F45
Why is communication so hard?
August 10 2015
Comments
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
Communication is of course a very diverse language in it's own right. We are best at it when we are face to face - we not only speak the words, but we are also able to see the other persons reactions to our words and are therefore able to see if our message is coming across in the intended manner, or if it is perhaps being misconstrued. We see the other persons facial expressions, the various small gestures they may make in relation to what or how we say something, and we can therefore assess if our message is being properly communicated and understood As we are limited solely to words on the forums, we don't have the access to the other visual signals we usually count on to let us know if our message is being received as intended. And that, I believe is where we can, and sometimes do, "fail" in our interpretation of others messages. We have to be very careful in the words we use, and how they are used, so as to try and avoid any possible confusion - but unfortunately as we have all seen from time to time, even that is not a fail-safe. So for the time being, we just have to try and rely on some common sense and decency, and understand that as a rule that we don't purposely come here to insult one another, and if there happens to be a misunderstanding of wording or intent, we just have to learn to forgive and occasionally say sorry for those misunderstandings. Any help ?? Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
I feel the only way to stop miscommunications is to think like a child before they were influenced by the world. If you observe young children they don't care who or what you are they just enjoy company and chatting. If we all just stayed that way in thinking how nice it would be
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RHP User
9 years ago
yes - good thing on you tube - Jon Ronson on conformation bias - "it is everywhere" :) thoughts?
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RHP User
9 years ago
When speaking to people whether online or face to face misconstruing things is easy to do. I find that using analogies helps quite well. One can find an analogy for almost anything to help explain things better and for each to understand where we are coming from
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Strallberrie' yes - good thing on you tube - Jon Ronson on conformation bias - "it is everywhere" :) thoughts? We see/hear/comprehend what we want to, our perception is coloured by our perspective on the world which makes it literally impossible to see the world the same way as any other person. That's the beauty of being individuals. This is also the mechanism behind everyone's favourite pseudoscience, Astrology. *ducks*
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI' I feel the only way to stop miscommunications is to think like a child before they were influenced by the world. If you observe young children they don't care who or what you are they just enjoy company and chatting. If we all just stayed that way in thinking how nice it would be Stay living in the moment and be genuine is what I hear you saying, which is great advice for good communication. However, the beauty of being a kid is that you don't have developed emotions which makes everything a crudload easier.
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madotara69
9 years ago
add a few ovyerown words, bullshit as truthfully and in poetically collectables, strung together a truth, an emotion, an feeling, a song, if the post becomes a deep and meaningful list of paragraphs in no-less than character count 12000, 20000 lots of smiley faces because usually it's only when someone has the shits, they make a b line for the sand pit and look for a word in any post they hate moist twist turn the word and tell everyone what a prick for saying woman!, women are not all like us, are we !!????Toss one in any where near triggers like, orgasm's, and a "you" anywhere and in the kill zone like a venus fly trap. Then just wait for them all to come too you, never chase them. Feisty is so sexy, so be nice to one of them and sit back a tick or two.. the last one standing, ask for a smack. Kinks are cool.empathy warm, anything wet best served hot Lovely post CravingTouched any chance craving smacks is near as is having aching lovers balls, ethereal twitch? Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
With communicating online or by text is that a majority of human communication is body language and facial expression...some people just have poor communication skills and or,lack of social or emotional intelligence... But online communication definitely lacks the nuance of one to one or even speaking on the phone.I always like to chat on the phone before I meet someone,no in intended but it speaks volumes xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
communication only works if your also willing to listenif you never admit to being wrong then how can i ever possibly be right so we reach that magical other C word to reach a Compromise but try as you must sometimes you get bent out of shape and you need to stand up for yourselfthe problem only becomes evident when you realisethat I have changed- but you didn't.
