M41 F41
replying "no" etiquette
December 29 2011
Comments
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RHP User
13 years ago
I know we would prefer a no thanks over no response. We would rather know where we stand and who to bother with than left wondering. If we get a no thanks message we normally wish the people good luck before blocking them. You can't help it if other people are jerks with chips on Thier shoulders....responding poorly etc etc I'd poor form on Thier behalf not yours... :)
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RHP User
13 years ago
You can create one one that thanks them for their message, says they are not what you are looking for but wishes them all sorts of happy and crazy adventures on RHP. It takes a second to click on the template as a reply, and I usually get back a very polite response thanking me for my reply and wishing me well too
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RHP User
13 years ago
As 'irresponsibility' stated, a template is the easiest option and is normally the end of the matter.But if you do receive a nasty response to either the template or a polite 'Thanks but no thanks', just block them with the wonderful knowledge that your 'dickhead radar' is working perfectly and your initial decision was 100% accurate. I have used this system since I joined (the non-acceptance of rejection is not the sole domain of men, some women here seem to think it is akin to high treason to say no to them!) and so far it has worked well, even giving me that little feeling of satisfaction that my initial thoughts were right and I just dodged a bullet by saying no.
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uneventful
13 years ago
Send them the thanks but no thanks ... but put on the bottom .. any retaliation or abuse witll results in a report and block .. sorry you are just NOT what we are looking for !!!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
When we send messages, the majority will not answer so thats the culture here like it or not. We arnt going to change it so just go with the flow. Also consider: How do you know what your tastes will be in the future? So dont burn any bridges. When some one has rejected us, we remember and if they approach again ...our opening question will be "You guys rejected us previously whats changed"? It is highly unlikely we would hook up as we will be thinking "They think we are a last resort...no thankyou" We believe the same culture exists when you do meet in person, if they dont like you they wont respond afterwards ...unless you make the move .....were they going to let you know? We reckon dont feel bad about not responding....after all for some reason you didnt recieve that message ..
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RHP User
13 years ago
As a single bloke on here, I can honestly say that an "auto reply"is better than no reply at all. Whena msg is sent and no reply is rec'd, I often wonder if technology has failed? or are the folks really that rude?, But at the end of the day, It is a "numbers game" and eventually................
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Onlylivetwice
13 years ago
As a few have mentioned, the templates are the best way.Life is too short to be penning personal rejection messages to each substantial email and it can be misleading as you reach out to them in return while simultaneously saying "No". It gives some guys the wrong idea - some believe that now communication is open from receiving a personal reply, they can perhaps turn it around by building a conversation and a rapport that may change your mind over time. Unclear soft-touch personal replies can be very misleading.Most men simply appreciate knowing they have been filtered out. Just be clear and say:"Thank you for your message, we are not interested. Good luck in your search."...and leave it at that. We don't need our feelings to be treated softly as such. Men appreciate clarity and certainty.And don't be afraid to block. I have had to block some people - that's what it's for and it is better for everyone's time that way. It is not being rude, it is kind to be succinct and clear and better for everyone's time.Good luck in your search and your replies!
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RHP User
13 years ago
It is a bit of a difficult situation to be in as you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. There have been many other threads on this subject with a lot of people complaining about not getting replies. Many women do receive a lot of messages and it is time consuming to reply to them all. People should use a bit of common sense in realising that not getting a reply means that you are not interested. It is a shame that when you take the time and troublr to reply, people get abusive. It just goes to show you how many inconsiderate and rude people are on adult dating sites. To reply or not reply is entirely up to the individual. There are strong arguments for both courses of action.
