M43
Your thoughts on marriage
March 05 2017
Comments
-
DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
One gets hit by the occasional hail storm, but it's worth it when the sun comes out again. Both husband and wife need to give 100%. We got married almost 20 years ago. Several family members said it would not last more than six months. We are glad we proved them wrong. Here's to the next 20 years ! - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
is a wonderful institution providing you're married to the right person and prepared to work at it every day for the rest of your time together. The trick is finding that right person among the 7 billion inhabitants on this earth, but really , how do you ever know that this person is the one, when the one may still be out there. Do we just buy into the romance and promise of it all ? Personally I think there are those, who are ideal for you at certain periods in your life, but I think you're damn lucky to find that all encompassing person who will be the right person for you all of your life. Some do find this exceptional soul, but most of us don't. Yeah I've been married, but never again, because it never gave me what I wanted and needed. I found that within myself in times of adversity. Divorce is so readily available that there's a easy out whenever you want. The whole wedding scenario, the act of getting married is still alive and thriving but marriage itself, I think is a outdated concept.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Have been married 20 years and each year just gets better as we get older. Love between a man and woman that is truly strong is unbreakable. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I'm far too cynical to answer this question except to say I think it is a concept rapidly approaching its use by date.
-
pomidave
8 years ago
Fuck man sounds like you need a mate Marriage is not for everyone but I believe that there is someone out there for everyone. There are many different things that go to make a good marriage the first thing is you have to be true to your self before you get married and put your cards on the table so everyone knows what there getting in to - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Dirtyandfriendly
8 years ago
Quoting 'pomidave' Fuck man sounds like you need a mate Marriage is not for everyone but I believe that there is someone out there for everyone. There are many different things that go to make a good marriage the first thing is you have to be true to your self before you get married and put your cards on the table so everyone knows what there getting in to - Posted from rhpmobile I completely agree there, I could probably say I've only be true to myself in a relationship once, the rest has been to make sure they like me and do what I can to make them happy, but that door swings both ways. I always get a little reserved sharing things about me in fear of judgment and that's just through actual bad experiences sharing. See I love sex, it's very important to me, it's not the most important thing,but very high up there. I'm not a very materialistic person I used to be, but after travelling and trying new things I'd rather be with someone who will go on that journey with me. Sadly I'm not finding that person.
-
PurePeony
8 years ago
I love the idea of marriage, if and when I do meet someone who is a great match and a compatible partner. I've always visualised myself as a gazelle and my ideal mate as a fellow gazelle who is able to keep pace and run alongside me. However, as you can probably gather from my Together Apart thread, I'm not into the conventional marriage. I believe in being committed to each other, but I do not enjoy clingy / cloying relationships. I need a lot of freedom and breathing space and it would be ideal if we either live in our own abode, or we have our respective Man Cave and my Fox Den to retreat to. If I'm ever clingy, it's a bad sign because it usually means that I distrust the guy. :P Weddings, on the other hand, scare the bejesus out of me! I think it's insanity the amount of money people spend on their weddings! In an article in The Age a few years ago, it was revealed that the personal loans taken out to fund some folks' weddings actually outlast the marriage! :P I'd rather adopt a more sensible and practical approach - sink the funds into a deposit for a property, or spend it on a luxurious honeymoon. I'm not into the wedding fiasco at all. In fact, I'd like a small, intimate wedding or better still, exchange marriage vows in an intimate setting and then throw a party where no one knows it's a wedding party until they arrive! And forget about spending tons on a silly ring - I'd rather the money be sunk into building me my dream kitchen or a walk-in-wardrobe or a gazebo! I'd make a very uncomfortable bride because all that dolled up to the nine's thing just scares me. I'd feel quite surreal and claustrophobic with all the fuss around how the bride looks on that day. Now that mum's no longer around, it's worse cause there'll be no one who'll help to fuss around me and help deflect a bit of the stress so I'd rather not go there. OP, are we too picky? Nope... however picky we are, we are just being authentic. ;) Better to be picky than desperate, don't you think? High expectations? Maybe. It's more an unwillingness to compromise. I suppose if one is living pretty comfortably by oneself and is very independant, it will take a lot to convince them to adapt to a partnership where they'll have to consider someone else's opinions, likes and dislikes, etc in every decision that they make. Since we all live highly stressed lives these days, with work placing huge demands on everyone, taking on extra stress outside of work can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. When I'm home after a long, tough day at work, I don't necessarily want to put up with someone's moodiness or tantrums or indecisiveness or sulkiness. (And yes, men can be moody and dour too. :P And men can also do the "What's wrong, honey?", "Nothing..." crazy shit when things are obviously not ok. :P) Most of the time, I just want to have a quiet dinner, unwind with a drink (non-alcoholic / low alcohol levels) and then head to bed for a restful night of sleep before the whole crazy cycle starts again. Preferably, we can squeeze in a quickie before heading out the door. I suspect the problem could be more about when expectations aren't discussed, and there's a collision of expectations. It's so much better to have years of friendship before embarking on the marriage journey because if you aren't best friends with each other, it's going to be one huge hurdle of a journey together.