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI' When speaking to people whether online or face to face misconstruing things is easy to do. I find that using analogies helps quite well. One can find an analogy for almost anything to help explain things better and for each to understand where we are coming from Can you give us an example. !!!!!! Haha. Not sure though if we are born with it (good communication that is), Had the odd yell & scream when I was a baby if I was hungry, and in the way old days, (caveman type) people also used to just say Uggg, uggg, ohhh, or Grrrr, perhaps we haven't changed that much haha. Perhaps it is the level of education or experience that makes you better, perhaps also hard wired into the brain the same as some people are great at writing, some at doing, some love dance, some love passion, some are better at being practical, takes all types, just need to have a bit of understanding and not take things so seriously sometimes I suppose
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI' When speaking to people whether online or face to face misconstruing things is easy to do. I find that using analogies helps quite well. One can find an analogy for almost anything to help explain things better and for each to understand where we are coming from Can you give us an example. !!!!!! Haha. Not sure though if we are born with it (good communication that is), Had the odd yell & scream when I was a baby if I was hungry, and in the way old days, (caveman type) people also used to just say Uggg, uggg, ohhh, or Grrrr, perhaps we haven't changed that much haha. Perhaps it is the level of education or experience that makes you better, perhaps also hard wired into the brain the same as some people are great at writing, some at doing, some love dance, some love passion, some are better at being practical, takes all types, just need to have a bit of understanding and not take things so seriously sometimes I suppose
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Single_Guy4U
9 years ago
I have to sometimes say this twice Grrr
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Missb4u
9 years ago
of value to add. When I read things like email and forum posts I try to do so without any tone. It is way to easy to add your own context and overreact. something I find useful is obtaining clarity before reacting.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I haven't seen the clip, but regarding confirmation bias we can only filter new information with what we ideas / structures / beliefs / life experiences we already have. To be completely objective, especially regarding self, would be no mean feat. If we can/could I would if it would mean we would lose what it means to be an individual (????)
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MsJonesy
9 years ago
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply" If we substitute 'read' for 'listen', then attach some personal bias and perceptions we may be close to the reason we sometimes express ourselves poorly. Mix in differing levels of literacy, fold through a lack of visual input from body language, stir in some personal agendas and we have covered off most of the key ingredients.
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TheDoorMan
9 years ago
Why the f--- are their women on site looking for there Night in shinny amour wake up and smell the sex no roses here males/females are here for a f--- buddy . Communications is some thing we do when we want something or have say so why do some on here want the ins and out of your life before they even have meet. For me if you catch my eye I will read you profile 2/3times to understand possible what you a female is wanting if I think you and I can click then I will send a wink or message will then let u make the choice,let me say here and now many women on this site are just as bad as the males and are just here to get their rocks of on being teasers and pests to all the serious people here to please and be satisfied they have fore-filled each other's wants needs . Please tell me why the f--- people want to send end less emails about getting to know you and still don't want to meet. Because their want to be's and have taboos go else where to get your frills and leave us sex loving people here to have our fun. - Posted from rhpmobile
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
Try keeping it simple.
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
Try keeping it simple.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Kids fight a lot. Kids are very self focused. Sounds just like adults. Lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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TallBaldSexy
9 years ago
2 Two to too many
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RHP User
9 years ago
... because there are times when some readers misunderstand what I was trying to convey..
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RHP User
9 years ago
perhaps there would not be a legal system if people were on the same page i guess
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' We see/hear/comprehend what we want to, our perception is coloured by our perspective on the world which makes it literally impossible to see the world the same way as any other person. That's the beauty of being individuals. This is also the mechanism behind everyone's favourite pseudoscience, Astrology. *ducks* Can lead to humour, anger, sadness, offense, a myriad of emotions all dependent on one's outlook. It's why I love the forums, to read other people's perspectives. It's also why I don't judge or get offended, as I will always try to understand the other person's perspective. And I agree with Jules, that listening is key! Also the ability to read between the lines can be helpful, as soooooo many people will tell you what they think you want to hear, not what they actually think. Life would be so boring if we were simple creatures!
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
After reading your post, right now I can't communicate cause I'm lost for words. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
9 years ago
Well Steve I think you've chosen a really appropriate username.
