F56
Expectations
May 03 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some men don't seem to understand that a even if a woman is looking for a NSA casual sex that doesn't mean that she still doesn't want certain things from her lover. She still wants chemistry, to know he is a nice guy, e.t.c. It would seem that for some men any hole will do... Women are different. Those guys saying that they see nothing wrong with a guy sending a message with "how about a root" don't seem to understand that women don't need to be on a website to get just any old cock. If we want that we can go to the pub or a sex club. We are still after quality and sexual compatibility. I love men but some are so .... simple. :-/
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have met women who have used me as their "Local man" But.. been adamant about "Do not intrude in my life OUTSIDE of camp" Fck... I understand that.. except.. sometimes.. I wish I had been able to Ok.. MAYBE they had their Hubby or something at home.... maybe they had a different set of standards or friends or both at home.. I know BEFORE i start a local relationship, I tell the person in no uncertain terms that when I leave camp or town, I will be doing it alone.. Fck.. if it good enough for me to do it.. it is good enough for her too.. More Power to those who understand what they want, and stick to their guns.. Hell... some ppl go out for drinks.. pick up a root for the night.. and end up in a relationship.. (sometimes a relationship from hell) for like.. forever nearly.. THEN.. after that relationship explodes.. they go do it again... fck...
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inspirit
12 years ago
Thanks Karyn for your post. :-)I myself have been pondering this of late. I am quite clear as well with what I desire, however I find men think I want a "relationship" as per-say. They seem to get all confused and think that if you become close to a woman in an intimate setting then you are forming a partnership/relationship. There are many forms of "relationships" such as an intimate relationship, ethical relationship, interpersonal relationship and so on... I think how one defines these can be the cause of many misconceptions. It seems to me now days people are becoming more confused and expectations are becoming grander. In my 20's we used the term "Platonic Relationship/Frienship" and by all accounts it use to cover FWB, FB, NSA etc. It was simple. Now we have to dissect every thing.Food for thought.....
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inspirit
12 years ago
..spell check isle 69 please
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RHP User
12 years ago
My apologies, I thought you were talking about the other thread of TR's.
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RHP User
12 years ago
be amazed at the amount of people who have profiles on vanilla sites looking for happy ever after and a profile on adult sites for something in the meantime, so a hook up happens here and it is under false pre tenses as a relationship IS actually what they are REALLY looking for.And whilst the above is perhaps a small minority I think many people kid themselves over their ability to maintain a FB or FWB type relationship.Which is why having a married FB works so well for some.The FWB relationship that is "a bit special" without being a full blown relationship is far harder in reality than on your profile.
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inspirit
12 years ago
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think it's often too hard to gauge expectations from some words on a profile and a couple of pics. We all have many relationships all the time - I guess it's how you define those relationships that counts, not whether it's a "relationship".I have a relationship with my business clients, I have a relationship with Mr IAT, I have a relationship with my galpals and Mr and I have a relationship together with our playmates. What those things 'mean' are different for different people; they're not always what we 'set out' to find either. So yes, Karynb, I agree it's entirely realistic to have different expectations from different 'relationships'.But sometimes, we don't know what we're looking for until we find it - so how can we articulate that in a profile? Perhaps a more sensible way to go in terms of letting others meet our expectations is to say not what we ARE looking for, but rather what we ARE NOT looking for? And we often know what these are, right? There are forum posts about 'deal breakers' and turn off's - hairyVs hair free, big cock/little cock - the list is almost endless and RHPers don't seem to have much trouble articulating the things that send them running! Does that mean that anything in between is a 'possibility'?Food for thought x
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inspirit
12 years ago
I myself is on some Vaniila sites and I myself have had some awesome sexeplodes off them. My PF on "those" sites does say state what I am looking for. "My Dream Match" once again it is how a person interprets......