-
Starlet1
8 years ago
But it works incredibly well for us. We're 100% committed, love each other silly, really really like each other and work towards a common goal (kids and each other). If you want to go down this path, finding the right person is a challenge - the first step is knowing yourself. A great alternative question though is "monogamous marriage - is it worth it?". - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I have been with my husband for 23 years, married for 19. We have had SO many ups and downs, almost didn't survive, but now communicate, like each other and love more than we ever have. We had the big country wedding, but were absolutely focused on each other and not on the crap surrounding us (we spent less on our entire wedding, including dress, than our friends spent on their flowers *insert massive eye roll*). We were very much the products of our upbringings, and followed the preordained paths set before us. Still, it was never about 'The Day" for me. I love my husband, and hope that we continue to grow, love, laugh and stray often ;) That being said, I can't imagine choosing to live with someone again, should this relationship end. I was going to say that I'm a very different person than I was 20 years ago, but I'm not so different, just very much more aware of who I am and what I need. I am also prepared to ask for what I need, and fight for myself. While I'm not monogamous, I appreciate that some people are. I just believe it should be a choice, rather than 'the norm' dictated by society as a means of controlling us rowdy lot I know, without doubt, that my marriage wouldn't have survived if I hadn't discovered Pie, and in doing so, discovered myself, and found the courage to be the me I should have always been. The fact that my husband's reaction was "Ok, this makes sense, I can see that this is who you have always been" kinda helped too
-
RHP User
8 years ago
It always amuses me when people get engaged but have no plans to get married. Have a wedding - yes - get married - not so much. Marriage is not for everyone. Is it an outmoded concept? Possibly. It is still, however, a way to show commitment between two people. Perhaps that is why it is important for the LGBT community to have equal rights to marry. My parents have been married for 60 years and his for nearly 50 (his dad was widowed). Both sets of parents were childhood sweethearts and devoted to each other. Doesn't mean everything was rosy and each set had/have their issues. Length of marriage for both..... Generational - definitely. Partnerships - yes. I was married a long time and I have two wonderful adult children. I left home after they left as it was no longer a marriage - and hadn't been for a long time. I won't go into the reasons here but no third parties were involved. I pride myself on keeping a promise and it took a lot to leave. Do I still believe in marriage? Yes I do. Will I ever get married again? Very unlikely. Committed relationship? Possibly. In any committed relationship both parties have to be prepared to compromise and work together. Communication is a key factor as are common values, morals and ethics. The decision to have children and how to bring them up is also a joint one. Is marriage necessary? No I don't think so. Is it a commitment? I would hope it is. Does it have to be a prison? No. People change, times change, feelings change. Thank goodness we are all different. Good luck and health to all - no matter what you choose to do. KHx
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Marriage is such an old fashioned institution and it still shocks me when I hear of people getting married nowadays. It does not make a couple stronger or work harder at their relationship. I find with some of my friends it has been the catalyst to the end of their relationship. An example is one couple who lived together happily for about 5 years, married (cost them over $50000) divorced 2 years later. And yes they still could of seperated if not married but they would have been a little richer :) The wife told me as soon as they married she felt like a possession...ie. no wife of mine is getting any more tattoos etc etc.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Is definitely not for everyone... I respect people who decide not to get married for whatever reason. Especially considering how readily people cause so much heart ache to spouses and children etc. My parents had such a shitty relationship and still together. I guess I learnt what not to do. My partner had great role models. His folks were happy till death parted them. 19 years and I still adore my man. Monogamy is said to be b/s but I could live happily ever after with my soul mate. But this new path has been fun. I think it can only work if your relationship is rock solid. D&F, Saying your relationships fail, because you are not allowed to be yourself... Well done! Your partner is supposed to bring out the best in you and appreciate you for who you are. Otherwise as you have wisely decided no point in trying to change to please someone else. The wedding thing. I think it's totally unnecessary. Then again... Marriage is probably unnecessary too. But I consider myself lucky. I love sharing my life with someone I like, love and respect. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
2 people want to make that commitment to each other then its up to them. I personally wont get married again but not because I dont believe in it, because Ive done that and it didnt work out for me. I dont see the need for me to get into that again. But if other people want to do it then good luck to them and its their choice and their lives.