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Hottie1
9 years ago
Here's the thing, you want to just fuck something without the 'communication' buy a blow up doll or fleshlight. The rest of us are human, it's called human interaction. We talk, we listen, we get to know people, we get to know them beyond their cocks and pussy! My profile clearly states, you want to see me, you WILL communicate with me! I tease to arouse my lover, it's done through texts, email and phone calls. Here's the thing also, many people read the forums, you did not do yourself any favours 'communicating' your concerns through your posts. That was simply a vitriolic attack based on what have obviously not been good experiences on RHP for you, I seriously doubt they are going to improve in the near future. Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Your communication skills are excellent..But I doubt you will attract any women with what you have communicated..which is your anger...take a breath,re-think your approach,there are women who are happy to have the zipless fuck,they just don't want to be yelled at xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Ahh. The same page. Could be ideal, might be utopia - no confusion... but also no variation.. Teacher: here is the colour blue. Person 1: There is the colour blue2: That's not a good description. It's so pure and vivid. That's true blue3: Why does that spot of sunlight make that blue look different.4: Why is the shadow across that page look grey5: Looks greenish to me6: Makes me feel saudade7: What an arrogant, patronising colour. I feel offended. My gah, we're all being persecuted8: That paper is the perfect square, I estimate that to have a perimeter of... an area of ...9: Now if I fold that a certain why, I'm going to create an aerodynamic...10. Blue, blue, blew, blew. I want to blow over teach's hot rack. etc,etc... Maybe accepting that our perception of reality isn't actually real - just same as everyone else's perception Then we have not a page, but a zillion more interesting pages. But given, it's a wee bit harder to work with
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' With communicating online or by text is that a majority of human communication is body language and facial expression...some people just have poor communication skills and or,lack of social or emotional intelligence... But online communication definitely lacks the nuance of one to one or even speaking on the phone.I always like to chat on the phone before I meet someone,no in intended but it speaks volumes xxFreya Also, without knowing the person on the other side in real life it's often difficult to know how something is meant, whether the poster is being sarcastic or trying to be funny, whether they have other things going on in their lives, where they are coming from, etc. I find I let myself get riled up here sometimes, where that wouldn't happen in real life. It makes wonder why I never get angry with some clients of mine who use every dirty and manipulative trick in the book to get a reaction, yet here much less destructive behaviour can seriously piss me off. Perhaps it because the person is just a picture (sometimes not even that) and words on a screen, and it can be easy to forget how words affect the person on the other side of it. Something I'm still working on myself.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Good Reads quote of the day..I thought it was worth sharing...Why should you believe your eyes?You were given eyes to see with,not to believe with.Your eyes can see the mirage.the hallucination as well as the actual scenery..Ward Moore xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
If we were all on the same page there wouldn't be a book to read anymore! Really interesting assumption there that all law enforcers are selected to be a bit TOO ready to unquestioningly believe whatever others tell them. I've considered becoming a cop many times, and still do think about it now and then, but I'm not an unconditional believer, I'm a questioner, a change-maker, so I think I'll stick with academia and the world of science where everything is about questioning. Still, we do need "worker bees" to blindly follow rules set by the government (a group of people who USED to be the wisest minds of our time), in order to have a society. I actually have a feeling that law enforcement will be mechanised/computerised in the future, human break rules, it's what we do. Computers on the other hand, most definitely do not. Prepare for robocop!
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RHP User
9 years ago
That reminds me of the blue and black/white and gold dress. One dress that led to an enormous online shit-fight, with many members of one team calling the others idiots for no other reason than them having a different perception.
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
You don't get pissed off with your clients, precisely as has been said, because you can see what is going on as well as speaking with them - their intentions are clearly visible to you at that time. When we are just pictures. or not even that, it can be quite easy to forget that they are still real human beings, with the full gambit of feelings and emotions. As you have noted, it is almost pretty much impossible to gather their intentions behind their words, because the visual aspect is not available. Therefore it can be quite easy to get 'riled', but when in doubt, perhaps hold back and think about it before firing off again - there could be something not quite so sinister behind some well intentioned words that may not be immediately evident upon first flush. Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
Well mate I have been racking my brains for a while to come up with a scenario for an example but the old grey matter won't play ball. It feels like my brain went on holiday without telling me. I suppose it is more useful in explaining a situation or procedure in terms that the other may understand. So like Meander pointed out it is really best if you know the other person. A good point Meander. I tend not to use my humour here as people do not know me in real life. I love to be facetious and sarcastic, love taking the piss out of myself and for others to do so also. So my brand of humour would most likely be taken out of context unless you knew me.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' perhaps hold back and think about it before firing off again Thanks for the advice.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI'I tend not to use my humour here as people do not know me in real life. I love to be facetious and sarcastic, love taking the piss out of myself and for others to do so also. I've had to clarify I was being sarcastic quite a few times, and vise versa. I also like to poke fun at things, and at myself in a "gods, I'm so fucking amazing" kinda way but it sometimes gets read as me being serious and utterly full of myself. I do get told I'm so much nicer in real life, and I haven't figured out yet if that's good or bad.
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RHP User
9 years ago
but Comms are hard as not everybody uses it to give.... 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Tall_n_Hard' perhaps hold back and think about it before firing off again Thanks for the advice. The first sentence of my posting was in answer to your posting. The rest of it was just general commentary - not specifically directed at anyone. Tall
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RHP User
9 years ago
Is a fantastic movie all about perception, highly recommended!
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm just wanting to communicate that I love your new profile pic.
