F54
meant to be?
February 23 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
However I do have a nice feel good story This week.....a bit of a confronting week, a dear darling girlfriend sent me flowers. (may I add..I seemed to have received a overwhelming number of flowers this week- florist everywhere in Perth must be empty !!) ..just to add a little sunshine to my life, which has been a tad gray...........to let me know she is thinking of me...........and these flowers were very special.....with love and the kindest of thoughts.. She makes sense in my life...and she ALWAYS gives me hope Im chuckling...xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
now ,but six years ago my world came crashing down around my ears.I lost my job,I was accused of a crime and people who I thought were my friends,shunned me.I live in a small community and it was hard to even face the day let alone people.I felt deeply shamed by what had happened even though it was quickly proven that the person who had made the accusations against me was lying and vengeful. I quickly got another job but my passion was no longer there for the work and this job, although in the same field,was soul destroying. Eighteen months later I was so badly bullied by my boss I had a heart attack.It was termed''a toxic event'' brought on by stress.I soon became incredibly depressed,I could barely function ,I couldn't even meditate.For six months I went to see a psychologist,a woman who I didn't like but who helped me greatly....she was tough,just what I neede at the time. I started to re-evalute my life,who was I if I didn't have my work?My identity had been so caught up in that,how I defined myself,if I no longer had a purpose,then what did I have? I had an aha moment one day ,when I realised that it was enough to just be,I no longer needed to do. I began to write again,I joined a dating site,I had been celibate for years,I started to work part-time,tutoring young people with learning disabilities,and now I am content. I am happy,life still has it's ups and downs,like any life but this year already is turning out to be a fantastic one.I am indeed fortunate in my family and friends.Some of whom I met here.Lucky me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
thankyou for sharing...
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RHP User
12 years ago
after a nervous breakdown from work, six months not leaving the house then I hurt my back and had three big back operations in three years, thought I was going to be in pain the rest of my life with painkillers to knock out an elephant. No sex for year after year, and just gave up on myself and men. I was the invisible woman. then my x husband came to help me out. I found a very good back doctor who fused my bones in my back and now I am human again then one day a guy of rhp ate me out and gave me my first oral orgasim in my life at the rip old age of 59. that unleashed the woman within so far so good, but life is hills and valley , just the way it is for all of us. I am back with my husband and very happy
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RHP User
12 years ago
There is hope :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
...but I can't share the story with you because it's not entirely mine to tell. Freya, you continue to impress.
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RHP User
12 years ago
2 yrs ago next month ,,,,,,i lost my son to suicide ,,,,he was 29 and he hung himself ,,,,i sat on the footpath on a bit higher ground ,,,,for 8 hour and watched as police n forensics dragged his body around set up lights etc and took photo graphs of his lifeless body all the while under police gunpoint as i just wanted to go n hold his body ,,,,they wouldnt allow me to do so as i might contaminate the site under investigation ,,,,after approx 8 hours i was allowed to go n see him ,,,,only to be confronted with a blue body bag which i wasnt allowed to open ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,on the morning before he killed himself he called me ,,,,,,,unfotunaitly i was sitting outside a doctors surgery taking my ex partner,,,,, hillz whom imet on rhp ,,,,,as she had fallen sick n didnt drive ,,,,,,,i needed to get away from my place as its were my son died the next day ,,,,,,,and went n stayed with hillz n her i5 yr old daughter,,,,,,a week after his death ,,hillz had got worse so i took her back to a different dr ,,,,who ordered me to drive her straight to hospital ,,,,,,she was admitted for overnight observation ,,,,,,,leaving me in the grief of having just lost my only son and to look after her daughter ,,,,,,well ,,,,,,,,,hillz never came home from hospital ,,,,,she died a week later on the very morning of my sons funeral ,,,,i recieved a call at 2,30 in the morning asking me to come there immediatly ,,,,,,i got there and was confronted by 2 doctors telling me shed died ,,,,,,,fook i didnt even know she d put me down as next of kin and that she was that seriously ill ,,,,,,,fook id only spoken to her here in the chat rooms 3 hrs earlier ,,,,what do i do ,,,i was dunb founded ,,,fuck fuck fuck was all i could say ,,,,to the dr ,,,its my sons funeral today ,,,they took me to her room where she was lying in her bed ,,,looking absolutly beutiful n serene ,,,i layed with her a while ,,,kissed her lifeless but still warm body n said my good byes ,,,,,,,,,,went back to her place n told her daughter n housemate ,,,,,,,a few days later her elder daughter turned up from sydney ,,,,,took the younger daughter leaving everything for me to clean up ,,,,,,,yes they walked out on there mum ,,,leaving her body in the morgue as a homeless person ,,,,after 3 months she was still in the morgue ,,i went n claimed her body ,,,,,and with a little help i paid for her funeral as well as i paid for my sons ,,,,,,,,,,,i got the sack from my boss for toomuch time off work as id used up all my entitlements ,,was broke after spending my lifes savings on 2 funerals ,, aprox 20,000 dollars ,,,,,,,,,, about a week after hillz had died ,,,,,2 people from rhp we d known turned up with no were to livewas winter n they were living in there car ,,,,they asked to stay with me n hillz old housem8 in her home ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,reluctantly and not really with it mental wise i said yes ,,,,,thinking now i was a dole recipient it would help us out with the rent etc ,,,,,,,,,in the 3 months they was with us the paid for nothing ,,,not a scrap off food ,,etc not even washing there coffee cups in the morning ,,,,,,,she would cum home lateat night dragging people back from clubs etc ,,,,,we got jack of her ways n evicted her ,,,,2 days later i get a abusive call from her saying shes back at our house getting her things ,,,,,i get home n shes passed out on a matress after 2 days of binging on grog n drugs ,,,,,i helped her to the door after much abuse ,,,,,upon which she punchs me to the head ,,,then she calls the cops n says i punched her which was bullshit ,,,,,cops take me away n charge me ,,,,,,a trick she d done to 2 guys prior tome ,,,,9 months later with no money for a lawyer and recieving suicide counselling im represented by a legal aid lawyer who was just after the free govo money ,,,,im given a kangaroo crt trial n found guilty off something i hadnt done ,,,,,,,,,,,,,i200 dollars fine ,,,,,i couldnt pay ,,,,i used allmy money for the funerals ,,,,,,,,i ask the judge to jail me as i couldnt pay ,,,,he converts the fine to ioo hours community service ,,,,,,,,,,,department of corrective services cant find workin my area for me ,,im suffering from anxiety n deppression ,,,nomoney ,,no car ,,,,,etc ,,,,,,,,,,i find my own work to do in the community ,,and with no help etc ,,,corrective services approve the work ive found to do ,,,,,,,,,im a trans woman n sent to work at the local mens shed ,,,,,worked my arse off to get the hrs done as i needed to find a job ,,,,whilst doing my hrs ,,,the corrective services department decide to breach me ,,,,,,<<< because id done my hours on a tuesday n thursday as agreed with there appointed supervisor ,,,,,,,,,they changed the days wanting me to work tuesdays n fridays ,,,,,,,,another 9months being dragged thru the crts ,,,cant get a job as imin crt monthly or more ,,,,in the mean time corrective services breach the magistrates orders twice ,,,,,,,yet there suing me for breach of a crt order ,,,,this crt farce had dragged me to the edge of suicide ,,,and 2 weeks before my crt trial this yr ,,,i recieve a letter from the state solicitors office saying they didnt wish to proceed with the charges ,,,,magistrate dismisses them ,,,,no costs or reimbursment to me ,,,,,,after 9 months being dragged thru crt ,,,,,,???????,,,,,,,,,,,,,australia day this yr i meet a local cpl from down the rd ,,,hes a closet cross dresser n cant get erect anymore ,,,,they want a play session with me ,,,,,,the ladys all over me n everything goes well ,,,,,,we agree toplay at a later date ,,,,,,,,,,2 days later there daughters knocking at my door asking me to come down for drinks again ,,,,,reluctantly i agree after much insistance from her ,,,,,,i get there ,,,after 3 drinks they spike mine ,,,,,im attacked n knocked unconsious from behind whilst sitting in a chair ,,,,,,not even an argument or a bad word had been said ,,,,just attacked me ,,,,,,,,,whilst im unconsious 2 of them beat my head in causing me to loose my teeth ,,n have a fractured skull ,,black eyes etc ,,,,didnt even know how i got home from 5 houses down the rd ,,,,,,,,turns out they phoned the police who dropped me off home ,,,,,,no medical help nothing ,,,,,,,,next morning i wake up covered in blood etc ,,,,,,,,not really knowing what had happened the night before ,,,,,,,,i stagger to the police station still covered in blood etc to report the matter ,,,,,,,,copper says im obviously drunk n to go home n sleepit off n cum back that afternoon ,,,,,he also tries to accuse me off going back to there house n torching there car ,,,,,once again im not offered medical help nothing although im still concussed from the night before ,,,,,,,,,,mean time the fuckers that beat the shit out of me get together n make up a heapof bullshit to cover there asses ,,,,,,,,,,they v accused me of burning there ute ,,,something i havent done ,,,,,and yes they still driving