-
EarthQueen
8 years ago
Since my marriage has ended I have reflected on this a lot. I had some beautiful times with my husband and we loved each other a lot until the last few years. However your comment about not changing who you are struck a chord with me. Unless you are careful I feel personally this was the biggest issue for me in my marriage. Slowly over time and I'm not even sure how it happens that in many subtle way you alter who you are to try and make the other person happy. By the time its over you can end up not even knowing who you are any more. Now Im alone that is like a huge weight off my shoulders in that I can just be myself and not have to worry about his issues anymore. I feel way happier and much more on an even keel emotionally. High expectations? Yes the pressure is on to find the one who is supposedly perfect for you but to be honest I look at many people I know and wonder if they are happy in their marriage. I can't think of one couple I know well where I look at them together and think wow that is a union where there is so much mutual respect and the freedom to be who they really are with support and love. I don't agree with one of the comments that divorce is easy and simple to get. To unravel a life together is complicated, emotional and expensive especially with kids in the mix. If we were all cashed up I think there would be way more divorce as money seems to be one of the issues that stops people moving on and the financial hit you can take can be big. At this point getting married again does not seem like an option. Growing old alone also does not seem like a great option either though. I do miss the companionship and sex that comes with having a partner. Maybe he can have his place, I can have mine and we both have the space and time to be our own person so that when we do spend time together its golden and stays fresh. I don't look back at my marriage with regret as we had many wonderful times but when it started to go sour we should have ended it sooner. There is a lot of pressure to stay together once you have made the commitment. Sometimes its doesn't work out and thats OK. Let them go with love and move on.
-
Lovinit28andKC72
8 years ago
About 19 years ago, I've been divorced for 17years now, I wasn't very good at it apparently, so I never did it again. That's my opinion on marriage for myself.... I do love a good wedding tho, the romantic aspect of the whole thing, from how beautiful everyone looks, the vows, the way they look at each other, the flowers, the food, everything. I went to a wedding in New Zealand a month ago, possibly one of the loveliest weddings I have ever been to. Marriage isn't for everyone, it's like having children and there is nothing wrong with that, there's to much pressure for people to conform to what they think is expected of them. At the end of the day it's about being happy, doing what makes you happy and you are the only one that has control over you happiness. 💋
-
GM4funxxx
8 years ago
Marriage is a wonderful institution. But not everyone wants to live in an institution. Said a long long time ago by a man who never married - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
...for those that want or need to be institutionalized. 'Nuf said..... CM
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Interesting topic...I think marriage was really useful back in the day when you had to figure out who got the cows. When there were no DNA tests and you wanted to be sure that your progeny got your legacy, when you wanted the protection and acceptance of your village etc it all made sense. I still think that raising children is really hard and that marriage is one form of commitment that you are prepared to weather those tough years together. Its also still much more socially acceptable... "This is my wife ___" vs "This is one of my Polyamorous life partners ___" opens up a very different conversation.But when marriage is so easy to step in and out of and as gender financial equity becomes more balanced I think we are seeing marriage moving from "til death do us part" into being "til I revert to caring more about myself than us". Primarily, I think we heap way too much on our spouses / life partners; financial, laundry, romance, social, counsellor, parenting, renovations and then sex!... way too much!Like religion marriage is now a choice and its losing favour in society. It will be unlikely to die but I do see it continuing to diminish. Maybe we should move to marriage rentals... you get the option to renew every 7 years!
-
DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
We think that a lot of pressure, & emphasis, is placed on the actual wedding ceremony & reception, which seems to have become (in many cases) more about the guests & family, than the bride & groom, and it often turns into a drinking and eating frenzy. We know that the thought of it, never mind the family politics and expense, really stressed us both out. We drove 2000km into the desert, to get married. We had a small intimate wedding of just 7 people, followed by an informal get together and BBQ, believe it or not. Mr D drove Mrs D to the "church", and even did her flower bouquet (which was quite an achievement as there were not many flowers available in the nearest 'one horse' town ) We broke all the rules, and even had our 'honeymoon' 7 months before we got married. At the end of the day, it was our special time, and we enjoyed it and made fond memories. That's all that really matters. Perhaps we were just selfish.