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RHP User
9 years ago
is only half the equation, comprehension is the other half. Unfortunately people choose to see what they want to see, sometimes they see eye to eye or maybe they see fault, criticism, persecution or an opportunity to take advantage for a myriad of reasons.Still, that in itself tells a story.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I'm just wanting to communicate that I love your new profile pic. Coming from someone with some of the best profile pics around here, I'll take that!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'kissk' "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply" If we substitute 'read' for 'listen', then attach some personal bias and perceptions we may be close to the reason we sometimes express ourselves poorly. Mix in differing levels of literacy, fold through a lack of visual input from body language, stir in some personal agendas and we have covered off most of the key ingredients. There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o, B-I-N-G-O!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Even being a capable verbal communicator...comfortably maintaining the give and take when face to face...doesn't guarantee a perfect translation to the screen. In this world, I will paraphrase my comments with the "I thinks, I imagine, I suspect and In my opinions" far more than I do in casual conversation. Why? With no visual communicators except for a few emoticons, I'm just covering my arse. I think...
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RHP User
9 years ago
I was wondering perhaps that some of the communication problems possibly stem from us being a little precious of our opinions and thoughts on particular matters. I try hard not to be but I realise at times maybe I can be and am sure most of us have at some stage or another if we were honest with ourselves
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RHP User
9 years ago
True. It sometimes easy to see someone's posts through a certain filter, so if after some posts you seriously disliked they post something you'd normally agree with, maybe you've already discarded it before reading it (general statement here, not aimed at anyone). Sometimes I'll see a comment that rubs me the wrong way for no obvious reason, and I'll have to stop and ask myself if I would have the same reaction if it was written by a forumite whose posts I usually agree with.
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RHP User
9 years ago
One of my favourite expressions that captures the difficulty and sometimes frustration of communicating in a fast, impatient world is "Please don't understand me so quickly". Admittedly I'm not always the best at doing this, but reminding myself to shut the fuck up and listen without interrupting is a good start. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Henna Jay & Craving Touch nice discussing this - Craving Touch - i rather did not fully express my law understanding, yes law does become sometime black & white and is not always the case -- Perhaps Law is a world within a world of Assuming and to a certain degree to minimise some presumptions. Henna Jay - yes it would be a utopia of being on the same page - but hey on the other hand - Parliament is run by debating/arguing/voting/bias/discussing policys etc.. so yes maybe debating communicating in frank/forward terms has to be done in society for the best outcome for all...? nice example how people interprete the blue etc "last night was so hot, you blue me away" :) i like people who commuincate without being aggressive and being patient no matter what the terms are but i guess perhaps people must be uncompromising in frank commuincation to get the message across -
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MsJonesy
9 years ago
Quoting 'CravingTouch' Quoting 'kissk' "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply" If we substitute 'read' for 'listen', then attach some personal bias and perceptions we may be close to the reason we sometimes express ourselves poorly. Mix in differing levels of literacy, fold through a lack of visual input from body language, stir in some personal agendas and we have covered off most of the key ingredients. There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o, B-I-N-G-O! Whats the prize, whats the prize, whats the prize?!! Oh... is it chocolate... or maybe wine... Mmmmm..... wine
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Strallberrie'"last night was so hot, you blue me away" :) Dr Tobias Funke?
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'steveslooking' Why the f--- are their women on site looking for there Night in shinny amour wake up and smell the sex no roses here males/females are here for a f--- buddy . Communications is some thing we do when we want something or have say so why do some on here want the ins and out of your life before they even have meet. For me if you catch my eye I will read you profile 2/3times to understand possible what you a female is wanting if I think you and I can click then I will send a wink or message will then let u make the choice,let me say here and now many women on this site are just as bad as the males and are just here to get their rocks of on being teasers and pests to all the serious people here to please and be satisfied they have fore-filled each other's wants needs . Please tell me why the f--- people want to send end less emails about getting to know you and still don't want to meet. Because their want to be's and have taboos go else where to get your frills and leave us sex loving people here to have our fun. - Posted from rhpmobile I'm personally not looking for a 'Knight in shining Armour - I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself. It's the 21st century not the year 1341. I'm actually more interested in meeting someone who is my equal! And I'm sure most sensible women here would agree - they can take care of themselves. And yes, 'those men' can be just as bad as 'those women'. I'm sure that everyone can attest to have had the odd 'horror' experience online dating. However, let me tell you the online dating websites for nice girls - those dating prospects there done are far, far, far worse than the dating prospects on RHP. The websites for women waiting patiently for their own 'immortal beloved' are generally full of men who like to sit at their keyboard, chat, get their typing speed up to 100 wpm but they can't ever actually find their way to the front door, grab their car keys and set their GPS for a real live date. It's horses for courses. Clearly I can't account for the women on these sites, because I'm not out pursuing female company However, I'm sure the same scenarios exist for both sexes. I might also add that some of these perfect dating websites continue to fleece you of your money long after you think you have cancelled. The combative experience of actually getting them to stop fleecing your credit card of cash perhaps lasts longer than any future relationship prospect. (The ads on TV usually involve happy, perfect, smiling couples...... who meet their perfect person every single time they join!) (Why the hell they need to keep rejoining when they've already met that 'perfect' person is beyond me!) And you can speak for yourself when you say there are no roses here. I met someone here quite some time ago who literally stopped time for me. It was extraordinarily left field and not what I was expecting. And no, it didn't work out as I expected. That however, is his loss. I'd suggest that most of us like to exchange a few emails, texts or perhaps engage in the odd telephone conversation before meeting with someone. Generally you get an idea of common interests etc., There is a huge difference between succinctly messaging and setting a date and endlessly messaging someone in order to be in the running for the next literary award for the most words written in online dating messages!
