M44 F44
how to have my wife take control
October 11 2013
Comments
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inspirit
11 years ago
How do you mean.....more dominate? You can get in a professional.Dom/Femme to help kick things off. She will train your wife while you sir do as you are told. Hehehe. .- Posted from rhpmobile
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Mr_MrsAraps
11 years ago
J, I assume you have had a honest conversation about what your aspects of dom your are looking from your partner? Is she wanting to try but self conscious ?? more info req.Cheers,W.
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
"Roleplay"..... ;-)... Happy to explain in more detail if you need it,..... but the answer is found there. DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Maybe you are already but I know with my ex husband he was so judmental that I was self confident about everything and I was never who I wanted to be or am today especially in the bedroom.I would say the most dirty words under my breath about what I wanted always fearing saying them aloud. Even now I find my lovers saying what.....because I say it so quietly....lolSo being OPen in and out of the bedroom is important. Maybe as DG says roleplaying....sounds fun.
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jafuncpl1903
11 years ago
I find it even hard to tell him just to kiss me here kiss me there and do it like this now right now astrid
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RHP User
11 years ago
If you crave a particular food, then most people would say "I'd kill to have xyz for dinner tonight." How come people find it so hard to say the same thing in the bedroom?? Is it embarrassment?? Is it that you'd feel "dirty" or "just not quite right?" I find it a really major turn on for me if my partner whispered"I'd really love it, if you'd kiss xyz, or just rub abc lightly with your finger tips as It makes me tingle" or whatever the case maybe. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
You'll have to find the words you are both comfortable with that can be used in play. Like BJ for blowjob for example. Having the language of erotica will build your confidence. It can take time. Reading erotica or watching should help build your own scenario's so you can imagine and fantasize to your liking. Create a persona character that maybe dresses different and is another you without the constraints of normal you. Feel the embarrassment and do it anyway.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Like the opening few lines of a song from an iconic Aussie rock band."Just do what your told - Behave - Obey orders - That's all that's required from you......".That song was about suppression of another kind, but dominance just the same.
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RHP User
11 years ago
"as your told", my bad
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Splicey
11 years ago
I honestly think that you cannot change someone sexually. If someone is uncomfortable with being controlling in the bed room, they will remain so. Trying to 'teach them' just forces them to be untrue to who they are.Some traits can be learned, and some desires can manifest over time, but the fundamentals are what they are.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Seriously, its like taking on any new role, you have to practice, so start with something that's not too confronting. It took me years to be able to be direct with lovers and tell them what I wanted them to do to me and my change was borne out of frustration. So think of something you'd really like him to do to you and just blurt it out. You don't have to be delicate about it. You'll find your confidence will grow and if you really want to dominate him, once you start to feel the power of telling him what to do and having him obey, you'll slip into that role. There are also some good books around you can read. The Mistress Handbook is good and gives lots of examples of role-plays. A Different Loving is a good general education about the BDSM lifestyle. Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns is another manual about moving into BDSM and is considered one of the best.
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madotara69
11 years ago
And it has taken all those years to get to where we are now, we have become good friends and that makes all the difference.We can tease each other up to the different kinds of intensity sex can reach. If I or Tara are at the point of orgasm and we tease each other by holding things at that point, then it becomes difficult not to want for Big O.When we get to that point of being so horny, we both lose everything in the world around us and just play with each others aroused state.Quite often Tara will tell me to stop and fuck her, but that is when the fun begins. She always gets her way in the end and she plays the game back until I can't take any more, in spite, I reckon. he heSometimes we need to go back to being our younger selves again and enjoy the adventure, forgetting what we "thought" all the grown ups taught us not to be.Just raising this topic, means you have made a start. Just keep complimenting each other all the way....lovebirds. he heMado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
With tickled_kink... Create your own persona of who you'd like to be... It won't happen over night, but pick yourself an outfit "madam lash" etc and build up to where you feel comfortable. Out of uniform you are "just another milf" but when you slip into your sexy little outfit you become..."name your fantasy" I'm a touchy freely type... But I met a woman who wanted to be smacked and called "nasty" names... We talked and texted about it all, and yes I slipped into the role. We met up and had a great time... Because I was role playing. It's not my cup of tea, but a great night was had by all... Hp xo 💌 Because I'm worth it...
