F46
Why are you on RHP if you're happily married???
May 06 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am the same as you sweet gem, if I had a partner would not bother with it would rather put the time in on the relationship to try to sort it out and also try to keep things interesting ..yeah but with young kids it can get hard one partner I had, had 2 and was always flat out running round after them resulting in her being tired stressed and not in the mood to often ...but in some cases it can go both ways with out trying to bash these ppl or put them down maybe their not doing enough to put that spark into it ie nice surprise's ( little romantic things ) ...so many ways it could go maybe they have just grown apart interesting question looking forward to hearing some of the answers
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RHP User
12 years ago
Wow...what a great topic.... Sweetgem...darlink... As you know, there are 3 factors in a successful relationship. Emotional, intellectual and sexual compatibility. When one of these compatibilities change, as it sometimes can with a shift in the circumstances, people address it all differently. Some like you and I, will taketh that bull by its horns and address it openly, honestly and truly own it. If no resolution can be found then we make a clear distinction as to what we do about it. However, some people - both men and women - don't. They withdraw, and just hope the problem fixes itself but quite often it doesn't. Others join RHP and seek out what they want as that's quite often easier than face it in my view. All you need to do is keep doing what you're doing, and remain true to yourself about what you will accept in alignment to what you deserve. OR.....I could have totally read this thread completely wrong, in which case I'll go back to my finger paints :p- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
That if you are truly 'happily' married you would be here with your partners full knowledge because you would have discussed the alternatives together. Someone who is truly 'happily' married does not have sex elsewhere, unless their partner knows and/or is involved. For me, a healthy sex life is essential to be truly happy in a relationship. I did not loose my desire for sex after the birth of my four children, nor at any stage of my 26 year relationship. We always had a few weeks after the birth of our babies where we didn't have sex, but then were eager to be able to go back to a happy and frequent sex life. Over the years we lived apart for work reasons, lived together but worked opposing shifts, owned 3 businesses (at once) working 80/90 hours a week, raised 4 children with all the sleepless nights that entails, but always found the time to nurture our relationship with sex.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Happiness is getting what you want, And wanting what you get. Op is talking sex, if two people have vastly different requirements for sex, I struggle to comprehend how they could claim to be 100% happy. Companionship is one thing, but is not necessarily happiness. Hp xo
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Lifes_great
12 years ago
I think Karynb has successfully hit the nail on the head. I don't think the term should be happily married....more like comfortably married or simply don't want to change their current arrangement. I'm sure that if one of the couple is on here without the other partners full knowledge then I'm guessing if they found out it might not be such a happy marriage. As far as the lack sex in a relationship goes. I don't believe having children can be blamed. I understand the sleepness nights etc but I think that there are always other underlying issues and it just becomes a convienient excuse. You can always find an excuse not to do something if you try hard enough. Great post by the way OP
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
How can anyone define someone else's happiness in life? Happiness is like memories...we all see it differently! What brings me happiness could be nothing to another person and vice versa! So now we have to have a certain way to feel or be happy? Talk about close minded! xFunlovingx
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Smilingwithfun
12 years ago
I don't feel the thread was started to make married people feel like shit. It was asking for peoples thoughts on those who have a certain style of line in their profile eg happily married but not getting sex, for whatever reason. I thought the poster was aiming at the BUT after happily married. I think the BUT says it all. Probably should say Partially happily married or similar. The use of the BUT seems to contradict the happily part.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The OP is NOT trying to make married people feel like shit....simply questioning why a "HAPPILY" married person would be looking for sex outside of their marriage without their partners knowledge and consent. I guess it may be true that some people don't see a fulfilling and active sex life with their partner as essential or adding to their happiness....but i do wonder if their partner would see it the same way?? Quoting 'xFunlovingx' How can anyone define someone else's happiness in life? Happiness is like memories...we all see it differently! What brings me happiness could be nothing to another person and vice versa! So now we have to have a certain way to feel or be happy? Talk about close minded! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
There are so many people all with their own thing going on, what makes a happy relationship is all about the individuals and couples perception of happiness to begin with.I've been with my husband for 20yrs, we've had our share of ups and downs and yes loss of libido after kids, but we worked through it and now are at a stage where we can have our cake and eat it too! We are a solid couple, completely open, honest and respectfull, "playing" gives us the opportunity to add another element to our lives, it's fun, it's exciting, it's liberating and yes we consider ourselves to be "Happily Married" We choose not to play with attached men as we dont feel good about the deception, not making judgements, each to their own, but for us it ruins what we get out of the experience if someone else has the potential to get hurt by our "play"'
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Quoting 'Highpriority'Happiness is getting what you want, And wanting what you get. Op is talking sex, if two people have vastly different requirements for sex, I struggle to comprehend how they could claim to be 100% happy. Companionship is one thing, but is not necessarily happiness. Hp xo I love my hubby dearly, often ask for an open relationship but so far no luck. We do discuss everything but this openly (sigh) that's possibly the problem. I crave the intellectual stimulation that I don't get at home, professionally I used to have it in spades and it was a good balance. Since leaving my career I'm at a loss and this "emptiness" is being satisfied here....jesus did I just be utterly ashamedly honest or what? My libido only heightened whilst pregnant and remained that way after birth so I don't buy that excuse from a lady unless she's diagnosed with post-natal depression. I've never experienced that so I can't really comment either so don't shoot me for it. Why am I here when I'm happily married? Because my marriage lacks the intensity and desire it once had and trying to rebuild that hasn't worked, maintaining the heat in a fling is easy; but trying to maintain that same heat and passion over decades can be.....difficult. That person slips in and out of friend or frenemy, lover and parent status often over time. Marriages take alot of hard work to keep "happy", yes it can be worth it and often is. Sometimes a little outside distraction helps though. I also believe we are meant to have a "life partner" but that we should also be "allowed" to have (this is hard) sexual interests outside the marriage. I don't want my husband to feel threatened by my lovers who end up becoming friends. I had three old lovers at our wedding that he knew about and he still has no issue with them. I ran away once and it caused all of us more grief than anything but I don't know how to get him to consider my proposals without an outright no. I've discussed this with him until I'm blue in the face and tried to get him to understand how I feel, I know how he feels!! I have offered for him to read some of the couples forums here to try and get an appreciation from other people's perspectives about how starting an open marriage has actually "enhanced" or "saved" thier marriages but he's not interested. I am not a dishonest person by nature and any form of deceit kills me BUT when I have my stolen moments they make me feel alive.....happy, when I'm happy everyone else wins too (that's probably a bit narcissistic to say, but honestly true). I like hearing people's thoughts on these topics when they arise BUT they make me feel........troubled. To all the happily married couples here on RHP together I take my hat off to you, and I am so envious of you. If you can help with my dilemma or can relate to what I'm struggling with feel free to message me with suggestions. Moral dilemma.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'On_Safari' Quoting 'Highpriority'Happiness is getting what you want, And wanting what you get. Op is talking sex, if two people have vastly different requirements for sex, I struggle to comprehend how they could claim to be 100% happy. Companionship is one thing, but is not necessarily happiness. Hp xo I love my hubby dearly, often ask for an open relationship but so far no luck. We do discuss everything but this openly (sigh) that's possibly the problem. I crave the intellectual stimulation that I don't get at home, professionally I used to have it in spades and it was a good balance. Since leaving my career I'm at a loss and this "emptiness" is being satisfied here....jesus did I just be utterly ashamedly honest or what? My libido only heightened whilst pregnant and remained that way after birth so I don't buy that excuse from a lady unless she's diagnosed with post-natal depression. I've never experienced that so I can't really comment either so don't shoot me for it. Why am I here when I'm happily married? Because my marriage lacks the intensity and desire it once had and trying to rebuild that hasn't worked, maintaining the heat in a fling is easy; but trying to maintain that same heat and passion over decades can be.....difficult. That person slips in and out of friend or frenemy, lover and parent status often over time. Marriages take alot of hard work to keep "happy", yes it can be worth it and often is. Sometimes a little outside distraction helps though. I also believe we are meant to have a "life partner" but that we should also be "allowed" to have (this is hard) sexual interests outside the marriage. I don't want my husband to feel threatened by my lovers who end up becoming friends. I had three old lovers at our wedding that he knew about and he still has no issue with them. I ran away once and it caused all of us more grief than anything but I don't know how to get him to consider my proposals without an outright no. I've discussed this with him until I'm blue in the face and tried to get him to understand how I feel, I know how he feels!! I have offered for him to read some of the couples forums here to try and get an appreciation from other people's perspectives about how starting an open marriage has actually "enhanced" or "saved" thier marriages but he's not interested. I am not a dishonest person by nature and any form of deceit kills me BUT when I have my stolen moments they make me feel alive.....happy, when I'm happy everyone else wins too (that's probably a bit narcissistic to say, but honestly true). I like hearing people's thoughts on these topics when they arise BUT they make me feel........troubled. To all the happily married couples here on RHP together I take my hat off to you, and I am so envious of you. If you can help with my dilemma or can relate to what I'm struggling with feel free to message me with suggestions. Moral dilemma. What a great read ... I love reading things like this when it comes from a heart full of love and compassion..not ones filled with hate and anger! Thank you for sharing, and for opening up with a truth for you! xFunlovingx
