F42
Why do so many guys seem afraid to ask to meet?
November 22 2013
Comments
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
They're intimidated by women. Or..... they're secretly attached and not able to meet DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
OR......they haven't actually recognised the signs of interest :). Which I will admit to as well. I can talk to people until the cows come home, but the subtle signs of "being into me" are not obvious to me. They may be just engaging in some conversation and think that's all it's going to be.....
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RHP User
11 years ago
They have been hurt/rejected too many times.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Intimidated (I read as scared of both the yes and no possibilities) or attached... yep I agree DG. Or they are sick (rather than scared) of rejection and just give up (at least for a while). - note this was me for some time (am better now...) Self esteem has a huge part to play in all of this... is easier to hide behind the keyboard than front up at the bar (possibly why the M&G nights have a large attendee list with a not so large turnout). SG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Think it has to do with how confident you are as a person.Some people have low self esteem due to relationships/dates that have not worked out.Get out there and have a go ,you might make a new friend :) You should see drinks nights, 100 people say they will come and you may get 20-30 that turn up.I have met a lot of people at drinks night who i consider friends and do not expect sex/anything off them but a good chat. All i can say is ,drop your guard and enjoy yourself and try not to expect anything except good company.If 2 people are attracted to one another ... its "boom chikka wah wahh" time ! That's a bonus
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RHP User
11 years ago
Can't help you there. I prefer to meet up as soon as possible so I can see their body language. It makes it easier to connect.
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Duuuude.... she's emailing and replying. Do these dumbarse guys uneed a written invitation and a map to her vagina?! lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
C'mon not everyone you talk to has you piquing their interest. Given that most men can't or don't know how to flirt with a woman is also indicative to that. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
your insensitivity towards the brotherhood is exceeded only by the good looks of Dino. Here is a news flash,men are human,they are sometimes confident,sometimes insecure,unsure...just like women. I find the expression man the fxxk up as insulting and demeaning as toughen up princess..demeaning to the perpetrator that is
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RHP User
11 years ago
I reckon SL has talked to pretty much every regular forum female poster on a regular basis at one time or another. He is a regular little forum slut. I am sure 90% of the time it's just friendly chat IMO. (˘❥˘)
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RHP User
11 years ago
DG is just a predator I think. :p
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sometimes people start chatting about their personal stuff... As in their ex and family, blah blah and for me they just move into the "friends" category.
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RHP User
11 years ago
In all honesty, I just like the social interaction for now. Crack a few jokes, have a laugh, but like anything, too much of the one topic becomes brain numbing. Too much talk about how many people some have fucked and the gory details just make me yawn. As I'm sure the forums are sick of my sometimes depressing crap :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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QLDtwo4fun
11 years ago
Yep a lot of guys on here are scared of rejection.......when their wife/partner catches them.
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luvsilver
11 years ago
but I don't agree with you. I have exchanged a few messages and jokes with a few guys from the forums and all of us are as straight as an arrow. Having a laugh with them or conversation does not mean we are interested in banging each other or need a map to their arse. Mr Luvsilver - X marks the spot.
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Step away from the bong...... lol..... I'm glad you disagree..... because I have no idea what the hell you're referring to, because it certainly ain't my comment lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Funlover71' Can't help you there. I prefer to meet up as soon as possible so I can see their body language. It makes it easier to connect. See so do I, which is why I find myself being the one to have to ask each and every time. Just gets a little annoying after a while as I don't want to message people, I actually want to meet people.
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RHP User
11 years ago
A little less conversation , and a little more action..
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RHP User
11 years ago
In my experience they either chat and chat and never ask you out or they say how about a drink after the first reply when you haven't had the chance to find out if you would or not. So too pushy or too slow. The inbetweeners get the gig, they're the ones you meet.
