M37

a guy and his jealousy

November 11 2009

Hey all i am posting this on my single profile cause i feel it was 1 of my problems that i had to work through in regard to swinging vs jealousy issues as the hubbie.. When we first started swinging i was excited, nervous and all the other emotions, im sure you have felt them at some stage as well. After our first experience i soon discovered that i had a jealously issue, nothing huge, but enough for me to sit back and say, "hang on, something isn't right here". So after much thought and talking to people, i thought i would post this up in the hope i can help some1 or even atleast make them aware of what they could do to not feel the way they do. It started 1 night after our first experience, my wife (renee) was talking to the guy of the couple we had just been with 2 nights before. Now the conversation started to heat up and in the end i was silently raging. i had these all these thoughts running through my head on why renee felt the need to dirty talk with this guy. I decided to say nothing and try to work it out on my own, safe to say it didn't work. So after a hard day at work, i got rejected by a couple that night (for what reasons doesn't matter) so i was in a foul mood. Then the dirty talk started up with this guy again, so more silent raging. Obsesseing over it all that night until i went to sleep and all the next day till i got home. When i got home i sat renee down, and was telling her how i felt. So she said she just wouldn't do it which made me feel better for awhile until i worked out that why am i stopping renee from doing this?? Why should my insecriuty hold her back from doing what she wanted to do. So next playdate came along, i wasn't attracted in any way shape or form to the woman, but renee really liked this guy. So i decided that she can go play with him while i stay at home and look after the kids, whilst having no intenion of meeting up with his partner. So about 12:30 at night he gets on msn and tells me that renee has left and is on her way home. But it didn't take long for me to ask how it went. His exact words to me were "oh man it was great i've never heard a girl cum like that before". Well i really went off the deep end at this, i didn't say a word to him just said i needed to leave. This is really when i got pissed off with myself thinking, "what does it matter if she did cum, that is the reason why she went to see him after all". I guess guyz would know the feeling, the feeling you get in ur gut when jealously kicks in, i can't say for women cause im not 1, lol. So i decided i am gonna sort this out, i went and talked to some1, some1 i know and some1 that i trust completely. I dunno what the term is, but there is a process you can do, this person can ask you a question, so in my case it was, "Why do you get so upset if another guy has made renee reach an orgasm". Then the first answer that pops into your head is correct, so in my case the answer was "for fear of losing her". Then you continue the process, so the question then becomes "why is she gonna leave you" and so on and so forth. In the end i discovered that my biggest fear was that i was going to lose renee, to someone that is better at doing a certain something then i am. So in my eyes if i found out that he was a better root then i was i would do a complete backflip, refuse to have sex with renee for fear of being compared and feeling inadequate, thinking why bother your only going to disapoint her. Which then would lead into me feeling that my position of being number 1 or the alpha dog (thats wat we have started calling it lol) gets threatend. Which couldn't be further from the truth. Don't get me wrong i want renee to go out get with some guy have bloody 50 orgasms then come home and tell me about it. But i worked out with the person i did this with that i have 1 thing that no guy that can give her 50 orgasms can. A spirtual connection, when we have sex it's just not a fuck, it's love making it's whatever you wanna call it. No guy can ever give renee what i do in the way that i do it. She is the mother of my children, i am the father of her children, i love her as much as life itself, i hope she feels the same way lol. So my point is i will always be number 1 or the alpha dog i have no reason to feel threatened. I know renee better then any1 else in all forms, personality, sexually, phsyically. When she left that guys house she came home to me, she hugged, kissed and told me she loved me. These jealously issues will always be with me but understanding them can be the key for them not to destroy you, you even more importantetly, your relationship with your partner. So if any guyz here do have jealously issues like this, just try it it could work for you, it might not, who knows? this was just my journey that i decided to share in the hope that it may help some1. Sorry for the length of it but it was abit hard to explain without the full story being in there. till next time Scott

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RHP User

15 years ago

For me...the whole point of swinging is....getting to taste the other ice-cream flavours....and enjoying them....but knowing your very favourite kind is at home waiting for you.Swinging is tasting fobidden fruit...and having your partner feeding it to you.There is no substitute for love....although some do confuse good sex with good loving.A little jealousy is not a bad thing....it shows you care.....just dont let it get out of control.Just my opinion....BJxxx

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RHP User

15 years ago

Well thanks for your very wise analysis and advice, Scott. Whenever I feel jeolous I try to tell myself that it is the most useless of emotions a man can have and I try to swallow it like the bitter pill that it is, but I've never tried to work out why I feel jeolous when I do. Perhaps it's time I do try. The last time I felt jeolous my boyfriend left me playing with some others and he was away for what seemed like hours. I don't get jeolous when he plays with other people, I mean, that's what we both do.. lolz... but I like to enjoy sex with others together... and he knows it.. lolz.. Sometimes I think he tries to make me feel jelous! hehe. Bastard~ It's not funny! Hugs Gaz <<<< pouting.

