to the woman's body, that includes the unborn child. The guy in the OP committed fraud, in this case a criminal offence. He got what he deserves.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Leo_girl'to make a baby so both are responsible. Condoms are a mans best friend. OP doesn't mention if the girl was intoxicated and was taken advantage of ... so many variables here but that doesn't change the fact that he got his rocks off and left her holding the baby. LGgiven it was a one night stand, so perhaps they met at a bar/club - if the girl was intoxicated, then it's likely they were BOTH intoxicated, so he couldn't consent either and was also taken advantage of. But that isn't mentioned, so lets not bring in extra stuff to make one character the villain. Back to the OP's situation: (So in all this, I'm not talking about situations you read about where they find out they're pregnant 8 months in, and had no idea beforehand - I mean regular run of the mill "crap, my period is late" situations) I'm going to be controversial and say that unless they'd decided to make a baby together, then no, he shouldn't necessarily be on the hook for the costs, and that this is precisely the situation where RU486 (or similar) drugs should be made cheaply and readily available. (And that it is terrible that a stigma exists around abortion). If you catch a communicable disease from someone, and you knowingly don't get it treated, should you be able to come back later on and seek monetary compensation for current (and future) costs incurred by your decision not to treat the problem at the time? I don't think that the man should be able to force the woman to have an abortion, nor should he be able to force her to keep it. But, I don't think you should be able to force someone into becoming a 'father' when it is against their will and when there are safe alternatives. I'd say it's fair that both people share liability for costs incurred in procuring a termination. If the woman then chooses to go it alone and carry it to term, thats her choice, and I think it reasonable that the biological father's rights and responsibilities are severed. There is no right to seek payments, nor would the father have any rights to the child e.g. visitations/custody. I do think though, that this is a great situation to have a medical registry containing full history so that there is a way for the child to have reference to possible family history of medical issues (suitably anonymised to prevent privacy breaches). I realise that this will likely raise the hackles of many, but we don't live in a world where we have to bring more babies into it just because someone gets pregnant. Backyard abortions with coat-hangers aren't necessary, it's a few doctors appointments, pills and discomfort. I think it is a horrible notion that people become parents due to what seems like some punishment rooted mentality that they did the 'crime' now should deal with the consequences.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think you should be made to pay child support until the child turns 8. then after that the family court should force the dependent person to find part time or full time work. then after age 12 the dependent person should be made to find full time work within 1 year. child support should be removed by the time the child turns 13. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I side with s on the loose - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
why a woman would proceed with the pregnancy in cases like this. As is the case usually in these types of siutations, both the man and woman are simply thinking about themselves and not what might be in the best interests of the unborn child. It's disturbing
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RHP User
10 years ago
There is enough government assistance available to single mothers. I know a few women who have gotten pregnant to an undesirable guy, they've kept the child and not told the father or kept the father out of the child's life. I think men should have the choice not to be in the child's life, and therefore not be financially responsible for it. If the mother chooses to keep the child, then she needs to be able to support herself and the child.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Fit73' why a woman would proceed with the pregnancy in cases like this. As is the case usually in these types of siutations, both the man and woman are simply thinking about themselves and not what might be in the best interests of the unborn child. It's disturbing The extensive list of physical risks I think a justifiable reason to not want an abortion. Coupled with whatever ethical beliefs she may have in regards to it, I don't think it's right saying proceeding with the pregnancy is selfish. Also - I sound like a smart-ass but I don't personally believe it is within the best interest of an unborn baby to get aborted.