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'Smilingwithfun'I don't feel the thread was started to make married people feel like shit. It was asking for peoples thoughts on those who have a certain style of line in their profile eg happily married but not getting sex, for whatever reason. I thought the poster was aiming at the BUT after happily married. I think the BUT says it all. Probably should say Partially happily married or similar. The use of the BUT seems to contradict the happily part. I was not having a go at the OP at all...it is just sad that usually any Topics about married people who "cheat" does end up like a War Zone and people have to put in their 2 cents worth about how "wrong" it is to cheat! The OP from this Thread was not coming from a judgemental place at all...but even though she pointed out she is not asking for judgements..it will still happen...unfortunately! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
you cant be happily married and deceive your partner, you cant be happily married and betray your partner. happily married means amongst other things, operating honestly and openly , and you cant do these things and claim happiness... i'd say those who are 'happily marrried' really aren't, but pride, ego, shame....whatever....wont allow them to admit it to themselves...or others. you cant be 'happily married'.......'but' ....there are NO buts.....happily married is exactly that...happily married 24/7 and in every aspect of your life.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am happy with my marriage, my life I cannot connect with my husband, no chemistry and yes after 28 odd years the chemsitry never came,so part of those years are ten years divorced. should I kick a man to the curb that lovees me to death,is the father of my children and who I also love or should I never have sex, I tried that for many years life is complex,love does not come in a pretty box and stay contatined or never change what you do and feel is unique to your social mores, your life, your personality , and whats good for you is not good for everyone else I mean the collective you here I am very very happy with my choices
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RHP User
12 years ago
That everyone on RHP supposedly wants sex?? That sex is important to most people? That sex is important within most marriages? That living in a sexless marriage is intolerable to most people? That good sex inside a marriage makes individuals happier than a sexless marriage? That sex is important to the people on RHP? If you are married and on RHP sex is important to that individual? That if they are looking on RHP to fill the gap that they are not getting at home, sex is important to that individual? They are therfore NOT "happily" married? Maybe they are ALMOST "happily" married.........but for that one small thing called sex? ........but then surely if they considered it such a small thing.......they wouldn't be here looking to fill that need?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sounds like i'm down on married people playing. I'm not! I have had married lovers, i make no judgements. I will say that i have never had a "Happily" married lover.......because if he was, there would be no room for me in his life.
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RHP User
12 years ago
with two children but love a bit of badness, we are very open with each other have been together 16 years, tried everything. Its just another thing we wanted to try and we are having fun at the same time.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I dont believe anyone of us is that complete that we have all the answers of matrimonial bliss.. There are no 2 human beings alive who can honestly say they are happy without a 'but' not because thats what they want but because life experiences teaches them life is not all that clear cut. Yes' there will be plenty who will say they are happy because thats what they expect of them self and their partner.. But to maintain the type of married bliss expected, is in my opinion a larger than life expectation..To swim against the tide for years without getting exhausted at some time takes a monumental effort. Not that they dont love their partner, on the contary' but when romance turns to other things and the sparrows stop flying out of their arse , reality starts to sink in.. What am I doing wrong ? The answer is nothing ? Its human nature to look outside the square if even if its never act on.Accepting people for who they are and not what you want them to be would be a good start . Accepting your partner still has urges doesnt mean they dont love you. Its means there is something missing in their life that needs forfilling.I think most couples here on RHP realised this and go on the journey together.. even for a short time. That to me is dealing with the reality of it all.. If you cant beat em, join em... Single / Married males: You will always have to wear the tag of the ' Married Man' even if your in a loveless sexless relationship.. You are damned if you do and doomed if you dont.. No one wants to hear the truth from a man with a single profile because this tag bestowed on you is set in concrete. No matter how good a person you may be, the tag has stuck..These days I wait for females and couples get in touch with me and take it from there... If its them who contact me' I know they are for real and in most cases non judgemental.. We come here to meet people and be entertained just like anybody else...Sweetgem' like to chat to you sometime on this topic... Jay..
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' you cant be happily married and deceive your partner, you cant be happily married and betray your partner. happily married means amongst other things, operating honestly and openly , and you cant do these things and claim happiness... i'd say those who are 'happily marrried' really aren't, but pride, ego, shame....whatever....wont allow them to admit it to themselves...or others. you cant be 'happily married'.......'but' ....there are NO buts.....happily married is exactly that...happily married 24/7 and in every aspect of your life. must be hard to keep looking out of that one eye it will be a cold day in hell before someone tells me what my values are supposed to be at my age have done the hard yards and with both eyes wide open I have found the world is not black and white its full of colour and shame is not a word that anyone on rhp needs to throw around
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Quoting 'Jay_Me' I dont believe anyone of us is that complete that we have all the answers of matrimonial bliss.. There are no 2 human beings alive who can honestly say they are happy without a 'but' not because thats what they want but because life experiences teaches them life is not all that clear cut. Yes' there will be plenty who will say they are happy because thats what they expect of them self and their partner.. But to maintain the type of married bliss expected, is in my opinion a larger than life expectation..To swim against the tide for years without getting exhausted at some time takes a monumental effort. Not that they dont love their partner, on the contary' but when romance turns to other things and the sparrows stop flying out of their arse , reality starts to sink in.. What am I doing wrong ? The answer is nothing ? Its human nature to look outside the square if even if its never act on.Accepting people for who they are and not what you want them to be would be a good start . Accepting your partner still has urges doesnt mean they dont love you. Its means there is something missing in their life that needs forfilling.I think most couples here on RHP realised this and go on the journey together.. even for a short time. That to me is dealing with the reality of it all.. If you cant beat em, join em... mikeandshel I can appreciate your viewpoint and as I said am envious of the couples on RHP who do enjoy that kind of strength in thier relationship. I think it's awesome and definately not wanting to take anything away from you for that. Tuscan has a point though, some people here DON'T enjoy those same freedoms you share, and it isn't through any fault of their own. It isn't shameful either (something believe it or not I do battle with feeling at times); it just IS. A wise woman said the me yesterday that some things are just like Catnip, you can't help but want more of it. Thank you for your kind words xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
then...........if they don't enjoy the 'freedoms' that some share, are they truly 'happily married'? no...I'd say not, and as soon as your inject dishonesty, deception and betrayals into a relationship, I truly don't believe you have the right to call it 'happy'........because obviously, its not.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' Quoting 'mikeandshel' you cant be happily married and deceive your partner, you cant be happily married and betray your partner. happily married means amongst other things, operating honestly and openly , and you cant do these things and claim happiness... i'd say those who are 'happily marrried' really aren't, but pride, ego, shame....whatever....wont allow them to admit it to themselves...or others. you cant be 'happily married'.......'but' ....there are NO buts.....happily married is exactly that...happily married 24/7 and in every aspect of your life. must be hard to keep looking out of that one eye it will be a cold day in hell before someone tells me what my values are supposed to be at my age have done the hard yards and with both eyes wide open I have found the world is not black and white its full of colour and shame is not a word that anyone on rhp needs to throw aroundthere's no 'one' eye in operation here...I've been on both sides....in an unhappy relationship that I swore black blue was otherwise, and lied to and betrayed by someone who said out of one side of her mouth...that she was 'sooo happy and in love', while telling lies and keeping secrets out of the other. and yes, I will use 'shame' where and when I feel its appropriate for me to do so..... its an absolute shame that so many people live lies and have relationships that are shams, and I do feel many stay in obviously unhappy and unfulfilling relationships because of the 'shame' they associate with the admission that their relationships have failed, are failing, or are leaving them feeling unfulfilled.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' Sounds like i'm down on married people playing. I'm not! I have had married lovers, i make no judgements. I will say that i have never had a "Happily" married lover.......because if he was, there would be no room for me in his life.is my point exactly...........if people were truly 'happily married'...........they WOULD NOT be here on the sly or without their partner......