-
PurePeony
8 years ago
... is that in all my serious relationships, the sex eventually disappeared or slowed to sorry drips, and the men became moody and refused to communicate towards the end. Initially, there was always plenty of great sex. And sex means helluva lot to me! But it soon dissipated and in one instance, for the last 1.5 years of our four-year relationship, there was hardly any sex and if there was, the man simply laid there and had this "help yourself" attitude! I also don't get why so many guys are so lousy with communication. If I'm moody and want to be alone, I'll say, "I need some time to myself because I'm feeling down / moody. It's got nothing to do with you and is not in response to something you did or did not do so don't feel bad about it. I just need some time alone." But the men, they never make things simple like that. It's always, "Are you ok?", "Yeah, I'm fine."... And then they go sulking in a corner. Even when I ask, "Do you want to end the relationship?" when it's pretty obvious it's heading in that direction, they'll say everything is "OK" and then suddenly, they drop the bomb on you. I've only met two men who have high enough EQ's and pretty good communication skills who would talk openly about difficult topics. IMO, these are the Titans in a world of minions. I have lost touch with one of them because I moved to Australia. The other remains my BFF till today and he's raised the bar because he's a true gentleman. He's now married and we are still buddies. We still have mutual friends and we crack jokes with no holds barred. The point is not whether or not a relationship lasts forever because in this day and age, "forever" seems to have an expiry date stamped on it somewhere down the line anyway. The point is, if we are in it TOGETHER, you respect me enough to talk things through, even if it's to say, "Honey, I'm not feeling it anymore. Maybe we should split." I may not like that decision at that moment, but I'd rather there be honesty and open communication than the sneaking around, hiding things, sweeping issues under carpet bullshit. Too easy to separate the real men from the boys from how they handle issues. So, just like the OP, and many of you out there, I may wish for a companion but because of the lessons I've learnt, there is a huge "Tread with Extreme Caution!" sign that pops up when it comes to relationships. Too bad the libido can't be turned off with a simple flick of the switch. But OP, simply be yourself. If you have to bend over backwards to maintain a relationship, it really ain't worth it in the long run. It does take time to finally find someone who is the right fit for you and vice versa but in the modern context, where we no longer need to be in relationships for simple reasons in the past like bearing children, having "legitimate" sex and having a sole breadwinner for the females, relationships are much harder to start, nurture and maintain. Both sexes have become so self-sufficient and independant in so many ways that without the fundamental NEED to be in a relationship, the game has just become harder because now, it's all about the right / perfect fit, compatibility in too many areas, and options aplenty. We have become fussy and fickle because we can be. Our social circles have widened tremendously and if someone does something that pisses us off, we can't help thinking that maybe there's a Harvey / Norman / Brandon out there who might be more compatible. That makes settling down so hard because we no longer are content with our lot but our eyes are always drawn to what's out there. I still believe in good ol' love though. You can be the most hard-headed and obstinate person around, but when cupid strikes with that potent arrow of his, one can end up doing an about-turn overnight and suddenly, all caution is thrown to the wind.
-
twowithnolimits
8 years ago
with the gays redefining marriage in the courts and churches perhaps the question ought to be "what IS marriage" in your/our eyes?? is it a religious institution? is it simply a ceremony of commitment between two people? Is it monogamous or is that contrived? is it a reward or recognition statement for how things have gone? Is it...? If two(or more) people can agree on an interpretation and it suits them, then go for it...ought it be stressful, expensive, political,...hell no! Should it be expected of you? No. Should it be of concern to anyone other than yourselves, No.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
We were together 7 years before we tied the knot. 11 years this year married. So our relationship has reached adulthood. Would it have had we not been married? I'm not sure. we've had our ups and downs same as any relationship but we stuck tight and came out the other side bigger and better. From what I'm reading in a lot of these posts it isn't the institution of marriage but actual relationships not working. Easy to blame marriage for that but I'm willing to make concessions for my partner at times as thats what a relationship entails, give and take. I just think these days some people are so self absorbed they forget this. If they dont have it all there way they find it easy to blame marriage itself when they just aren't relationship material full stop because their ego won't allow it. Not casting stones at anyone who has posted in this topic just a general observation. The amount of times I hear people in the forums decreeing how they will never make any concessions for anybody like it's some sort if call to arms amazes me. All relationships require a certain level of give and take in order to work and if you run at the first instance of compromise you'll miss out on some beautiful things.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I would like to get married one day but Im not fussed on the whole wedding business. A celebrant , a husband to be and a few scattered family members - I'm good to go :)
-
boobsandbusted
8 years ago
If your prepared to work at it ,it has its pluses and minuses ,it's up and downs, but just as long as long as the pros outway the cons ,and you can work your way through tough times where you don't see eye to eye.everyone has the good and bad points no one is 100 percent perfect ,you need to be real about that I say to Mrs b ,I totally love you 90 percent of the time but wow those other ten percent ,please go and play on the freeway .lol not sure where my good bad percentage lies ,but it's always higher after a good night out swinging ,lol Mr b - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I think it's definitely an outmoded institution ...it originally was indeed all about property and not about religion. A wife was considered property and that remnant ,giving the bride away remains in some ceremonies today..the word obey was thankfully removed years ago. I have been married,it didn't work for me but it does work for a small number of people. Q