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RHP User
10 years ago
No I don't think the guy really has a say on whether she decides to keep the baby or not. When I say that I mean she has the final say, it's her body and the guy should man up and take responsibility for it either way. C'est la vie. On the subtext of this thread. It's kind of disappointing to read some comments hinting that terminating a pregnancy is a simple "meh" procedure.( I'm not talking about plan b). I mean an abortion. It is a very emotional and heartbreaking experience for everyone involved. It's a decision that stays with you your whole life and I don't think should be taken lightly. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely pro choice but it's not a thing that should be taken lightly like flushing a used Johnny down the toilet. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
Quoting 'slickz' So if I crash my into a wall with a seatbelt on it isn't my fault. I dunno - you take a risk when having sex. A risk well worth it (most of the time), *touch wood*. If you are driving along with your seat belt on and your tire blows and you crash into the fence, then no it is not necessarily your fault. (You take a risk driving along the road too but don't expect to hit a fence). Having said that you still may be required to pay to fix the fence. So it is not a good comparison, as the owner of the fence does not have the choice of having their fence crashed into and damaged; however, the owner of the fence can pay to fix the fence themselves or claim on their own insurance, in which case the driver may not need to pay, or the drivers insurance would pay (if he had insurance) :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'slickz' The extensive list of physical risks I think a justifiable reason to not want an abortion. There is research showing that pregnancy and giving birth are much riskier for women than abortion (if we're talking abortion under proper medical supervision, not backyard procedures). Women are much more likely to die as a result of complications during delivery than they are from complications as a result of abortion. And it's not like that should be surprising, up until quite recently many women died during childbirth, and many still do in poorer countries without adequate medical care. Even in countries like Australia women die during childbirth, or are left with permanent physical problems as a result. There are some absolute horror stories out there about what women have ended up having to deal with after having children, but you hardly ever hear about those in any mainstream sources of information. The narratives that are presented around childbirth vs abortion are completely different. Women aren't told about their risk of permanent health issues or even of dying as a result of pregnancy and childbirth, instead it's almost always presented in glowing, positive terms and as an almost sacred event. In contrast, as S_Ontheloose mentioned, the topic of abortion is surrounded by misinformation and stigma. Much of that is due to the efforts of the pro-life brigade who just love to wax lyrical about how all life is precious, but who funnily enough don't seem to give a shit about the lives of women or about the lives of babies once they're born. They are the ultimate hypocrites.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Quoting 'slickz' The extensive list of physical risks I think a justifiable reason to not want an abortion. At the end of childbirth you have a baby (which in most cases is a reward that overshadows the negative) as opposed to abortion in which you are left with pain. Don't get me wrong, I support abortion. I just don't think it is something that should be taken lightly. If I found out today someone I had slept with got an abortion. I would be very, very sad. It's a 'well that sucks, but do what you have to do' type thing.
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Bazingal
10 years ago
Quoting 'DecisiveShagg' I think you should be made to pay child support until the child turns 8. then after that the family court should force the dependent person to find part time or full time work. then after age 12 the dependent person should be made to find full time work within 1 year. child support should be removed by the time the child turns 13. - Posted from rhpmobile You sound like Tony Abbott........I am a single parent now as my husband of 19 years left. I didn't choose to be raising kids on my own (we decided together to have a family), but it's the situation I am in. I find it incredibly difficult to juggle my kids, their schooling, their sporting commitments, my work, the entire home (inside and out). There's only one of me and only so much time I have in a day.The small amount of child support I receive is a slight relief. But in your scenario, in a few months my ex wouldn't be financially responsible for our eldest child, and a few years later our youngest.Why should that be the case? However in relation to the OP:I am pro choice, a woman should have the right to choose what happens to her body.I agree with S and Uni.One night stand + guy not wanting to be a father = woman raising child on her own with no financial assistance from him.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'slickz' At the end of childbirth you have a baby (which in most cases is a reward that overshadows the negative) as opposed to abortion in which you are left with pain. but I was only referring to the narratives around the procedures of childbirth vs abortion, not their results. Although I would dispute that a baby is always a reward / positive thing that outweighs the negative for a woman, and that an abortion always leads to pain (physical or emotional). Society expects women who have had abortions to say that it was such a terribly hard decision and they will always feel some pain about it...even on this thread that attitude is evident. It's basically taboo for women to admit that sometimes a baby is not wanted, the decision was actually a very easy one, and all they felt afterwards was relief. Just like it's taboo for women to admit after they've had a child that they regret doing so. Many women - in most cases anonymously because they know exactly the type of backlash they will receive - have admitted to both those things. Anyway, at this point I think I'd better bow out of the thread before I end up in an argument with someone .