the car n i cant see any damage ,,,,,,,whilst im knocked out after there beating they take photos off me n put pictures on facebook mocking n jibing me ,,,,,,next week i get vro against them ,,,,,,cops take 2 weeks to serve the papers on these fuckers ,,,,,,,a week after the first beating ,,,the guy approachs me at the local shop n hits me in the mouth again ,,,,,,thank god i have a witness n hes charged ,,,,,,,,,that night my garden trailor on the rd verge gets lit up ,,,yes its on fire ,,,,,,,i catch the chick doing it ,,,,,report it to the police etc ,,,,,,,,,a month later nearly ,,,,this happened on aussie day weekend n the cops still havent charged the fuckers or interviewed the chicki caught red handed lighting up the trailor ,,,,,,,,,,,,this week my house is searched by the coppers looking for a piece of coloured matierial ,,,apparently used as a wick for a petrol bomb ,,,,,,,they find nothing after 4 of them search my house ,,,,,,,,,i comply n happilly help them thru the search ,,,,,,in the mean time im asked if i have any drugs etc in the house ,,,,,,,,i volunterilly hand over an old crossbow ive had for yrs that id bought before crossbows needed to be licensed ,,,,and a few ounces of dope leaves ,,,,,,not buds etc ,,,,,,,that id have fior over a yr n smoked instead of tobbaco as id been giving up smoking tobacco ,,,,,,,,also they take a bong n 4 pipes ,,,,,3 of which id kept as they were my sons pipe n hillz pipes ,,,,,and mine which i used to smoke tobaco from ,,,,,,,,,,,ive never made a secret to the police etc that i smoked dope as my doctors n shrink knew and it was my way off self medicating ,,,,,,,,,,,bottomline is i now face my first drug charges inmy life ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the only good thing thats happened to me in the last to yrs was that i got brave enough to finally start transitioning ,,,,,,,,,now i face drug charges ,,,something thats going to affect me from going overseas for my final surgery ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,thailand ,,singapore ,,malaysia ,,america etc ,,,,,,,,dont allow convicted druggies from entering there countries ,,,,,,,,,and very little trans surgery is done in australia ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,even tho ive not been charged as yet ,,,,,,,,im now faced with a life time punishment of not being able to feel complete ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yes im extremely suicidal at the moment ,,,,,n dont feel theres much left for me in this world ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i know my son n hillz are calling me from above ,,,,,,,,,,,,im smoking again ,,,,,,and im under suicide watch from my gp n counsellors ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,im completly confussed n feel theres no reason for me to go on ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,obviously theres more details to my story ,,,,,,,,,,but this is a rough rundown of what im currently going thru ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,xxxxxxx catherine ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,thank you all for taking the time to read my story ,,,,,,,,,,,,
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RHP User
12 years ago
You've shared little bits and pieces in the past. Thank you :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
January 2009- Got stabbed and nearly died because I decided to help a friend in need, February- made redundant from work, march 1, 2009- I found out my pregnant wife was screwing my best friend, march 31 2009, my daughter was born, obviously struggled financially etc etc, then found full time work in feb 2010, popped a hernia at work in may 2011, then surgery, re-met a woman i went to school with in October 2011 and pursued a relationship with her- was the best I'd felt in a long time, but due to forces beyond my control we broke up, popped another hernia in early 2012. Been off work since January 2012- drives me crazy. Had surgery late 2012. Nearly took a genuine accidental overdose of sleeping tablets in December 2012. It's been a constant battle since 2009 but my daughter has kept it all together for me. Without her I probably would have drunk/drugged myself to death. I'm hopeful that the next chapter in my life will be a lot more calm and much more productive. I haven't had that moment where I say everything has happened for a reason, but I feel it coming soon, I don't know why but I do.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Catherine... Thankyou for sharing such a brave and brilliant post...your story will stay with me for days.. I know that you will find support here... Big big hug xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Words fail me. You have been through more in the last two years than most of us will face in a lifetime. What jumps out at me in your story is the amzing strength and love you possess. You sound like a true friend. You've fought such a hard fight, and I hope your gp and counsellors are giving you the help you need and deserve. Not everyone gets their happy ending, but your story can't be finished yet. The biggest hug. Mia.