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I have no urge to get married ever again, but I'd love to have a big, silly, strolling down the aisle with a guitar singing love songs to each other type wedding. That'd be a hoot. No wedding planner or tuxes or white lacy dress, but still dressed to the nines in our own way. And lots of food, lots of booze and dancing til dawn. Yep, I'm up for that. As long as I don't have to be married afterwards.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I've been married, twice. I don't believe humans are naturally meant to be with only one person forever. How boring! Lol I also think marriage vowed are a load of s#%t. When you take out all the emotion, and romance and bullshit, how can anyone legitimately promise to love someone forever?!? It doesn't make sense. You can't promise that. You can't promise you will feel a certain way in 10, 20, 30, or 60 years. It's impossible and ultimately setting you up for disappointment and heartache. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
To me, having been married once, I cannot see any point in it. If you love the other person and want to be with them forever, why do you need a celebration and a piece of paper to state this? I also agree with Kisskiss80, I don't believe most people are designed to be monogamous in the long term (though some make it work, good on them). and I feel that the promises made are unrealistic. However, if its your thing and you make it work, then more power to you.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Kisskiss80' I've been married, twice. When you take out all the emotion, and romance and bullshit, how can anyone legitimately promise to love someone forever?!? It doesn't make sense. You can't promise that. You can't promise you will feel a certain way in 10, 20, 30, or 60 years. It's impossible and ultimately setting you up for disappointment and heartache. When I get older losing my hair Many years from now Will you still be sending me a valentine Birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out till quarter to three Would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? You'll be older too And if you say the word I could stay with you I could be handy, mending a fuse When your lights have gone You can knit a sweater by the fireside Sunday mornings go for a ride Doing the garden, digging the weeds Who could ask for more? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight If it's not too dear We shall scrimp and save Grandchildren on your knee Vera, Chuck & Dave Send me a postcard, drop me a line Stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say Yours sincerely, wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form Mine for evermore Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? Jearzus even the Beatles figured this out years ago! Now my ''age pants'' have fallen around my ankles!
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I can't see myself ever getting married. It's taken many years and a string of failed relationships - including a brief engagement - for me to realise that I'm not good relationship material. Well, not for a traditional relationship, and that includes being monogamous. I don't think I could do monogamy again, and that's just one issue of many. The things I now want (and don't want) just don't match up with what most people still want (or think they want). As for the whole wedding thing...if by some very, very small chance I did ever get married it certainly wouldn't be a traditional type of ceremony. I rarely wear white because I inevitably get it dirty within an hour, why the hell would I wear a long white dress for a whole day and night?
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Dress is only on for part of the night, that's one of 1.8 roots he'll get in his entire married life, the other .8 for the kids 😉 Disclaimer: these figures based on our rapidly declining fertility rate. If you want a root guys, within the bounds of marriage, you better hurry 😝 the bottom line is it won't last. If it does, you'll be taking one for the team eventually, you won't actually want to be fucking your partner, will begin to tell everyone what a great life and sex life you have, even when they don't want to know, and so it goes, why? Because there's an embarrassment factor to relationships ending and still VERY old fashioned dinosaur opinions about staying with your committed partner forever, becoming single again, even staying single. How awkward is Christmas? 👯 you have to hit on someone else's partner to pull your cracker 😀 well you don't have to but it's an option 😊😉 That was a joke if anyone in my family is reading this lol
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I am pro choice however and the lack of choice for gays to marry, that just shits me, and I can fully understand why that piece of paper and perhaps sharing a surname (if they choose), for both to be officially recognised as parents of their children, all that, the formality might matter to them. I do believe the piece of paper is a lot more than a piece of paper in some cases
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Find someone you hate and give them a house 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
cat_n_the_hatter
8 years ago
which administer structure and stability for the society. It's a device of social peace... " Yes, it is an institution, and there is a reason why it's there. To control the individual. Ever wondered why most politicians are married? Why a married man is most likely to get promoted and advance in a corporate world? Married people are easier to control. Married people don't create problems. They don't demonstrate on streets or demand things to be done. They have mortgages to pay and children to support. They are rarely whistle blowers. They are not revolutionaries. They may not be happy with status quo, but they have to succumb to it (even with force if necessary). When you hear married people go on strike or creating havoc, you can be sure something is seriously wrong. Here I would like quote Hemingway “If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.” Men in some countries reported getting more esteem and network support from their spouse than women did. In those cultures wives have an obligation to support the egos and social connections of their husbands and husbands have lesser responsibility. That is why men excepted marriage as a necessity for centuries and it made losing their freedom more bearable. Relationship alone is something completely different. And I am not advocating one is always good and the other is bad. Only when in equal relationship one can see the advantages for all parties. State asserts its power by appropriating relationship through the institution of marriage. It's only recently that western society has seen the advantages of women and men being in relationship only or even living as singles. (Ms)
-
cat_n_the_hatter
8 years ago
wish there is edit "...men accepted marriage.."