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RHP User

15 years ago

Hey Scott, I just read this, fascinating read, very well written and thought out. Thanks very much. I think most of us have some jealousy issues from time to time. In the past, I enjoyed watching my partner with another woman but I did avoid talking to her after about how great he was. Some things, for me, are better left unsaid. Sophie

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RHP User

15 years ago

I'm very very friendly with a wonderful person I met on here. It started out as a fun thing, friendship and regular hook ups. He is close to the female in a couple he met on here long before I entered the picture. They chat, they hook up regularly and are good friends. Now here lies the problem. He's such a lovely person and has supported me through some hard times so of course (hits self on forehead with palm) I developed feelings for him. I tried my hardest to ignore these feelings, to think of him only as a friend. It's not easy, in fact it bloody well bites and hurts deeply. He tells me his other friend is "happily married, she goes home to her husband" etc etc - then why does it hurt so much when he sees her? He talks to me most days, we text, I've met his children and family. I get to sleep over when we meet, she doesn't. Yes, I too suffer jealousy. I feel I should walk away from this lovely person purely as he does not nor probably never will feel as attached to me as I do to him. I know this other woman is married, but I feel I'm encroaching on her "turf", that I have no right to come between them in any way.Yes, I am struggling with head vs heart and it's the worst feeling I've ever encountered.

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2more4fun

15 years ago

It's great to hear that you acknowledged your jealously issues and worked out that swinging/open relationships are only about having fun and exploring. No one is going to get hurt as long as you are continually open and honest about your intentions and feelings. I think it's also fairly important that you maintain a balance. You may be OK with your wife seeing the other guy on her own but I'd certainly make sure that you're also arranging fun with her and couples that you both find attractive.You mentioned that you didn't think it was right that your insecurity stops your wife from doing what she wants to do but don't let that idea become blinders either. Let your wife enjoy her dirty talk and sessions with the other guy but if that starts to impact on your own sex life or your swinging life, then you know your jealousy is justified. I think in that respect, jealousy is a positive emotion at times. Call it a warning bell of sorts but you do need to fine tune it so it only goes off where really warranted.At the end of the day, you're absolutely right in that your wife loves YOU and will always come back to you. The sex she has with the other guy is just a bit of escapist fun for her. A taste of the forbidden and different. I don't think you need to worry so much about jealousy towards the other guy in the long term but perhaps you may start getting a bit jealous of your wife having all the fun :P That's the only problem I can see you potentially having if you continue along these lines.

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RHP User

15 years ago

i think it goes with the territory of being a red-blooded male in an open relationship; as long as you are able to identify the feelings and address them rationally before they fester, then it's all good.personally, i don't really get jealous of mrs scc's playmates' pleasuring abilities anymore. more often than not, i'm happy that she was able to get her rocks off rather than being unsatisfied by some joker who wasted a golden opportunity. if anything, i get upset at her smorgasboard of potential suitors, while i get little to no interest. having said that, she does have to sift through a lot of shit to get to any decent guys lol!mr scc

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RHP User

15 years ago

we normally play with couples and aren't going to be an open relationship, thats was just a once off. we do have rules but our 2# is if either 1 of us believes our relationship or normal day to day stuff is being affected by what we do we are to stop it straight away, discuss watever the problem may be, try to resolve it, if not give it up.. redi2try your situation is abit different to mine but the process of questions could help you understand. I am willing to do it with you if you want or just lend an ear. Thanks every1 Scott

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RHP User

15 years ago

Doubt it's different situation.....jealousy is jealousy no matter what type of relationship/friendship you're in. It is what it is and boy do I feel devalued by that comment.Cheers for that, nite all.

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RHP User

15 years ago

I'm going to get my partner to read this post... I may call on you for advice or go through the questions you went through.Personally I have gone through a very similar jelousy issue, not from the same circumstances as you but after some similar soul searching the issue was almost exactly the same. I was afraid of loosing my one and only... was it justified.. no! It was my inherant male Alpha flexing it's muscles.I think this is something all males go through and ... oh how can I say this without geting slammed... LOL.. Umm... well basicly most males have an instinctual Alpha syndrome... it's from our distant reproduction past of making sure our genes are the ones that our mate reproduces with is. It's quite a powerful instince in most males and one we have to recognise before we can overcome it's urges. Now don't fry me over this statement I'm not making excuses for some of the action that result from a rampant misuse of the Alpha trait. We guys are responsible for our actions and should be held accountable... we have evolved past the point of Alpha over domanence.. (well most of us have ... LOL).Anyway will wait for the

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RHP User

15 years ago

don't worry i know exactly what you mean takes2_2tango.. i think most men would understand. What i would be interested in hearing is how some other guyz got over there issues.. if they did?? Scott

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RHP User

15 years ago

Mr.sc Agree with you. Any female can snap her fingers and have a line up pf guys wheras males cant. Or a couple can snap their fingers and get a line up of guys..try that when seeking a female. I am jealous of that. Mars

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RHP User

15 years ago

A few years ago I could not have said this.... A fuck is a fuck with anyone else, but my partner and I make love to each other. We touch, kiss, look at and are with each other in a way that we are not when with anyone else. In my maturing age I have realised that you CAN separate sex and love. We can have sex with someone else and enjoy the "pleasure of the moment", but when we are together ( and when we swing we are ALWAYS first and last together) the emotion and passion that we feel for each other is something that is continual and will never be felt with anyone else. Mrs D

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RHP User

15 years ago

A few years ago I could not have said this.... a fuck is a fuck plain and simple. But my partner and I make love to each other. In my maturing age I have realised that you can separate sex and love. We can fuck other people and enjoy the "pleasure of the moment". However when we are together (and when we swing, we are ALWAYS first and last together) the emotion and passion we feel, the way we touch, kiss, look at and are with each other is continual and is something that will never be felt or shared with anyone else. Mrs D

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a guy and his jealousy

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