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sweetgem
12 years ago
I can't speak for all, but for myself, I do know and make it clear that I am NOT here to seek a full relationship nor would I expect anything like it from my RHP experiences. However, I do prefer to meet someone who I can connect with intellectually and physically simply for the sake of earning respect for each other and a great friendship along the journey. But I do find that cyber communication is a big kill in getting one's message clear and across, because everyone's interpretation of words and tones are different.Therefore, if I am still interested after a few exchange of emails, I always ask for a face to face meet up over a coffee or drinks or dinner to chat in person and explain to the man what I seek on RHP. Discuss your expectations in real life is so much rational and sensible as both parties can see each other's facial expression, body language, etc. etc. etc.Though having said that, I think you have pin pointed the core of the confusion...........that is the word RELATIONSHIP causes confusion!!! Some people might not take this word seriously due to the way people in this modern world interact with each other, some might still stick to its traditional meaning and belief. I personally do take the word "relationship" seriously because it gives me a special feeling towards a partner. Hence, I use the term "companionship" and "intimate friend" in my profile just to distinguish the difference between a relationship and a companionship/intimacy.Perhaps, there are men and women who don't believe in what other members say in their profiles, or choose not to hear it because they quite like the photos/profiles of those member and just want to chance it anyway LOL All in all, I think there are a good mix of fish in the ocean on adult sites like RHP.PS: In my interpretation, a full relationship means a relation where 2 parties are fully committed to each other emotionally, mentally, physically and morally. So NO, that's not what I'm looking for on RHP.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Personally it has everything to do with how honest people are, but with themselves firstly. I myself am on 2 other vanilla based "relationship" sites. Whilst on those sites, my profile states I'm looking for a relationship, that does not mean I'm going to just develop a relationship with the first person that comes along. RHP is just another vehicle of exposure given my job of truck driving. For some people, men and women, I don't really think they're prepared mentally for what they might find here. Meaning they come to sites like this with the intention of meeting someone for a casual relationship, but they haven't properly defined what means explicitly. This then exposes their lack of self awareness, their insecurities, and before you know it they're a time waster, as they're confronted with their own personal limitations. I'm sure we've all read stories or even experienced a situation where all is going well, then at the last minute a 180o turn is made. Unfortunately with this type of scenario, it has a tendency to breed feelings of frustration if mixed with a couple or a single that HAS in fact got their heads around what they want. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Another thing To consider is that after a while meaningless sex with young hot bodies gets boring. Women I find get to a point where they want more, and by that I mean friendship and some continuity because let's face it, the sex is usually better with people you know well, trust and care about. No I don't mean in love with either. Quality over quantity. I think loads of men on RHP are here for quantity, well if they are lucky.
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RHP User
12 years ago
You've nailed it for me. I like continuity. Because when it's all said and done, I'm left with a truly beautiful friendship, or more....either way it's a positive :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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wingman2014
12 years ago
It all comes down to communication and being honest with yourself and your lover. My ideas on the differences between FWBs and FBs etc may be very different to a potential lovers. So you both have to be clear and honest from the outset so there is no painful situation further along.- Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
12 years ago
Spot on in that sense. Personally fucking those random hot younger bodies is boring as sitting over the wood and watching the drunks get drunker. Sex is better with a few regulars........
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Meeks your explanation is sound. The sex is better when it's with someone who has become "not just a fuck" but a friend as well. Only had this discussion with a lover day before yesterday. Quote me: "I am fully versed in the rules of this liaison. It doesn't however mean that I can't find you very attractive or enjoy spending time with you. I will never ask for what you cannot give, it's not my place. This is a relationship WITHOUT the traditional encumberances.....like what I had with my lion before he passed. Do you understand? I will be honest with you and give of myself to you but I know there are boundaries. I'm not a bunny boiler..... I just want to enjoy you and have you as much as I can in the time that we have. I'm just living in the moment. You know I don't want to hurt you, I want to please you make you feel something...different......good.....alive. This is a win-win situation. You know you can have your way with me in return...... Trust as much in you as from you." Haha then I asked if he had a safe word yet ~insert the devil here~ Wayward Angel Safari
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RHP User
12 years ago
I make a point of letting it be known ' Im not here for a relationship. Does NOT mean any old hole will do' Im too fussy for that. And it dont mean Im into meaningless one night stands fucking some young lady who I can take or leave.. Been there, meaningless random sex can be and is disappointing.. Mind you' that doesnt mean I knock back every opportunity that comes knocking... as a bit of a romantic, I understand what you gals are saying about boring sex with ( in your case )a younger male if its just humping without much more..You at least need a attraction ' that doesn't mean drop dead attractive every time.. Some of the best sex I ever had was with girls I first found not that attractive but the chemistry turned out to be fantastic .. Case in point was a girl I linked up with last year , I seen her daily when I passed her at a resort I was staying. First impression was , nice girl ,not that pretty , body average, not my type so I thought.. Then one day' I stopped to have friendly end of day drink with her and her friends for something to do.. We laughed alot and before I knew it I warmed to her and things happened from there.. Turned out to be a strong bond we both enjoyed and we still communicate today...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Another thing To consider is that after a while meaningless sex with young hot bodies gets boring. Women I find get to a point where they want more, and by that I mean friendship and some continuity because let's face it, the sex is usually better with people you know well, trust and care about. No I don't mean in love with either. Quality over quantity. I think loads of men on RHP are here for quantity, well if they are lucky. Thats a position few men on here will get to experience !