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RHP User
13 years ago
My feeling is that I would rather have a reply any day than just silence. I know that one of the advice given in treads on the forum is to not send standard emails (don't cut and paste previous messages) but instead to make each message unique and individual. I am following that advice when emailing people to initiate contact though sometimes it can be difficult when one does not get anything but silence back. I do know that you women sometimes gets loads and loads of messages (and that you sometimes complains about the multiple messages from guys) but I do wonder;What has a guy got to do to get a reply?I do not even care if it is a "template reply" as mentioned above as long as there is something. (And with a reply you women will not have to sift through several messages from the same person). So how about it, let's all start replying to our messages...... CuddlyDane
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RHP User
13 years ago
Hi Thanks so much for taking the time to contact me. Ive just checked out your profile and regettably your not quite what Im looking for, but Im flattered by your contact. Good luck with your search xx Personally I think its a nice reply...and yes I always check out the profile..always... I answer ALL messages...if a person makes the effort to contact me... then I can make the effort to reply back.....(even if it is that yet to rock my world email.... ..the "Hi how are you/ Hi do you wanna to catch up this arvo as Ive got some spare time ?) email .....yep I will even reply to that one !! My template only takes a moment to send...and of course if Im interested..I personally reply Flirts... forget it...waste of time and to me shows your not that interested..but apparently your happy for me to take out a membership to message you....no thanks.....put your money where your interest is Personally my fav response is when I send my reject template and the person then comes back with "What are you looking for ????? Um hello...my profile just may be a small indicator/insight into what I may be looking for..its not mysterious nor complex, its a small novel of what I want and dont want.....READ IT ...and heres a thought....I dont want you..hence why you got the reject template message !!!
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RHP User
13 years ago
Guys:Some of my friends (females) often send me emails they receive from here, especially the indignant ones sent after receiving a negative response. The thing is, most times the original email to the woman was crude, blunt and often just not in the Queen's English. More than that, often it is highly evident that the male has not read one word of the woman's profile. And then there is the profile of the sender, normally without a picture, full of 'ask me' responses. So how the hell is the woman suppose to respond to that - guys FFS use some brains and I am talking about the big brain, not the little one.Women:Now these are only my thoughts, but if a guy takes the time to send you a well written msg, that refers to something in your profile (that shows he actually read it before sending the msg) it does, I think, warrant a reply. I dare say you will find most of those that send a msg like that will not be the ones that get upset at receiving a polite "no'. Additionally, and I am very guilty of this, don't assume all messages are after your body. I often send a message to women when I know I am so far out of their criteria. But these messages are often just to compliment them on their profile, or comment (always positive BTW) on something I have seen them post here in the forums OR about the way they acted in the chat rooms. I am not after them per sec, and yes, a polite 'thank you' to those would be nice. Now if I suddenly get a does of the stupids and try to take it to the next step, you are well within your rights to send me a curt response telling me to pull my head in.
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wannabyummymummy
13 years ago
around here is that people don't reply to flirts and messages and for a lot of people it is time consuming but as others have said a template reply is easy to do and really takes very little time and with the flirts once you have checked out the profile you can actually select multiple flirts at a time and give the same response (cutting down the time factor once again).Sadly there are a few who don't take rejection well and might get abusive, or narky (keep in mind they may have sent out a dozen messages, most wont reply and the others that have have probably been a 'no thanks' too which can really knock a person's confidence) there really is no excuse for anyone to nasty but if they are that is what the 'block' function is for.Some people will ask why you said no, i tend to not give an answer on that as the fact is i don't really have to give an answer (and really, do you want to know????).I would definitely say keep responding, it is the polite thing to do and someone has taken the time to flirt/message you after all if you were in a night club and a guy came up to you and asked to buy you a drink or for a dance would you just turn your back on him and ignore him? or would you say 'no thanks'? simple really.WBYM
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RHP User
13 years ago
should be treated exactly the same if someone walks up and offers to buy you a drink in a bar - you wouldn't just turn around and walk off .. i hope
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RHP User
13 years ago
I would prefer a reply either way. No reply results in a possible follow-up message. You don't know what's going on. Okay, you may say if 2 weeks has gone by assume it's a no. However I have had messages read up 4 weeks after sent and received a positive reply. I can imagine ladies receiving a lot more messages that us guys which makes it difficult to reply to all. The template option is a good idea.I assume everyone can read; so do it. Take the time to read the profile. If you can't do that don't expect someone to take the time to read your message and reply. Generally the profile clearly specifies whether you match and should make contact. If you don't match; don't contact; simple. When I message someone I refer to things in their profile. It's shows you read it and found things in common.It's the same old story. The old 80 / 20 rule The few causing trouble for the majority. When someone has the decency to reply, be decent enough to be courteous even when it's negative. Don't spoil it for the rest of us.
