M55

i intend to cheat

March 27 2012

i'm a bloke who is married. i have been intimate with my wife once every couple of years for the last 5 years, so that adds up on one hand. i could give a myriad of reasons as to why but the main is the special needs child we have and all the associated medical emergencies and health issues we've had. we are seeing a counsellor. i love my wife and children very much. i don't so much as want to have sex with somebody but want to share an intimate session of touching and kissing - which would presumably lead to sex but that isn't the main game. yes i know it's cheating. i've seen the threads as to why i'm such a horrible person. me and my wife are lonely. it's easy to say leave each other but neither of us want that and don't intend to. i couldn't bear her to have to deal with the kids on her own, but it's deeper than that. we've fought together so hard that it's just wrong for either of us to go. i just want some sort of relief. hate me if you want but i'm just being honest. yes i've spoken to her about our sex life. it's obvious it's down the gurgler. no she doesn't want to swing. she won't even go to a strip club. she's just not into sex and never has been. with the situation with our kids that's now shrunk to nothing. no she won't understand if i want to be with others so i must keep this private. i am hoping that maybe a relaxing session with somebody will help.go ahead and crucify me if you want but if you actually have any credentials in this area please be honest as i'm really struggling.

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RHP User

13 years ago

Bettyford60....I relate and empathize with your post. Whilst I do not condone "cheating" as such I also recognize that relationships - and life - are complicated! My own life journey has certainly taught me that....and as a result I have become a lot more open-minded and less judgmental. You are in a difficult situation and crave intimacy. You are open and honest about your situation and needs and have obviously explored various options with your wife. I do not believe you are a "horrible person" and no one has the right to judge you as such. As a parent and someone who works in Education Support I can also appreciate the pressures on your marriage raising a child with disabilities and medical issues. I started exploring this site when I was still married. I was in a very dysfunctional, abusive relationship and was living "separated but under the same roof" with my now ex-husband and 2 children. My life was a living hell but it was a long and difficult process for me to finally leave. I felt very alone and craved intimacy and affection. I was subjected to constant criticism, insults and accusations by my husband and children (under his influence)and felt like my very soul was being crushed and destroyed. A major factor in my healing and regaining of my self-belief and confidence was my explorations on Rhp and other dating websites. I chatted and made contact with other men and began re-discovering my sexuality which had laid dormant for so long! It took me a long time before I had the courage to meet up with anyone but when I did it was wonderful! I had an "affair" with a single man but also had liasons with a couple of married men. I grappled with the morality of it all and went through some confusion... I was always very open and honest with people I made contact with but felt I was in a difficult position - not really being single or free to offer a single man a complete and uncomplicated relationship....but then not feeling completely comfortable about being with a married man either. I started talking to married men and made contact with a couple who I trusted and related to. I remember being quite amazed by the amount of people in similar circumstances to my own - married or attached but yearning for the intimacy/connection/love/sex/understanding that was lacking in their lives for whatever reason. All I can say is you are most definitely not alone in terms of what you are experiencing!! You are in a difficult situation and you are taking a considered and respectful approach, exploring your options and needs. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I am sure you will be able to make contact and chat with married women on rhp who may be in similar circumstances to your own and have similar needs and desires to fulfill. Just talking to someone who relates to your frustration and confusion will help even if you choose not to pursue anything physical. Be open, honest, genuine and respectful and try not to beat yourself up! Don't listen to people who criticize, condemn and cast their moral judgements upon you without taking the effort to understand and empathize with your situation. Love and best wishes xx

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Splicey

12 years ago

What a horrible situation to be in :(I wish you all the best. Craving, needing, wanting intimacy and not being hard is a heart breaking experience.

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i intend to cheat

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