M48
how to put difficult stuff in profile
September 23 2017
Comments
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Mr_Mrs_E
7 years ago
If you are in a relationship but have permission to be with others I'd say something like "I'm in an open relationship so not looking for anything serious". I don't think it's necessary to state anything about your partner. - Posted from rhpmobile
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DynamicCouple36
7 years ago
You say that you are honest and would want any partner to know. So the question is : Does your autistic partner, whom you say that you love (within your profile wording) know that you are on RHP looking for sex and passion? How would she feel if she found out ? - Posted from rhpmobile
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
By lying about your situation you will essentially not allow someone a choice of accepting it.... Sure, your situation isn't going to be for everyone, but that's a two way street as I'm sure you've not gone through life without rejecting someone else..... But I'm sure you'll agree that you yourself would much rather deal with any rejection/pain from the truth than to be comforted by a lie.... The choice is yours..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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rc_80
7 years ago
Why not just be honest? Say it how it is. If you have your partners blessing it's all good. If not, just say so. Your partners will find out anyway. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MrPlayful
7 years ago
Honesty is the best approach. I would be upfront with it, but you don't necessarily have to tell the world she is autistic. Perhaps describe that your partner has a condition, disability, illness, disorder or however you see best to describe it, and that prevents her from being or wanting to be or do, again however you wish to describe it. With that I would also mention that you do love her, assuming that is the case, and whether or not she knows you're here. If she doesn't know you're here then it would be best to explain that while you have needs, she wouldn't understand that (if that is he case) and therefore you need discretion to ensure her wellbeing. Just my opinion and based on uninformed assumptions. Slow step, see what works and modify as you go, but your honesty should do you well.
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RHP User
7 years ago
...if you truly love your partner and in light of your age, you surely would have known about these duplicity of these conditions when you met her? There are several other ''possibles'' and hopefully you've researched them clinically as often times conditions such as Autism. To begin with, by definition, older children, teens, and adults do not develop autism. In fact, in order to qualify for an actual autism spectrum diagnosis, you must have symptoms that appear during early childhood. Thus, if you know an adult or older child who has suddenly, out of the blue, developed behavioural or social communication issues, you are not seeing someone who has acquired autism. That person may have developed any one of a number of other mental health issues, some of which do most commonly appear in early adulthood...but by definition, they are not autistic. A disease like Asperger's Syndrome can broadly have similar results regarding human sexuality yet remains far more easily treated than what you have described. Short form, time to do more homework and seek out secondary or tertiary substantiated medical opinions. Just as a sidebar, I found this part in your profile very offensive in light of what you've said here... ''A human with parts that work..'' Sorry, that in short form, just really sucks!
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inspirit
7 years ago
I'd flick the what you're loking for too. I find it insulting. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Autism isn't the issue here, being asexual is. Many people on the spectrum have fulfilling sex lives, its not relevant to mention here on a profile. BTW CM, autism is not a disease, its a disability. Important distinction.
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MsJonesy
7 years ago
Autism and Aspergers are not diseases. They are developmental disorders, and both are now classified on the Autism Spectrum Disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders version 5 (DSM-5), released May 2013. Aspergers is no longer classified as a separate developmental disorder ASD can be diagnosed at any stage in life, these days it is more widely diagnosed in childhood. The characterisitics of the disorder are varied and manifest in different ways. That is why it is a SPECTRUM, not a one size fits all set of characteristics. Adults most certainly can be diagnosed with Autism, or any other of the disorders which form part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder Classification. OP, I think Mister_Playful's suggestions are the most helpful so far. For your own circumstances, be very clear in your mind of the potential for significant damage if you are playing without permission - to your partner, yourself and any woman who may be caught up in fallout.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Mister_Playful said 👍 Zero judgement and a well thought out post, nice one. I agree the actual disability doesn't need to be stated, that could be discussed in messaging if you so choose. I like that you're being open in your profile. Much sooner see that, then leaves the choice up to the individual/s
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RHP User
7 years ago
Yeah probably drop the bit you have in looking for, only just saw that. Perhaps a little more discerning 😉
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RHP User
7 years ago
In my humble opinion I think that far too many people on here (and mainstream dating sites) are not prepared to be honest about their circumstances and either deceive themselves, their partners and any potential playmates by being dishonest. I am extemely open minded and accepting of other people's circumstances (without ever passing judgement) however I at least like being able to make an informed choice and be told upfront what the true situation is so I can determine whether I am willing to pursue things further or not. As with comments already made, my question is does your partner know you are seeking to fulfill your sexual needs on RHP? And if so, and you have her permission to do so, I don't see the need to go into specifics of your partners condition, simply stating that you are in an open relationship should suffice and obviously if you connect with someone and feel the need to disclose more then that's up to you. To be honest it could seen like 'just another excuse' that some men use to have some sexual experiences outside of their relationships... believe me I have heard more than my fair share. For me personally, I appreciate honesty from the outset, but that's just me. 💋Xx Oh and I also would suggest amending what you are looking for ...
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'MsJonesy' Autism and Aspergers are not diseases. They are developmental disorders, and both are now classified on the Autism Spectrum Disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders version 5 (DSM-5), released May 2013. Aspergers is no longer classified as a separate developmental disorder. I agree yet retain the right to hold to the opinion that there are so many mental ''disorders'' that it's nearly impossible to classify them categorically...disorder, dysfunction or disease? I've a form of depression that is readily treated by daily medication as I have have a disease of my neuroanatomy synapse transfer capabilities that is relative only to a disease. My former spouse has the same ''d'' yet tried to take her own life on 7 different occasions...and none were the so-called ''cries for help'' as the attempts ranged from massive drug over dosing to trying to hit the carotid artery with a knife. Both are neuroanatomy dysfunction...a possible disease or a lesser function? I somehow think that if we can discover the key elements of whatever we want to call it, life will be really worth living to the max for a lot more people. PS....now I am laughing as regardless of the course or intercourse of the discussion? You've really really nice breasts, MsJ. CM....always hoping!
