M56
Would you end a relationship for one mistake?
February 20 2016
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
Of like asking how long is a piece of string. Each situation and boundary broken is different and couples/fwb and every other relationship has its uniqueness. Hopefully these boundaries were discussed,understood and agreed upon by all involved. If trust had been broken I would be outta there as quick as I could, once you have no trust, no point wasting your time further imo - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
What type 0f mistake are going on about? As a loving married couple we make all kinds of mistakes and forgive each other. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Depends on the mistake.If I felt betrayed,then yes..and I have in the past ...I ended a nine year marriage because I was betrayed...once trust is gone,it's impossible to go back...xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have Haven't been sorry either. I've forgiven much in the past and have paid the price. People have a habit of making the same mistakes over and over again, because it suits them I think people make calculated choices that suit them at the time and when it doesn't work out, they hide behind the "mistake" label So easy to say the words "I'm sorry" takes commitment to change behaviour
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PatchworkGirl
9 years ago
What Summer said. I'm usually very forgiving, often to a fault. But if the one mistake was a deep betrayal, and the person didn't understand why I was so impacted by it, then yes. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
and they'll believe it's OK to push the boundry's again. It's not OK, if it's not a mutual understanding. It damages big time. That's the reality.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Minor mistakes are overcome by talking, kissing and making up but emotional betrayal is another thing. Its not the act so much as the deceit that causes mistrust. Its like the chain of life .... deep emotional connection is like a bond once betrayed the bond is broken and for some can never be the same again. For me I have had my own deep emotional response to betrayal. It is one of nausea ...even after 20 years that nausea resurfaces if I have to be in the same room as that ex. For my it has become physical so not matter how much talking is done it cannot be healed. LG
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RHP User
9 years ago
It depends on the mistake, response etc. If the mistake showed you the deep emotional connection you had was more of an illusion I would walk away. A lot can be forgiven, but some things are so damaging that no time, talking or touching could ever heal the wounds made and the betrayal.
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
One persons hiccup is another persons fart Someone can fart and some will laugh. Some will be offended. Others will fart back. everyones response will be different. If you find a rulebook, can you send me a copy. I think i have one but its in Chinese. Ive been reading it left to right instead of top to bottom. Explains why i fuck up all the time.
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Andremmo
9 years ago
I think it also depends on what you have invested in the 'deep emotional bond'. For instance, if you have been together for 20+ years and have children still living at home you have a far greater emotional investment than if you have a history of shorter-termed relationships. In either situation you might have a deep emotional bond but there are very different repercussions from pulling the pin on the those two different relationships. I think there are plenty of relationships where betrayal is commonplace and tolerated by the partner but they stay together for a range of reasons: financial or family just being two of them. On the nature of the mistake there are plenty of factors to be taken into account. What exactly happened? Did your partner plan it or did it happen in the heat of the moment? Who instigated it? Finally, the behaviour afterwards also plays a part. Is there real remorse or just remorse at being caught? How are they demonstrating this remorse and how far are they willing to go to avoid repeats in the future. If questions like this were easy to answer we wouldn't need psychologists to deal with them. Good luck!
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RHP User
9 years ago
If you are betrayed, you cant get back the trust. So its either grieve for a while, move on and be happy or stay, be miserable, be suspicious and let bitterness gradually eat away at you. And sadly, its very rare that someone who cheats doesnt do it again.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Did they forget to put the bins out? Forget to feed the dog? Run the car into the mailbox? Get wasted in Vegas...crash a wedding reception and have a threesome with a couple of the bridesmaids...steal a luxury sports car...get kicked out of a strip club for getting too handsy with the girl during a lapdance...shoot at the bouncer and end up on the run from said bouncer and strip joint owner? (points for anyone who knows what movie that's from). If it was a big enough mistake, yep I'd walk. I've been fucked over enough for a lifetime. Of course I've also fucked people over. I'm just pretty fucked up in general
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RHP User
9 years ago
Disrespect is repeated. No one should stay in a relationship where they are disrespected. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Like most have said it really depends on the situation but as I have copped so much crap throughout my life generally for being just me I have a fairly low tolerance for bullshit and would prefer my life without said crap than with.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm the same - a once of cheating I can forgive. 10 years ago I wouldn't have said that but understand a lot more about human behaviour. A full affair is a different story and would be assessed carefully. I've been in a physically abusive relationship and put up with a lot. But I escaped. Anyone lays a hand on me again and it wouldn't only be their pride getting hurt! Most things I can move forward from - but if you want some specifics? Serious and violent crime!