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RHP User
12 years ago
50zcool. I thought you boys just never grew up always looking for the next chick to boink, that you never got to this boring stage. :p I think it's fair to say that a lot of men would say even bad sex is better than no sex where as a lot of women would say no sex is better than bad sex. True or false?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Relationship probably has a pretty set meaning, when it comes to what a guy understands it to be. Of course, I'm not speaking for all, but personally, if I read that someone is after 'not just a FB, but a relationship', I'll initially assume they're after exactly that, a relationship. If I read a little further, I might be able to deduce that the relationship, in the context of this setting, might be referring to something ongoing....but maybe some other people have lost interest already, at this stage.Also, I've got a couple of other friends on here, and they're your dreaded "want to fuck" type guys.... and they'll swear that after sending out (an admittedly high) number of said emails, they'll always get back one or two that are absolutely interested, given their 'to the point' message. So, for every twenty or so that are after a bit more of a connection and an erotic haiku as an introductory email, there are one or two that are just fine with the exact opposite!..apparently.
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RHP User
12 years ago
No sex is better than bad sex.. Agree... Nothing worse than thinking. 'Why the fuck did I do that ' ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can only speak on my behalf, but I'd rather no sex than feeling like I have to have sex to conform to the stereotype. - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
12 years ago
Bob is so much better than bad sex.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lingers on your psyche for ages. It's not worth it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sfg096' Relationship probably has a pretty set meaning, when it comes to what a guy understands it to be. Of course, I'm not speaking for all, but personally, if I read that someone is after 'not just a FB, but a relationship', I'll initially assume they're after exactly that, a relationship. If I read a little further, I might be able to deduce that the relationship, in the context of this setting, might be referring to something ongoing....but maybe some other people have lost interest already, at this stage.Also, I've got a couple of other friends on here, and they're your dreaded "want to fuck" type guys.... and they'll swear that after sending out (an admittedly high) number of said emails, they'll always get back one or two that are absolutely interested, given their 'to the point' message. So, for every twenty or so that are after a bit more of a connection and an erotic haiku as an introductory email, there are one or two that are just fine with the exact opposite!..apparently. I can see the direct aproach working some of the time for me. All my tales on here are so old but yes I do remember something of the sort working with me in the deep, dark past... Remember having fun... But if he tried draggin' me around by my hair... Approach me, give me an honest choice and maybe I'll feel like playing the same game you do... But this day, right now not likely... cos I'm not looking for anything at all.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That's why my profile is written the way it is. It is a great filter in itself.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think most people (men) have a misconception of what "relationship" means. I have developed a few "relationships" though this site. Some are sexual in nature, other have been sexual and have become just friendships and others have just been friendships (both male and female non-sexual relationships). For Sex to be fulfilling to me, I usually need more than a few hours of flirting at a bar to get fully interested in the lady. The ladies, I've meet from RHP, have been after numerous e-mails, texts and/or conversations. This means there is a mutual respect and interest in each others intellect and sense of humour.The biggest problem, for me, is the more I enjoy someone's company, in and out of bed, the more I want to be around them. This doesn't mean I'm falling in love with them, it's just I prefer their company more then others.Does this behavior make women think I'm falling for them?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cavey... love your "cut through the crap" responses. Why can't more men be like you eh? :) Actually, maybe one of you is enough? Lol Funlover... Does wanting to spend more time with a woman read as falling in love with her? Yes, for about 95%, me thinks :) Then again, I have a feeling you don't see those type of women anyway. I read one profile today on RHP by a guy, who stated he was looking to start a family... WTF? Is it because its Geraldton? Lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes sometimes those lines can become blurry. If someone wants to spend lots of time with you in and out if the bedroom, tells you their secrets, loves to kiss and cuddle. Yes quite often a women may think that things are getting more serious or at least that feelings may be developing between you. It's a risk we all take with FWB situations. Sometimes you fall for the person without meaning too. Not always, but it can. A big thing to look out for is when a woman stops seeing other men as she only wants to see you. I think that should be a red flag to say that her feelings are more serious. That's just what I think from my own experiences. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
a big problem in my view, is that many people say they only want NSA and then say,BUT if the right person came along......sooooo that immediately creates HOPE and sometimes even a belief in the reader, that this person has been looking for ME. Sometimes we hear only what we want to hear,sometimes people tell us what they think we want to hear. Funlover, YES if a man is wanting to spend lots of time with a woman she will probably think at the very least, you are forming an attachment to her.....intimacy will do that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
If everyone communicated like Cavey, there would be no misunderstandings, no misconceptions, no false hopes. (ofcourse there might be one or two tender hearted souls who couldn't cope....) Funlover, yes i think the majority of women, and many men, would be confused by someone wanting to spend lots of time with them but not let a permanent relationship develop. Knowing you personally,and counting myself in the friend category, i think that i can honestly say, you do communicate that fact with women you interact with....some however will always choose to believe what they want to hear......as i've said to you in the past....You just have to keep telling them!