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Splicey...... you absolutely can 'change' someone's sexual patterns and behaviour..... if as a man a woman is lead through a new positive experience with the reward of pleasure, why wouldn't she wish to experience that again?! For example..... consider a woman experiencing her first vaginal orgasm as a result of new experiences.... she will desire those sensations again an thereby expand her behaviour to seek it. (And no..... this is not at all confined to women's behaviours) DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
"If as a man" meant to read "if a woman"- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
My sexuality is evolving all the time, with new lovers and by discussing, reading and watching sex and kinky shit. Astrid, I used to be the same. Didn't want to ask or say something in case I sounded silly. Not sure what has changed but often now I speak a lot during sex. I say what I want, what I like. I ask if what I am doing to my lover is good... What does he want, etc. You should see me at sex clubs/parties. I go up and ask people... So what are you doing, does that feel good, can you teach me that, etc. Although I still get all coy and shy at times, sometimes I don't know who will be in the bed. The shy virgin or the naughty vixen with a mighty Strapon. I am not sure when I changed? Maybe with age... Certainly since I turned 40 I don't care so much about looking foolish.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Practice is the key. Start with small requests and build up from there. You will feel self conscious at first but like anything, the more you do something the easier it become.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' My sexuality is evolving all the time, with new lovers and by discussing, reading and watching sex and kinky shit. Astrid, I used to be the same. Didn't want to ask or say something in case I sounded silly. Not sure what has changed but often now I speak a lot during sex. I say what I want, what I like. I ask if what I am doing to my lover is good... What does he want, etc. ..this i like, heapsQuoting 'tickled_kink' You'll have to find the words you are both comfortable with that can be used in play. Like BJ for blowjob for example. Having the language of erotica will build your confidence. It can take time. Reading erotica or watching should help build your own scenario's so you can imagine and fantasize to your liking. Create a persona character that maybe dresses different and is another you without the constraints of normal you. Feel the embarrassment and do it anyway. Mr S
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RHP User
11 years ago
Read Jamies post carefully Splicey. Then read Astrid's follow-up comment. Who is Changing Who? I believe it to be Astrid 'Changing' herself. Evolving into her sensual self, in an area she finds fulfilling and exciting....The ability to change someone's 'sponsoring thought' (fundamental as you call it) in regard to an issue/belief requires that someone to have the "Will" to be changeable, learn the skill set in doing it, and have the new idea or belief..Control freaks will put all sorts of garbage in front of self development, inspired by another. It's just forcing them to be untrue and are uncomfortable being controlled..PUKE
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jafuncpl1903
11 years ago
that's how I feel but also worried at the same time
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yeah, I understand. Maybe if Jamie were to start asking you more questions during sex you would start to feel more comfortable talking during sex and after while it will become more natural. For myself, I think it's partly not taking sex so seriously. Both of you can learn and explore as you go along. It's okay to look and feel like a dick sometimes ... Have a laugh about it, and one day you will come across something that just feels right to you. Well that is what is still happening for me. It's a learning curve that never seems to end.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Did you want to be dominating or more vocal about your needs? If you want to be more dominating, again Jamie could help you by asking questions. Such as "do you want me to x,y or z", "do want me to do it harder", "show me what you want" etc. So you can start by just saying yes or no and going from there. 😋
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RHP User
11 years ago
Would it help if you blindfolded him?
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madotara69
11 years ago
This really really excites you.Mado
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jafuncpl1903
11 years ago
thankyou to every ones ideas
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RHP User
11 years ago
Just remember, at the end of the day its not in everyone's nature to be domineering. If its really that hard for you, maybe its not meant to be. If you are just trying to let him know what you want, thats one thing...but if you are going to try and take on a "mistress' type of role, and its really hard for you to get into that head space, then maybe its not for you
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