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inspirit
9 years ago
At my age I have made and experienced mistakes. Im now old enough to know better, that a mistake has an underlying hidden issue. Mistakes do not just happen in a relationship. A lack of communication and honesty is what happens. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Not for that mistake on it's own and not for cheating, I'm not the jealous type, more the merrier kind of thing, BUT any person I was in a relationship with would know that already so if lies started, I'd be thinking the heart was straying and yes, that would be a deal breaker. The door would be open, he could walk through it, seeya later 😀
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RHP User
9 years ago
Gorgeous profile pic 😃 love the bikini line, so sexy 😉
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RHP User
9 years ago
I just read your post again. Disrespect is repeated, nailed it there, so true 👍
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JohnAnn2227
9 years ago
I have finished a relationship over one mistake. I was 20 and had been going out with a guy for 18 months and one night during an argument he back handed me. It was over at that second. Some mistakes are just unforgivable.
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RHP User
9 years ago
the one making the mistake is always going to pull that emotive trump card... "But...but we have a connection!!! Don't leave me over just this little mistake!!" Which just sounds like a moaning, begging little bitch doesn't it?? Not to mention condescending and manipulative....because statements like the one I've used, is essentially saying to the other person "you've got no right to feel the pain that you do" which is pretty disrespective in itself to be honest. The fact is, the mistake that has been made that does end the connection WAS that big....it WAS big enough to break the relationship in their eyes..... And THAT, is all that matters :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
MOVIE IS "GO" with katie holmes in it HAND OVER THE POINTS! Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Did they forget to put the bins out? Forget to feed the dog? Run the car into the mailbox? Get wasted in Vegas...crash a wedding reception and have a threesome with a couple of the bridesmaids...steal a luxury sports car...get kicked out of a strip club for getting too handsy with the girl during a lapdance...shoot at the bouncer and end up on the run from said bouncer and strip joint owner? (points for anyone who knows what movie that's from). If it was a big enough mistake, yep I'd walk. I've been fucked over enough for a lifetime. Of course I've also fucked people over. I'm just pretty fucked up in general
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RHP User
9 years ago
Like others have said, this really is a situational thing and can't be generalised. I know there are relationships I have been in where mistakes have been made that *should* have ended the relationship, but didn't. Other ones I believe that mistakes caused a relationship to end that shouldn't have.' There are always 2 sides to every coin, without openess and communication you might never get to glimpse the other side. But even if thats the case, ultimately you only have control over your side and how you deal with it in the end anyway.
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RHP User
9 years ago
IT'S SO GOOD TO KNOW YOU GOT MY BACK RHPEDITOR! SO DON'T KNOW I COULD LIVE WITHOUT YOU RHPeditor! you saved me! "I GOT It!"
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RHP User
9 years ago
lol bit excited bro??? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Well done you. Have all the points.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' lol bit excited bro??? - Posted from rhpmobile *walks up behind stirry and rests his hardon against his bum* Literally excited
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Well done you. Have all the points. YAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am sorry for your loss and grief you endured loosing your best friend. Tecare - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
yup....in my view.... Because, the way I see it, using your example, that hurt was foreseeable.... I don't really think anyone could be genuine in their feelings of devastation when such a hurt was foreseeable.... But.... I'm such an unforgiving soul...... :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
lol I thought it'd be bigger :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I believe we are all here to LEARN from our mistakes, it's what makes us better people. Like the OP said we are human and we are all fallible! Heaven forbid that we are all so perfect that we never stuff up!! It takes a lot of inner strength to find forgiveness within, especially when there is a shared deep emotional connection. These kind of connections are a gift, don't be so stupid as to give up. Fight for what you have. If you know the other person feels the same that is. The key is open communication, confess your sins. The mistake maker should allow the wronged party the time and space to work through their feelings, be there for them to vent, to listen and not try and defend the mistake. Own it pure and simple. Apologise, reassure and talk about why that mistake was made in the first place. If you can both work through it together and yes it may take time, you can get through to the other side where you have an even deeper emotional connection. Both of you have to agree on what is important and see the bigger picture. Talk talk talk, cry, cry, cry, talk some more. Mean what you say though and say what you mean. Be honest and transparent, don't lie, lies have a tendency to unravel. If you are meant to be together you will be, pure and simple but it takes two people to bend a bit in their beliefs and meet half way. Forgiveness is a sign of strength, not weakness. You have to work together, it can't just be one person putting all the effort in. Try and put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if you were the one betrayed, try and empathise and realise that the reason we make mistakes in the first place is usually selfishly motivated. Yes, by all means be selfish but what are the repercussions if things go pear shaped? Are you prepared to live with the damage and the consequences? Don't get me wrong, any action that either breaks the law or causes physical harm to people is unforgivable but that is another topic and I don't think the OP is referring to that kind of mistake. Hope that helps?
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PurePeony
9 years ago
Sometimes, our decision can be a reflection of how much self-love we possess. With my first FWB, I knew he had one or two indiscretions in our seven-year relationship. I have an extremely sensitive nose so I can smell another person's smell on him and it's pointless hiding. I pretended nothing happened on both occasions. I just wanted to be together and maintain status quo so I acted like the ostrich burying its head in the sand. Now, because I am a lot more confident and I respect myself a lot more, should the same thing happen, I will not hesitate to bring it up, pack up and leave because I won't tolerate certain behaviours. I no longer stick around for more punishment.