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RHP User
12 years ago
That sometimes things change. What started out as a FB or FWB's relationship can and sometimes does become more. Personally i think, as in all relationships, communication is key. Talk through the expectations, the emotions, be honest about how you are feeling. Ofcourse there is a certain amount of vulnerability involved, but a real emotionally honest relationship can't develop any other way.
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subgal_gc
12 years ago
I believe that if you are up front and honest about what you are seeking and what your expectations are then you are on the right path. However as karynb pointed out some people will always hear what they want to hear no matter what you tell them. However there is always a difference between RL and RHP. If say you meet someone at the pub and begin to spend more and more time with them, (without them knowing about your online persona and the fact that you are seeing other people) then it is possible that they may begin to think you are falling for them. So best to be open and talk to them about what you do and don't want!
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inspirit
12 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' That sometimes things change. What started out as a FB or FWB's relationship can and sometimes does become more. Personally i think, as in all relationships, communication is key. Talk through the expectations, the emotions, be honest about how you are feeling. Ofcourse there is a certain amount of vulnerability involved, but a real emotionally honest relationship can't develop any other way. However I have found majority of men just can't do this. They are so uncomfortable with it. On the other hand the ones that have had the emotional security security to discuss openly and honestly our friendships have turned out to me my best FWB's with ongoing friendships...
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jensta
12 years ago
At the end of the day ... Everyone Wants to find there perfect Match
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RHP User
12 years ago
"Does this behavior make women think I'm falling for them?" Yup... That's what I means to me. I wouldn't want to give more of my time to someone unless feelings are developing. If I did start spending more time with someone and feelings were not developing, I'd make it pretty clear, so as not to hurt them or give them false hope.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Their perfect match? I can state categorically that I am NOT looking for any perfect match.. I am so far away from commitment, that my dogs even belong to my next door neighbours. They come and visit.. they jump up on my hammock to wake me in the morning.. they dig in my garden, they shit in my driveway.. then they go home... NOW.. if only I could get a women to act like that, I would have met my perfect match... I could even llive with her shitting in my driveway!!
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inspirit
12 years ago
Define perfect match for you?? it is written on profile and i know what mine is though it does NOT contain commitment.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Oh dear. I see that by me spending time with a girl, e.g. going for dinners, watching a movie, going for outdoor events, would make her think I wanted something more than a FWB relationship, even if I mention I just wanted a FWB relationship. However, I want a friend too, a companion instead of just a warm body (no pun related to the movie/book).Definitely agree with no sex is better than bad sex. However, if the person is great, then bad sex improves over time :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes quite often after a length of time I think a lot is women do start to think that, regardless that a guy says he just wants casual. They start to think their situation is different. And I don't think that is an unreasonable expectation given the norms in out society and how girls are taught to think. I don't appreciate your sarcasm quite frankly.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeka, I wasn't trying to be sarcastic.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Boys want the girlfriend experience without the committment. Must excuse us women for caring... That's is something we are good at. * walks off stamping my feet. FU! *
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subgal_gc
12 years ago
You summed that up perfectly. And they wonder why we get confused or hurt!! I have a male best friend that i know i can call on to pick me up when i fall, hold me close when i need it, get blind rotten drunk on the odd occasion with me and even sleep in bed with me...all without a single expectation from either of us (in fact he has a gf who is quite lovely), but at the end of the day he is not someone that i will ever have confused feelings about no matter how much time i spend with him..perhaps because there is no sexual chemistry between us. Thou there have been times recently where i was left decidedly confused by another friend that couldn't decide what or who he wanted... and left me wondering what his expectations were more so than mine.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What do you mean by commitment Meeka? It seems we are talking about two different things, maybe different semantics.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That special FWB's relationship is hard to find...and harder still to manage. But it can be done. It requires just as much communication as any other relationship along with a good dose of honestly and vulnerability. Perhaps that's the key, really the essence of all successful relationships comes down to the same ingredients?? Quoting '50zkool'be amazed at the amount of people who have profiles on vanilla sites looking for happy ever after and a profile on adult sites for something in the meantime, so a hook up happens here and it is under false pre tenses as a relationship IS actually what they are REALLY looking for. And whilst the above is perhaps a small minority I think many people kid themselves over their ability to maintain a FB or FWB type relationship. Which is why having a married FB works so well for some. The FWB relationship that is "a bit special" without being a full blown relationship is far harder in reality than on your profile.
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RHP User
12 years ago
what actually constitutes a ''serious relationship''.....what are the strings that many people are afraid of? That there might be some sort of expectation from another? That you might have to consider the feelings of another? .....even bonobos and other apes show feelings of affection and care towards others. Have we become so cut off and isolated that we only see others as performing a function for our selfish pleasures with little or no regard for them as thinking feeling beings? .
