F55
Married & attached men - what are you looking for?
November 19 2013
Comments
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PurePeony
9 years ago
I read your post somewhere else and others' comments to it and have this to add : I really hope you will learn to love yourself. If you start to love yourself, you will only want the best for yourself, and you will not tolerate being in a "relationship" where you are obviously second best, because you have been passed over for someone else who is soon to be his bride! You have become his go-to girl because you have made yourself so freely available. He's only going to keep on using you for as long as he can get away with it because you have made yourself available to be used and then tossed aside, again and again. Is this what you want for yourself? A lady with a healthy self esteem will analyse this situation, realise she's being used, and declare, "Screw you! I deserve better!" and go get the life she deserves! I feel for you because a huge part of my life has been wasted with commitmentphobics and emotionally unavailable men. But at my age, I have learnt my lessons and I will not allow myself to be in a losing position again. If a man does not love you, but you keep making yourself freely available to him, you will never gain his respect because you are begging to be used and abused. Some men with conscience will actually resent you for not standing up for yourself even though they might not resist using you anyway cause you are free and easy. So they'll use you, and then hate you for letting them use you! LOL!!! You'll never win! So please, develop a bit of spunk, let go because it's time to let go, take a deep breath, love yourself, and venture out into a new life. Cut this man out of your life entirely. There are nice men out there! Plenty of fish in the ocean, mermaid! ;) All the best!
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RHP User
9 years ago
We're in an open relationship. She is free to meet with who she likes and I am the same. We play as a couple most of the time though. I'm upfront and don't try to hide this fact from anyone. I don't see why you can't be friends with someone and have sex with them outside your marriage and it be consensual between all parties. We've had, and still have, friends we have slept with together and seperately at different stages. Not all women are after holy matrimony and some are just out to enjoy whatever life throws at them. You can still have feelings for someone and love your wife. So long as everybody knows where they stand in the situation and nobody's getting hurt, I don't see the issue. All types of relationships are fraught with what-ifs and second guessing, but in the long run, if something works then hoorah, go with it whatever it is you have going for you.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Cards on the table... My other half knows I "play" outside the wonderful 95% marriage we have. She does not know who, how, when and where! Why do I? Because there is another 5%... and I like to feel 100%. She chooses not to... although I have a feeling that there may be a bit of 2-3% pursued at times. I do not ask and neither does she. Is it easy... in some ways no... there are a few strange moments when some things are discussed and we feel the 5% that is missing. She does not look to explore in the manner that I do... unless it is to do with the other 95% of life that we share. How many marriages have 95%... only the very lucky few! Anyway that is it... my view.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes I know there is an errant K in my last post... sorry.
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PurePeony
9 years ago
Seems that a lot of married men have to end up seeking sex outside marriage for any of a dozen reasons. I have a high sexual libido (provided the man does not have repulsive hygiene or an unattractive personality) and I'm starting to think that I'll most likely end up with a man with an alarmingly low libido (like my ex bf) because that's just how the world spins! Imagine if the horny ladies get to marry the horny guys and vice versa! What a happier world it would be! No one will be left squirming in their seats and chewing their nails off in bed! LOL!!!
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RHP User
9 years ago
It depends on whether you seperate sex from romance. We prefer romance and that's reserved for us. Could romantic interest develop with other sexual partners? Yes sure it can. Guess it all comes down to whether there is room in your moral boundaries for an extra person or two. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
My partner and I have recently given each other free passes to meet and sleep with other people to bring new "tricks" to the bedroom and to freely explore our individual sexuality. I am personally willing to try anything whether it be FWB or just quick flings. My partner thinks more women should experience what I have to offer! Must say it makes my partner even sexier knowing how many guys are chasing her!
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RHP User
9 years ago
For me, my wife of almost 30 years has since menopause has had little interest in a physical relationship. That doesn't mean we don't have a great life together doing other things, and frankly life is pretty good. However, there hasn't been any lust in our marriage for a long time. She is 7 year solder than I am and we sleep in separate rooms these days. I describe our relationship as loveless in my profile when really it should be "passionless". The bottom line though is while my wife isn't interested in sex, I still have a very active libido and am horny all the time. I have relied on masturbation for the last god knows how many years to satisfy my own needs as a man, and lately I have ventured online and met a few women in similar situations as I am in where their husbands either no longer find them attractive, or they has ED problems and can't have satisfying sex. People have different and diverse needs sexually, and some of those needs are about by circumstances or medical conditions beyond our control. When faced with those circumstances we do what we feel comfortable with, even if it means we struggle with feelings of guilt from time to time. Is it better to live a life of sexual frustration or seek fulfilment in a way that doesn't take away something that your partner wasn't interested in anyway? The fact is that there are 100's of thousands of people around the world in relationships like mine that have stood the test of time, but have for reasons and circumstances beyond our control have ended up passionless.