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have actually wondered about this same thing sweetgem. I can only speak for myself...but I know that given how much I enjoy sex, if I was in a relationship where the other party had a vastly lower sex drive (not that I can see myself ever getting involved with someone if that was the case), or they didn't want to have sex for whatever reason, then I definitely would not be be happy. And I too would try to sort it out or fix whatever the problem was...and if that didn't work then I don't think I could stay in that situation.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I simply don't see that it's black and white - at all. Not even 50 shades of grey.To me, it's far from ideal when people feel driven to deceive their husband/wife to get some intimacy in their lives but I don't think it makes them a bad person by any stretch of the imagination or that you can therefore by definition exclude them as being "happily married". "Happy" after all is just a word and means different things to different people.A happy marriage in my mind is comprised of many things on many levels. Sex is surely a part of that but is more important to some than others and this can be for a range of reasons both physiological and psychological. I'm not suggesting I have an answer but I don't see that looking for sex in a sexless (but otherwise great) marriage makes you "unhappy" by default.Mr IAT and I have an agreement that should one of us loose our libido but are are still happy otherwise with our marriage, then the other will be free to take lovers as they see fit to fill the gap (pardon the pun). I think it's unfortunate that not everyone is able to be open to that possibility, but I understand why that is the case. And as for my libido post kids? Personally, it did go down a bit when they were very little but I think this was mitigated by Mr IAT being a very hands on Dad. This is a topic I've discussed with countless girlfriends - most of whom have given up on sex since having their babies. Mostly, they talk about feeling so exhausted and unsexy after changing nappies and cleaning etc all day to 'bother' about getting into a sexy mindset. So I think it's both - yes, kids are absolutely a factor - but it's also about making the effort too. And I think the men-folk (of my girlfriends at least) need to man-up and share the load - then they might get some more regularly!Just my thoughts x
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RHP User
12 years ago
one could also say, that if you feel the need to have sex with people other than your partner,then how can you claim to be happily married .I am always gobsmacked by the skewed view. Jay_me and On Safari great posts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' one could also say, that if you feel the need to have sex with people other than your partner,then how can you claim to be happily married .I am always gobsmacked by the skewed view. Jay_me and On Safari great posts.there is no 'need'.....never has been. sex is a 'want', a 'desire', and if we are honest and open enough to share our wants and desires completely...with each other, and anyone else who we 'choose' to share it with.........how can our relationship be anything other than happy? sex isn't the only thing we are open with each other about...its just the thing everyone else here see....we are all much much more than just sexual beings, and if we get this area right, and it happens happily and healthily, its pretty obvious that the flow on effect...to all other aspects of our relationship...will be one that can only enhance what we share.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think OP that when people say that they are happily married and yet they are here,they actually mean that the COUPLE part of their marriage is happy.They are a good husband/wife ,father/mother but there is another need,the need to not be part of a couple,dualistic I know but I don't think it is just about sex.Some people need the thrill of the forbidden,the thrill of the new....and without that they would not be able to maintain their ''happy marriage''. I personally much prefer the single life,I am a disaster as a wife,but I am an awesome mother,and occasionally,when I am not hibernating an interesting lover.
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RHP User
12 years ago
but if you are married.....everything is the 'couple part' Freya.... 'married' is a 24/7, 365 day of the year kind of deal..... you cant be 'married' and live aspects of that marriage as a single person...ie be here and play on the side for example....it doesn't work, and if it did, discovery wouldn't lead to disharmony, upheaval and potentially separation and divorce....you'd get a cake or something.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Not at all, i think you can be happiliy married and attracted to other people, in fact that's entirely normal. What many won't/can't do is admit that attaraction outside the marriage is normal. Acting on it or not is a choice each couple and individual makes. Open communication is key for a happy marriage in my opinion. I DON"T think happily married people have sex without their partners knowledge. Quoting 'Freya77' one could also say, that if you feel the need to have sex with people other than your partner,then how can you claim to be happily married .I am always gobsmacked by the skewed view. Jay_me and On Safari great posts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
So i'm going to be succinct. I do not judge others for their choices, i've had married lovers....in fact still do. I feel some people lie to themselves in saying they are "happily married" when what they really mean is it's comfortable, it's safe, it's convenient.....or there are very good reasons why i stay in the marriage. All of which are understandable to me. I agree some people do not think that sex is important - but they obviously wouldn't be on here nor looking to fulfill that need anywhere else either. Those people may well be "happily" married even though their sex life is not good. The vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' I think OP that when people say that they are happily married and yet they are here,they actually mean that the COUPLE part of their marriage is happy.They are a good husband/wife ,father/mother but there is another need,the need to not be part of a couple,dualistic I know but I don't think it is just about sex.Some people need the thrill of the forbidden,the thrill of the new....and without that they would not be able to maintain their ''happy marriage''. I personally much prefer the single life,I am a disaster as a wife,but I am an awesome mother,and occasionally,when I am not hibernating an interesting lover. Right on the money I say. I believe marriage has different flavors for different people, as does the concept of "happily married". Maybe the question could have been worded differently. "Can a man ever be sexually satisfied with only one woman, that he loves and that loves him, regardless of libido differences?" On_safari, I find your post touching. It can be so hard finding the balance between sexual satisfaction, and morals/guilt. It sucks.Cantbefucked xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
We're on RHP, because we enjoy what swinging brings into our lives, not to enhance our relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' but if you are married.....everything is the 'couple part' Freya.... 'married' is a 24/7, 365 day of the year kind of deal..... you cant be 'married' and live aspects of that marriage as a single person...Who says? Just because it doesn't work for you that doesn't mean that other married couples cant make this work for them. That is have part of their life as a single person that is.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' one could also say, that if you feel the need to have sex with people other than your partner,then how can you claim to be happily married .I am always gobsmacked by the skewed view. 100% agree with you on this point Freya. It's a shame because I think some people have misunderstood where you are coming from .
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RHP User
12 years ago
Happily??? No not always!!!! I was 17 when I met my husband, I am now 50!!! Married for 24 I/2 years. Yes the 1/2 is very important. Together we have battled premature babies, the loss of one of our twins, me having breast cancer!!! How dare anyone question me being on RHP?? I love my husband, but maybe not the way when I first met him - we have been through enough shit together without even contemplating separation!!! I have broached an open relationship with him - he is not prepared to go there!! I also fell pregnant to my husband and had a Baby when I was 40!!! So we have 2 adult children and a 10 year old!! Does anyone here think I deserve a life of loneliness and no fulfillment because I chose to stick it out with my family and see my last son through school!!! All I am looking for is a little light relief. So I have the odd play!!! Where everyone is informed!! I have laid my life on the line here!!! I hope you closed minded people forgive me for my sins!!!'- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'mikeandshel' but if you are married.....everything is the 'couple part' Freya.... 'married' is a 24/7, 365 day of the year kind of deal..... you cant be 'married' and live aspects of that marriage as a single person...Who says? Just because it doesn't work for you that doesn't mean that other married couples cant make this work for them. That is have part of their life as a single person that is. but if they are 'making it work'...aren't they then doing something as a 'couple'? as against someone doing whatever they may be doing.....on the 'sly' or by deceptive means? isn't this another 'freedom' a connected and communicating couple 'might enjoy?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'tuscanred' Quoting 'mikeandshel' you cant be happily married and deceive your partner, you cant be happily married and betray your partner. happily married means amongst other things, operating honestly and openly , and you cant do these things and claim happiness... i'd say those who are 'happily marrried' really aren't, but pride, ego, shame....whatever....wont allow them to admit it to themselves...or others. you cant be 'happily married'.......'but' ....there are NO buts.....happily married is exactly that...happily married 24/7 and in every aspect of your life. must be hard to keep looking out of that one eye it will be a cold day in hell before someone tells me what my values are supposed to be at my age have done the hard yards and with both eyes wide open I have found the world is not black and white its full of colour and shame is not a word that anyone on rhp needs to throw aroundthere's no 'one' eye in operation here...I've been on both sides....in an unhappy relationship that I swore black blue was otherwise, and lied to and betrayed by someone who said out of one side of her mouth...that she was 'sooo happy and in love', while telling lies and keeping secrets out of the other. and yes, I will use 'shame' where and when I feel its appropriate for me to do so..... its an absolute shame that so many people live lies and have relationships that are shams, and I do feel many stay in obviously unhappy and unfulfilling relationships because of the 'shame' they associate with the admission that their relationships have failed, are failing, or are leaving them feeling unfulfilled. I must stop picking your scab of she done me wrong..its like a festering sore that comes up every time people talk about relationships. we get it your partners cheated on you we allllllllllllllllllllllll get you were hurt but honey build a bridge. its hard living with a saint,maybe thats what did it