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe what we afraid of is the demands, the things like "You have to make me happy, entertained and look after me".Because the funny way we are, after a while its like this, we become demanding in our behavier.When I think what would be the ideal relationship I would say, let me be "Me".I don"t know whether the "other" can stick to that.For me on here I don't expect anything, however I want lots. So saying this a good relationship in it self is a hard one to find and it doesn't matter on what side you are.....we all deep deep down want one.The people I meet I sort out for a long time in my mind. I want to communicate before I have sex.When this is not what this man wants then so be it. I am not overly disappointed, only a little bit.I will not believe that many males get all they hoped from on RHP, because most women on here are into quality. So where does this leave the male who is only after counting the fucks?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well that's the million dollar question isn't it. What are men afraid of? The old ball and chain? The person who will want to change them into something they are not the minute they commit? I truly don't know.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Men and women view intimacy differently. The spooning all night, the kissing and cuddling, spending lots of time together, sharing your personal histories and secrets, the endearments, the frequent communication..... Men see this as another aspect of sex to enjoy. It means nothing. For women this often will mean, particularly after awhile, that feelings are developing between you and that the "relationship" is becoming more serious. It is developing!!! It's surprising that men in their 30's and 40's haven't appreciated this fact about women. We are loving and caring and this is our nature. And okay for sophisticated, worldly women who most likely have been burned by this before the intimacy may mean nothing, but for a lot of every day women it means more.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Freya unfortunately love comes with expectations these days. Well actually it has always come with expectations and certain responsibilities throughout history. To love someone freely without the expectation that they have to love you back? That love is a feeling to embrace and enjoy without it having to lead somewhere. Now that's a pure joy. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am sorry but the words and tone of your comment sounded down right sarcastic to me. "Bummer, oh dear if I spend lots of time with a girl she will think I want something more." Yep, dude. Quite often that is exactly what a woman will think.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I thought we were talking about people's different expectations? Well that is what I have been discussing.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think if you are upfront about your expectations and intentions, then there can be no confusion and lack of meeting expectations. Having no expectations of who you are meeting also allows a thousand possibilities and the wonderment of surprise.
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Mischeviouslad
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Well that's the million dollar question isn't it. What are men afraid of? The old ball and chain? The person who will want to change them into something they are not the minute they commit? I truly don't know. Its not entirely a gender specific trait, Miss Meeka.My 'one that got away' story relates to a woman who justified her fear of commitment and relationships as "preferring not to lose friends".DG
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, I hear what you are saying... But, I still must ask WHY... Look back at my first post, where I discussed the Woman in a camp/town I was in.. I told her clearly. often and deliberately that I was going to leave town alone .. and yet.. when the time came She trashed herself. I KNOW a lot of my faults... and being able to.. or (Maybe) even WANTING to commit is one of them.. and I compensate the people in my life by letting them know that. Well.. maybe not compensate, but certainly, I believe I pre-warn them. AND: I have had women who do the same to me.. "I will be your *Camp woman* - as long as we are in camp" "BUT.. outside, and after this.. we are not staying in contact" Suits me... in essence.. HOWEVER... "Once or twice I wish.... " SORT OF...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Why what? Women can convince themselves of anything. LOLZ. It's different if the woman is married or come out of a relationship and categorically does not want a relationship but for a lot of every day women the boundaries and lines become confused. Not all! And yes I am generalizing. Why? Maybe it's that mothering instinct? Maybe that is something that women just have... That we care about people, look out or people, that prolonged intimacy with another person means out feelings become involved. It's a fact deal with it. It's the expectations women have around what those feelings mean and what it is supposed to lead to which is a problem. And Cavey, you are talking about fuck buddy situations aren't you? Do you take your women out? Wine and dine them? Tell them all your secrets? Stroke their hair, etc etc. A lot of men do this but still say it's all just a casual root. It's confusing for women. That's all I am saying.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, it's not gender specific but I can only speak from my side of the fence. :p
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RHP User
12 years ago
This is my point though. Sometimes a bloke saying they only want a casual arrangement is not enough. Expectations still build up. Girls is anyone with me on this one????? Men say one thing then act in a completely different manner, surely I am not the only one who thinks this way.