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MrMechanic
9 years ago
Quoting 'PurePeony' Seems that a lot of married men have to end up seeking sex outside marriage for any of a dozen reasons. I have a high sexual libido (provided the man does not have repulsive hygiene or an unattractive personality) and I'm starting to think that I'll most likely end up with a man with an alarmingly low libido (like my ex bf) because that's just how the world spins! Imagine if the horny ladies get to marry the horny guys and vice versa! What a happier world it would be! No one will be left squirming in their seats and chewing their nails off in bed! LOL!!! What happens IME is that the good sex masks other issues and the relationship can break down and all you have left is the good sex you enjoy with each other but the bond of the relationship has gone and they just become a fuck buddy, at which point you start both having sex with others because you no longer have the relationship and the end result of this is you drift apart as you find new sexual partners.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm married and hubby is ok with me exploring others but doesn't want us to do that together. I've been upfront and honest and if he wants to know particulars all he need do is ask. I've asked for the same consideration. I've been playing with a guy friend who introduced me to activities outside the marriage. He's in attached long term relationship also. But I feel like I've made a bit of a rookie error. Unlike me, he's not open and honest with his partner. They were going through a really rough time and he was going to bring up the topic again once "things settled down" Problem is it's nearly a year on and there's been no openness on his end. I feel a bit ripped off TBH. I'm very available given I don't work and it's gone from a friendship with some pretty nice benefits to a booty call situation. When I finally opened myself up to the option of exploring it was because he was so strong about his convictions on it - yet can't man up himself. I know that his ideal situation will be to play with his partner and if that happens I think I will be shelved. I guess the message is - no matter how much you know someone/care for someone, make sure you're happy with the arrangement straight up. Don't go into it on the notion that things will change. If you're happy playing with someone behind their partners back - then it's not an issue. But if you think they will be open at some point you're probably fooling yourself. To be safe, if you don't want to be a secret - only take on situations where you know you're known about from the start. I'm not so sad about "being the secret" More so I'm disappointed that this person I've known for a long time isn't the man I thought he was. That's just my $2 anyway ;)
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RHP User
9 years ago
My lover and I were only looking for sex, that's all and we found each other on another site. Does he care about me, probably not as much as I care about him, but that's okay with me. Does he show me respect? Absolutely! Do we have romantic feelings for each other? No, because we spend a few hours together, then go back to reality, where we both have everything going well for us. What happens if we develop feelings for each other? Absolutely nothing, we have our partners and that's what we go back to. Some of you might think that is very cold, but that is often the reality for some who is married and really, just looking for sex!
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kinky_and_bi
9 years ago
Loved reading everyone else's responses. As for myself and my wife, we met on another site initially looking for sex, and our relationship grew from there over the years. We both play with others separately and looking forward to the time when we can organise to play together with another couple or another guy. For us we play separately because she likes to have other guys that are bigger than me (hey, I'm Chinese, it's genetic) and sometimes when I travel for work she gets the itch that needs to be scratched :). For me I am bi-sexual so there are some needs she can't fulfil (although she tries ;) ) and I also crave D/s play a lot more than she wants to. We have our own set of rules for the types of people we don't want the other person to play with that helps with our own innate insecurities, and we've always respected each other's boundaries. With regards to getting more emotionally involved with others, we have a rule which we've never triggered where if that ever happens then we need to bring it to the table and discuss it. Our ideal partners are FWBs - genuine friends we can go out and have dinner with, and take home and have fun with. Harder to find than we thought though!
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RHP User
8 years ago
To experiment, to spice up things a little, you have to be very comfortable with it though and honest 100%. We haven't done anything yet because I'm not convinced he understands what I want and what boundaries I have. I don't want him to be with another female and I don't want another man, happy to share pics and chat and even video other couples but no swapping or 3somes. I know he wants to see me with a girl and I have worked up to this even though I never thought of it, but I want to please him and hey women are sexy and if we found one that was able to take control and help me it could happen. My reasons for no swapping is because emotions, it's sex like I have with my man and that's sacred I don't want someone else having that either way. Some other couples may think the same or don't think sex is sacred to a special person. I hope this may clear some questions and I want to praise the ones that say they wouldn't go near a married man, thank you! True respect right there. Oh and to add together young kids young didn't get to experiment a lot so getting out of the comfort zone one way or another is good for a relationship as long as it's done in 100% honesty. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
What I really want more than anything is to lick pussy. I love eating pussy so much. I like to eat it any time of the month heavy or light or not at all is fine by me. So ladies if your interested and in Melbourne let me know I'd love to eat your pussy - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Tom here, the male half: I've had a single profile here and played on my own - all in the full knowledge of my partner. So, this has been interesting to read. Lots of the usual stuff ("attached men are scum!", "I cheat because I don't get enough in my marriage!", "I don't understand how this is possible!", "Women do it too!", etc...) but also some really thoughtful comments. These ones have made this thread really interesting. Like a lot of people, I think that sex is not necessarily connected to emotions and deeper feelings. It can be, and when it is, it's wonderful, but I also know that it doesn't have to be. Understanding this is a prerequisite for swinging, I think. I also know that it is possible to and not necessarily bad to start to feel a stronger connection to a play partner. This can be confusing, messy, hurtful because our society has no role models and very little information or acceptance for that kind of thing. And the truth is, it's actually positive and healthy to have some degree of affection for your regular sex partners. We can confuse this and be afraid of it because it might seem to be threatening to our primary relationship - but the opposite, a complete disregard for the feelings of my sexual partners just seems wrong and kind od disgusting (perhaps sociopathic!). But on to your questions: - What exactly am I looking for on RHP: When I was playing as a single guy here it's been to meet interesting people, have fun and potentially become friends. People in the lifestyle are the most open and interesting people I know. - Casual Sex or Ongoing Lovers: Personally it's been looking for something in between. Casual sex can be nice for everyone, but if it's really nice, you usually want more. Ongoing lovers can be challenging due to practical matters like time, health risks, social stigma, and it implies a level of responsibility to each other that can be hard to manage if you have a spouse, so I preferred the FWB model, which is less effort for everyone involved, attraction and friendship, but no deeper commitments. It can and does work quite well, if everyone is clear about what they want and honest about it. - How do I feel about feelings developing: It's not necessarily a bad thing, really. The danger is if those feelings aren't communicated and managed. I had a FWB who swore that she was totally ok with the situation (seeing each other every few weeks for a fun evening, chatting every few days) but it became clear that she actually wanted things to develop further, despite saying the opposite. For this kind of thing to work, it's not feelings developing, it's honestly and openly communicating about them and figuring out a strategy together. - Why do I think a woman should even meet with me: It's an odd question. Why does anyone here meet with anyone else? Some people want to hook up, some people think of this more of a dating site...I'd hope to attract people who were confident, honest and interested in an open friendship. I would not be interested in people looking to find their next spouse, so clearly a woman (or couple) who wanted to meet with me, should have the same expectations. Beyond that, I like to think that I'm friendly, kind, funny, interesting and good value to spend time with. I have since deleted my single profile here. I found that I prefer playing as a couple or alone with friends I already knew. The process of meeting new woman or couples to play with here on RHP is extremely time consuming, sometimes frustrating and generally, I meet the kind of people who interest me more easily and naturally at parties or in already existing friendships. The life of an honest, reliable and friendly single guy online is not easy and I don't really recommend it to anyone....but that's a different topic altogether.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Imprezario describes it well and I concur. As for any either side feelings, that can be unavoidable but if you're both upfront about everything, clear about your wants, then it's not really a problem. I think the 'free hooker' comments are tasteless. Women are in situations, women have needs, and being open is the key. But hey if $50 makes you feel better haha...
