F55
Your biological clock
November 27 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
I had Ashermans Syndrome and was told the only way I could ever have a kid was with help, and that was only a maybe. I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd never be a mum and I truly was Ok with it. I told my not then husband that I couldn't have kids before he followed me across the world and he was fine with it too. Then I got pregnant but miscarried at 11 weeks. Once I knew it was possible I cried every month when Aunt Flo visited. I now have my two little miracles for whom I love more than life itself. There are a few more miscarriages in the story, but unimportant to the topic. Yes the 25% they say is due to women (mainly) following their careers and waiting until later to look for their 'breeder' (my attempt at humour, not being derogatory to you lovely men) and not finding one in time. I have a close friend who never wanted kids but succumbed to her partner's wishes. She's a great Mum & loves her kid but she really struggles with it sometimes.
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RHP User
11 years ago
But different. . "I always assumed that I would marry and have children one day because I suppose that's what everyone does ... That hasn't happened and in all honesty I have never once yearned for a child of my own nor do." . I was always curious when I was younger if I would have kids, but never assumed it. In my late twenties (I think) I decided it wouldn't happen. I believe I have plenty of maternal instinct, but have chosen different ways to express it. I went into nursing and have a bit of a menagerie. . I don't feel like I've missed out at all and am very happy with choice. This kitchen is closed. . The one thing that annoys me is people questioning my choice, saying I'll regret not having children. To dumb comments like: Why don't you want kids, don't you like them?" I have been known to reply with (cue lip quiver): "Why would you assume I CAN have them?" That usually shuts them up. . A funny moment was last year, when my (female) barista said: "Wait till you turn 35, you'll think differently." My response: "I'm 39..." .
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RHP User
11 years ago
Mind you if someone told me I couldn't have a baby I would be really upset... So maybe someone in my head I still feel it's a possibility?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Someone should read somewhere.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was told that I wouldn't have kids. (Apparently that's what they thought in those days - I was all of 17 at the time and kids were nowhere on my radar). At 25 I proved them wrong. My eldest was a whoopsie baby and is now one of the loves of my life. My two littlies are the other two loves. I'm just one of those smothery mothery types. Quite maternal and love hugs. I'm glad I'm a mum. Everyone is different and I know some mums (my own mum and my sister in law) who says that they should never have been a mum. *shakes her head* ... too late. My thoughts on those who choose not to have kids? Do whatever makes you happy.
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him_and_me
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' . A funny moment was last year, when my (female) barista said: "Wait till you turn 35, you'll think differently." My response: "I'm 39..." . ... you might look older than you are. They can have that effect sometimes!! Lol!! I always wanted kids. We have some and I quite like them. ;) But there is no reason why you must have them and it bugs me when people who don't have kids are looked down on or judged for it. Sometimes it's a choice, other times there is no choice.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I personally think that figure of 25% would be a fair bit higher if our society would quit propogating the assumption that all women must a) love children, b) want children, and c) have children, and if you don't want them and choose not to have them then you must be career-obsessed and selfish and blah blah blah (the selfish line always makes me laugh because of reasons I won't go into here lest it start a shitfight). I think there are quite a lot of women that end up having children solely because they feel it's what they're supposed to do, it's what is expected of them, and they probably don't even think they have any choice in the matter. There are many mothers who have admitted in online forums, articles, etc. that they regret having kids and wish they hadn't. Plus, not everyone is cut out to be a parent, you only have to read the news on any average day to see that. I too just assumed in my younger years that I would have kids, but once I reached my thirties I really started thinking about it and realised that there were so many other things I would rather do than have children, and that if I did have them I would probably end up resenting them. I'm now 35 and still don't hear any clock ticking. I'm lucky that I haven't really had to deal with people making comments directly to me about it, although I would have no qualms about being brutally honest with anyone rude enough to think that they know better than me what I want to do with my life.