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RHP User
12 years ago
IMETo me Expectations means they are things we want from someone else.It can be high expectations and sometimes low expectations.Sometimes we don't have control over other peoples expectations.If I am in any sort of relationship with someone and they put expectations on me, sometimes I feel like it's an obligation.I want that person to spend time with me because of their feelings for me.I don't want that other person to do certain things for me just because they are expected to do or obligated to.If their feelings are strong about me then their actions will show it - and that may include being intimacy.I try not to label my relationships IE:FWB, NSA as to me that puts expectations there and obligations of what that relationship is...adds extra pressure. I like intimacy and different levels of it. I do however expect healthy relationships with people that I meet and I do expect good communication as well.Being compatible and being on the same page is a really healthy special relationship to me and that includes no obligations.FOXY
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subgal_gc
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' This is my point though. Sometimes a bloke saying they only want a casual arrangement is not enough. Expectations still build up. Girls is anyone with me on this one????? Men say one thing then act in a completely different manner, surely I am not the only one who thinks this way. I am with you on this one. Guys saying one thing, doing the other, then getting all upset when you call them on that behaviour. Apparently we are supposed to be mind readers of being able to interpret the meaning behind the words and the actions to figure out what the hell they mean and want!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeka, my original post was me being flippant. Perhaps I shouldn't have said that as I am digging a deeper hole for myself, fashioning the noose and providing you with the rope. Oh well.The expectations were clearly laid out at the beginning. Both of us agree this would be how it would be. She changed her mind later on and wanted commitment, i.e. marriage and children (this from a woman who originally doesn't want children and wanted to live in another country)! I thought about it and went, not with her. The fireworks after that was interesting, not in a pleasant way.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe we've confused things in this age of so many various types of relationships. Years ago there weren't all the variables and combinations we have today. Or perhaps it's just in the lables we apply these days. I do think that at all the different stages, relationships do all have expectations, some are common through all types of relationship, some depend on the intimacy and connection/commitment level. The key thing that i think makes any relationship successful is clear and concise commuincation....almost like a running commentary.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes & no. I think the problem is that women, me included, are not listening to what they say. We try and invest all sorts of meanings that aren't there. When men say FWB they mean it... Even if they start acting like Prince Charming and are sweeping you off you feet. I reckon this is where the disconnect is. Men think saying it is enough even if they start acting like your BF or start acting like they love you. To them its just a nice side line to the sex, the intimacy that is. It does not mean anything else. Women hear the words but get confused with the actions and the way a man acts. To men it means not much, to women it changes the whole ball game. That is probably the extreme case. But do you know what I mean? It's not the man's fault or the woman's fault. It's just they way we interpret things differently.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' Yes, I hear what you are saying... But, I still must ask WHY... Look back at my first post, where I discussed the Woman in a camp/town I was in.. I told her clearly. often and deliberately that I was going to leave town alone .. and yet.. when the time came She trashed herself. I KNOW a lot of my faults... and being able to.. or (Maybe) even WANTING to commit is one of them.. and I compensate the people in my life by letting them know that. Well.. maybe not compensate, but certainly, I believe I pre-warn them. AND: I have had women who do the same to me.. "I will be your *Camp woman* - as long as we are in camp" "BUT.. outside, and after this.. we are not staying in contact" Suits me... in essence.. HOWEVER... "Once or twice I wish.... " SORT OF... because you are not afraid of us cavey and you see women, not just the tits and arse and you do not judge a woman to be the harlot like a lot of men do. but that can cause a problem as womens ears fill in and they become blind to reality when the heart takes over I am one of those womenn who fear intimacy as it hurts like a bitch and who wants to get burnt over and over again. tr staying away from the fire recently I had a lover who I know is going to hook me but I am keeping my self on guard , my expectations are that I live this rhp life with no expectations but my shield is that I am happy in the life i have now. single women looking for more will get a reality check on rhp when looking for commitment , its like rockinghorse shit
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RHP User
12 years ago
we need written contracts.... I Ms.Dill do promise Mr.Pooh to never love and adore you even if your actions would lead me to believe you have feelings for me.I do promise to ignore all acts of intimacy and will only believe the words....I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP...until someone better comes along or one of us is bored......yours faithfully Ima Dill.
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subgal_gc
12 years ago
Yep what you have said does make sense, but let me ask this one (cause I am genuinely interested in opinions). I have a male friend who isn't interested in a relationship for personal reason that he has explained to me, but is looking for a monogamous FWB arrangement. I asked him what he saw as the difference, his answer was something along the lines of friends, someone to hang out with, go drinking with, movies/footy/concerts with, have round for dinner, go to her place for dinner, go out for dinner/lunch/brunch with, chill out on the couch with but not be in each others pockets all the time. Oh and the important factor, be the only person each other is having sex with. Took me less than 30secs to point out to him that what he has just described is pretty much a relationship. He disagreed!! I tried to point out to him that while the idea sounds appealing, many women will see that as being in a relationship, therefore causing confusion for any women likely to be involved. Differing interpretations of what is and isn't a relationship is highlighted right here I think.
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RHP User
12 years ago
TR Meeks.. again: OK! maybe THAT is my problem... BUT, I don't classify it as a PROBLEM. Let me get back to the Woman of my first post here.. I did get close to her.. I did wine and dine her.. I did do stuff around her house for her.. we did camp together when we went out.. we did do a lot of things that a "Couple" would do.. BUT.. I often.. and deliberately pulled the reins up.. I often and deliberately said.. "Don't get used to this from me Girl... it is not going to last.. I will get sacked (long story) and I WILL leave alone" So: in REALITY.. are we calling a FWB a "Booty call"? OR.. CAN a FWB actually be a SHORT term relationship... with a finite time frame, and a decided/declared ending? Damn it.. I would LIKE to get back into the knickers of my (Ex) bosses wife... BUT.. EVEN IF I did get invited to a project where she was OR bumped into her anywhere - She has made it clear that there will be NO GO AGAIN. Shame!