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RHP User
7 years ago
Pretty much said everything I was thinking. You can't just tear your life and the lives of others up because you're dissatisfied sexually. People often make the simplistic comment " if you're not happy just leave" but that is really not realistic in many cases . It is certainly not applicable in my case. I am faced with the choice of an almost not existent sex life or finding a lover outside my relationship. If feelings developed that's something I would have to deal with , but my commitment to my partner (not married) is that I won't leave . I have a child and want to raise him in a loving relationship which we have ......but do I want to have a good sex life? Short answer, yes. Maybe I just want too much and should just suck it up and accept my lot? I'm always torn by this issue but I have to admit that I am currently looking for a lover, and I hope it's someone I do have a good connection with rather than just sex but just sex would be OK too. ..... Anyway. My two cents. PS what does "discreet affair" mean in an RHP context. I've been reading it as "Yes, I'll sleep with someone who's attached" .....? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
hi I'm partnered with kids i wanted a fb regular as i have high sex drive and my partner can't satisfy me just because I'm here dosent mean i want to leave her just love sex lol :)
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RHP User
7 years ago
Discreet affair means exactly that, an ongoing thing, as opposed to one of encounters, with discretion required. Translation> this swinging community is a small community and there are some very big blabbermouths 😉 they're simply wanting it to remain with you and them, and that's where it stops. Unfortunately, this is difficult for some to understand. For me, I never reveal identities or profiles, or private details unless it's in a very generic way. Very big difference between saying 'one guy did or said xxxxx' and 'insert name/profile said/did xxxxxx' 😃 I tend to float around outside the main core of the community for that very reason. This is my preference, how you approach it is up to you, but I definitely wouldn't think they would be looking for an attached person. Some attached look for attached partners but they usually state it in their profile
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RHP User
7 years ago
There's an element of boredom when you're far away from your wife/partner. I want to do things and would do more with someone. It doesn't have to be sex, but as long as it's fun, it's good. I think libido varies between men and women, not just with age, but also with circumstances. So there will be situations when one feels that their desires are not met.
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compressor
7 years ago
well to be honest I am happy just to take it as it comes and if that is just chatting I am fin with that. Even chatting I like the feeling of making ladies feel special. yes would love to kiss and touch them from head to toe but I enjoy the friendship ect very much as well
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RHP User
7 years ago
Well said
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RHP User
7 years ago
As a married man, who used to get it at home. More than most I've ever know. The early years where better than brilliant. The middle years where good. The later years where fair. To next to nothing the past twelve months I love her to death. We have built a great life together. Yet I'm a guy, who still wants sex Before all you do Goodes jump on this. It's my life. Right or wrong. I still like and enjoy sex
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RHP User
7 years ago
I am one of those man.. I think deep down part of is honest up front so no Woman will answer me to ease the guilt ..i have never cheated but the fantasie is there.. Been married for around14 years and sexless marriage for a good couple... So yeah I'm only human for having those feelings... - Posted from rhpmobile
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jennychime
7 years ago
Don't want to talk on behalf of attached/married men on Rhp but would like to share some insights...From experience as a married woman that has had two long separate affairs with married men, what came clear to me is that married men (and married women) looking for "NSA" / casual sex or FWB are in it for what it is " just sex" either cause the wife is not interested or not " naughty enough" ..or simply because they've been married since they've met in high school..or a combination of all the above...those married men live in a friendly/happily married and comfortable situation that gives them everything they need except " the sex side of it.. they've learned to live with the good and the bad and compensate for what is missing by looking for it on site such as Rhp , AM etc.. I think the main and most important thing is to know ourselves what we are looking for on Rhp and not expect anything from anyone - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Well I will speak for myself this time. First I think it is important to know for yourself what you are looking for and why. Second be honest in your profile and put it out there what you are looking for and why. You will see chances are much higher that a woman wants to go out with you. Don't we all hate lies especially if we find out down the track that everything was just a big lie. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
... we shouldn't expect it to be easy. IT IS NOT OUR WAY. Reference: "Sex at Dawn" by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. A husband needs to avoid the "Uh-oh" moment ... Wife puts down whatever she's doing, takes a long hard look at the husband, and says pointedly ... "How come I'm the only woman who's interested in you?" A husband needs many girlfriends, but always observe the Golden Rule of Girlfriends: MAKE SURE THE WIFE MEETS AND KNOWS ALL THE GIRLFRIENDS. ALL! A wife is a girlfriend with special (legal) privileges. But she needs to know that she is the Chief Girlfriend. What's that you say? You'd be scared to tell your wife about the girlfriends? In that case you've got a problem, because ... Be it an aircraft or a marriage unless somebody is in charge disaster lies ahead. 'Being in charge' doesn't mean you're a tyrant or a bully. It means setting up the options from which the wife chooses. IT IS A BIOLOGICAL PRINCIPLE THAT THE FEMALE DOES THE CHOOSING. US BLOKES KID OURSELVES THAT WE DO THE CHOOSING. NO. THE MALE'S ROLE IN ALL SPECIES IS TO ATTRACT. BUT THE FEMALE DOES THE CHOOSING. HOW SHE CHOOSES HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THE MALE LOOKS LIKE, WHETHER HE PLAYS FOOTBRAWL, OR WHAT HE'S LIKE IN BED. What determines her choice is the reason why beautiful women marry ugly bankers. But that's another post - maybe. GIVEN A FREE CHOICE THE MALE WILL CHOOSE POWER OVER SEX EVERY TIME. EVERY TIME. BUT OF COURSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 'FREE CHOICE'. Eric