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Playful2looking
11 years ago
why why delisa.. oops tom jones....They are married cant get away
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N4November
11 years ago
I checked out your profile and I really liked it and could only imagine from a single guy’s or a couple’s perspective that I would be interested in meeting you for sure! I know for me at the moment that my mind and body is more than willing but life keeps getting in the way to find the time to physically participate in the lifestyle at the moment :( All I can suggest is that what ever you are doing at the moment is working for you so you need to change tack. Perhaps you need to ‘vet’ them closer and suss out who are the players from genuine potential partners. That means ringing at night for a chat and if it goes well, organise a meet. Married/attached men are usually at home so won’t talk at this time. Keep your bullshit radar on! I don’t know what else to suggest is that don’t change yourself - you come across as genuine and totally upfront about what you are looking for - and just be more discerning about the people you are talking to. Good luck!!
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luvsilver
11 years ago
then DG that just because a female returns a message to you or even initiates one she is ready to jump in the sack with you? You really are the pussy whisperer. Mr Luvsilver
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Yes...... she is.... all wet and tingly at the mere mention of my name. (mentioning my real name is forbidden.... like that dude in Harry Potter........ due to sudden involuntary orgasmic convulsions) I receive emails often from people commenting on something Ive said in the forums, or about my profile...... but I know, theyre not looking to meet..... ....because the magic word.... the one of relevance in this topic... is ........ intent. We all know when someone messages us with intent. DG
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Tool1983
11 years ago
I'm always keen to meet. Just no one wants to meet up with me :-( They must be fake profiles or something...
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Lol @ tool So.... how did you decide upon the name? You're right though..... it's everyone else's fault. ;-) DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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QLDtwo4fun
11 years ago
Chat and chat but not keen to meet = in a relationship can't get away yet Immediately ask you out = in a relationship partner is away The ones in-between = have a life and are trying to fit lots in to it.
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RHP User
11 years ago
If I chat and find you sexy, I want to meet and 'get it on'. I don't want to text or chat for weeks. I think if a guy is hesitant then he is married and too scared to meet, or his pics are fake or he is just having a bit of fun and getting an ego boost.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well I'm single n keen but it seems when I get to the stage of asking to meet in public place that's the last I hear of them ?? It happened just this week with a new member (female) I think it's sorta funny n feel that they may be just filling in the fantasies from a distance ?? Anyway hang in there as the ones that will meet are in here :))
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Perhaps, Warning..... your 'keenness' is coming across as too keen.... needy. I obviously don't know how you present in messages, just commenting that you've used the phrase 'young and keen' several times in the forums. DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Lol @ tool So.... how did you decide upon the name? You're right though..... it's everyone else's fault. ;-) DG - Posted from rhpmobile lol First of all I think RHP needs to introduce a like button or something similar. I've been saying this for four or five years now. When I'm in line at the supermarket, or signing in for bail. Just comes out. Secondly, I don't think its fear of rejection, marriage, intimidation or anything else that has been postulated previously. I think its the human trait of learning. Guys sign up and pay their fee and think "GROOT! Slut city! Gon get me some poooon. Dammit why aren't these girls keen to meet up? Better read up on this. Hmm... Oh, they're actually not undiscerning nymphos, and want respect. Okay, I'l charm them and let them make the call. Hmm... Okay she seems really interested but hasn't suggested we catch up, its been a month. Better read up on this. Aaaah. Okay. Three or four message replies with some non sleazy flirting should see me right to ask." If you'd like to see just how accurate this is, we can do an experiment. Girls, go find ten profiles who have asked to fuck you straight up quickly, find ten who chat and chat and never ask, and find ten who you've chatted to who've ticked the boxes AND recognised the right moment to suggest a meeting. Then list how long each test group's profiles have been RHP members. Then take a mean and an average. We can meet back here tomorrow and compare, then add all the stats up together and have a party!! RA
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RHP User
11 years ago
We could do something interesting instead... RA