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' Quoting 'Ms_Dragon'I rarely wear white because I inevitably get it dirty within an hour, why the hell would I wear a long white dress for a whole day and night? You dressed up as Falcor for Halloween. That's different....that would be a very worthy cause
-
RHP User
8 years ago
...the absence of a colour.
-
madotara69
8 years ago
Tara looked so beautiful in her wedding dress, seeing her glowing like an angel, pictures etched into my mind for ever. Marrying Tara was a privilege, we exchanged some vows, we agreed to spend our life together and we have, still in love, still best friends, sex......? We spend a lot more time fucking these days than making love, because making love is special and most of the shenanigans we get up to, more often than not.. is a little reckless and a different sort of love and she looks beautiful in all that too. Reckon everyone who gets married, prioritise a sex swing, as well as the white picket fence :) Mado Mado Tara xx
-
tall60
8 years ago
Groucho that is....marriage is a wonderful institution. But, who wants to live in an institution!
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I have been married twice. In the first marriage I was too young and married for all the wrong reasons. The second one, we had some great times and some bad ones but alas all good things come to an end. Similar to Earth Queen , parts of the inner me got sucked into my attempts to keep my partner happy. I lost the core of who I was and what I wanted to be. I have noticed since I am single I am happier, I enjoy the peace of a night sitting in my front room looking at the lights and the water , eating what I want when I want , having the furniture where I want, being who I want, and still enjoying great sex , great company, sh8ts and giggles when I want it. I don't think marriage is for me again, why buy the cow when you can access it 24/7. Thanks Redhotpie 🙃 Btw does anyone know what the upside down face means? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
We are constantly amused by the Australian presupposition that you cannot fuck someones spouse. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MidnightLovers
8 years ago
We have been married now for 7 years. We have been through hell and back at times, we have screamed and cried, we have occasionally looked at each other with no idea what we are doing anymore and still stood and choose to stand together through it all. We only dated for a year before we decided this was it. We were 18 when we married. Now marriage takes a lot of work. Marriage is a commitment to stand with that person through the things that might tear you apart In order to hopefully create a stronger foundation for the future challenges. Marriage is choosing everyday to be committed to the emotional wellbeing of another person. Not to making that person happy everyday, but to supporting them through the emotions they are facing, as happiness is something that comes from within not through external sources. In modern society, Marriage has evolved. For me, it has nothing to do with religion as I am not a believer in religion. In our society, marriage no longer strictly equates with physical monogamy. This can be attributed to many factors, whether it be the availability of porn, reduced sexual stigma for people with multiple partners, even our current life expectancy has been the reasoning behind both the lack of monogamy and higher divorce rates. The idea being that the person that is appropriate for you in a certain stage of your life may not suit the next. Personally, I believe the higher divorce rates can be put down to the way society creates things for the short term. We don't make commitments to the things we buy. I bought a tv a few years back intending to replace it within two years. When our parents or grand parents made large purchases it was of the mind that the item would last 10+ years and the odds were, for our grandparents atleast the item would have repaired rather than replaced. Just last month my 5 year old $700 vacuum broke and it was cheeper to replace it with a $200 one of equal or even superior quality than it was to fix. I've gone a bit off topic but i hope my point makes it through. Marriage was once an extention of the qualities society embraced, being the crafting of things that would truely last a life time, verses the current society we have that thrives on instant gratification and constant stimulation eg social media and credit cards. It is the qualities you have as an individual that will translate into the quality of your marriage. It will not work for everyone. There is no one fits all fix. It is not science, it is emotion and emotions are fucking hard. Now moving onto the wedding part of the marriage. To this day, my wedding is still one of my top 10 favourite memories. We did not spend excessive amounts of money, and there was small catastrophes leading upto and on the day that could have been major. 5 days before my wedding day I had no wedding dress, as it didn't come in. So I had to buy one off the rack for $300 and the shop I went through paid for alterations as it was their fault. I was majorly hung over (dumb decision to have a small hens night the night before 😂) and an hour or more late to the venue to get ready. But walking down the aisle to see mr midnight waiting for me, the look on his face I still see today, made none if that matter. Oh and if you don't want bad wedding food? Just get good food. We had a buffet style meal and it was bloody fantastic. Moral of this essay is that a wedding/marriage is what you make it be. I don't buy into it being the woman's day as that is ridiculously sexist for our day and age. Mr midnight and I made the decisions together, something we continue to do as we'd grow both as individuals and as a couple. We trust each other to have the best intrests of the family in mind if at anytime