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RHP User
13 years ago
we dont reply to those who are obviously outside of what we seek...as they've not read our profile, or chose to ignore what we wrote... many say...when asked...'i thought i'd try anyway'........we say dont try...and then you wont be offended when we dont respond......is this rude or arrogant? no not in the least..its the result of receiving hundreds and hundreds of flirts and messages from people we'd never give a second glance to........besides, its a waste to use the limited messages we do have, on those we have no interest in...isnt it? we aim high...and seek GOOD LOOKING 35 plus aged guys who are SINGLE and AVAILABLE....its not hard. but so bloody many get it wrong. as a couple, do what suits you, you only have each other to please after all...if it suits to not reply...then dont. dont fret about it... its rude and disrespectful that some will contact you, knowing full well they arent what you seek...they do it on'spec'...hoping they'll jag someone who might prove willing to meet them....its a numbers game they play the field...and sometimes against all odds, actually see payday.... so dont spend your time worrying about people you wont meet, spend your time on those who hold the most promise for you, or you'll miss some golden opportunities...............
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RHP User
13 years ago
For us it comes down to basic manners. We do understand that some people may be unendated with many messages and flirts however it takes too seconds to respond perhaps with a template message. Imagine this is your workplace, if you're asked a question you respond. For us a no response indicates no basic manners and warrants no further contact.
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RHP User
13 years ago
I want to click the LIKE button on Mooka's comment about DIckhead Radar. What a brilliant way to put it .. lmao.Damn it doesnt have the LIKE button.. gawd,, shows how much of a FB user i am :P
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RHP User
13 years ago
I have this on my profile: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I MAY send you a message, even if we are not apparently suited. Please dont get bent out of shape...It is only that I saw something in your profile worthy of comment.. I enjoy life, and wouldn't be dead for quids!! " ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This site is a social entity, and I dont think commenting on a profile, or part thereof is a serious crime. When I do it, I MOSTLY get decent feedback. I tell the person I am not hitting on them, and just saw something to comment on, joke about or gripe about. OR just to say I liked their profile for whatever reason. But.. OMG.. do I sometimes get a nasty piece of work jumping to claw my eyes out. Once or twice, I have ACTUALLY gotten something positive back.. kept in contact and become at the least.. friends. you see, I DO have people I have met on here, then met in person - not to have sex, just to SEE - and never had, or going to have sex, but, become VERY strong friends in the REAL world. I more often then not get gay men (or STRAIGHT) emailling me, and I answer every one of them too... WITHOUT a single word of nasty, no matter what they first suggest... but, here is one for the boys.... "I have NEVER had a harsh email from a man yet." THAT makes me wonder a little Just my thoughts on the subject peoples... caveman (I am not called one for no reason)
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RHP User
13 years ago
no thanks is perfectly fine with me. I don't need any further explaination because I don't really care. When I message someone I am curious only at the beginning and will not have real interest until I find out if they have genuine real interest in me. That way if I get no reply or if we converse and they disappear into cyber voidness then I am unconcerned... People who send silly replies back because you have zero interest are not thinking in a healthy way? Why maintain interest in someone who couldn't care less??? The only exceptions to this is if you get rude arrogant shitty replies then all bets are off go for it lol
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RHP User
13 years ago
We do always reply, and if we haven't it is for a good rason (i.e. holidays/work comittments).... However...we have found that living up here in Cairns, no matter what the reply, there are a few people that just DO NOT take no for an answer and continue to message/harass you...as if constantly being in touch will change your mind. Not on this site, but another, even blocking didn't work......Small towns are hard- Everyone seems to know everyone somehow! Wish I was back in a real city... :( mich x
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RHP User
13 years ago
think I am going to try and get that template set up so I can come up with a nice generic 'no thanks' reply.
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rupamohan
13 years ago
Though template is a gr8 time saver....we do have time to send personalise response and response varies, also depends on the mood..where as it may be your right not to be treated rudely ..we believe nice reply is a privilege. We don't like "your are not what I m looking" type statements. To minimise this situation we prefer to make our profile clear on what we are looking for. we like neutral statements. few examples a) NO answer is also a type of answer, yes we do understand it can be mistaken as being sign of busy, worth a retry but exp is most PPL will not retry. b) (optional -I don't think we all match well). At present we have decided to stop here (or not to take it any further). Thankyou for your interest. c) Currently we are in touch with other members. We don't want to over commit. We can look it further, in future.
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RHP User
13 years ago
You could do the old thanks but no thanks block combo.Then you get to eel good about yourself for being polite AND void the potential of being on the back end of a "bitch you know not hat you're missing" spiteful retort.Awwhh it's a complicated world isn't it.HugsStalky
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