M57

Why do I lose interest?

January 03 2011

Having recently broken up with a woman I was dating on and off for 5 months, I realized that my past few years are strewn with relationships where I got bored or just lost interest. Things also get complicated pretty easily, after all I am dealing with another human being, who, like me, is prone to all sorts of self-doubts and past pain from all sorts of quarters. So for now I have decided to go for something hopefully less complicated, and actively looking for that but in the meantime I still ponder for the greater meaning I look for in relationships. As a post 40's man I have been through what I am sure was my mid life crisis, and now on the other side I can see a lot clearer, but life is a strange thing and it's full of people looking for meaning in their lives. So I ask myself (and you dear reader) what we really get in the depths of our soul from relationships? Why do I search constantly for that buzz of a new relationship, the excitement of exploring someone elses's psyche (and body). I have come far enough in life to be able to appreciate all sorts of relationships, but even the pure physical has a spiritual depth to it, what do you think? I'd be interested to hear some responses.

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RHP User

14 years ago

What you need to do is not to get serious. Try casual and give yourself the time to heal. It took me four years before I was even thinking about sex and still unsure about permanent. We all look for "the one" as the majority of people are not solitary beings. We are mob animals. We need to mate and share that physical connection. When I begin to chat with someone, one of the first questions I ask is "How long have you been on your own?" I dont mind some baggage as we all have that but it takes time to be able to pack most of that baggage away. I dont want to be measured by some other womans traits and the things she did wrong or right. Just the same as I try hard not to see my ex in the men I meet. Life does shape how we veiw things and people so some of that is inevitable but I hope I never get cynical enough to think all men are the same. It takes time.......One needs to shop around to find the bargains and nobody buys the first pair of jeans they try on. You may go back to the first pair later on and buy them if they are still available, but you need to try on several pairs to find the best fit.

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RHP User

14 years ago

I used to work with a guy who was regularly picking up girls down at the gym. Had a new one every week. When asked why he kept picking upnew girls his answer was he enjoyed the thrill of the chase. Maybe you enjoy the thrill of the chase and then as you say get bored and want to move onto the next one. That can be a good thing if you are after a sexual relationship but not so good when either person is looking for a lasting relationship. State up front that you aren't looking for anything more than a sexual relationship and then you both know where you stand.

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RHP User

14 years ago

Great responses, thanks all of you. Thanks "mrssweetiepie" (nice photo by the way, very sensuous), I agree that nothing would keep me from that person's side, the only catch is that they've run off to be by someone else's side ! At least in some cases. And recently when that hasn't happened they turn out to be psycho (some serious mental illness anyway). I haven't been able to catch a trick so far, but my journey continues and it's fun along the way. Thanks "fionabee"' sage advice I would say. And captn jack, thanks too, being up front is definitely important. Cheers,

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