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RHP User
12 years ago
After these stories I've got nothing but tears.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I hope you find safe harbour soon. Your tenacity and belief in who you are will see you through this horrendous time in your life. Keep asking for help. If you don't get it, yell louder. It maybe time to admit yourself into hospital and make some drastic decisions about the course of your life. Because at the end of the tunnel, you will have a story that needs to be heard. Please call Lifeline 13 11 14 when things feel too much. Please remember that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. And they are temporary. *lengthy hugs holding on tight*
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RHP User
12 years ago
to our beautiful friend cath_o_lic thank you xxx jak xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
to our beautiful friendCATH O LICthank youxxx jak xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am widowed for 14 years I don’t write this on my profile I write single because that’s what I am. I was very much in love with my husband. We had two boys 8 and 17teen then. One day he had backpain we went into hospital and he died in front of me like you cut a tree down I can still hear his plastic sandals slip o the floor his head hitting the hospital bed, the drive imprinted in my mind the look from my son as we left home, the youngest putting his ear close to Klaus’s chest to listen for his heartbeat…… Then my changed life began, not in the way I have imagined it, not in the way I haven’t. Lots of thinking, crying, anger and fear went around in me. Because I am a realist, at the end this won. I needed to provide for my little family, I needed a better job, but first I needed to speak a better English….I made it, 10 years I didn’t even think about myself, just work and my two boys. Ohh my rewards are big, I have two beautiful young sons, 23 and 31 now. We are mates we are friend, they know I am on here, they know I have sex in MY OLD AGE, I am happy I didn’t make them stick to me, I am proud of my self how I managed this last 14 years. The good thing what came out of all this is. I know now who I am. I was never on my own before I was married. All the decisions have been up to me after my husband died. Oh I know also how important it is to love and communicate, to cry when sad to let it out, to shout WHY ME. However I would have never been so FREE and I say FREE as I am now without my husband’s death. All the sadness I experienced has taught me big lessons, about myself and life. I LIVE MY WAY NOW, I LIVE IN THE NOW as well, because every second could be my last. And most of all I LOVE.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I feel utterly remorseful for you. Your story is horrendous. You've told of how much you've lost and I'm left hoping that there is still someone in your life for you to cling to. If there isn't, I hope you find someone soon. You are so far away. If you were nearer, Jennylee and I would offer you some respite in our home. What I've been through hardly compares to your story and yet the folk in the white coats had me on suicide watch once. You're in the wrong place with the wrong people. Get out of there somehow, please.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Catherinenow I am as small as the littlest bug. Your story is too sad.Catherine i med you at Tuscans exhibitionYou are a very great person, don't give up, Pleases don't give up. I know its fucked but you will prevail you will be a woman one day.I will think about you. I think you should visit me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
that things happen for a reason,I believe there are reasons things happen.We are still very fortunate to live in a first world country.I do not believe that we are only given what we can cope with. I do believe that when bad things happen we need to find support,to reach out.Sometimes it is the kindness of strangers that gets us through the tough times. Catherine,I too hope that you are able to find the help and support that you clearly need,already people here are reaching out to you offering real support,please take it. As hard as life is sometimes,it is still a gift,your story certainly I am sure,will help others put their lives into perspective.
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inspirit
12 years ago
You are very brave and even when we meet up at out greet and meets you are always smiling! xxx
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
I believe things happen for a reason. People change so you can learn to let them go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right! You believe lies, so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself. And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together! Xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
i just want to say a great big thank you to all the people in this crazy family we call red hot pie ,,,,ive had phone calls frompeople every were n messages off support frompeople ive never even met ,,,,,,,,,,the love and kindness everyone has shown me ,,,gives me a little more strength to fight on ,,,,,,, i love each and every one of you ,,,,,frommy heart a great big thank you ,,,,,,,,,,,,,love n kisses to everyone ,,,and thankyou all for caring ,,,,,,xxxxxxxxxxxx catherine ,,,,
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