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel'but if you are married.....everything is the 'couple part' Freya.... 'married' is a 24/7, 365 day of the year kind of deal..... you cant be 'married' and live aspects of that marriage as a single person...ie be here and play on the side for example....it doesn't work, and if it did, discovery wouldn't lead to disharmony, upheaval and potentially separation and divorce....you'd get a cake or something. to be honest I always get the mike part of the couple here with the michelle part never posting at all so where is her voice or are you joined at the hip? or is this ying and yang? two sides of one coin perhaps? i wish people would put mr or mrs when posting here. and really your a bit rabbit on this kind of thread where you almost foam at the mouth and tell the rest ofus we are sinners if we dont hold your values its a bit of a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and sometimes mayby sit on your hands if you want to start the unfaithful stuff and take over a post the OP is NOT asking for the gospell according to mike
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On_Safari
12 years ago
I was cheated on, my daughters father was in bed with my supposed best friend the same evening he watched her cut from my body.....an dntire town was telling me I was a trouble-maker for thinking they were having an affair (when I started to click) and believe it or not when the dhit hit the fan I still got blamed for it!!!! God I used to do her business banking for her so she didn't have to ho yo town and found out she was slipping out to my farm and onto my partners cock. THAT was a lifetime ago, and it is just another of the life experiences that have contributed to the person I am now. (sigh) Shit happens, it's what you learn abd how you grow from these lessons that matters. You and Mrs mikeandshell are lucky. Doesn't (on a lighter note) make you any less deviant than anyone else for what/who you DO together. Meant with kindness.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' Quoting 'mikeandshel'but if you are married.....everything is the 'couple part' Freya.... 'married' is a 24/7, 365 day of the year kind of deal..... you cant be 'married' and live aspects of that marriage as a single person...ie be here and play on the side for example....it doesn't work, and if it did, discovery wouldn't lead to disharmony, upheaval and potentially separation and divorce....you'd get a cake or something. to be honest I always get the mike part of the couple here with the michelle part never posting at all so where is her voice or are you joined at the hip? or is this ying and yang? two sides of one coin perhaps? i wish people would put mr or mrs when posting here. and really your a bit rabbit on this kind of thread where you almost foam at the mouth and tell the rest ofus we are sinners if we dont hold your values its a bit of a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and sometimes mayby sit on your hands if you want to start the unfaithful stuff and take over a post the OP is NOT asking for the gospell according to mike and the OP isn't asking for the gospel according to Tuscan either...tell me..... are you happy...does your relationship really fulfil you.....or are there areas in which you feel empty and lacking?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'On_Safari'I was cheated on, my daughters father was in bed with my supposed best friend the same evening he watched her cut from my body.....an dntire town was telling me I was a trouble-maker for thinking they were having an affair (when I started to click) and believe it or not when the dhit hit the fan I still got blamed for it!!!! God I used to do her business banking for her so she didn't have to ho yo town and found out she was slipping out to my farm and onto my partners cock. THAT was a lifetime ago, and it is just another of the life experiences that have contributed to the person I am now. (sigh) Shit happens, it's what you learn abd how you grow from these lessons that matters. You and Mrs mikeandshell are lucky. Doesn't (on a lighter note) make you any less deviant than anyone else for what/who you DO together. Meant with kindness. all good... if I get carried away, its only because it is a very important and emotive topic. It was a lifetime ago, I am very very happy, with an incredibly beautiful woman who I do love very much, and we are, at times, very 'naughty'..... but we remain mindful...at all times, of who our playmates are, and what their circumstances might be. we wont do to others what we had done to both of us.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What a bunch of sanctimonious dribble over nothing. You didn't want to put shit on married people? Yeah right! That is why you posted such a controversial topic knowing full well how many buttons get pushed by this very topic! So now sex is not a need but a want or desire is it? Tell that to someone who lies beside their partner night after night and never has more than a brief kiss goodnight! It soon becomes a need! . Happily married simply means ... "Happy to be married and don't want a divorce" It does not mean everything is rosy in the garden. Yes it does mean I am comfortable in my marriage and what is wrong with comfortable I ask you? Nothing at all! Many women, and men, don't want sex for various different reasons. Is it our place to judge them? No! If your play friend is married and it bothers you? Just don't go there! How easy is that? If you think it is wrong to fool around "without consent or knowledge of your partner" that is your right! You do not however, have the right to sit in judgement! Sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world to talk to your partner about sexual issues. That does not mean that you love them less! That does not mean that you walk out on your responsibilities! Yes sex is a large part of any relationship but not THE most important part! If you all place such a great value on what you have between your legs you are very sad people indeed!- Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
12 years ago
Quoting 'xFunlovingx'Talk about close minded! xFunlovingx
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sweetgem
12 years ago
For sharing so many great thoughts and detailed opinions. As I said in my post, I did not make this post to point finger at anyone nor was I criticising any situation, I just simply wanted to learn about others' great minds and thinking on the DEFINITIONS of HAPPINESS and SATISFACTION and whether or not these 2 elements could be equaled at some point, if not all the time :-)However, I think some people have missed the point of my question and took it personally and took it out on me lol Bad luck for me to have copped the bombs! But a post is just a post and I will leave whatever that is said here :-)I will post something less stressful and sensitive next time, so nobody gets "hurt" when it is not even my intention to hurt anyone
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erotictouch4u
12 years ago
To some people, either due to upbringing or religion, sex in a marriage is purely for procreation and once that has been done then there is no need for them to have sex with their partner anymore. So where does that leave the other ? Surely if you like coming home to your partner each night, like to spend time with them and the children, care for them, prefer to have them at home rather than an empty house and consider them to be your best friend then you could consider yourself to be happily married. Do you have to have sex with all your best friends ? Just observations I have found. ET xox
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RHP User
12 years ago
Perhaps just not happy... :) (God why do my jaws lock?)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
No way is it happiness when there is a " but" in the same sentence .... Do what you need to do but don't hurt anyone in the process ....the wife/partner/ husband who doesn't know what their partner is doing WILL be hurt ... That will be on the conscience of the offender ... When I was married I told my husband that either one of us could click with another person I just want honesty and I would give the same ... He didn't like the statement but it can happen... we can get bored complacent resentful and all of that with familiarity ... But keep the integrity as hard as it seems at the time ...and be honest as it will hurt a lot less in the end for both parties life is too short to live a secret that will ultimately be found out and devastate someone who was not in the know ... Much more crushing then being honest .. Why ? Because that person who didnt know what was going on will think " shit .. I could have been having fun all those years with someone else while you snuck around behind my back you selfish ... Thing you!! " I think I may have gone off track but those are my thoughts thanks for reading :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
happy Part of Speech: adjective Definition: in high spirits; satisfied Synonyms: blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content, contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, intoxicated, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry, mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink, up, upbeat, walking on air Antonyms: depressed, discouraged, dissatisfied, miserable, morose, pained, sad, sorrowful, unhappyI don't think happy is the right word to be using considering disatisfied is an antonym and I would have to assume they are not satisfied if they are looking outside their marriage, without their partners know-how. The fact is cheating partners, men and women, get plenty of support in the forums, there are many sides to any topic and we don't have to all agree. Quoting 'mikeandshel' you cant be happily married and deceive your partner, you cant be happily married and betray your partner. happily married means amongst other things, operating honestly and openly , and you cant do these things and claim happiness... i'd say those who are 'happily marrried' really aren't, but pride, ego, shame....whatever....wont allow them to admit it to themselves...or others. you cant be 'happily married'.......'but' ....there are NO buts.....happily married is exactly that...happily married 24/7 and in every aspect of your life. I however largely agree with MikeandShel on this topic, the idea that if you are happy (according to my acceptance of the definition), satisfied with your marriage, you don't need to be looking outside it for satisfaction in whatever way. As they suggested there could be many reasons why people don't accept the way they are feeling inside (that they're not truly happy) including shame > that they wouldn't want to admit such a thing because their marriage really does matter to them. Or pride/ego > because they wouldn't want to admit their relationship is anything less than perfect. Etc, etc... I believe the topic of cheating turns into such a war zone because it is something people feel really strongly about at both ends of the scale. Speaking for myself, I've never seen anything good come out of cheating and I've experienced plenty enough to base my opinions on that whether other people like my opinions or not. I imagine it's easier to look at things differently for people who are only involved from a distance and don't get to see the outcome for the partner at home. s for the reasons offered, if a cheater is going to lie to their loved one, then why would I believe they're going to be honest with me when they only have their desire to satisfy.I am happily married enough that I would not want to change the dynamics of a long lasting, trusting relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The fact is a lot of people get emotional on this topic and we're all coming from our own experiences. Quoting 'Freya77' one could also say, that if you feel the need to have sex with people other than your partner,then how can you claim to be happily married .I am always gobsmacked by the skewed view. Hmmm, a simplistic point of view on my behalf I suppose but the assumption on your behalf Freya is that there is a lack within the marriage that a couple are trying to satisfy. As part of a couple who have experienced adding other men and couples to the boudoir, it was for us a heightening of our experiences rather than trying to fulfill a lack. We don't bother anymore because we found we enjoyed each other more than anyone else lol.As often as people bleat on about it, there ARE actually many different opinions, many shades of grey and the true skill here is to agree to disagree at times. That's just my opinion though...