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think it has to do with the myriad of different personalities... There are passive people and dominating, listeners and those who HAVE to have their words heard (even if no-one wants to know). We have people who express themselves well, be it from education or a natural ability and those who are shy and afraid they'll say wrong thing... Some people are just intimidated and this can run back to childhood... We've all seen people who, no matter how hard they try or where they are, they just can't seem to get noticed or heard. Then there are the ones who just walk into the room and have everyone's attention (and it has nothing to do with looks). It's something less definable. Then you have the one's who just HAVE to 'Shut people down' (in this forum they exist)... Seen it too often. They thrive on 'drama' and have a need to be important and can only do it by trying to make others seem less so by berating, disagreeing (for the sake of it) and so on... All being SOOOO different and having our problems, needs, insecurities and abilities and just plain malfunctions! I think, is the reason we find it so difficult to 'COMMUNICATE' - You see, it first involves 'listening' then responding (preferably about what was just said to you)... For humans with all these different ways of behaving and seeing things and each other, it's not all that easy... But keep trying...!!! Thank Peoples
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'steveslooking' Why the f--- are their women on site looking for there Night in shinny amour wake up and smell the sex no roses here males/females are here for a f--- buddy . Communications is some thing we do when we want something or have say so why do some on here want the ins and out of your life before they even have meet. For me if you catch my eye I will read you profile 2/3times to understand possible what you a female is wanting if I think you and I can click then I will send a wink or message will then let u make the choice,let me say here and now many women on this site are just as bad as the males and are just here to get their rocks of on being teasers and pests to all the serious people here to please and be satisfied they have fore-filled each other's wants needs . Please tell me why the f--- people want to send end less emails about getting to know you and still don't want to meet. Because their want to be's and have taboos go else where to get your frills and leave us sex loving people here to have our fun. - Posted from rhpmobile Firstly... anyone who knows me here, knows that I'm not one to 'shut anyone down'... or even argue that much. But I have to point out a couple of things... The way you 'communicate in writing' leaves MUCH to be desired... I apologise if English is not your first language... Because that what it seems. If it's anything like the way you communicate in person... This Topic is just for you... I know we're not all gifted with the ability to express ourselves, and there's no problem with that. However, as for what you have tried to say... There ARE people on here who do like to get to know someone a little before the jump their bones... We are people (human beings) and although the site is primarily design to link people up for 'physical fun', it also opens up the opportunity for people to become FRIENDS... There are some who even hope to find someone who COULD become something more than 'just a fuck' or friend.. There aren't any rules posted on this site that indicate you have to be ONLY looking for a FB, nor is there any rule that says we have to do things your way... Believe me, you'll do far better if you take the time to get to know a bit about the lady (or man) who is underneath you, or on the end of you dick. Sorry mate... This is just an opinion. and it's not worth a cup of coffee...
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why do the words retire like the most divine dawn making us mute, depositing our solitude into the province of universe, needless to speak. Do we need words when facial expressions tell much more, in time when our heart expands with one breath, when the knowing opens before the words begin. Are we blinded by those words? Do we need This innocence of literacy? Do we need This fence of proverbs, persistent in past, present and future. Do we need This furniture of thoughts, that keeps moving from place to place to one day get exchanged for the new upholstery. Exchanged in thought. Made soft in many ways, to break us, to reproduce us. To admire what we are or not. To decide and then to declare again, our existence. Why do we need words when we are free to let the chatter be our soul.x
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