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Beachlover1999
11 years ago
Some women get it early others later and a rare few never. Mine kicked in at 29 but took, divorce and an unexpected move to London for my sperm donor, we actually had a 10 yr relationship but that's what the urge was a primal evil NEED to procreate, terrible fertility issues and then my son at 39. I to am a nurse so maybe those 'carer giver hormones' played a part. I have many friends who were never going to have kids and then ker Ching the hormone level went up, I think it might be progesterone (???) and HAD to have babies. Mes I also get the 'only one child', 'didn't you want more', with scorned look as though I am the most selfish person on earth......... I to have a menagerie to add to my family!!!! :))
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On_Safari
11 years ago
I was one of those people who seemed to fall pregnant just by being looked at!! I don't regret the choices that were made and when my Angel Heart came along I wasn't ready then either but Satan seemed so over the moon about it and well.....I wouldn't give her up for anything. My Little Chocolate Drop and her Father were my reward for all the suffering then and still and I was also blessed with the extra bonus of another beautiful girl I also got to love and be loved by, our Princess Pollywaffle. I often joke that my pregnancies were immaculate, I never saw myself becoming a mother or getting married for that matter let alone divorced but it's funny how things work out. Sometimes I think there's a reason some Mother's eat their young....but then there's those other moments when your heart is full to bursting for the love of them. "We need to teach our daughters to know the difference between : A man who flatters her and a man who compliments her. A man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her. A man who views her as property and a man who views her properly. A man who lusts after her and a man who loves her. A man who believes he's a gift to women, and a man who believes she's a gift to him. And then we need to teach our sons to be that kind of man." Sometimes I wish I'd had a boy.....(sigh) c'est la vie. I don't think I'm a "good" Mum but I have my moments...... I have friends and a sister who will never have children, some because they can't, didn't, couldn't adopt or waited too long before they realised it was something they wanted after all. As for the other 25%, if you are happy with your life and have all the love around you that you need then I'd say your choice has gifted you with other things that make your life complete ~ Indy amazed her kids are still alive!! lol Nice topic Meeka. x
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
Always wanted kids and had 5, and I love each and every one of them unconditionally, but I have had to give up a big part of me and my needs to be a good mother/father. (and I'm ok with that) I also have friends who don't have kids and they have been great with mine over the years, that has been their choice and I respect them for their choices.....who am I to judge anyone.....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Your biological clock, your need to procreate, is this something ingrained? - Being a part of someone's make-up... possibly. Does your clock start when you fall in love with someone? - Not mine... but I have seen the 'love bug' trigger it in a few people. Did you always know that you wanted kids? Or have you never wanted kids? - Always wanted kids and still do, but it won't happen so have resigned myself to just proxy-adopting them sometime in the future. (is why I won't/don't have a problem dating single mothers... and I appreciate that the kids come first until they become adults) Or is it a natural progression or expectation in a person's life? - Some people believe this, I don't. Is like marriage, just because you live with someone till the end of your days doesn't mean you have to marry them. A person should be free to chose what to do with their body and their future... if they want to have kids great! if they don't want to have kids great! if they have unplanned children then all I can hope is they love them unconditionally as if they were planned. This is just my perspective... SG
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RHP User
11 years ago
There may be something in what you are saying. My lover recently said to me.....sometimes I wonder what our children would look like...... Errr, ummm........uncomfortable silence.......you do know I can't have any more .....right??? I'm pretty certain he didn't mean he wants more children...... You see lots of older women in second or subsequent relationships going back and trying IVF so that they share a child with their new love. (think Lisa Curry Kenny) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kaleidoscope'There may be something in what you are saying. My lover recently said to me.....sometimes I wonder what our children would look like...... I used to think about that with my ex-partners. Then when my niece was born twelve years ago, she looked more like me than her parents, which was both fun and confronting. She was (and is) what I would have wanted for a daughter, but even she wasn't enough to convince me to have my own.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Ok I must be one of the 25% (but at 47 am past my reproduction years). I have never ever ever ever wanted kids at all. Sorry but I don't like them (well only in very small doses). I certainly don't feel like I have missed out on anything at all. But it does annoy me when people say I am selfish for not having kids! Well its my body and my choice. Pusscat xxx
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RHP User
11 years ago
As i never really saw myself having kids despite my view of having them. Until..... She got pregnant.....then watching her body transform, glow, and spew just about everyday for 6 months....then the birth....and out came this gorgeous little being. She made this little noise, as we weighed her, her mum crying with joy as she was handed to her. It's been challenging, but when they look at you with a beaming smile and you hear their laughter, when they just want a cuddle when they are sick, it's been so worth it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Same Pusscat....I don't particularly like kids, and while I find just about any other baby animal adorable, human babies just don't do it for me (with a few exceptions). And as for the being told you're selfish thing....well if someone said that to me I would have quite a few alternative points of view to put forward. And let's face it, when it comes to having or not having kids, women are the worst critics of each other. Many seem to feel that their life choice should be everyone's life choice, and anything else is WRONG. I don't know why it is so hard for them to accept that people want different things and that what is one woman's dream could be another woman's nightmare. Just let people make their own choices FFS.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'him_and_me' I always wanted kids. We have some and I quite like them. ;) But there is no reason why you must have them and it bugs me when people who don't have kids are looked down on or judged for it. Sometimes it's a choice, other times there is no choice. Huh? We are? People who judge others are very narrow minded and simple so they can't see beyond their own life or are unhappy within themselves.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have become the crazy FAVOURITE!! Aunty, you know the one. The one who can't stop hugging them and kissing them and taking them out to do fun things.