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scubaboy69
9 years ago
Quoting 'Lady_S' Don't get me wrong, any action that either breaks the law or causes physical harm to people is unforgivable but that is another topic and I don't think the OP is referring to that kind of mistake. You're right, they are not the mistakes I'm referring to. Anything that breaks the law or physical violence is a deal-breaker. I tell my friends to walk out the door at the first strike and don't look back. No second chances, ever. But that is another topic.
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scubaboy69
9 years ago
No, nothing in my life at all. The question came to mind in reading another thread but warranted a thread of it's own. The question is wide open so take it wherever you'd like to take it ...
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RHP User
9 years ago
I am with Freya. A mistake is " I went out to what I thought was a business meeting with Jenna and then she tried to kiss me. I moved away ended the meeting and came home to you." Betrayal - " I knew Jenny was flirting with me and I felt something between us. I knew it wasn't a meeting but went along with the act. When she made a move I couldn't help myself and things got out of hand." I really don't think there is a mistake when it comes to total infidelity and it also comes down to intention. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think men have a more honest approach to this topic and it's perhaps because it's less socially acceptable for a woman to be honest about her sexual side than a man... I believe people need to realize you don' t get to 'own' anyone in this life. As much as we want to hold onto the ones we love, this only results in boxing them in and making them unhappy. I believe sex should be no big deal, people should live and love freely while respecting and protecting each others feelings. The reason I believe this is because, whether we act on it or not, we ALL have those desires from time to time atleast. Anything that hurts people is not good and the whole 'leave someone who cheats' thing only hurts people. If we all just accept that we all can function better with a bit of freedom, I think we'd love our chosen partners even more and experience love on a much deeper level. ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Eggs soft, bacon crispy, beer cold. How hard can it be ?
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RHP User
9 years ago
If I found my partner had been looking for someone online for a few weeks/months then held yes. A drunken fling we could talk about. I think it comes down to motive and method. If the mistake (and I'm assuming a sexual one here) was done in a deliberate way then I'd have to leave.
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RHP User
9 years ago
If thats the case then ,there were prior issues of trust and there was no harmony and understanding in the relationship,move on
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RHP User
9 years ago
When your long time partner can't be honest. And continualy cheats, you get to a point where you just walk away in disgust. There is no trust left it ends up affecting your self confidence and self esteem. Even if you don't realise it at the time. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hang your towel up, dirty clothes in the hamper, don't pick your nose in front of me and diamonds always - back at ya 😉
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RHP User
9 years ago
if the 'mistake' involves a betrayal of the core values within the relationship...ie fidelity and the like...then yea....thats non negotiable.
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RHP User
9 years ago
To the OP, I just wanted to share my experience here. I started a thread just under a year ago on here, having found out that my long term lover had 'betrayed' me by going off to get a 'rub and tug' from a sex worker while away on business. This is necessarily (for the time being) a long distance relationship and we hadn't seen each other for all of six weeks (not that long really!) I wanted so badly to end it and did everything I could to get rid of him. He volunteered to go to relationship counselling with me to try and fix things and when I looked at the 'mistake' through his eyes I understood his reasons, without at all agreeing with them or condoning them. Anyway, I set the ground rules from that moment on, and as far as I'm concerned, he has kept to his promises to be honest, open and faithful to me. I told him very loudly and clearly that if he ever breaks the rules again I will be out of the relationship so fast he won't see me for dust. Our remaining together is about his choices and my ability to be able to trust him. So yes, I forgave him and we have moved on. The connection we have and the love we share...well, they don't fit into anyone's boxes of how a healthy relationship should look I guess, (apart from the amazing sex!) I just knew I couldn't end it and had to forgive him even while he acts like a dick sometimes. The statistics are all out there that infidelity or a mistake can make for a stronger, more honest relationship if you can work on trust issues together, so I suppose I have to hold on to the stats and just keep the faith.
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RHP User
9 years ago
It comes down to how honest you can be. Even after our divorce my ex insisted to the kids he still cared for me. Didnt speak to me for 9 years. Unless it was a family emergency. At the end of the day if communication and honesty aren't a 2 way street. There is something seriously wrong. And when the person tells so many lies they no longer remember what lies they told to who. That's when you have to make some serious decisions for your own sanity and sometimes safety. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
ChiChi05 - "So easy to say the words "I'm sorry" takes commitment to change behaviour" I made a mistake once..we argued, we cried, it took some time but now occasionally we talk about it, i still find myself explaining my actions and asking forgiveness because i lied to his face and I will always be rort with guilt-but he still loves me, has forgiven my momentary lapse and I make damn sure I'm never in the situation for it to happen again. If he's going to stay with me he has the right to ask questions to be satisfied that I am being truthful. He doesn't deserve to be hurt again. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
for a 'mistake'? maybe not...but for a betrayal...in a heart beat.
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