we have to make decisions alone. We support each other even when we don't see eye to eye and encourage each other to be the best we can be. One if the strongest couples I know has been together longer than us is unmarried. Do what works for you and your partner, what feels natural. We all have our own ideas and goals in life. Just embrace the life you live and love with the faith/hope that it will be forever. Mrs midnight 😘 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Well where to Start lol. Ok being that I to have gone thru 2 marriges and survived to tell the tail.I still believe that there is always a hope of finding someone special and I'm not talking about someone with a mental disability 😉😂 Although hmmmmm 😉😂😂😂 For what's it's worth to me there are always two people who are just meant be, regardless if it's young love that goes on forever like our Grandparents used to do, but in saying that you have to look at the times and values they had in the past. It wasn't heard of then of getting a divorce and people would work through there issues if possible.Religion forbid divorce in certain case's. And still does ! To me personally the times have changed where people forget there vowes they site to one another. They forget what the true value of having the simple thing's in life.(Each other.) and get caught up with there own feelings. A marriage or relationship can be the best thing when you think of the other person before yourself. The moment you start thinking it's all about me it's doomed. A Marriage letter or relationship ain't worth wiping my arse on if there ain't no love,sex,understanding,Give and not take, honesty and respect. Not to mention it costs alot of money to get married and divorce costs even more. Would like to see the suicide stats on that. Why I'm still single looking for someone that compliments me, not complucates 😉😎 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
...don't have any issue with marriage...or long term relationships. Both can be Open or Closed, whatever the agreement is. As far as I'm concerned, marriage and LTR's are much the same thing, with just formalities separating them. It's expensive weddings i disagree with. What a waste of resources..
-
RHP User
8 years ago
It doesn't matter water type of relationship you have be it a open one as long as your honest, Practice safe sex with other's and your spouse knows whats going on lol u hope. Hopefully they end a hand or whatever else you have under the bed. 😈😈😈 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
MsJonesy
8 years ago
just wanted to say you rock! 👌😊 A very reasoned, intelligent and thoughtful approach to the topic.....and to your marriage. I found your discussion supporting the emotional wellbeing of your partner particularly interesting....and yes, how often do we rely on others for our happiness rather than looking internally. On topic.. I have never been married, choosing instead to cohabitate for 14 years for the last of my significant relationships. We saw no reason to have a piece of paper, and our commitment to each other lasted much longer than many of the marriages of our friends. Could I marry in the future? I doubt it, I do not have any desire to be formally bound to another. If they wanted it...well I would discuss, and discuss some more. Some need the formality to be there, it is what says to them "they are truly commited to me". Considering the way I have lived my life for the last 6 years, piece of paper (and the connotations it has) would have to come with a clause of an open or poly relationship, because there are some special people in my life who are here to stay, and who need to be acknowledged as incredible people.
-
PatchworkGirl
8 years ago
Mawwiage is what bwings us togevver, today. I was married for almost 20 years. Whilst I think I got married for the wrong reasons, and I'm glad it's over, I cherish many of the memories from that time, and the family we created. I also don't hate the idea of marriage itself. I understand it's not for everyone, but for the right people, together for the right reasons? Marriage is wonderful. And I believe in the wonder of two people, standing in front of the people important to them, saying "you're the one I choose". I think that's just wonderful.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Married once. never again. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
prettyinpurple45
8 years ago
I have been married for 15 years and if for some reason, we ever decide to go our own ways, I will never ever marry again... Its good for some, not good for others... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
fizzybathbomb
8 years ago
Hi all, my thoughts on marriage ... never thought I was ever going to get married. Married late, at 45, my wife 2 years older, with 2 grown up daughters, who are now themselves married with 6 children between them. Hey, I know I was lonely, and it has been great for me, aside from the almost total decline in sexual intimacy from about 6+ years ago, due to mostly medical reasons [on her part]. We love eachother, still hug and cuddle and peck kiss, but that's it. We travel well together, live wonderfully well together. I would never have dreamt this was to be our fate. I hear of so many couples in our age group that have split over recent years; one of my brothers is in a loveless marriage, but stay together "for the kids", but their relationship is toxic ... so I don't get that. It suits some, not all, and I wonder where I'd be now if I hadn't married. Would I still be alone, not in a relationship, or, as the internet is so easy to meet people through, if I'd have an established fuck buddy, fwb, lover but no commitment situation. The future is so unpredicatable. Who knows. Like prettyinpurple45 says, I think if we were to split, that would be it, never marry again ... I'd hope to live what life I have left to the full. I need to. Only live once.