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think you have a good point there, though I will add it's not gender specific, many women, particularly older women, have an increased sex drive. Speaking from experience there 😉 But I agree honesty could have surprising results for one thing, some would be happy to not face losing him/her, and if they have no interest in sex anyway, the solid relationship could possibly continue given everything was put on the table, not easy but with good communication and honesty, it's at least having a crack at maintaining the marriage. As a little twist to that though, the partner who isn't interested in sex, that can quite often be because interest/attraction sexually to their long term partner has dropped off too, it can go both ways, so that disinterested partner would benefit also from interaction with others, given they had the confidence/courage to step outside the comfort zone
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RHP User
7 years ago
Hallo, I_touch_myself2 ; Five men. Five because the human hand is a convenient aid in enumerating them. Let's begin with the thumb, the opposing thumb that together with the forefinger changed the course of world history; the ability to grip tiny objects. The thumb is a woman's father, the most important man in any woman's life. In a heterosexual union the father was the provider and the protector and in her teenage years the financier. He was the one who tucked her into bed at night. That moment of comfort, lasting only seconds, before 'lights out'. She will spend the rest of her life trying to revisit those tiny fragments of pure joy. The man she marries will be a replica of her father. If she suffered abuse from her father that experience will be transferred to the man she marries. She wants to love the man she married but his image is forever tainted by childhood memories. The forefinger is a woman's impregnator, if she follows the cultural imperative of bearing children. And it is a cultural and not a biological imperative. Metaphorically just because a person has legs doesn't mean they will become an Olympic runner. But polygamy and monogamy have greatly hindered her chances of getting good genes, which has been proposed as a reason why many women postpone pregnancy or bypass it altogether. Only polyandry - one female with many males, one wife with many husbands, can ensure a healthy gene pool and a safe pregnancy. It is still true that pregnancy is a woman's biggest danger. The enlarged brain needed a bigger cranium which required a wider birth channel in the female pelvis. The adaptation never really met the expectations. Women never quite got over the suspicion that evolution had dealt them a dud hand. The middle finger is her hairdresser, or maybe her florist. Her hairdresser does more doctoring in a half-hour appointment than most general practitioners will do in a life time. And she doesn't have to undress. The shopping centre I patronise was built in the 1970's. The only two original businesses still surviving - and thriving - are the hairdresser and the florist. Read into that what you will. The ring finger and the little finger waggle alternately, taking turns at being her mechanic, her accountant, and if she's a bit kinky, her disciplinarian. Correspondingly a man marries an image of the most important woman in his life - his mother. Hence the interesting expression 'mother-phucker'. Which makes any heterosexual marriage potentially unstable. How the couple neutralize that potential leads to some fascinating insights into human nature, one characterization being the question ... "Who wins the fights in your family? Mummy or Daddy?" Ewik
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RHP User
7 years ago
Again to I_touch_myself2 - and of course to any reader. Isn't it awful when a shop assistant is more interested in talking on her phone while the customers fidget in embarrassment. I think it's true that children learn a healthy attitude toward sex by watching their - presumed heterosexual - parents. If she accepts, and responds enthusiastically to, his advances then the child receives positive reinforcement of his or her embryo sexual impulses. And don't limit the displays of affection to the privacy of the home. Tasteful displays in the supermarket can even elicit admiring applause! . Or grudging admiration. And again a touch of the masterful can sometimes be just what is needed. For example, she's getting a bit rambunctious at a party, perhaps been too hasty in unleashing her inhibitions. Partner notices and, unobtrusively approaching from somewhere, lays a hand on her shoulder and says quietly ... "Do we need to talk?" It can be a barbecue-stopping moment. The shade of green on some faces vying with the green of the surrounding garden. But NEVER NEVER overdo it. A public spat will quickly turn the green to the purple or black of contempt. But sex is about far more than genital involvement. "She might tolerate being hungry for a short time, or sleeping 'rough', what she will never wear is being bored to death." That forms part of my advice to young men who ask me "How do I find a girlfriend, or a wife?" My response is always the same ... "You need to do two things. Grow a herb garden and go off and, metaphorically at least, do a course at NIDA, the Australian National Institute of Dramatic Art." "Eh?" "Yes. Both of those things has a sound anthropological basis: Man as provider, man as entertainer. If the magpie can't swoop he is useless as a mate. If a bloke can't find her something to eat, a nice cave in which to live, he doesn't exist. And do rediscover the art of conversation, not necessarily face-to-face, that can be a bit too confronting, but do let her hear your voice in all its huge variety of tonality, not distorted by some contemptible hand-held bit of technology. Our spoken language is the very basis of our society. The written language is just a poor abstraction of the spoken." "Phew! You'll have to repeat some of that, but I think I get its gist ... put food in her mouth, a smile on her face, and ... who knows, eh?" "Yes. Who knows. Doing things can work miracles. It's no accident that cooking shows on television have such wide appeal to women. As Ruth Ostrow writing for the Sunday Times newspaper in Perth many years ago wrote "If he's got a herb garden I'm his!" "You did say cooking and not fooking didn't you?" "I did, but a good main course often needs a good dessert." 'Ewik' "The only real duty of a human being is to put a smile on the face of another."