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inspirit
12 years ago
In reference to your above post Meeks....Men just want to have their ego stroked. You know cake and eat it as well.... They do all these lovely things ... Wining and Dining, you know the The Prince Charming bullshit because it makes them feel GREAT they are giving blah blah blah.....however they don't want to take any accountability what so ever that they themselves are stepping over the mark. Isn't it about time men come to the party and started to think about their actions. As Cavey suggested..... can these FWB relationships be a short term relationship. YES I do believe SOME of these are. ....and shaggers I am not referring to ALL men.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Tell your friend he is talking about a girlfriend. Seriously he can fuck right off! He wants a woman at his beck and call, sex on tap and only for him, sympathy on tap, basically the girlfriend without the emotional attachment... Until what? He decides he is ready for a relationship and goes of running looking for his perfect match. Any woman that would agree to that arrangement is nuts!! Selfish! That's what that is, and it's only asking for trouble. What a foolish man.
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RHP User
12 years ago
We recently had a spooning thread.... Can I say if an FWB just wanted to spoon all night I personally would start thinking that this may be something more than just a sexual arrangement. It's how chicks think!!!
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inspirit
12 years ago
I myself have read things wrong in the past OR have I ?!!! I have had a few FWB's who have wind and dined me and all that other prince charming stuff only to be hurt. Why was I hurt? I believe they were sending the wrong messages.... yes I did speak to them about it and said you just can't do that and helped them understand why. If you don't expect a woman to fall for you then don't be prince charming and don't not expect a tearful fall out.....sorry lads it goes with the territory. These days, I do not allow myself to get to close to any man, I tend to treat them as a mate and expect the same back. Oh, they still wine and dine me and at times behave like Prince Charming and I can be Cinderella and sometimes Cruella, however I see it for what it is and I stay DETACHED! I do enjoy my hobbies much more now and when it is over I simply hand them back and say thanks for cumming.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Ophelia Knob here. I would be willing to sign such a civil agreement. It sounds most reasonable. But what about the clause "and any other tasks that may be required to complete the job"? Does this refer to back door action. I must say, rather sounds like the most delicious fun. I would also like to request an added clause that states "I will promise not to love and adore you or care about you one wit, until such time my feelings may change." Yours most insincerely Ophelia Knob (˘❥˘)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Exactly.
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inspirit
12 years ago
Fuck knows Meeks. If some one wanted to spoon me all night I think I'd be on my phone to another FWB. So personally I don't know what other chicks thinks, I think.....no thanks I am here for sex. I get a great spooning from my pillows and I don't have to make them breakfast.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'cavey50' TR Meeks.. again: OK! maybe THAT is my problem... BUT, I don't classify it as a PROBLEM. Let me get back to the Woman of my first post here.. I did get close to her.. I did wine and dine her.. I did do stuff around her house for her.. we did camp together when we went out.. we did do a lot of things that a "Couple" would do.. BUT.. I often.. and deliberately pulled the reins up.. I often and deliberately said.. "Don't get used to this from me Girl... it is not going to last.. I will get sacked (long story) and I WILL leave alone" So: in REALITY.. are we calling a FWB a "Booty call"? OR.. CAN a FWB actually be a SHORT term relationship... with a finite time frame, and a decided/declared ending? Damn it.. I would LIKE to get back into the knickers of my (Ex) bosses wife... BUT.. EVEN IF I did get invited to a project where she was OR bumped into her anywhere - She has made it clear that there will be NO GO AGAIN. Shame! i see a big old cod with a hook hanging out of its mouth
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RHP User
12 years ago
So she didn't fall for your charm. More power to her. I guarantee you you keep doing that you will come across women who will think you want more. It's one example. And it is a problem if women fall in love with and you break their hearts knowing full well you have absolutely no intention of wanting more than a sexual arrangement with some friendship benefits.
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inspirit
12 years ago
Cavey?? Did you not realise there would be a fall out?!?!?! Fuk me.. look how MUCH you were involved in her life. Come on let's get real here! We all now most woman are dependable on men RIGHT! WHY did you stay in that RELATIONSHIP?? I am questioning your behaviuor ...... that's all !
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subgal_gc
12 years ago
Yep I did tell him exactly that!!! That a monogamous FWB arrangement is in fact a relationship no matter what way you spin it. And Inspirit, have to say spot on!