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I have been married before. It lasted 5 years and I gave it everything I had. I am an incredibly sexual person, every single one of my partners so far have complained about my sex drive, but what makes it even more complicated is that I am also a kinkster. This is like a double whammy of NO for most men, especially my ex husband. It was vanilla sex once a month, it was so bad that my drive just completely died. He didn't turn me on in any kind of way. I was sooooo bored. Not to mention that he was abusive. That said, I did learn the lesson that I did need to be true to myself and who I am. I need someone who wants to have sex at least twice a day as a minimum, it's not materialistic, it's part of my love language. It tells me, in my own way, that the person I am with loves and wants me, that's not a bad thing to have a validation of love from a partner. So many people say that sex isn't a show of love, but that is not true in all instances. Stand up for what you want and be who you are, she will come eventually, even if it's a long wait and kissing a lot of the wrong girls in the meantime. Better than a lifetime of boredom :) I would happily get married again, I loved the being married part and having a husband ... It was just the wrong guy. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
8 years ago
And I thank my beautiful man for my metamorphosis from shy, virginal country girl to the woman I am today 😘 It's his open approach to everything and he does not subscribe to the notion of 'owning the other' that has enabled us to explore so many things :) It was his idea to come into swinging so that I could explore being with others, he bought up individual play and he was also brave enough to discuss the concept of having a boyfriend. I'm a valued lover, friend, confidant and critical friend. Nothing is taboo : respect and honesty for and towards each other drives our relationship ... He is the most incredible father and friend to our children ... I'm envious (in a good way) of their relationship :) I'm not easy to live with (though I've mellowed) and I came to the relationship with serious baggage. This man has taken everything in his stride and with a 'she'll be right attitude' we've overcome many things together. His cancer diagnosis and subsequent removal of his kidney shook my foundations ... but I'm nothing if not tough and resilient and I hope I gave him the undying suppport, love and care he has given me :) I have been an advocate of marriage BUT I don't believe it's required in this day and age. Healthy relationships that give each person the chance to develop individually and in the couple, dont require a piece of paper to work :) Commitment is achieved in so many diverse ways, marriage is but one of them. I wouldn't get married again even though mine continues to be spectacular :) I love my open marriage, but I understand I'm lucky to be in the place that I am :) I'm lucky to have a husband and a boyfriend - a little from column A and a little from column B lol Mary xx
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I've never been married but was with someone fir 27 years. We had a mortgage and have 3 kids together. We were committed to each other and never felt the need to get married. I have never seen the point in paying thousands for one day. The Time that goes into it and the stress on the day is a waste in my opinion. When it finished we divided things up , I took the kids and we went our separate ways with no cost. Marriage is outdated, who needs it? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
wildman65
8 years ago
I'm wondering what ur looking for happygolucky
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Whilst I agree with most of the naysayers about marriage it is mostly from a selfish perspective, what about children ?I know many people, mostly women parent singularly and most often very successfully, but do you think we need some sort of enforceable social contract for people who want to raise kids but not get married ? I think children deserve a level of commitment from both parents.It may well be that current laws cover this but it seems to me very punitive and fragmented and doesn't kick in until there are problems rather than laying out your obligations and rights up front for you to "commit" too. Sort of a parenting contract. Once the child is 18 the "contract" lapses and you are financially and commitment free should you choose to be.Any comments ?
-
RHP User
8 years ago
I've been curious lately... perhaps not quite on topic but... How long after someone has ended a marriage do they no longer feel the need to put "divorced" down as a relationship status and start putting "single"? Aren't they effectively the same anyway? Of what benefit is it to actually put down "divorced"? Most people will assume, rightly or wrongly (eg in my case), that someone of a certain age who is unpartnered will have had lengthy serious relationships, either formally in marriage or other defacto or long term realtionships, which are obviously no more. Given that women and men seem to welcome "single" life again so openly after a relationship that wasn't to their liking, why the term "divorced" needs to be applied at all?
-
RHP User
8 years ago
Beautifully said.....I felt the same way...about marriage. So did my wife but we just could not communicate it. Now we can. Good luck on your journey...msg if you want to chatB
-
PurePeony
8 years ago
Great question! Maybe post that as a new topic? You might get a better response that way. ;)
-
RHP User
8 years ago
my wife and i have been together 18 years, married 11. most of her friends would have given us less than 2 months when we started going out. Since then we moved countries, had a long distance relationship, have been broke twice, made mistakes, eloped to get married, had a ceremony 5 yrs later, have 2 beautiful children, support each others' dreams and endeavours, fight like hell every now and then, have great make up sex. The best part of marriage is knowing that when life feels like you have been holding a ceiling with your hands for a long time and the end is near, the other person will always be there to take over and ease the pain. The contract binds both parties to be there through it all.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share