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RHP User
7 years ago
Mentioning magpies reminds me that the magpies are warbling throughout the night in these months of August and September. They say that when magpies do that their gonads have swelled to ten times their normal size. Guess I'd warble too all night if my nuts were an order of magnitude (power of ten) bigger! 'Ewik'
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compressor
7 years ago
I guess there are lots of things missing in my situation which makes me look elsewhere. I have no expectations on what happens. Am happy to Chat or if the situation ever comes round happy to meet up. Yes would love to pleasure and massage a lady all over but then again I also enjoy speaking to ladies on here. I just take things as they come but don't get many opportunities at all to be honest.
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Sawadee
7 years ago
Asking guys to explain their reasons for looking for sex outside of their marriage effectly sets them up to be ridiculed by the forum man haters.. I'd say the real reason is no different to why women look.. Being married doesn't automatically kill off all your basic instincts.. Men and Women will always have desires some act on it ' some don't.
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RHP User
7 years ago
There is a lot of judgement around this so I thought I would share my situation, 100% raw and real. My wife of 12 yrs has been ill for 5 yrs. I love her to bits and am now her carer. However as a result of her illness, there is no intimacy in our relationship at all. NONE and there is likely to be NONE for the rest of our time together, purely due to pain and other issues. I have recently been involved in some affairs with other married women. My reasoning is I want to feel wanted. I want to touch a woman. I want to hold a woman. I want to be intimate. Am I after a fuck, no I am not. I can buy those if I needed to. I am after someone who I connect with. Someone who I can help and they can help me. Part of that will be a sexual relationship but it is no where near just a fuck. It re-energizes the emotional batteries which are vital to get through this thing we call life. Does my wife know, absolutely not. It will be the last straw for her and she has already had it tough enough and I don't want to compound her issues. So do i want a ongoing relationship - yes! Do I get judged about me doing this - all the time, but if I get a chance to talk to someone, I simply ask them to walk a day in my shoes. Will i keep on going - yes I will Will I leave my wife for someone - never
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RHP User
7 years ago
Easy to answer Meeka - Casual sex. I definitely won’t develop feelings, if she does I’ll move on to the next. If she doesn’t want a discreet affair then why would SHE contact me? If she wants more than a discreet affair I wouldn’t want her to come anywhere near me! If she wants a discreet fling then bingo - that’s why she will contact me:) Problems start when people complicate shit and are dishonest with what they want. I’m a caveman and I love pussy. I have the biggest respect for women but make no mistake Im a civilised caveman. I love bigger girls with ‘all that junk’ who love getting nude and hanging it out there. Why am I on here? Easy answer....my mrs has zero sex drive and has always had no sex drive. After years of nothing from her I couldn’t care less anymore the reason why she has never had any interest. People can spend years trying to find out why why why something isn’t right - WTF cares. My mrs is beyond perfect in every department except sex.......by coming on here my life is complete and I have no interest in finding out why she has no interest in even looking at me in the nude. Life is short, I could waste money on councillors and get no where or spend a few bucks here and everyone is happy:) thank fuck for the internet!!
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'k3608NR' There is a lot of judgement around this so I thought I would share my situation, 100% raw and real. My wife of 12 yrs has been ill for 5 yrs. I love her to bits and am now her carer. However as a result of her illness, there is no intimacy in our relationship at all. NONE and there is likely to be NONE for the rest of our time together, purely due to pain and other issues. I have recently been involved in some affairs with other married women. My reasoning is I want to feel wanted. I want to touch a woman. I want to hold a woman. I want to be intimate. Am I after a fuck, no I am not. I can buy those if I needed to. I am after someone who I connect with. Someone who I can help and they can help me. Part of that will be a sexual relationship but it is no where near just a fuck. It re-energizes the emotional batteries which are vital to get through this thing we call life. Does my wife know, absolutely not. It will be the last straw for her and she has already had it tough enough and I don't want to compound her issues. So do i want a ongoing relationship - yes! Do I get judged about me doing this - all the time, but if I get a chance to talk to someone, I simply ask them to walk a day in my shoes. Will i keep on going - yes I will Will I leave my wife for someone - never In precisely the same situation, tho for much longer. Caring for, and living with someone in pain brings its challenges, which I find I can deal with better if I have outside interests.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'k3608NR'Does my wife know, absolutely not. It will be the last straw for her and she has already had it tough enough and I don't want to compound her issues. I can understand your reasons for not wanting to tell your wife, you should also appreciate the position this puts the 'other woman' in. Imagine how they feel knowing your situation...and then imagine if somehow your wife did find out and how that woman would feel then (don't think it could never happen, it happens all the time no matter how careful people think they are). I'm sure there are many women - like myself - who completely understand why you want to find someone else for sex and intimacy, there's no judgement from me about that. However, there are still very valid reasons why we wouldn't choose to be that someone else. That's a pretty heavy emotional burden to carry - no obviously not the same type of burden you carry but valid nonetheless. You say people should walk a mile in your shoes, well remember that goes the other way as well. Make sure you really appreciate what you are asking someone to do by being with you outside your marriage.