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lovman8
12 years ago
An interesting and controversial topic. I am one of the ones that claim to be "happily married" and yet I am here on rhp. I have been married 37 years and would consider I still have a good relationship with my wife. We share a lot of common interests, find each other intellectually stimulating, jointly enjoy being grand parents, and even have a good and satisfying sex life. However our libidos are not well matched. I enjoy rhp for the stimulation other women on rhp provide. Most of it is online or in the chat room. I have had a very few meetings face to face with contacts from rhp. My wife knows I go online and I am open with her about any meets I have had , usually before actually meeting but on occasion after the fact. I am also open about my status as a married man and would like to think I have been honest and up front with any of my dealings with people from rhp.In fact I have alwys said its not worth being dishonest for anything less than a million dollars ( and unfortunately nobodies tried me yet ) I'm not really sure why I am writing this. Perhaps I just feel the need to state my point of view and maybe I'm even looking to feel justified for my position.Perhaps it is just to point out that like many of these questions there is no "black or white " answer but many shades of grey.........maybe even as many as 50?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Could not agree more here, it enhances our marriage, not fixes it. If either of us decides that swinging is not for them, we will both happily give it up because we are happily married. The reason we do it is to make it even better by experinceing new things together, what better way to show your love to each other in allowing them to experience things they always wanted to try without an negativity. Each their own and if it works it works if it doesn't that's ok too.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Correct me if I'm wrong here Mike. What Mike is saying is that having sex with someone is a choice, and THAT choice to include a 3rd party should be made together, not just by ONE of the parties within the marriage. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
but what I do not like is others say..you should do this, you are selfish you cant be in love, you have to have my values or your wrong there is a logical argument and I do not have a crack at married people that swing though off rhp many people would call you deviant god knows how many of my straight friends have said people that swing cant love each other because if you loved a person you could never go with anyone else...........do I say to them your wrong because their views of being happy and married are so conventional. that is no different to saying people who are married and seek sex out side cant be Happy, how can you put your own values to define someone elses sense of happy? a man comes home from war, his wife is young, he is wounded in the body and mind and sex is never going to happen he has children a family , a wife that loves him and in their own little family they love andare happy shall the wife stop hersexuality, maybe medicate it or better still how about we trim her clit like they do in some cultures how about we kick the man to the curb..divide a family that is happy? for me I really have no respect for zealots, religious, political, sexual, moral police are dangerous people if they ever get any power the rest of us are fucked...............ohh wait we are onloy fucked if we do the missionary position with the only man we ever slept with and only then if we are married small minds make a small mean spirited world just ask any gay person. maybe some might like people that play up on others to be shot? its not a hanging offence. and yes my husband was having an affair but I am all grown up and a grudge is a fucking heavy load that turns you into an emotional hutch back
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot'Correct me if I'm wrong here Mike. What Mike is saying is that having sex with someone is a choice, and THAT choice to include a 3rd party should be made together, not just by ONE of the parties within the marriage. - Posted from rhpmobile omg that was so easy! thank you! marriage is a partnership....like it or not. and what you are doing when you marry, is promising to only make decisions that affect the 'relationship'.............together....... and this includes sex. happy couples do invite others into their bedroom, happy couples do play with others, happy couples do enjoy those things that singles enjoy, but they do it openly, honestly and without lies, deceptions or betrayals..... I just don't see how anyone....man or woman...can claim to be 'happily married' out of one side of their face, but out of the other, be arranging to meet people for sex, on the sly and in secret....how can people say....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers?
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RHP User
12 years ago
....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers? errrm dont you do that very same thing? some in non swingers marriage would say, how can you love someone when your cock is in another woman? same principal seems to me that rules are bent to suit our own needs no matter what the social conventions are we all do what we do cause we can, and can all justify what we do, including swinging
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' ....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers? errrm dont you do that very same thing? some in non swingers marriage would say, how can you love someone when your cock is in another woman? same principal seems to me that rules are bent to suit our own needs no matter what the social conventions are we all do what we do cause we can, and can all justify what we do, including swinging its not the same... I don't lie deceive or betray my partner when I do...and neither does she. we do what we do.... Together. we choose our playmates...Together. we play...Together. and its not about me...or about her...its about us. something we decided to do together, after much discussion, and after setting many ground rules.. we don't play with attached men or women on the sly, as we don't see that as something we can feel happy or proud of, for reasons we feel are appropriately justified. we wont be held to task for anyone elses indiscretions if we operate in a way that causes 'no harm' .
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Playful2looking
12 years ago
I reckon you can be happily married; not all marriages are perfect. Surely you can be happily married 80%. But when they leave the lid off the tooth paste I am not happy or the fxxxking toilet seat is up or down. Gee some women or men dare i say it dont enjoy sex. therefore they dont want to do it. forevery sex manic surely there must be people who are totally opposite and just dont get a buzz from sex. because our world is a live with sex doesn't mean other people's are. I have heard of couples who haven't had sex for years. So why can't a man or woman.whio is in a sexless relationship be happy with everything in the marriage.. But wish for some sex and seek it on here. I think the point of saying they are happily married is to let the people on here that also use this site as dating site to find a partner realise that they are only for sex not dating
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'tuscanred' ....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers? errrm dont you do that very same thing? some in non swingers marriage would say, how can you love someone when your cock is in another woman? same principal seems to me that rules are bent to suit our own needs no matter what the social conventions are we all do what we do cause we can, and can all justify what we do, including swinging its not the same... I don't lie deceive or betray my partner when I do...and neither does she. we do what we do.... Together. we choose our playmates...Together. we play...Together. and its not about me...or about her...its about us. something we decided to do together, after much discussion, and after setting many ground rules.. we don't play with attached men or women on the sly, as we don't see that as something we can feel happy or proud of, for reasons we feel are appropriately justified. we wont be held to task for anyone elses indiscretions if we operate in a way that causes 'no harm' . my point just went way over your head. shakes head and walks away from pissing into the wind
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Mr_MrsAraps
12 years ago
From what I have read of both of you on the forums you both IMHO have a common thread of both partners are aware of what the other gets up to. The difference I see between you both is what you are seeking and how you go about it (playing alone or playing together). Both view points are valid and at the end of the day if both partners are aware and happy then does it matter ?My thoughts are much along the same lines of KarynbThe vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Araps'The vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage? both partners can be truly happy with their marriage, it's just their definition of a truly happy sex life that differs.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Each of us has their own point of view, so perhaps there is more than just one truth..? FOR me Handmaiden hit it on the head... And for On_Safari - your post could have been written by myself from a man's perspective. Many (prob most) couples trumpet their honesty/sharing/trust/communication superiority to those married people who are here without partners. Seriously - it would be easier for me to pretend to be single/separated/divorced and nobody would know. But I chose to be honest - to my partner as well - it just takes time for some couples to work out these issues. My wife loves me, she knows I'm looking, she knows I'm curious, she knows I'm experimenting with writing - look up phantasie on wordpress if you want to know. One day we'll get over it - you do not give up on someone you love just because one aspect of their personality/character/desires is different..? And BTW - you swinging couples on here, have you just become non-monogamous and sharing overnight? Did you not need time to work through it, and maybe one of you did the research while the other was taking it slowly..? People just need to open their minds a bit I guess and if in doubt ask - talk to the person you're so overly curious about :-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well done. I love it.