M43

Women getting cold feet

June 30 2015

A question: 3 out the 4 single women I have managed to organise a first meeting with, never turned up. The meetings were arranged at a public, social, neutral location (like a hotel or cafe). I realise that for single women especially, safety and security is a big deal. But (from the men), how often is it that your "date" apparently backs out at the last minute without letting you know and never makes any further contact? I'm always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, and not to write them off as "time wasters", (as men frequently have the same label), but I've never heard from them again. If they change their mind about showing up, do they avoid further contact in case the man in question is "less than forgiving"? - Posted from rhpmobile

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Missb4u

9 years ago

and it happens in reverse as well. What annoys me more than anything is the silence though... Why do men feel the need to go silent after you have sex? I don't get it. And then they suddenly pop up again when they want a booty call. Maybe that's just my issue. I have cancelled meets for various reasons and sometimes it's as simple as not feeling it anymore. I wouldn't just not turn up to an arranged meeting though. I will never understand how men think.

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RHP User

9 years ago

It's always about timing and inclination..has to be both..but perhaps CT you may need to refine your screening process..always speak on the phone..yeah I know GenY only do txt speak but you could be texting the man in the moon...fakes,fraudsters,keyboard sirens and lotharios abide here..as do the rude and ill mannered xxFreya

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RHP User

9 years ago

I think it can depend on your communication prior and how much you feel that it is worth meeting. I would say in the last year I have only met two men for a one on one meet in public. Other times I have encouraged them to attend a meet and greet if they want to say hi. (btw they are always a no show at those). Whether it be female or male I now understand that some people feel its very hard to put them selves out there for a one on one meet or on the other hand find that group meetings are not for them either. So I guess you just have to find out what is more suitable for them and then you might have a better chance of them turning up.

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RHP User

9 years ago

Could it be possible that you contribute to it ?? - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

Quoting 'Missb72' and it happens in reverse as well. (...) I will never understand how men think. You say guys do it too, and you'll never understand how they think. What I'm getting from this thread is that men and women display the same behaviour, so I don't think it's about not understanding the other sex, but the men women who act differently than we ourselves would do. I don't think this is a gender related issue at all.

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RHP User

9 years ago

To answer your question: I think going AWOL and blocking someone is a hell of a lot easier than having to explain yourself, especially when you know you didn't do the right thing by not having the decency to cancel. Also, I do suspect not all of these women are female. Do you speak with them on the phone beforehand?

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Missb4u

9 years ago

when I say I don't understand how men think I was referring to the silence after sex. Why do they feel the need to suddenly go quiet and have no contact until the next time they feel like hooking up. Does that actually work for them? I guess it must and there are heaps of women on here that just like the booty calls as well. I certainly wasn't implying it was a gender specific issue at all. We hear it enough from both sexes in the forums to understand that. I guess I'm just frustrated with the whole thing at the moment. stir not sure how I contribute to their silence but thanks for your input.

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RHP User

9 years ago

..... I have never been stood up .... or stood someone up (although I have been late ! ... fashionably )

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RHP User

9 years ago

Missb72 I think more men then women do this, but I have met some men who like to keep in touch and some like you said dont until they want to see you again. Which I think is totally bad manners and for me I wouldnt bother seeing them again. But all this can be avoided if you just communicate your expectations of contact. I think men are just worried about giving the wrong impression of what they want. If its just casual then its not unreasonable to expect a text once a week to say hi is it.

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RHP User

9 years ago

From women because ... Come on guys... You know that you've been doing the silent treatment for centuries. I've heard men say, for soooo long, that they just cant and won't deal with 'the drama' that women represent. Personally I don't feel the need to explain myself any longer because that's how I've been treated by most men. It's called 'looking after Number One' we (women) are getting in the swing too. Hahahaa

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RHP User

9 years ago

It does not take much to let someone know, and is downright disrespectful to waste someones time and effort. This hold true for everything in life.

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RHP User

9 years ago

after the first meeting.

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Mischeviouslad

9 years ago

Mr Countrytouch..... this topic comes up quite regularly. And I always think people tend to skip the obvious question in favour of the ones about the level of connection you established. How can you be sure they were real?!! Nothing in your topic suggested you had a phone conversation with them, and if this is the case.....you never verified that they were real... and not really a short hairy 73 year old midget with a cleft ear tapping away at a keyboard in Kazakhstan (unless thats who you planned to meet!). I had a no-show once... 5 years ago from a mainstream site.It posse me off no-end because as a very busy single dad, my time is extremely important too me and I do not waste it.SO I made sure to learn the ways to verify someone off the internet, and pre-empt any flake-outs.And I learned to make it impossible for them to not want to meet once they committed to it. 1. if your time is important to you, you really owe it to yourself to take the little extra time necessary to ensure who you're "chatting" with... is who they claim to be. 2. once you've heard their voice.....and engaged in phone conversation, you can hear their intent and preparedness to front up. There is much more to the subject of avoiding flake-outs......but.... you must ensure they're the real McCoy before you consider meeting them. DG

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RHP User

9 years ago

My process for checking whether they are real or not is fairly reasonable. The reason I think the "cold feet" reason is: 1. At least one of the ladies had adult and vanilla profiles. The details matched although the wording was obviously different. While we didn't chat on the phone, we did typically through instant messagers etc. In this case we talked about both profiles, and how that reflected what we were looking for on different levels etc. The profiles both had believable photos, different but obviously of the same person (yes they can be copied yada yada). After she didn't turn up though, the adult profiles disappeared, however the vanilla ones remain. 2. On a seperate occasion, a lady cancelled in advance. In this case, she did admit to me that her own insecurities were an issue, and that she had decided not to pursue meetups of this nature for the time being. From general conversation, it does appear that most of ladies are "first timers' in this scene. 3. The ladies were all local, knew a bit about the town, and were previously happy to chat about any prior experiences. Of course, there are always con-artists, but normally the aim of them is to get personal details from you somehow. I've had plenty of attempted scam attempts before, so I think I know what to look for. But then again, if you can spot a con-artist, they're not doing their job well. For local meets, I am happy to take the chance with someone I haven't spoken to by phone, it is only 20-30 minutes into town. I would not do so if travelling to Melbourne (90 minutes) obviously. I realise that, especially for first timers, giving the phone number is an issue, especially if (like myself) a variety of information about myself can be gained by googling it. But I do agree, talking on the phone breaks a lot of barriers. The one single lady I met, I talked to one the phone first, and the first meet was at her house (so it was hard for her not to turn up i this case!). She was happy for this because I came across as non-threatening.

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RHP User

9 years ago

Cool...no it is 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

There is a small town privacy issue thing too... Even a public social meet, you can easily run into people here who recognise you or know you. I saw two family members come by while waiting for the last meeting.

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RHP User

9 years ago

I have had this happen to me before, not from this site.....but I think the people who do this are extremely rude and have no respect for the person they were going to meet. Supposing there is a real reason for it or not...what does it cost to take a couple of seconds to send a message saying that they are sorry but something has come up, instead of not saying anything and leaving that person sitting waiting like a shag on a rock. Totally inexcusable in my book!!!

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RHP User

9 years ago

I can assure you Coury touch. If ever we had a meet set up I would definately show up!!! Maybe they were just shy and got cold feet. Gypsy - Posted from rhpmobile

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Women getting cold feet

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