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Xxalex
7 years ago
My background, in a very broken relationship, living separate lives, but in the same house... Own shopping, money, washing, bills, food, bedrooms etc... Only reason we are still living in the same house is because she cannot afford to get her own place, and as much as I want her to go, I'm not a prick and wouldn't do that to anyone. Now for the reasons and wants, It depends on the person you end up meeting. With most people I'd be happy with just friends and causal dating and see where things end up.. If it's the right person and we end up moving to FWB, then I'd be fully committed to an ongoing thing with love and respect for the person involved. What can we offer and why would someone consider a meet up... Well both my previous FWB swore they'd never touch a married man. But both found huge respect and affection and were happy to move forward after understanding the situation. We can offer much love and respect, true friendship, much understanding of situations, and are happy for causal dating. If benefits are there then everybody gets an itch scratched, if not, we enjoy a nice evening out building friendships. Anyway, I can't speak for others, but that's my position and take on things, unfortunately we get heavily judged (prejudged) and often don't get the chance to show our true selves.. It's hard to put into words the true situation, which scares most ppl off.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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WhoNeedsATradie
7 years ago
My thinking on this ( and the reason why I joined RHP ) is that there is a distinct timeframe that a person is in love ( with anybody ) . Love , however , goes on . This is different to being in love . I love my wife , she loves me , hence - I don't wish to hurt her - in any way . I care . But being intimate with my wife has not been possible for some time now , ( therefore I am not IN love ) , and yet I am still a man with needs . If she can't give me that sensation of being in love ( yes , love comes with the flirting and the sex and the caring ) , it is only natural that I look elsewhere . A broken heart is inevitable with any love affair . I should know - I've suffered 4 of them . The most recent was a slow realisation that I was no longer in love with my wife while still living with her the way she is . I've never understood the possibilities of NSA sex anyway ..... So , I did join RHP to find love , and sex . A dangerous prospect I know , but ...
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm with a woman who wants to experience what it is like to be with another woman. I'm allowed to have sex, too whether she is present or not, as long as I tell her. We live in the country so hard to meet women into being with couples, but she hasn't been with a woman, and I want to help! :-)
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Gr8distraction
7 years ago
What exactly are you looking for on RHP? Just sex, an hour's stolen moment in your married life? Are you looking for casual sex or looking for ongoing lovers? How do you feel about feelings developing between you and your lovers... Or do you have a strategy in place so that doesn't happen? Why do you think a woman should even meet with you? Pitty you couylnt use sentences or paragraphs.............but ill try. Just sex .....yesStolen moments, Refer to above....... ding batCasual or ongoing?.........Wouldn't that be a mutual thing?Feelings......its hard not to considering its an intimate moment that you both are sharing.No strategy, no game, just mutual adult fun............thats why you're here right. As a married woman and all. Question...............wherethefuckare you, i miss your dumbass topics and replies
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm in an insecure marriage. We both understand that we probably shouldn't be in a relationship together. Sexual affection and intimacy stayed to dwindle after our first child. By child #3, our affection between each other is minimal and our sex life is next to non existent, resorting to sex toys for personal simulation. My wife has had a hard knock life, filled with psychological trauma (gang rape) and life threatening medical conditions. I've called a magnitude of ambulance for her, including on our wedding night, which meant the little sex we had before she started having a seizure was abruptly halted. When we are close, I feel total love for her and just want to be with her, but if i get to affectionate, the shit goes the fan. With her boarderline conditions, one wrong word could mean a week of egg shells. I'm scared of leaving... well being alone maybe more so. The thought of not being able to see my kids every day is gut wrenching. I've not been on rhp for very long and have not engaged in any activity. I came on here for even just a suggestion of intimacy between someone. If it leads to one on one play, I'll have to evaluate where things go. I'm not on here for sex, but I do crave intimacy, sexual touch, sexual experimental play. Chilling out naked with a sexy women. Rhp is one form of counselling, so thanks to all those reading and connecting. xo - Posted from rhpmobile
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gazpacho
7 years ago
Obviously sex didn’t completely dry up after the first child, mate. You’ve got three! Nobody said raising kids is easy. There ought to be some kind of warning. Little darlings. I think the pressure is making sure there’s a roof over their head, that they’re loved, fed and schooled... it’s a full time job getting them to footy training and stuff. Parents are exhausted. Having done all that, I can only say that you should talk to your doctor and get a referral to a shrink. Not some half arse counsellor.... see someone who can prescribe some hard drugs for the both of you. GHB springs to mind, but I’ve had trouble finding a doctor for it. 🧟♂️ (That’s a joke, btw). Serious outside assistance is useful to lance the boil. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
7 years ago
deep thought on this having been married for lets say a long time and firmly knowing that people grow apart , NOW looking for what I don't have ,what I had all those years ago and what the years in front of me have to present to me , looking for the spark to reignite that will bring me awake again ( if there is any chance for use over 50s) yes looking for sex,( sex hum yes I remember sex for the sake of sex), understanding , excitement , lust for life and all that it brings and most of all someone that wants what I want without any issues ...... too much well so be it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,AE xxx
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compressor
7 years ago
To be honest I am one of those guys and I have no expectations to be honest. Sure I would love to meet and lady and would love to massage and touch her all over but on the flip site I am happy to chat and get to know her. I have and still chat to a couple of ladies and have for along time. I have just been lucky enough to meet up with any at this point
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RHP User
7 years ago
You could pose this question to married men and married women unless your specifically trying to vilify the guys lol