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Araps' From what I have read of both of you on the forums you both IMHO have a common thread of both partners are aware of what the other gets up to. The difference I see between you both is what you are seeking and how you go about it (playing alone or playing together). Both view points are valid and at the end of the day if both partners are aware and happy then does it matter ?My thoughts are much along the same lines of KarynbThe vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage? Exactly - if both parties are aware then why does it matter!!!!You can be happily married yet still have fuckbuddies over if both partners are there - yes we know that, ok.BUT you can still be happily married when either party sees their own fuck buddies separately. That's not cheating, lying, deceiving when both parties are aware. We always tell eah other when we play with others. Sometimes its a text "calling to see X on way home from work". Allowing both parties their needs/wants means there is no deception and you can be happily married (from that aspect anyway lol). Some might also find it a turn-on to know what their partner is doing - just as it can be a turn-on to WATCH what their partner is doing (in the case of both parties present).Ok, well it works for us anyway.Problem is, some people who say "no married guys" can't understand that we're allowed to play separately.... oh well
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quote 'usandu73'For us Could not agree more here, it enhances our marriage, not fixes it. If either of us decides that swinging is not for them, we will both happily give it up because we are happily married. The reason we do it is to make it even better by experinceing new things together, what better way to show your love to each other in allowing them to experience things they always wanted to try without an negativity. Each their own and if it works it works if it doesn't that's ok too.Your take on this is exactly the same as mine... Just because you are giving enough to allow your spouse to enjoy them self ' doesnt mean you dont love them.. You both made your choice to add to your relationship as a team. Like you say' 'if it doesnt work thats OK too.. no big deal... Jay
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'Araps' From what I have read of both of you on the forums you both IMHO have a common thread of both partners are aware of what the other gets up to. The difference I see between you both is what you are seeking and how you go about it (playing alone or playing together). Both view points are valid and at the end of the day if both partners are aware and happy then does it matter ? My thoughts are much along the same lines of Karynb The vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage? Exactly - if both parties are aware then why does it matter!!!!You can be happily married yet still have fuckbuddies over if both partners are there - yes we know that, ok.BUT you can still be happily married when either party sees their own fuck buddies separately. That's not cheating, lying, deceiving when both parties are aware. We always tell eah other when we play with others. Sometimes its a text "calling to see X on way home from work". Allowing both parties their needs/wants means there is no deception and you can be happily married (from that aspect anyway lol). Some might also find it a turn-on to know what their partner is doing - just as it can be a turn-on to WATCH what their partner is doing (in the case of both parties present).Ok, well it works for us anyway.Problem is, some people who say "no married guys" can't understand that we're allowed to play separately.... oh well problem really is that some who say 'no married men'........mean exactly that..... no married men. having 'permission' doesn't make you any more available or able to host etc , than if you were doing it on the sly...but hey, while we are on the topic...when we asked......you clearly said you were single.... seems our saying 'thanks but no'......was the right thing to do?.....no?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'tuscanred' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'tuscanred' ....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers? errrm dont you do that very same thing? some in non swingers marriage would say, how can you love someone when your cock is in another woman? same principal seems to me that rules are bent to suit our own needs no matter what the social conventions are we all do what we do cause we can, and can all justify what we do, including swinging its not the same... I don't lie deceive or betray my partner when I do...and neither does she. we do what we do.... Together. we choose our playmates...Together. we play...Together. and its not about me...or about her...its about us. something we decided to do together, after much discussion, and after setting many ground rules.. we don't play with attached men or women on the sly, as we don't see that as something we can feel happy or proud of, for reasons we feel are appropriately justified. we wont be held to task for anyone elses indiscretions if we operate in a way that causes 'no harm' . my point just went way over your head. shakes head and walks away from pissing into the wind I know! That last sentence of Mikes - on it's own - is exactly what he does yes! Recap, it says "how can people say....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers?". When they have a guest over o join them for a 3some, how can he/she say "i love you honey" and then have sex with another person right there...? That's what he is saying - and that's what he does!I actually think what he meant to say was "how can people say....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers BEHIND YOUR PARTNER'S BACK?"He must have meant that because doing it in front of your partner is ok by him, just not behind each other's back.SO....the jist of this thread is - should you CHEAT/DECEIVE your partner for sex...? Because if the partner knows then its not cheating - whether it happens with both partners present or not!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'Araps' From what I have read of both of you on the forums you both IMHO have a common thread of both partners are aware of what the other gets up to. The difference I see between you both is what you are seeking and how you go about it (playing alone or playing together). Both view points are valid and at the end of the day if both partners are aware and happy then does it matter ? My thoughts are much along the same lines of Karynb The vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage? Exactly - if both parties are aware then why does it matter!!!!You can be happily married yet still have fuckbuddies over if both partners are there - yes we know that, ok.BUT you can still be happily married when either party sees their own fuck buddies separately. That's not cheating, lying, deceiving when both parties are aware. We always tell eah other when we play with others. Sometimes its a text "calling to see X on way home from work". Allowing both parties their needs/wants means there is no deception and you can be happily married (from that aspect anyway lol). Some might also find it a turn-on to know what their partner is doing - just as it can be a turn-on to WATCH what their partner is doing (in the case of both parties present).Ok, well it works for us anyway.Problem is, some people who say "no married guys" can't understand that we're allowed to play separately.... oh well problem really is that some who say 'no married men'........mean exactly that..... no married men. having 'permission' doesn't make you any more available or able to host etc , than if you were doing it on the sly...but hey, while we are on the topic...when we asked......you clearly said you were single.... seems our saying 'thanks but no'......was the right thing to do?.....no? Having permission DOES make us more available AND more able to host than if we were doing it on the sly. Of course it does! How can you say it doesnt??? Wife says "go play with them". Isn't that available....?Whether or not it was the right thing to do saying NO is up to you of course, but what do you think would have happened if you said yes and I turned up and played (with permission from my wife). Would I have acted any differently to a single guy? Assuming you could tell of course... If I'm there, I'm a single available guy - end of! Yes I'd feel a bit bad about deceiving you but like you say, at the end of the day it's just sex so I'd get over it and you'd never know. Harsh? At least we're not like some couples on here where you only hear from the guy, or is just a guy pretending - posing as a couple and therefore not being able to deliver and wasting everyone's time. A marital status "tweak" is hardly in that ballpark...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Happily married .... and viewing / sharing / playing, together. We don't need or crave MORE sex - have ample fun together and never just going through the motions. Over 10 yrs of 'rooting like rabbits', we are so overwhelmed with the pleasure levels that can be reached together. We are on this site together to seek out whatever may catch our interest, or occasionally even just enjoy watching the other smile (so cheeky), while they experience new feelings that you can see & share; the connection that binds us is so above & beyond anything else that we basically feel the pleasure course thru us while the other actually is doing. I don't think that we are lacking anything sexually or emotionally; that is not what we are looking for. We are not interested in having an open relationship, and will never visit alone - to anyone. What we have is not 'needing', we are just quite kinky and very sexual, and being slightly deviant...can't wait to explore all of life's pleasures together. Who knows - we may find higher than cloud nine....and that would only strengthen our bond, our desire........... and probably make us even more deviant together. Not everyone is desperate for a root.................but extra fun, extra hands, etc, all together....can be worthwhile.
