swinging may cost our marriage

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  And his wife hit the skids when infidelity crept in. Short answer......a LOT of commitment by both people, saw a job change and they moved forward together.....4 kids later and they're just as strong if not stronger than they were prior to the infidelity.... But..... There were 2 people wanting it work.....so I'd be trying to establish first if there are 2 people in it genuinely or not....that gives you a base to start from... All the best to you :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  As someone who has never swung I do believe this is the same as any other situation. If you both want it to work and you prepared to be open and honest it can be fixed. As long as your honest with yourself and each other it's allways fixable.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Communication is the key in any successful open relationship. It takes a lot of trust and understanding and these don't happen by themselves. You obviously have other issues outside of sex that you need to talk about with each other too. Make a time when you know you won't be disturbed and go in with an open mind. Tell your partner that you don't want to be judged and you won't judge him. Take it in turns to talk about something and how that makes you feel ('when x happens, it makes me feel y' or 'when you do x it makes me feel y'). The person listening should mirror back what you've said i.e. I understand that when x happens, it makes you feel y. Then tell each other why you think it makes you feel this way. Don't get defensive if your partner says something that hurts you, just listen to their reasoning and mirror it back to show them that you're listening to them and not just thinking of a retort as they're speaking. This way of communicating takes practice, so don't try to cover every issue in one sitting, but do it once a week or so and hopefully it will help. When you really start looking into your fears and feelings, you'll probably find that most of it comes from some sort of childhood event or relationship you had, so don't blame yourself, just become aware of why it makes you feel the way you do and try to move on from it slowly. Good luck.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  communication is of course the big thing, no surprise there, but the one thing I would stress here is to not blame yourself or think there's anything wrong with you. Where you stand right now, truth be known, you're probably standing with 80% of the population, with your relationship I mean. People in relationships keep their cards close to their chest, even the best relationships, those that appear to be, can and quite often do, have underlying issues. It's hard to be able to talk openly about this stuff on here. The best talk I had with my husband, now ex, was the talk we had when we decided to go our own way. We had never been as honest, open, respectful and accepting of each other, as we were in that moment. We talked as if we'd just met (when we'd actually met roughly 26 yrs before), then went out and had a drink together and reflected on our life. Laughed about things, it was amazing. Very unusual situation, and sad, but a path we needed to take. That was us however. I don't think your marriage has to end. You've already taken steps, no doubt out of your comfort zone, that can't have been easy. Keep talking and be open with each other. Good luck

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Lovely advice! Mary xx

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Getting some professional help..yes you can do this by yourselves but IMO you red support as well..good luck Q

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  Its not you, its men. Read Sex at Dawn, honestly. You are enough, but doesn't stop guys from wanting something different.

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  RHP User

  9 years ago

  I understand your insecurities about not being enough. I have felt that way myself but there are a lot of reasons for looking into the lifestyle but no matter what it should enhance your relationship no destroy it. I see many couples in my counselling practice within the lifestyle that struggle. It can sound all fun and exciting but unless couples communication prior to doing, set rules and restrictions and review those regularly it can go terribly wrong. Theory and practice are two very different things and circumstances and opinions change over time. This is something that should bring you closer together not tear you apart. If you can find someone in your area that is sensitive to your lifestyle choices I suggest you go see a professional before it is too late. Many couples wait too long to see someone. The most successful couples I have seen are those that came to see me in the discuss stage and I facilitated the communication and rule setting about it, they check in regularly to make sure everything is still OK and in these cases things have worked out just fine. I personally believe that anyone who is bringing other people into their relationship in any way should see someone even if only a couple of times a year to make sure everyone is OK and still on the same page. It can be difficult to bring difficulties up, particularly if you were the one who suggested giving it a go. I really hope you will seek some help and work things out. Best of luck.

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  SexyScorpios

  9 years ago

  flissy, don't get hung up about what you think of yourself and your insecurities because you may be surprised to find that you are a whole lot hotter than you think you are. Other people will be the one who judge and if you dont like the verdict simply move onto the many offers a hot girl who likes to swing gets. At first Mrs SexyScorpio was very insecure about her body and looks and it took a some convincing and a very nice guy who is now a regular FB to make her understand how hot she was. Even totally hotter when a girl has no dramas cutting loose and will have sex with multi guys, it drives the right guys wild. In the end its not about what your hubby thinks about swinging it whether you are comfortable with it. Don't write it off it can be somewhat difficult to find the right people at the start and we have sorted through hundreds of unfuckable people. End the end you and hubby need to decide if you want to satisfy your sexual needs within the relationship ( eg swing together with others or break up and try new people alone or indeed stay together and don't swing) I will say that swinging has put a whole new breath of fresh air into our sex life but we have always been rock solid stable, never a jealous relationship.

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  I think the question is what we're the motivations for both of you to take the step and open that door. Obviously there had to be a certain level of trust, honesty and respect between you two to even broach the subject. That is what you need to hold onto and allow it to get stronger through the swinging journey. But us being subject to the power of emotions one can never get complacent that everything is always Going to be fine and dandy because look at us, we are strong enough as a couple to start this journey. I know from personal experience the pitfalls of complacency and almost lost my marriage. We had several spontaneous mff's early on in our marriage and they were never discussed between us in detail after.....she instigated all of them and I was blessed. However before progressing to couple play we did sit and discuss. After several experiences....some good some not so much which resulted in us having a break for a year. She then decided she didn't want to play with strangers or couples met online and doing it with friends was the way forward. None of our friends were enjoying the sexual freedoms that we were at the time so I was hesitant and not holding my breath. But we decided to open up a little to certain couples to see if there was something there.... No luck. But at least 5 or 6 instances where her single girlfriends read our signals and hit us up. One even got naked on our bed one night at house party then called us up. Another tried going down on her whilst rubbing me up but to no avail. There was always a reason why it was no not her....not here ....or I'm not feeling it right now. Before it would've taken an act of God to stop her from getting it on with a female friend. Very much bisexual. But all of a sudden it was taboo...yet when we figured out how much one of our guy friends was secretly coveting her we agreed to try mmf. I did most of thework in bringing it up then making him comfortable and discussing event etc etc That lead to her developing a gradually increasing affection and bond between them until it reached a stage where I would try to explain to her the dangers of getting emotionally attached as opposed to keeping it all about sexual gratification as it was originally, and she would get defensive and angry that I was being insecure etc etc. i was the one that instigated and facilitated the whole thing only to be the target of her animosity. It was always without question a threesome. But just when I thought okay we are all ready to go I left the house for 20 mins only to come back and find them adjusting clothes and acting normal. Turns out she fucked him three times without my knowledge or presence but would reject my advances on her when he was present on the basis that she was shy even after asking me to make the first move and set the ball rolling by kissing and touching her in front of him and invite him to join..... It got to point where I would leave the room for a few moments and I would come back to see her straddling his lap rubbing his cock and passionately kissing. That's if they didn't hear me return then they would jump away from each other and go all shy like nothing happened. I couldn't even kiss her in front of him but they could engage in everything they wanted if I wasn't present. I've learnt a lot from that and it showed me to never be complacent or inattentive to the slightest indication of risk........ - Posted from rhpmobile

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