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Sharonski'BTW CM, autism is not a disease, its a disability. Important distinction. ...on a now overdone thread. Nice though, as I admire the intelligence of any number who have contributed. Like one of the tag lines to a now long retired friend...''Say what you mean and mean what you say''. JB Disability1. A physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities."children with severe physical disabilities" 2. A disadvantage or handicap, especially one imposed or recognized by the law. Disease1. A disorder of structure or function in a human that produces specific symptoms or that affects a specific location and is not simply a direct result of physical injury. "Bacterial meningitis is quite a rare disease"2. A particular quality or disposition regarded as adversely affecting a person or group of people. BOL..and FWIW, you've great boobies too! ..CM who is gets really turned on by intelligent women!
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RHP User
7 years ago
Hey and thanks for the compliment. Autism is something I know a lot about. Ive lived with it, worked with it, written about it, studied it, and have friends on the spectrum. People on the spectrum would find it offensive to be considered diseased. I think their position should be honoured. They are disabled by their neurological conditions. some more than others, but to say they have a disease I think misrepresents their condition. Having said that, I agree, intelligent women are hot :) xx
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Whilst the majority of us are personally and painfully aware of Austism and it's various deleniations, manifestations, distinctions and idiosyncrasies...... the OP was asking a question regarding disclosure. Let's all dispense of our nit pickertyness and give him our opinions on his issues. I say full disclosure. Let's see how many people who don't have "permission" jump on your little bandwagon. Good luck OP. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Our opinions have been given to the OP. There's no rules stating we cant have sideline conversations is there?
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
Don't think the whole world revolves around you and that every comment by fellow posters was personally pointed at you. I was simply trying to get everyone back on track answering the OPs question. Cudos with your opinions and cudos with mine lol. - Posted from rhpmobile
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PurePeony
7 years ago
Strange. After reading the definitions of both "disability" and "disease" from CM, I would much rather admit to having a "disease" than a "disability", if it comes to that. I find "disease" to accord a more "hopeful" bearing, ie. there might be a cure / treatment, and personally dislike the helplessness and finality that "disability" invokes, but I'm speaking for myself only, of course. Different strokes for different folks and in life, what someone takes strong offence to, is water off a duck's back to others. Autism seems to be both a disease and a disability. It IS a physiological anomaly (disease) that contributes to limitations and disadvantages (disability). The average man in the street would not be familiar with the voluminous DSM in any case. Interestingly, a few years ago, I chanced across an article in a professional journal online that put forth the suggestion that all of us are autistic to a certain degree. It is then the severity of the manifestation of symptoms and the level of functionality that then determines if an individual is diagnosed as autistic or not. Sometimes, just when we think we know it all, a new research / study puts forth new findings that turns things around or upside down.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think if the OP has a problem with how the thread is going they can get it back on track. Your comment was clearly aimed at myself and CM so hardly worth an accusation of narcissism. BTW it's Kudos, not cudos lol.
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RHP User
7 years ago
The idea that we are all on the spectrum is a well known trope on the autism community and also an offensive one. It minimises the very real struggles people with autism live with every day by suggesting that we are all struggling with similar challenges. To diminish the extraordinary effort it takes for individuals who live with autism to manage day to day is an insult to them and those of us who advocate for and love them.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Thanks for all the comments so far. Yes, even I dont like the 'what im looking for' but its hard to be moderate sometimes and I let that one slip (technically Im correct to say that as her disabilities mean she is not 'genetically normal' and in that sense 'broken', but Im equally broken in my own direction). My partner is definitely autistic, always has been, but diagnosis was only a few years ago. Life/family stress confused that issue for many years. Yes, asexuality is the true issue here and where we are grossly incompatible. She knows about this and all my other attempts to find a 'friend' and even though she cant understand it she feels for me and wants to help. I'll take all your comments on-board and try again.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I agree, every kid who eats his vegies or likes maths is 'on the spectrum' these daysit seems. I work with autistic children, have 2 with mild autism (1 without), my partner, her mum, her brother is also bi-polar. So plenty of experience here and I work very hard to give them all a better life.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Whatever path you choose to take I wish you all the best, as a fellow traveller ;)
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RHP User
7 years ago
Not sure if OP considers himself a "carer", but here are my thoughts. Being a carer myself, i've interacted with other carers. Depending on the situation, being a carer can be emotionally and physically taxing and extremely difficult to deal with. Many people being cared for are often guilty (about needing the care) and often pessimistic. Asking permission to seek comfort elsewhere is a hell of a question, which can blow up in everyone's face, leaving all parties far worse off than before. As one carer said to me a while ago "my wife already has enough pain and misery. Why would I want to give her more pain?" Many carers give their very all to the one they love, but some still need the chance to live a little, maybe recharge the batteries. Over the years I've found that non-carers can be very judgmental. I judge no-one, because I can never walk in their shoes. A while ago, my sister, who is an experienced psychologist gave me this advice. "Jimmy, you have cared for Mary for many years. You MUST make sure you look after YOU, otherwise you're no use to anyone". And on a whole other, lighter plane, we all lie so as not to offend: "Does my bum look big in this?""Do I look beautiful tonight?" Just my musings...
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