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RHP User
7 years ago
I miss the newness. I love my wife and never want to leave her but there is something special about meeting someone, getting to know them, and flirting a little that can't happen with the person you have been with for 20years. Judge all you want but at least I am honest and not hiding the truth. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'll be more than a bit surprised if I find one here, pleasantly surprised but not expecting anything. I too am on RHP pretty much just for the forums. I'd love to find another lover because Mrs Farmer is miles away and her hubby is suspicious. Ms Divorcee is nice, she's local but I don't like to see her too often in case either of us develop an attachment. So I am looking for someone who I guess is of an age, polyamory, local and likes me. I can always live in hope, or visit a working girl occasionally.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Do women who tell their partners that the sex part of the marriage is over permanently really expect their men to accept the fact? I would never expect a partner to give up sex just because my sex drive had died. I used to think differently years ago, but I have talked to guys in marriages where there is no physical affection whatsoever, not even a hug. Most guys are not after just sex, but the intimacy that goes with it. The feeling of being wanted is often sought much more than than the fleeting thrill of a root.
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RHP User
7 years ago
You nailed it. Recently Mrs Mojo had the opportunity to fuck someo boke who is also in a sexless marriage, she let the opportunity pass. A big part of me wanted her to do it, just to show she's still a sexual being...
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RHP User
7 years ago
Most relationships break down because familiarity breeds contempt, aka the Coolidge Effect. There are plenty of other reasons I know but if everyone were still having sensational sex such as what happens in the first 6 months of a relationship then 90% of disagreements would be resolved in the bedroom. Keep it fresh, keep it exciting and 90% of problems aren’t really problems. People get bored and make mountains out of mole hills just for drama’s sake but also as a subconscious reason to break up and experience sex with someone new. Check out the book relationships 3.0 by JJ Roberts if this resonates with you. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
well i think that a very common reason that women look for sex outside of their marriage is because they feel they are not appreciated or respected anymore by the man. i have always been the believe that you tell your woman thats she is appreciated for everything she does even the tiniest thing that to you may seem insignificant but to her is a big deal. i also believe and doing an online course on female psychology i have learnt many things on the female mind and the art of attraction. It is a simple thing to do but don't work that long that your lady never sees you because soon enough she will be looking for affection from somebody else. another point don't cheat unless you want karma to come back on you and bite you in the ass permanently
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RHP User
6 years ago
Every person is different. I don’t think you could say married / attached people are on here for one reason or another. In my case it’s a couple of things. The other half isn’t nearly as interested in sex as I am and absolutely hates talking about sex out of the bedroom. She also had several partners before we met where I can count on one hand the number of partners I have had. I have a very vivid imagination and just love the idea of sharing my imagination as part of foreplay then doing it, but she doesn’t really enjoy that. The only time she will talk explicitly is during sex and even then it’s never something that’s followed through on. As a result and because of various lifestyle impacts I find we aren’t having sex often enough and when we do it is usually paint by numbers. I’ve tried to talk about it. I tried choosing lingerie etc for her / with her and we bought a couple of vibes. A cheap on and then because I thought quality might be the issue a better one that she says does nothing for her. I even after a conversation about it bought an under the bed restraint kit that has never been used. For me I also just get horny and start imagining what I’m missing. Sometimes the horny just hits hard and all this builds up and I start thinking with my cock, which is why I’m on here. I know it’s highly unlikely I will ever find someone who is interested in what I want and accepting that essentially it would be an affair of stolen moments, as I t would be pretty impossible for me to host or even have a full night out.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Thanks for the honesty.
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RHP User
6 years ago
For me personally, I love my wife to bits and we have an exceptional sex life together, so it's not a lack of sex that drives me. What drives me is the satisfaction I get and the honour and privilege I feel from having a couple invite me to be a part of their intimate life, the thrill of others gaining enjoyment from me, the feeling of desire from others, to be appart of someone elses fantasies, the fact it is a bit naughty, I like having a dirty little secret, I like being someones dirty little secret, I like the people.. Ive met some truely awsome people along the way... ive also met some that weren't. But you get that in every facet of life. The orgasim is just the cherry on top of the already delicious cake.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Well for me, as the male half of an open relationship, I am here to support my wife who plays alone with guys she has met on RHP. We decided that we would explore this alone and together if the opportunity a presented itself and felt right. As for what I am looking for specifically... interesting, sexy companionship, meet ups, good conversation, sexual connection if it happens. Something regular...similar things to what my partner is looking for. We find this brings us closer together. As for feelings that might develop...yes this is a possibility. Attachment is not what she is looking for and would step back if this occurred...I think life is more complicated than that, but the strategy is that I am totally honest from the outset and step back also as it's not what we are intending to engage with. Sexual fun that enhances our relationship is the goal.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Hello!I am 64y married man and looking for a friendcouple,or man or woman to us.we are just beginners in lifestyle,Jean
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RHP User
5 years ago
A married man can definitely still have once off or ongoing sexfun... personally I prefer ongoing as it gets more fun ! As long as both parties are honest from the start and the whole way through... then it’s fine. I know 2 guys who were like this but actually ended up falling in love and now they are both happier than they ever were previously. So I believe anything is possible
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RHP User
5 years ago
Honest with who ?