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose'Quoting 'Leo_girl'to make a baby so both are responsible. Condoms are a mans best friend. OP doesn't mention if the girl was intoxicated and was taken advantage of ... so many variables here but that doesn't change the fact that he got his rocks off and left her holding the baby. LGgiven it was a one night stand, so perhaps they met at a bar/club - if the girl was intoxicated, then it's likely they were BOTH intoxicated, so he couldn't consent either and was also taken advantage of. But that isn't mentioned, so lets not bring in extra stuff to make one character the villain.I have underlined where I mentioned there are many variables and I only gave one example. There is no vilifying. For you to assume "it is likely BOTH were intoxicated, so he couldn't consent either and was also taken advantage of" is absurd. Most men who are that highly intoxicated cant perform sexually. Another example and this is a true and current story: My friends daughter was drugged by a male "friend", raped, fell pregnant and is now suffering extreme difficulties both mentally and physically due to the abortion she decided to have which unfortunately had complications. The procedure was done months ago and she is still bleeding.The male friend happened to be her ex-boyfriend. She was put under much duress to abort the child and he is now off with a new girlfriend while she is paying the price for her trust. There is more to this disturbing story which I won't go into.For those that seem to think an abortion is a simple procedure ... let me tell you that it is not. For some it works for others there are many risks. It is not a decision that is taken lightly.At what point does the man have to take responsibility for his own sperm? If he has been careless then he waives the right to choose whether or not to be the father of the resultant child.Back to the OP's situation: (So in all this, I'm not talking about situations you read about where they find out they're pregnant 8 months in, and had no idea beforehand - I mean regular run of the mill "crap, my period is late" situations) For some women on the pill they can go for months without a period, depending on the type they are using. I'm going to be controversial and say that unless they'd decided to make a baby together, then no, he shouldn't necessarily be on the hook for the costs, and that this is precisely the situation where RU486 (or similar) drugs should be made cheaply and readily available. (And that it is terrible that a stigma exists around abortion). Again read above, it is not safe for everyone. If you catch a communicable disease from someone, and you knowingly don't get it treated, should you be able to come back later on and seek monetary compensation for current (and future) costs incurred by your decision not to treat the problem at the time? A child is not a disease! I won't go away with some antibiotics. I don't think that the man should be able to force the woman to have an abortion, nor should he be able to force her to keep it. But, I don't think you should be able to force someone into becoming a 'father' when it is against their will and when there are safe alternatives. I'd say it's fair that both people share liability for costs incurred in procuring a termination. Did the girl have a choice of becoming pregnant and the impact on her life and health? If the woman then chooses to go it alone and carry it to term, thats her choice, and I think it reasonable that the biological father's rights and responsibilities are severed. There is no right to seek payments, nor would the father have any rights to the child e.g. visitations/custody. I do think though, that this is a great situation to have a medical registry containing full history so that there is a way for the child to have reference to possible family history of medical issues (suitably anonymised to prevent privacy breaches). I realise that this will likely raise the hackles of many, but we don't live in a world where we have to bring more babies into it just because someone gets pregnant. Backyard abortions with coat-hangers aren't necessary, it's a few doctors appointments, pills and discomfort. I think it is a horrible notion that people become parents due to what seems like some punishment rooted mentality that they did the 'crime' now should deal with the consequences. I don't agree with your simplified ideology on this topic. Your "punishment rooted mentality" comment, in my opinion, is very sad and lacking in empathy or and understanding of the wider picture than maintenance payments. LG ps. There are situations where men have been set up to become unwilling fathers by manipulative women which is completely abhorrent. I don't think this is such a case but I could be wrong.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Its an incredibly sad there is so much grey here not explained. There is the age, there is the consent thing with the termination request, there is the fraud (which should be punishable period and he has indeed been charged for that) There is the fact there is this lovely 5 year old who might want to know who their dad is? Its all tragic I only have sympathy for the boy...
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