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RHP User
11 years ago
That I promised myself when I was in my teens, that I kept, is no kids. I fully admit that I'm too selfish. I enjoy not having the responsibility and I've never wanted it. I like that I can pick up at anytime and move suburb, city or country without worrying about the impact on a child. Sure, occasionally I wonder what a child would be like with a particular lover but never wanted to actually find out. As people who know me will probably agree, I have Peter Pan syndrome and a child would make me grow up.
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chockisses
11 years ago
I never really felt like I would have kids and only vaguely felt the tick tock when all my friends and siblings started producing them. It does irritate me that we 25% are seen to be abnormal in some way. I don't mind being labelled selfish, I have been far too busy living and enjoying life to have had time for a family. Surely those who have kids in order to save a relationship, or because it is what is expected are more selfish. Love being an Auntie though Mrs Choc
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RHP User
11 years ago
I turned 30 this year. I like getting older. Learning perspective. But still got lots to learn. Most of my friends have just been married and now getting pregnant. Seems more out of "the thing to do" rather than anything else. Not sure how they truly feel about following that road. We'll see what time reveals. I've never thought of myself as a family man. Though, I do like kids. Their energy (apart from the shitheads) and curiosity gives me huge joy to see and occasionally share. If it happens (impregnation) I'm happy to go along with it. But it'd have to be with the right woman. Married or not. It almost happened and I wasn't phased one bit. I wouldn't step back from my financially erratic lifestyle of the creative however. Even just to set an example of fortitude. Instead of getting a steady income to pay for all the shit everyone does for kids (other than health). Maybe that's where I'd start to resent them. Which is what was done in a way to me and my siblings. A failed creative father took his insecurities out on us. We spend more of our lives as adults so I'm not sure why kids are largely treated like twits . We grow into human beings and I feel we learn more about resilience and humanity when experiencing reality as children, rather than parents, car, school, home, TV. All props to keep 'em in line and out of the way. Unthinking, unfeeling. Best to learn when your mind is soft. I think we make too big a deal about children and child rearing. Like it's a burden. Or even worse, it gives some people a sense of superiority having a kid. But I do think the hardest thing to do is raise a good human being. Which some people manage, it seems, by miracle to do. Cheers to the loving parents here.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm a proud father of six great young kids :)) I was dealt with a nasty hand in my very younger years n sware at a young age I'd have my kids n show them what real family love n devotion is all about :))) I friggen proud of my baby's :)) sadly single girls get put off as I now have my 4 youngest full time... O well such is life but kids are my life weather there mine or just hanging around here (as they seem to do)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Funlover71' As people who know me will probably agree, I have Peter Pan syndrome and a child would make me grow up.More likely make you regress
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Beachlover1999' Mes I also get the 'only one child', 'didn't you want more', with scorned look as though I am the most selfish person on earth. I've actually been told many times I'm selfish for nothing having kids. . Really? Who am I denying here? The child who's not allowed to be born? Wait, but that child doesn't even exist. The earth, that's in dire need of having more people inhabit it? My partner (who didn't want kids either)? My parents, who have three grandkids and live on the opposite side of the world? Yeah, that would have been nice for them. . People can be so judgemental. Do I blame people with kids for overpopulating the world even more? Only if they don't look after them properly. Some people have kids for all the wrong reasons. I'd rather not have them for the right ones.
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RHP User
11 years ago
And when I had separated from my eldest child's father, the pressure was on from one of my sisters in particular about having another. Even when I pointed out I didn't have a partner she would nag me about it. And then when I had my second son she told me I needed to have a girl. No way was I going in for a third! I don't regret being a mother. I do wish I had been in a more enlightened family that didn't see marriage and motherhood as the only option for women. And how is it selfish not to want children? I think its a really sensible lifestyle, economic and ecological decision. Jonathon Porritt would be thrilled by your decision.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I had a close family friend ask me at a FUNERAL why I didn't have children. I was so shocked that I couldn't respond and mumbled something about being too old. They said..."naa, you're not too old". I thought later that I should of said what I felt and then would of felt like the biggest asshole for mentioning it. I still can't believe someone asked that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
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rootratandlady
11 years ago
I always wanted to be a mum. 12 pregnancies, 6 living kids and finally the bloody thing is only just starting to shut up a bit...
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Cheekyarses
11 years ago
Children are hard work, expensive, they back chat, give attitude, throw tantrums, waste food, fight, cry, scream, they can be lazy, frustrating, n at times it would be good if they come with a manual or batteries!! BUT my n Mr Cheeky's 3 children are our everything! They bring us so much happiness n love! We look at our children n the miracles we created, with my sense of style & Mr Cheeky's good looks! Having children is amazing - going through birth n creating life is a gift! I'm proud of my kids everyday n I tell them I love them everyday - made so many memories n can't wait to make more memories!
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RHP User
8 years ago
I know I'm a male and 10 years ago I would have bet anything I'd never want kids, but now my clock is screaming, a deafening tick distracting my every thought. Don't worry girls, it happens to us to!
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