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Quoting 'gypsyblue292'Happily??? No not always!!!! I was 17 when I met my husband, I am now 50!!! Married for 24 I/2 years. Yes the 1/2 is very important. Together we have battled premature babies, the loss of one of our twins, me having breast cancer!!! How dare anyone question me being on RHP?? I love my husband, but maybe not the way when I first met him - we have been through enough shit together without even contemplating separation!!! I have broached an open relationship with him - he is not prepared to go there!! I also fell pregnant to my husband and had a Baby when I was 40!!! So we have 2 adult children and a 10 year old!! Does anyone here think I deserve a life of loneliness and no fulfillment because I chose to stick it out with my family and see my last son through school!!! All I am looking for is a little light relief. So I have the odd play!!! Where everyone is informed!! I have laid my life on the line here!!! I hope you closed minded people forgive me for my sins!!!'- Posted from rhpmobile President of your fan club. You GO GO GO Girlfriend!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
clearly refer to people playing WITHOUT their partner's knowledge not couples who choose to play together. Correct me if i'm wrong, but she wasn't questioning married couples who swing or play together.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Life is too short to not do the things you want. different journey's often see you travel with different people and It is not often that 2 ppl manage to find a person who agree's with you a 100% ( would you want to? ) .There are always differences especially when one person's sexual leanings may change during the course of a LTR ( like increasing Bi sexual fantasy's) and you instinctively know the other person is diametrically opposed , not in the least interested or open to change and would feel massively threatened by any moves you might take to quench these new urges... If all else is good in a relationship why throw it all away ???. We as individuals are responsible to ourselves for our own happiness and I for one explore the things i newly now desire that I cant in my LTR..... Life is in continual flux and to expect any 1 person to change along in total sync with you is a big ask .So go forth and do what You want to do , for you........and hopefully Enjoy and leave the moral police to wag their collective fingers and go tut tut. This is , after all, is a sex site where ppl come from a whole range of backgrounds and experiences to help quench their often lurking desires and are not here for ppl to say this is how to lead you life , or this is how you have sex.Now......lets see
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RHP User
12 years ago
"There are always differences especially when one person's sexual leanings may change during the course of a LTR ( like increasing Bi sexual fantasy's) and you instinctively know the other person is diametrically opposed , not in the least interested or open to change and would feel massively threatened by any moves you might take to quench these new urges... If all else is good in a relationship why throw it all away ???." What you seem to be missing and so do others on this thread, is that by NOT discussing ones desires with your partner, you remove THEIR choice to explore that with you. In the above situation, you're then faced ALREADY with their choice. Which is NO. You can then either respect that choice and not follow through with it and keep said fantasies as fantasies and have it turn to shit due to incompatibility, or you can follow through, behind their back and risk your partner finding out, in which case things will be a worse shit storm. The question then becomes quite pertinently "what kind of partner do YOU wish to be?" - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
well SirLAL I do know my partners views and I do know she would feel threatened by me seeking sex elsewhere ,especially with TG ppl, so using your own logic I either: A) say oh well maybe in my next life I will further explore my New desires ( and I am an atheist ), bottle up my feelings, and we all know how healthy that is ....and the relationship turns toxic.....OR B) I carefully and discreetly follow my desires and , stay in my relationship with the risk that it may be found out and shite hits the fan. One way def kills relationship...other May kill relationship..... so toss the coin son as living has been proven to kill eventually.As for Q. "The question then becomes quite pertinently "what kind of partner do YOU wish to be?" A. One who realises that it is very rare that one person will ever meet all of another's wants/needs/desires over a long period of time as we change and often in SOME area's move in differing directions. My Final comments , as I am not going to talk in circles on this topic, are to again restate what was in my 1st foray "So go forth and do what You want to do , for you........and hopefully Enjoy and leave the moral police to wag their collective fingers and go tut tut. "Good night Constable x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'On_Safari' Quoting 'gypsyblue292'Happily??? No not always!!!! I was 17 when I met my husband, I am now 50!!! Married for 24 I/2 years. Yes the 1/2 is very important. Together we have battled premature babies, the loss of one of our twins, me having breast cancer!!! How dare anyone question me being on RHP?? I love my husband, but maybe not the way when I first met him - we have been through enough shit together without even contemplating separation!!! I have broached an open relationship with him - he is not prepared to go there!! I also fell pregnant to my husband and had a Baby when I was 40!!! So we have 2 adult children and a 10 year old!! Does anyone here think I deserve a life of loneliness and no fulfillment because I chose to stick it out with my family and see my last son through school!!! All I am looking for is a little light relief. So I have the odd play!!! Where everyone is informed!! I have laid my life on the line here!!! I hope you closed minded people forgive me for my sins!!!'- Posted from rhpmobile President of your fan club. You GO GO GO Girlfriend!!! but it will not stop those from sexual salem throwing their pios rocks rhp should be really hypocritical people
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'Araps' From what I have read of both of you on the forums you both IMHO have a common thread of both partners are aware of what the other gets up to. The difference I see between you both is what you are seeking and how you go about it (playing alone or playing together). Both view points are valid and at the end of the day if both partners are aware and happy then does it matter ? My thoughts are much along the same lines of Karynb The vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage? Exactly - if both parties are aware then why does it matter!!!!You can be happily married yet still have fuckbuddies over if both partners are there - yes we know that, ok.BUT you can still be happily married when either party sees their own fuck buddies separately. That's not cheating, lying, deceiving when both parties are aware. We always tell eah other when we play with others. Sometimes its a text "calling to see X on way home from work". Allowing both parties their needs/wants means there is no deception and you can be happily married (from that aspect anyway lol). Some might also find it a turn-on to know what their partner is doing - just as it can be a turn-on to WATCH what their partner is doing (in the case of both parties present).Ok, well it works for us anyway.Problem is, some people who say "no married guys" can't understand that we're allowed to play separately.... oh well problem really is that some who say 'no married men'........mean exactly that..... no married men. having 'permission' doesn't make you any more available or able to host etc , than if you were doing it on the sly...but hey, while we are on the topic...when we asked......you clearly said you were single.... seems our saying 'thanks but no'......was the right thing to do?.....no? Having permission DOES make us more available AND more able to host than if we were doing it on the sly. Of course it does! How can you say it doesnt??? Wife says "go play with them". Isn't that available....?Whether or not it was the right thing to do saying NO is up to you of course, but what do you think would have happened if you said yes and I turned up and played (with permission from my wife). Would I have acted any differently to a single guy? Assuming you could tell of course... If I'm there, I'm a single available guy - end of! Yes I'd feel a bit bad about deceiving you but like you say, at the end of the day it's just sex so I'd get over it and you'd never know. Harsh? At least we're not like some couples on here where you only hear from the guy, or is just a guy pretending - posing as a couple and therefore not being able to deliver and wasting everyone's time. A marital status "tweak" is hardly in that ballpark... look...the truth is, we felt you were pushy...sending us pics, when we clearly asked you not to. and yea...you lied when we asked if you were married or not...not a good thing to do, because, as we've said elsewhere, we find dishonesty very unattractive.......for any reason..... truthfully tho? we didn't like what we saw, you made us feel uncomfortable...we understand why now...and no...you aren't more available...not if you need 'permission' ..not at all.... and we don't expect you to understand that one either...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'tuscanred' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'tuscanred' ....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers? errrm dont you do that very same thing? some in non swingers marriage would say, how can you love someone when your cock is in another woman? same principal seems to me that rules are bent to suit our own needs no matter what the social conventions are we all do what we do cause we can, and can all justify what we do, including swinging its not the same... I don't lie deceive or betray my partner when I do...and neither does she. we do what we do.... Together. we choose our playmates...Together. we play...Together. and its not about me...or about her...its about us. something we decided to do together, after much discussion, and after setting many ground rules.. we don't play with attached men or women on the sly, as we don't see that as something we can feel happy or proud of, for reasons we feel are appropriately justified. we wont be held to task for anyone elses indiscretions if we operate in a way that causes 'no harm' . my point just went way over your head. shakes head and walks away from pissing into the wind I know! That last sentence of Mikes - on it's own - is exactly what he does yes! Recap, it says "how can people say....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers?". When they have a guest over o join them for a 3some, how can he/she say "i love you honey" and then have sex with another person right there...? That's what he is saying - and that's what he does!I actually think what he meant to say was "how can people say....'I love you honey' and mean it, while having sexual liaisons with what amount to strangers BEHIND YOUR PARTNER'S BACK?"He must have meant that because doing it in front of your partner is ok by him, just not behind each other's back.SO....the jist of this thread is - should you CHEAT/DECEIVE your partner for sex...? Because if the partner knows then its not cheating - whether it happens with both partners present or not!lol...you know that's what I mean....anything anyone does....behind their partners back ....to us, sends a very clear and loud message that they are not 'happily married' .............