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Panicp
5 years ago
Yeah nah. I think you're mistaken in thinking that women feel an attachment and get hurt when men just FO and couln't care less. It might reflect your experiences and perceptions perhaps, but perceptions are usually very different from reality. Men and women are not that different. Plenty of men develop attachements to women who diss them off just as men do the same to women. I think you need to look at this from a less sexist angle. Women are not the only people who suffer disappointment, upset, upheaval, regret, guilt. Men do too - and all too often, men suffer worse than women - but often men are far too embarrassed or ashamed to admit what has happened to them. in short, don't create sexist divisions where non exist. People are people. It doesn't matter if you're male female, black, white, most people have the same vulnerablilties and fragilities.
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RHP User
5 years ago
Married, attached or single, doesn't bother me. I make it clear before meeting up with a woman that I am only looking for casual no strings attached friendship and fun. No attachments or sentiments, whatsoever. I don't mind a long term on going friends with benefit arrangement. And when it comes to sentiments, I am confident and know when to draw the line. The reason people like us are on this site is because we are seeking like minded persons of the opposite sex.
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MsSuperFoxy
5 years ago
Has cerinally been an interesting read and an eye opener. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
5 years ago
After reading just the first page but not the rest I’m appalled. Might be better posts past page 1 don’t know didn’t risk my stomach contents just in case. OP had a good question and some others turned it into sexism. I’m sure there are plenty of liars around who claim to have spouse’s blessing but don’t paint men unless you are happy for women to wear the same colour, even then you have no right. Some of us men do have the wife’s blessing, can and will prove it. Some of us aren’t just in it for a quickie and run, some of us can and do commit to no strings or bounds of fwb or can commit to long term genuine relationships. Some of us really do this to enjoy a connection, to look into her eyes as she expresses joy from the interaction. Openly married man (single profile linked to couples profile), who delights in a women’s pleasure with the wife’s blessing, whether it be one night or more.
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RHP User
5 years ago
Everyone has the right to choose who they want to have a relationship with, whether its casual fwb or something more serious. My choice is an unattached man. Id say 90% of women would say the same. Most attached guys realise this hence posts like yours. I dont need anyones blessing to conduct my own relationships.
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compressor
5 years ago
To be honest I would like to meet someone with no expectations. I have and still talk to a number of ladies but they don't live close so meeting is not that easy. We have in fact become friends. Still would love to massage a lady all over but to be honest, I would just take things as they come and what happens happens
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RHP User
5 years ago
I can only speak for myself, I’m in an open marriage and my wife is happy to talk to any potential ladies that I might have the pleasure of meeting. Both my wife and I are looking for ongoing setups with others, as to the developing feelings question, there is nothing wrong with feelings to develop to a degree. I however am upfront about what my limits are with feelings and if things look like they are going to far I’ll have a conversation with my playmate and if the situation looks like it will continue I’ll end the arrangement. Why would ladies want to meet me, well I’m open, honest and respectful. I don’t think I’m a sex god and I like to have a connection. My situation isn’t for everyone and that absolutely fine, I think in this world as well as life in general everyone should respect everyone’s choices and never push people to do things they don’t want to. To me mutual respect is extremely important.
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RHP User
5 years ago
I am married, and on here hoping to find somebody for a FWB arrangement. As for feelings, I don't think that will be an issue at all.
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RHP User
5 years ago
I'm married and on here looking for adult fun I don't want hookers. I would like some kind of connection I want to eat a pussy that doesn't taste of stale rubber. Go to the pub with hang out with the wife even. We have been together for almost twenty years we are more like a single person we need separate experiences to stay sain and she finds it hot to watch
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RHP User
5 years ago
With an offer like that, how could any woman refuse 😁
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RHP User
5 years ago
that doesn't taste of stale rubber? Wow, just wow
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RHP User
5 years ago
You want to shag around and have lots of sex but not with women who are doing the same? Dont be too optimistc, I think youll find that the women on here are a lot fussier than you are giving them credit for
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Mask_007
5 years ago
P.s. i am dingle (have been divorced for 3y).
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RHP User
5 years ago
Quoting 'Kokoflamingo' You want to shag around and have lots of sex but not with women who are doing the same? Dont be too optimistc, I think youll find that the women on here are a lot fussier than you are giving them credit for and not if we smell of stale rubber apparently lol
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RHP User
5 years ago
Like the outdated opinions some guys have about women on RHP. Better get used to the smell of rubber on your dick as us harlots care about our sexual health......
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MsSuperFoxy
5 years ago
GOLD! 😁 👌 Ms Foxy
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The_Antichrist
5 years ago
I enjoy reading how upset some people get when clearly their situation isn’t anything remotely like that of those that they are trying to separate themselves from.... It really is a moot point in my view...
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RHP User
5 years ago
Not upset, just waiting for the next 'What am I doing wrong, I'm not getting any replies' topic lol
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The_Antichrist
5 years ago
Their enthusiasm to comment just can’t wait for the next instalment eh?? 😂
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