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RHP User
12 years ago
'The Dance'? Cha cha cha I say
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inspirit
12 years ago
Prime xample of "Cake....How much can I stuff in my face and not have to be accountable for the weight gain".....
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subgal_gc
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Fuck knows Meeks. If some one wanted to spoon me all night I think I'd be on my phone to another FWB. Yep next time this happens I am straight on the phone to my one of my other FWB even if that means leaving my 'friend' to languish in my home for the night... Spooning is great, but for me should generally be after some earth shaking, mind boggling sex!!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Dear MsDill,If the person you are talking to (Mr.Pooh) does not appear to be listening, be patient..It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in their ear.Yours truelyA.A.Milne.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Some men don't seem to understand that a even if a woman is looking for a NSA casual sex that doesn't mean that she still doesn't want certain things from her lover. She still wants chemistry, to know he is a nice guy, e.t.c. It would seem that for some men any hole will do... Women are different. Those guys saying that they see nothing wrong with a guy sending a message with "how about a root" don't seem to understand that women don't need to be on a website to get just any old cock. If we want that we can go to the pub or a sex club. We are still after quality and sexual compatibility. I love men but some are so .... simple. :-/
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' we need written contracts.... I Ms.Dill do promise Mr.Pooh to never love and adore you even if your actions would lead me to believe you have feelings for me.I do promise to ignore all acts of intimacy and will only believe the words....I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP...until someone better comes along or one of us is bored......yours faithfully Ima Dill.
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RHP User
12 years ago
This has turn me around..and bitten me on the arse hasn't it.. Inspirit... You are a bitch.. YES.. I reckon I KNEW there would be a fall out.. So.. I said.. "Girl.. don't suck my dick if you are NOT fully prepared for the ultimate outcome.." She sucked my dick.. Meeka: I know.. I know.. but.. I still think I will end up in the same boat.. :( TR: ( Innocent "Puppy dog" look....) Who are we talking about lovely???? *enigmatic smile* NOW.. "Spooning..." IF a fella wants to SPOON all night.. and NOT go anywhere else with you girls... Simple.. put on one of your HUGE "Strap-on" and say... "No! No!... Please.. Let ME spoon you!!"
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RHP User
12 years ago
With pleasure Cavey, now roll over while I rub your back.... During the rear entry. Ahhh now thats better isn't it. ;-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Did you find any answers in this Thread????
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RHP User
12 years ago
Bottom line that we all need to remember is that being on a dating site doesn't give anyone a licence to treat others on dating sites like trash. Always show respect, politeness, courtesy and thoughtfulness, never lose your temper and if things don't go your way, simply smile and say 'whatever' Happy something, happy nothing, happy eveything.
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RHP User
12 years ago
LOL!.....no just confirmed that the sexes think differently about relationships. Highlighted EXACTLY why we have issues! Quoting 'cavey50' Did you find any answers in this Thread????
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inspirit
12 years ago
You still evaded my question and I'll wager it wasn't because she sucked your COCK!!! fNow snuggle in baby for your spooning
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inspirit
12 years ago
You RECKON you did know there would be a fall out and YET you still carried on like Prince Charming So how FAT is your arse now from all that CAKE
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RHP User
12 years ago
knowing that Cavey's being ....well .... Cavey (been too quiet of late) paintme
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RHP User
12 years ago
My new quote to use!!!!! :) Its hard to communicate that I want "meaningful" sex but NOT a "meaningful" full on relationship. I already have that in my beautiful marriage... its the extra sexploration im after, but sexploration can become sexboration (aka physical sex without the mental connection ) if there is not much else going on. Ive found the younger hot bods run for their x-boxes (haha that was mean I know ; )) if the word "relationship" is thrown anywhere near their hard penis. I often wonder if the guys more my age are more emotionally mature to equip them to understand more succinctly what im after? Mrs Lusty
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RHP User
12 years ago
I meant to post that last post with OnSafari's self quote... damn smartphone!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Happened here?? Everyone got you Lovely Ladies all fired up.. then they pissed off and left me to take it all *chuckles*
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subgal_gc
12 years ago
I am sure that thought doesn't scare you at all either...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Happened here?? Everyone got you Lovely Ladies all fired up.. then they pissed off and left me to take it all *chuckles*
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RHP User
12 years ago
Happened here?? Everyone got you Lovely Ladies all fired up.. then they pissed off and left me to take it all *chuckles*
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inspirit
12 years ago
meeka got me fired me up and you got the MY fall out lol Now how FAT is your arse????whats with double take again........I guess YOU just really wanna TAKE it ALL
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RHP User
12 years ago
Fit into size 34 Levi.. AND.. if I do say so myself... (Well.. I AM told..) My Butt looks GOOD... AND.. wtf happened here??? 3 times posted????? Sheeese!!! Sorry all... Paint me.. You JIG good
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