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'Araps' From what I have read of both of you on the forums you both IMHO have a common thread of both partners are aware of what the other gets up to. The difference I see between you both is what you are seeking and how you go about it (playing alone or playing together). Both view points are valid and at the end of the day if both partners are aware and happy then does it matter ? My thoughts are much along the same lines of Karynb The vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage? Exactly - if both parties are aware then why does it matter!!!!You can be happily married yet still have fuckbuddies over if both partners are there - yes we know that, ok.BUT you can still be happily married when either party sees their own fuck buddies separately. That's not cheating, lying, deceiving when both parties are aware. We always tell eah other when we play with others. Sometimes its a text "calling to see X on way home from work". Allowing both parties their needs/wants means there is no deception and you can be happily married (from that aspect anyway lol). Some might also find it a turn-on to know what their partner is doing - just as it can be a turn-on to WATCH what their partner is doing (in the case of both parties present).Ok, well it works for us anyway.Problem is, some people who say "no married guys" can't understand that we're allowed to play separately.... oh well problem really is that some who say 'no married men'........mean exactly that..... no married men. having 'permission' doesn't make you any more available or able to host etc , than if you were doing it on the sly...but hey, while we are on the topic...when we asked......you clearly said you were single.... seems our saying 'thanks but no'......was the right thing to do?.....no? Having permission DOES make us more available AND more able to host than if we were doing it on the sly. Of course it does! How can you say it doesnt??? Wife says "go play with them". Isn't that available....?Whether or not it was the right thing to do saying NO is up to you of course, but what do you think would have happened if you said yes and I turned up and played (with permission from my wife). Would I have acted any differently to a single guy? Assuming you could tell of course... If I'm there, I'm a single available guy - end of! Yes I'd feel a bit bad about deceiving you but like you say, at the end of the day it's just sex so I'd get over it and you'd never know. Harsh? At least we're not like some couples on here where you only hear from the guy, or is just a guy pretending - posing as a couple and therefore not being able to deliver and wasting everyone's time. A marital status "tweak" is hardly in that ballpark... look...the truth is, we felt you were pushy...sending us pics, when we clearly asked you not to. and yea...you lied when we asked if you were married or not...not a good thing to do, because, as we've said elsewhere, we find dishonesty very unattractive.......for any reason..... truthfully tho? we didn't like what we saw, you made us feel uncomfortable...we understand why now...and no...you aren't more available...not if you need 'permission' ..not at all.... and we don't expect you to understand that one either... Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'mikeandshel' Quoting 'WeLoveGangBangs' Quoting 'Araps' From what I have read of both of you on the forums you both IMHO have a common thread of both partners are aware of what the other gets up to. The difference I see between you both is what you are seeking and how you go about it (playing alone or playing together). Both view points are valid and at the end of the day if both partners are aware and happy then does it matter ? My thoughts are much along the same lines of Karynb The vast majority of people do need a fulfilling sex life to feel truly happy. One would hope that could happen within the marriage, sometimes that's not the case. If one partner isn't open to exploring the options to fix this and the other starts looking elsewhere, that can't by definition be a truly happy marriage? Exactly - if both parties are aware then why does it matter!!!!You can be happily married yet still have fuckbuddies over if both partners are there - yes we know that, ok.BUT you can still be happily married when either party sees their own fuck buddies separately. That's not cheating, lying, deceiving when both parties are aware. We always tell eah other when we play with others. Sometimes its a text "calling to see X on way home from work". Allowing both parties their needs/wants means there is no deception and you can be happily married (from that aspect anyway lol). Some might also find it a turn-on to know what their partner is doing - just as it can be a turn-on to WATCH what their partner is doing (in the case of both parties present).Ok, well it works for us anyway.Problem is, some people who say "no married guys" can't understand that we're allowed to play separately.... oh well problem really is that some who say 'no married men'........mean exactly that..... no married men. having 'permission' doesn't make you any more available or able to host etc , than if you were doing it on the sly...but hey, while we are on the topic...when we asked......you clearly said you were single.... seems our saying 'thanks but no'......was the right thing to do?.....no? Having permission DOES make us more available AND more able to host than if we were doing it on the sly. Of course it does! How can you say it doesnt??? Wife says "go play with them". Isn't that available....?Whether or not it was the right thing to do saying NO is up to you of course, but what do you think would have happened if you said yes and I turned up and played (with permission from my wife). Would I have acted any differently to a single guy? Assuming you could tell of course... If I'm there, I'm a single available guy - end of! Yes I'd feel a bit bad about deceiving you but like you say, at the end of the day it's just sex so I'd get over it and you'd never know. Harsh? At least we're not like some couples on here where you only hear from the guy, or is just a guy pretending - posing as a couple and therefore not being able to deliver and wasting everyone's time. A marital status "tweak" is hardly in that ballpark... look...the truth is, we felt you were pushy...sending us pics, when we clearly asked you not to. and yea...you lied when we asked if you were married or not...not a good thing to do, because, as we've said elsewhere, we find dishonesty very unattractive.......for any reason..... truthfully tho? we didn't like what we saw, you made us feel uncomfortable...we understand why now...and no...you aren't more available...not if you need 'permission' ..not at all.... and we don't expect you to understand that one either... ok without getting into a slanging match you requested my photos, but on here. i provided by sms instead because i didnt have any on here, as i stated. you didnt like them, thats fine. i accepted that and did not contact you again. no issues.permission - you have the wrong interpretation. it means - in this case - asking if itis convenient for me to go out. if i was SINGLE but a single dad, i would need to get permission from my ex or parents etc etc to have the kids before i could come out. if i was SINGLE and worked shifts i would need permission to swap shifts etc. if i was SINGLE and booked to have my car serviced I would need permission to rearrange (well, that's dragging it out a bit but hope you get the idea)...there could always be something that needs to be sorted to enabkle a SINGLE guy to be free for you. if you think everyone is always free at the drop of a hat then...well. i dont need permission to play, i am ALLOWED to - if i am able.but as we said, thisthread is about people cheating on their partners....which my wife and i DO NOT do :-)
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On_Safari
12 years ago
....and the others whom have messaged me I would like to say thank you for your kindness, kinda makes living in pergatory LESS lonely knowing so many people/couples out there are in the same boat. Awaiting Mr's arrival home and wondering how to once again broach this topic in an unthreatening way with him whereby he might hear me out. Last conversation ended with "Ok, I think I can do sex in the same room with another couple but NOT partner swapping." Which was something I guess, maybe I should be completely forthright here and say .... I don't want to share with him, or have him present when I'm with another/other couple. I'd be constsntly worried he'd get sngry because I might be enjoying the man/woman too much, moan too loud or he might think they're enjoyinv me too much!! It's so hard!! I want him to accept my wishes but also play without me. I TRUST his love for me and don't feel threatened by his enjoying other partners....but I don't want to have sex with other people WITH him. Does that make me evil or selfish or pathetic? I want to have MY fun with any censorship or condescension or getting a lecture after the fact for any perceived wrong doing on my part. Fck!! I know THIS isn't normal!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
My stance is essentially neutral on the whole cheating thing. I choose to remain open and honest about my desires with my partner. I also expect, that my partner would allow me to hear hers as well. Once that conversation has been had, desires fantasies are listed, then a conversation about what it is I'm comfortable with in trying VS those that I am not. Those that I am NOT comfortable with is my choice, but I also choose to support my partners journey, so therefore I choose to allow her the freedom she needs to accomplish her desires/fantasies. Would I be jealous?? Absolutely I would be. However, the satisfaction, and the happiness that I would feel knowing my partner is experiencing what she chooses to experience would by far outweigh the jealousy. That to me, is part of the commitment I would make to her. However....if she chooses to seek those experiences, without having a discussion, and the trust in me to broach the subject, then exactly what relationship have we got?? To me, it would be a relationship of convenience. I don't see there being anything selfish in wanting what we want, nor do I see there being selfishness in talking about it. But I do see selfishness, in not being given the choice to support my partner through her journey. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are all human. Variety is the spice of life as they say. It doesn't matter if you're married or single. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Slow_at_first
12 years ago
On safari. I feelyour purgatory in a different way. Whilst married for over 20 years, we are probably now passionate about each other more than ever and make love more often than when we first got together. But I need to explore desire with others as there wasnone before my wife. Your hubby's offer of soft swinging is a good start as he may change gradually and open up to more things. Sadly I can't even get that far with my mrs. It's a pity because I think she would really enjoy the attention and validation of other men. So for me at least, I can totally love my wife and yet still want to explore others. But only with her approval and participation. I would love to hear how you got your mr that far via message. I wish youwell on your journey. Ps. Love the profile name.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I as per my profile have a wonderful partner to whom I am totally happy with sexually, intellectually, and all other areas. We have 3 beautiful children and sex is not the be all and end all of our relationship in fact we connect on many other levels but together there is something erotic to us about a third party. I have always loved woman and have been through a stage of wondering if I was a Lesbian but after experimenting have realised you love who you love regardless of gender. My husband is my rock as I am his and you can have a happy marriage and have other woman on the scene and defiantely not have something in our relationship missing.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Happiness is different for everyone I love my husband dearly. But I am not sexually satisfied. Is it realistic for one person to fulfil all our needs. If you have that you are lucky After 27 years I think it is almost impossible. So I am a much loved wife and mother who is a good wife, good mother and good person who is unfaithful I choose to be discreet so I don't hurt anyone. It's a choice I have made and I am pleased for it - Posted from rhpmobile
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On_Safari
12 years ago
I hear you!!- Posted from rhpmobile
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