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Interesting comment. I've seen newbies come, fail, whinge and go. But I've also seen them act like 'normal' human beings who recognize that even though the lure of sites like this, advertised on lonely late night tv schedules and one handed porn sites.... that women still have standards, tolerances, and expectations of respectful attitudes. The flipside is that longer term members still carry on like sexual predators seeking a masturbation pocket to help them hold the band aid over their brittle ego. Regardless, the point made is if nothing else.... logical. Treat a stranger with a shitty horndog attitude in the street, or in here..... and the result will be the same. DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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indulge_you
11 years ago
Quoting 'Gr8whiteUnicorn' Ok so, this is the trend I'm noticing quite often: You get a nice initial message, check out the profile and are interested. Have a bit of an exchange of messages, all going well but after few positive messages, I expect to actually arrange to meet someone. Problem is, many guys on here seem too afraid to actually take that step and ask to meet you. Then they complain that they don't get any action. I message back and forth with a lot of guys on here, shown genuine interest and they appear interested, but only one or two have actually closed the deal, so to speak, and asked to meet me. Most of the physical meets have been suggested by myself. My question is: are guys really that scared of rejection? What stops you from asking to meet someone who you are into and who is giving off all the signs that she's interested? Ok so, this is the trend I'm noticing quite often: You get a nice initial message, check out the profile and are interested. Have a bit of an exchange of messages, all going well but after few positive messages, I expect to actually arrange to meet someone. Problem is, many guys on here seem too afraid to actually take that step and ask to meet you. Then they complain that they don't get any action. I message back and forth with a lot of guys on here, shown genuine interest and they appear interested, but only one or two have actually closed the deal, so to speak, and asked to meet me. Most of the physical meets have been suggested by myself. My question is: are guys really that scared of rejection? What stops you from asking to meet someone who you are into and who is giving off all the signs that she's interested? At the OP I will be there in a flash but alas I am outside your age range and live too far away. This happens to me often to a degree. You exchange messages with someone. It appears to be going well then either blocked or no further replies to messages. I usually let ladies suggest the first meet. If I do apparently I am being pushy.
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RHP User
11 years ago
hey gr8, I think a lot of guys don't want to scare a girl off by being overly keen... but in saying that we are all here for the same reason more or less... so maybe they're just tyre kickers! I know if I had the chance to message you and you gave even a little interest .. I'd be keen to meet !! ;-) lol
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RHP User
11 years ago
Now I know this is not a clinically defined condition but I thought I'd pull together a few common points from this thread to see if it was worthy of more investigation. Points I have noted so far: Inability to recognise emotions in others, not reading the signs in messages from others (empathy deficit is common in aspergers sufferers)Sending nice messages back and forward without taking it any further (sticking to a set routine is again a marker or trait liked with asberger's)Replies dont get to the point, close the deal (similar the above but could also be seen as selective mutism, a stretch??? maybee but it could also be another marker for asperger's)Not able, willing, enough balls to meet in person (lack of willingness to make eye contact is another mtrait linked to asperger's....)Picking one word and overusing it (could be seen as a narrowed focus or narrowing of interests, again an aspergers trait)Seeing newbies come, fail, whinge and go could be seen as an inability to make friends (aspergers markers here again) Thats all I have so far, do any of these other Asbergers traits fit your average RHP male? Excellent ability to recognise patterns (uh oh, is this me????) ok forget this post.It seems I have had a journey of self revelation in writing it and think I need some help......
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think profiles have much to answer for. I used to have an account on another site mostly just for chit-chat. It's really important to convey the right messages in profile as you're basicly advertising yourself here. If what you're selling is confrontational or overtly dismissive then you might get some interest but no commitment. It's the same for a female friend of mine who mentioned it was hard to find anything she wantes meanwhile her profile was pretty much as non-committal as you could get. If you say you don't want a relationship then you won't get one simple as that. If you're peacocking then try to have more yes than no's imho - Posted from rhpmobile
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